Depression

by Primal Power

They say they know how you feel. When you are depressed what's the first thing you do? They tell you to go get help, you tell them you don't need it. The hate and sadness builds up until there is no more trace of the person you once were. Suddenly you find someone that seems to get it and supports you. It tells you it's alright to do, for depression will stay here with you.

1 cut

2 cuts

3 cuts

As I descend into a dark world we know as depression I think about what's happening to me. Why are my emotions suddenly gone and replaced with a knife in hand? What's doing this to me? What happened to my cheery mood and happy demeanor? This isn't me, this is someone wearing my skin and pretending to be me. I don't feel right, my emotions are gone, all that's replaced is a hollow shell of myself. What little emotions I do feel are all negative. What happened to me?

4 cuts

5 cuts

6 cuts

The dark world is almost like a cave, the natural light is tinted a fire red, creatures stare at me with the same blank stare that I gave everyone else. Without speaking a word I felt like I was welcomed by these strange creatures. We all shared the same despair, we are brothers and sisters in this place. I lose my ability to feel as I stay down here, only these people truly understand the way I feel. I feel comfort in these creatures, they encourage my situation. They tell me it's normal and to embrace it. I do what they say and feel myself descend deeper in this place.

7 cuts

8 cuts

9 cuts

I open my eyes and I'm standing in front of a mirror, I stare blankly at the mirror, not even caring for the large black mass that stood behind me. I felt hands on my shoulders, they held me firm, not wanting to hurt me, telling me to embrace this dark feeling. I turn my head back to look at the black mass only to see nothing there. I look back into the mirror and see that the mass hadn't moved an inch. I felt nothing inside, no fear, no shock. Nothing. The hands on my shoulders snake their way down and grab a hold of my crucifix necklace. Small flames come from the black mass as it grabs the cross. I hear a screech come from the mass as the cross necklace was ripped from my neck and thrown on the floor. I continue looking in the mirror as the mass slowly covers my body.

10 cuts

11 cuts

12 cuts

I stare at my arm, red slashes are all over my pink flesh. The last cut hit a vein, there was blood pouring from my arm. The knife in my hand was stained crimson. My stare had not ceased. Normally a person would feel great pain from the amounts of cuts on ones arm. But for me, they are little more than annoying itches. My right arm was covered in cut's, from the underside of my arm to the side. I continued to stare at my arm, so many cuts, so much blood I felt faint, but I need to keep going. I need to to feel SOMETHING.

13 cuts

14 cuts

15 cuts

I was never happy and cheerful, says the voice in my head. It tells me I was always like this, always an empty shell that wanted something more. They say that your body is your temple, what happens when that temple no longer wants to be. Do you tell it that it needs to be safe for your benefit or do you let it continue it's self-destructive behavior. My behavior was all just a facade to hide my true self says the voice. This is the real me. I'm a human being that never had a reason to live and can no longer look for one. I made people think I was a happy fun-loving guy, made friends with them with my fake personality. They never knew the real me. No one will, not my parents, not my siblings. Only that creature does. Now it's telling me to finish the job.

16 cuts, goodbye mother

17 cuts, goodbye sister

18 cuts, goodbye