Title: Guide me Home
Author: Droaerion
Rating: PG – PG-13
Summary: A morose Kakashi celebrates New Years.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Author Note: Partially an answer to those two challenges, (Pillow and apathetic) though one maybe more than another. Gently AU, easy to see why.
Kakashi stared into the crackling fire, feeling as though he were older than the third himself. New Years. Another year gone by: three teammates dead. Hell, Kakashi couldn't even bring back Lynx's body for Christmas.
It stung, to loose part of his team. Even though they were ANBU, off the clock he'd gotten close to them. Noborizaka's sudden bouts of wit, Hyuuga Amano's serene visage that hid a volcanic temper… Kakashi strained his memory, trying to find what he'd enjoyed of Whale's presence, before she died back in March.
He gave it up for a lost cause. The days seemed to be blending together more and more.
Sighing, Kakashi stood and wandered over to his liquor cabinet, grabbed a bottle of sake, and set it by the fire. Then, he returned to his brooding position.
Whale had an easy laugh, he remembered. She found amusement in everything, sliding in mud, turtles swimming…. He remembered a time, maybe a month and a half before her death, that they'd gone drinking together. She got hit on by some Uchiha, and she laughed in his face, stood on the table, and declared to the world that she – Kuchihari Kazuko – had no interest in anybody with a dick. Or, for that matter, a vagina, either. That she was glad for artificial insemination because sex was disgusting.
Kakashi could relate in some ways, because while he read Icha Icha in his spare time, he didn't actively look for mutual gratification. But to her, sex was so messy that blood was clean. Dovetailing this, Kakashi remembered her sister saying at the funeral that she'd wanted children, eventually.
Apathetically, Kakashi glanced at the clock. Four minutes to midnight. (He wasn't watching the clock for company; no, it was just new years anxiousness.)
Heaving himself up, Kakashi retrieved two cedar masu and wandered over to kneel before the fire pit. Filling them to the brim, he lazily kept an eye on the clock and fiddled with the sake jar.
When the seconds ticked to midnight, he closed his eyes. Three teammates dead. Him having been the fourth of the four person cell. Noborizaka died not two weeks ago. Amano a week before December hit. They should've given them a temporary person… should have when Kazuko died, and should have when Amano died as well.
Raising the cup, he toasted his dead teammates and brought it to his lips, then, eyes widening, Kakashi spun around and –
Wham!
A pillow to the head. Sake spilled all over.
Kakashi fell back onto his bum, and stared up at the obnoxiously grinning face. Only one thought went in his brain and poured out his mouth.
"I thought you were too busy to bother coming." Immediately after the words poured out, Kakashi cringed, clammed up and tugged his mask back on.
The grin on the other's face dimmed a little, and he spoke. "Come on Kakashi, I said I was busy but would stop by. What's got you all worked up?" Minato asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
Kakashi frowned beneath his mask. "Worked up? Sensei, for the last three months I've only seen you in passing. I only saw you in October because of Naruto's birthday. You said you'd stop by, but that's been happening less and less frequently."
Now, Minato dropped the pillow and outright frowned. "You know how busy I am, Kakashi. I'm a father and Hokage. You don't need me to babysit you!"
Scoffing, Kakashi stood up and picked up the spilled sake jar and dishes. "I didn't see you at all on Christmas. You gave a speech of honor to my teammate but never acknowledged me. I saw you speaking freely with Uchiha Itachi at the park while Naruto played and I wasn't hiding. There's no way you didn't know I was there,Pakkunwas playing with Naruto and you ignored me!" Angry tears threatened to rise, but Kakashi swallowed them back.
"Because I think that's it, Sensei! You've just been going out of your way to ignore me. I have no idea why, it's not like you can use the excuse of inadvertently revealing that I'm an ANBU operative when all three of my teammates are dead! My team's disbanded!"
"Kakashi…" Hurt blue eyes held his own, but Kakashi set down his sake set and grabbed a rag before kneeling before the fire pit again, shoulders slumped, to clean the spill.
Still, his voice was clear. "You're full of false promises lately, Sensei, and I don't know how to deal with this self absorbed shell of a man that used to be my North Star."
Standing and dumping the rag, Kakashi still avoided Minato's eyes and retrieved three presents from under his dwarf tree. "Here. The orange wrapped one is for Naruto. Don't worry, it's harmless. The blue star wrapped one is for Kushina, for when she gets back from her long term mission. Silver and trees is yours."
Kakashi shoved them in Minato's hands and turned his back. "Good night and happy New Years, Sensei." Kakashi said quietly, before pouring a new generous amount of sake and downing it.
Minato stared at the slumped form of his student for several seconds, then left.