I apologize in advance for this….this crack. It was inspired by a story one of my friends was telling at a birthday party that happened. And when he was telling it, I couldn't help but wonder "hm…what would happen if MELLO was on ecstasy??" XD And thus, this is born. I'll try to make it as much like his story as I can. :D

Matt sat on his couch at three in the morning, mindlessly browsing the internet on his laptop, and wondering where the hell Mello was. He took a long drag of his cigarette, tilted his head back, and blew out a puff of smoke into the air. That's when he heard a knock—well, more like a pawing—at his front door. He got up and went for the door; who in their right mind would be visiting him at this hour?

He opened the door to reveal none other than Mello, who had the stupidest grin on his face, making some sort of moaning sound that occasionally turned into giggles as he rubbed his, what Matt noted to be oddly gloveless, hands all over his body. Matt narrowed his eyes behind his yellow goggles, and contemplated shutting the door and let him become someone else's problem.

"Mello, what the fuck?" he finally asked, and grabbed the loopy blond by the elbow and dragged him inside before some poor unsuspecting passerby saw him making a complete ass-tard of himself. The redhead shut the door, and turned to find Mello molesting his arm.

"Oh Matt, your shirt is so soft!" he purred, and began rubbing his face on Matt's arm. Matt promptly pulled his arm from Mello's grasp, giving him a disturbed look.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?!"

"Everything is so wonderful!"

Matt eyed his deranged roommate as he began molesting the couch, and then his gaming systems, and then the wall. He decided to go make a pot of coffee and maybe grab Mello a bar of chocolate. That should bring him to his senses.

A few minutes later, Matt heard the timer for the coffee go off, and poured a cup for Mello. He brought it into the living room, where Mello was currently stripping himself of his pants and reciting how amazing leather feels. He loomed over the blond for a moment, waggling the coffee cup.

"Mello. Coffee. Drink it." he insisted, and Mello practically snaked his way up Matt's legs, and took the coffee.

It took several cups of coffee and nearly an hour and a half to get Mello sobered enough for Matt to have a coherent conversation with him. He decided to use the time wisely and interrogate him, in case he was on acid or something and started tripping out again.

"Mello, what the hell is wrong with you?" Matt asked from the couch. He watched Mello mindlessly run a delicate hand over the surface of the coffee table he sat upon, recalling his nighttime rendezvous. He took another sip of coffee before he answered.

"I'm not sure…" he said. Matt gave him a stern look.

"Okay then, where have you been all night?"

"Well, I went to get my picture back from Near, and afterwards I was really pissed off. So I stopped by a bar on the way home, and had about ten shots of peppermint schnapps, when I started to feel drowsy. And from there all I remember is showing up here."

"I see, then maybe perhaps—"

"NEAR! That bastard! He must have slipped ecstasy into one of my shots!"

"But Mello, Near couldn't ha—"

"Ohh, that little prick! I should have shot him in the face when I had the chance!"

Matt continued to try and reason with Mello and explain to him that Near couldn't have possibly drugged him, but before he could, the blond passed out cold. He had probably wet himself as well, seeing as he had drank at least 14 cups of coffee, but Matt didn't feel like checking. Instead, he decided to pack up his things and leave. When Mello wakes up, chances are he'll think Matt had drugged him, and fire an entire magazine worth of bullets into his body.

Those weren't chances Matt was willing to take.

Fin.