So... I was listening to iHeartRadio one day... and this happened. Side note: I sang this with a friend at our school talent show. We didn't win, but it was still a lot of fun. The mother of someone in the group that got first place, though, said we were her favorite. That counts for something, right?
I decided to make this a Jerry/Milton-centric (FRIENDSHIP) thing because honestly, they don't get enough attention.
Inspired By: Macklemore and Ryan Lewis - "Can't Hold Us" ft. Ray Dalton
"…so we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us…"
"You know that song is about time travel, right?" Jerry says offhandedly from his spot on the bench. The statement catches the redhead off-guard, and the light punches assaulting the dummy briefly stop as he stares at the Latino.
"…what?" he finally asks, not sure he heard his friend right. The other takes a swig from his water bottle before looking over at Milton.
"'Can't Hold Us.' The song that's playing right now? It's about—"
"I heard what you said," Milton cuts him off. "But… what?"
"Can't you tell?"
"No, Jerry, I can't tell. As far as I know, 'Can't Hold Us' is Macklemore reflecting on his past and marveling at his… present…" The redhead trails off when he sees the Latino shaking his head.
"Naw, man, you got it all wrong." He taps his watch, smirking. "It's about time travel."
"Really?" Milton asks, raising and eyebrow and walking over to the bench next to the one his friend is sitting on. "And how, pray tell, did you reach that conclusion?"
If the Latino notices the sarcastic tone of the other's voice, he doesn't show it. He instead grins, and reaches for his phone to start the song over. "I'll show you."
"Return of the Mack
Get up, what it is, what it does, what it is, what it isn't,"
"That's pretty obvious," Jerry says. "'Return of the Mack' is talking about him going back in time. And after that is just some weird time-travel talk."
"Jerry—"
"Shhhhh," he responds, holding up a finger. "Lemme explain."
Milton rolls his eyes, but stays silent.
"Looking for a better way to get up out of bed
Instead of getting on the internet and checking a new hit me,"
"He's bored, and he wants to do something other than going on the internet and reading about his famousness as a time-traveler."
Milton blinks. The Latino has clearly put a lot of thought into this.
"Get up, thrift shop, pimp strut, walking,"
"He found the time-traveler watch in a thrift-shop, and then he describes his first adventure in space." He emphasizes the last two words, making his friend roll his eyes.
"Little bit of humble, little bit of cautious,"
"He's curious and scared at the same time."
Milton opens his mouth to tell the other that that isn't what 'humble' means, but then decides against it.
"Somewhere between like Rocky and Cosby
Sweater gang, nope, nope, ya'll can't copy,"
"He's visited Rocky Balboa and Bill Cosby. Cosby's famous for his weird sweaters, and he's telling future people that they can't copy that."
The redhead is surprised his friend even knows who Bill Cosby is.
"Yup, bad, moonwalking,"
"He went back in time to when astronauts first landed on the moon, but it was a bad idea because he didn't have a space suit and he almost died."
"This here, is our party
My posse's been on Broadway
And we did it our way
Grown music,"
"He took some of his friends back to a big party that they had on Broadway. Instead of buying a ticket, they did it 'their way', which is time travel. And Broadway has a bunch of grown up music."
"I shed my skin and put my bones into everything I record to it
And yet I'm on,"
"I couldn't figure out what that meant, but it sounded pretty gross."
Milton decides not to tell the other that those lyrics weren't literal.
"Let that stage light go and shine on down
Got that Bob Barker suit game and plinko in my style, money,"
"He's talking about Broadway again, and he saw some dude named Bob Barker there."
Again, Milton neglects to provide information; this time, that Bob Barker is Macklemore's step-grandfather.
"Stay on my craft and stick around for those pounds,"
"If he falls off of his time machine while it's traveling he's gonna get fat…don't look at me like that, I'm not the one who wrote the song."
"But I do that to pass the torch and put on for my town,"
"He wants to pass the machine onto others and make his town proud."
"Trust me, on my I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T street hustlin'
Chasing dreams since I was fourteen
With the four-track, bussin'
Halfway cross that city with that backpack, fat cat, bustlin',"
"He used to live on the streets, but when he turned fourteen a magical train came out of nowhere and trasported him across the city where he lived, and gave him a fat cat and a backpack."
The redhead has to restrain himself from laughing.
"Labels out here
Nah they can't tell me nothing
We give that to the people
Spread it across the country
Labels out here
Nah they can't tell me nothing
We give it to the people
Spread it across the country,"
"That magical train had a bunch of labels for stuff in it, but they were in Spanish and he couldn't understand them. So he went to Colombia and gave them to all the people."
"What…" The other had never in his life tried so hard to keep on a poker face than he did in that moment.
"Please hold your questions until the end," the Latino says cheekily.
"Can we go back
This is the moment
Tonight is the night
We'll fight 'til it's over
So we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Can we go back
This is the moment
Tonight is the night
We'll fight 'til it's over
So we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us"
"There are a bunch of evil time traveler guys that go back and try to to make a really big war even worse. He gets a bunch of his friends together and they all go and fight the bad guys until the war is over. They had to leave on a certain night. The bad guys trapped them in really short cages, but they broke out by putting their hands up, you know, like the ceiling couldn't hold them."
Milton simply blinks, wondering how Jerry's creativity had never shown itself until now.
"Now, can I kick it? Thank you
I'm so so grateful
I grew up really wanting gold fonts
But that's what you get when Wu Tang raised you,"
"He's thanking his Japanese grandfather for raising him."
"Japan—"
"Ya'll can't stop me, go hard like I got an 808 on my heartbeat
And I'm meeting at the beat
Like you give a little speed
To a great white shark on shark week, raw!
Tell me go up, gone,"
"The bad guys are being stupid again, and they have this thing called an '808' that stops people's hearts, but it doesn't work on him. Instead, it turns him into a shark, and he got away."
"Deuces goodbye, I got a world to see
And my girl, she wanna see Rome
Caesar'll make you a believer,"
"He takes a break from being a time-traveling badass to go to Rome with his girlfriend because she's always wanted to go. His friend Caesar convinced him to do it."
"Nah, I never ever did it for the throne
That validation comes from giving it back to the people now
Sing this song and it goes like
Raise those hands
This is our party
We came here to live life
Like nobody was watching,"
"He's telling people to enjoy life while it lasts." Milton can't help but notice the Latino seems to have a trace of nostalgia in his tone as he says this.
"I got my city right behind me
If I fall, they got me
Learn from that failure gain humility
And then we keep marching ourselves,"
"His friends and family support him if something happens. He learns from his mistakes and it makes him stronger." Jerry then grins at his friend, and Milton can't help but think that Jerry just had a connection with the lyrics that only he alone had.
"Can we go back (woo)
This is the moment,
Tonight is the night,
We'll fight 'til it's over
So we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Can we go back
This is the moment,
Tonight is the night,
We'll fight 'til it's over
So we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us
And so we put our hands up
And so we put our hands up
Woah
Woah
Woah
Let's go!"
"And that's just a catchy musical part…"
Na na na na na na na na
Heeeey, and all my people say
Na na na na na na na na
Heeeey, and all my people say
Na na na na na na na na
Ohhh, and all my people say
Na na na na na na na na
Mack-le-mo-o-o-o-ore,"
"He had a pet orangutan, and that's all it said all day. And then it died."
Milton coughs to disguise his laugh, but he chokes on his breath and it turns into a full on coughing fit.
"Can we go back
This is the moment,
Tonight is the night,
We'll fight 'til it's over
So we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Can we go back
This is the moment,
Tonight is the night,
We'll fight 'til it's over
So we put our hands up
Like the ceiling can't hold us
Like the ceiling can't hold us."
Jerry lets the rest of the song play out and waits patiently as his friend coughs, offering his water bottle after a brief reprieve. Milton takes it gratefully and waterfalls some of the liquid.
"You okay, man?"
"Yeah." Another cough/laugh. "I'm fine."
"I know this is a lot to take in."
"What?"
"You know, because it actually happened?"
"…okay, Jerry." Is it even worth it to argue? "Okay. Just one question, though."
"Shoot."
"Why Columbia?"
"What?"
"Why did he give the labels to Columbians, when there are other tons of Spanish speaking countries."
"Because Columbia is the best!" the Latino says, defending his birthplace. "I never threw mine away."
"…wait, what?"
"My label. I never threw it away. Some people did, but I didn't."
Milton frowns, fearing his friend is suffering from delusions. "Jerry…"
"I actually think I have it with me." Milton raises an eyebrow as Jerry bends and digs around in his duffel bag for a couple of seconds. "Here!" He brings forth a worn piece of paper, yellowed with age, and hands it to Milton.
The redhead stares.
"Etiquetas mágicas del tren! Estos etiquetas tren mágicos provienen de una mochila mágica de un tren mágico por nunca razón. Haz lo que quieras con él." (Magical train labels! These magical train labels come from a magical backpack from a magical train for no reason. Do whatever you want with it.)
Underneath it is a signature that says 'Macklemore.'
"This isn't real."
Jerry looks hurt. "Of course it is! Fine, if you don't believe me, then go read that little paragraph in the history book, about the Colombian Civil War. It talks about a weird guy in a huge fuzzy coat that no one knew the name of, but called himself 'Ben' [Macklemore's real name]. Then you'll see."
The next day, Milton did just that. The teacher didn't question him because she knew the redhead was always reading history books for fun. Milton sits down at his desk with the book and looks up the Colombian Civil War in the index, and then flips to the page.
The paragraph is there.
That ending... I have no idea. I think I'm in a weird ending sort of mood. First Old Habits Die Hard, now this? XD
Until next time,
~BP
10/19/14 Edit: Responses to Reviews-
JasmineLeif: Ah, this was funny, and very creative :) The ending was great haha
Glad you liked it. :)