What we have here is a missing scene :) (So canon. Yay!) It could have taken place at the end of 9x06 or at the beginning of 9x07. Chronologically it would take place a day or two after Arizona went into the hospital to help Bailey on her PEDS case. I just felt like there were some gaps there. They went from 9x05 where there was 2 feet of couch between them during the most uncomfortable episode of American Bake Off ever, to 9x06 in which Callie had to hide so that Arizona wouldn't see her walking because that would be too much pressure, to Arizona practicing Callie's presentation with her and "making a much more enthusiastic Derek" and quick kisses in 9x07. Plot gap? Yes. Here is my solution.
PS. There's some medical jargon in here. Just some muck I threw together after watching a couple of youtube videos on nerve grafting (which is both disgusting and amazing at the same time). Anyways, I'm sure it's not accurate, but try not to let that affect your reading too much.
"What're you doing?"
Callie looked up from her perch on the couch like a deer trapped in headlights. Arizona was standing in the doorway to their, no – her, bedroom, hand on her hip.
Arizona raised her brow at Callie's lack of response. "Callie?" she repeated.
Callie took a breath, noting that Arizona didn't sound confrontational. Simply curious. Like she might actually want to have a conversation. "Um, research," Callie replied, dropping the charted statistics of the medical study she'd been perusing onto one of the scattered stacks of files before her on the coffee table.
"Research for what?" Arizona asked, taking a slow step forward, hand braced against the wall. And then another.
Callie watched her make her way into the living room. She said nothing. She schooled her features into a passive expression. She wanted to beam with pride and tell Arizona how proud every single step she took made her. But that wouldn't be received well. Arizona would interpret what Callie meant to be heartfelt praise and encouragement as pressure. Realizing that silence while she walked would alternatively be interpreted as scrutiny, Callie hurried to answer. "For Derek. For his hand."
Arizona dropped heavily onto the couch beside Callie. "What about Derek's hand?" she asked. "You did that procedure… months ago," she added, glancing down at her prosthesis.
Callie swallowed uncomfortably. "I, um, I want to do another. To repair the nerve damage. So he can operate again."
Arizona's eyes widened and she fixed Callie with a stare for a moment before reaching forward and grabbing one of the studies from the coffee table. Arizona scanned through the pages for a moment. "Wow. This one's pretty experimental," she commented, replacing that file and picking up another. "Oh this is cool," she said after a moment. "Just the anterior branch for a cable graft?" she asked, making sure she was reading the study correctly.
Callie smiled and nodded.
Arizona scanned the page further. "This is pretty state of the art," she concluded, closing the file. "Why not just do a basic MABC nerve graft?"
Callie sighed, reaching forward to grab her laptop. "Derek doesn't want to. He thinks that grafting the MABC could leave him with less function than before."
Arizona made a face but said nothing.
"What are you still doing up?" Callie asked. "It's almost 1 in the morning."
"Couldn't sleep," Arizona replied, choosing another of Callie's files at random and leaning back against the couch to read. "I had a nap this afternoon. I'm not tired." She flipped the page. "What're you doing up?"
Callie pointed to her phone. "I, uh, was talking to a specialist in Geneva."
"Switzerland?" Arizona asked.
"Yeah," Callie nodded. "She was the head of that cable graft study. I just had a few questions."
Arizona's face darkened momentarily and Callie tapped the edge of her computer nervously, afraid that they were about to transition from what amazingly felt like a normal conversation into her getting yelled at for no reason. But Arizona bit her lip and glanced down and Callie's fidgeting fingers. "Is that another study?" she asked, gesturing to the laptop.
"Uh, no," Callie answered quickly, grateful that the anger she had anticipated hadn't come, and spinning the computer so that Arizona could see the screen.
"You're making a slideshow?" Arizona asked with a hint of disbelief.
"Yeah, they're fairly new procedures. I just thought putting something visual with it might make them easier to get his head around. Plus Derek's already shot down the first couple ideas I had, so I thought having a slide or two might make him consider them for a little longer."
Callie watched as Arizona's face darkened again, and she closed her eyes and cursed herself for whatever it was she had said to bring about her wife's anger.
"Can I help?" Arizona asked.
Callie's eyes snapped open with surprise. "Um, yeah, yes. That'd be great. Umm…" she rummaged through a stack of files, looking for something that Arizona could read through that might be helpful.
Arizona reached forward and placed her hand over Callie's, stilling her wife's actions. Callie froze, and stared down at the hand on her wrist. The hand that hadn't voluntarily touched her in months. Callie had held Arizona's arms, and Arizona braced herself against her wife to help her get around. Their fingers would brush when passing an object of some sort between the two of them. But deliberate, unabashed touching had not happened since before the amputation. Not without Arizona recoiling. Callie swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Why don't you just talk me through it?" Arizona requested, pulling back her hand and settling against the couch. "Because if these," she gestured to the maze of files Callie had assembled in their living room, "are all as advanced as what I just read, it'll be a bit too ortho-geeky for me and just go over my head. So explain it to me. Pretend I'm Derek."
Callie stared at the spot on her wrist where Arizona had touched her for a moment longer before mentally shaking herself. "Okay, yeah, that'd be good."
Callie began explaining the experimental procedure, pointing to things on her slides while Arizona smiled and nodded along enthusiastically, occasionally asking a clarifying question.
"Wait, why do you do a nerve graft splice at this point?" Arizona interrupted.
"Oh, to get the extra length," Callie explained. "I'd take the nerve graft in segments of six centimetres, and to get a third segment I'd need a splice. Then I'll take the distal end of the MABC and route it over to the posterior end of the MABC and actually do a minor nerve graft right there." Callie paused and examined her slide. "That's a good point, that's not very clear here," she mused, scrutinizing her slide. "I'll add another slide in about that." She smiled. "Thank you. This is really helpful."
Arizona smiled back. "It feels good to be helpful," she replied quietly.
Callie paused, not completely sure of how to respond to that. Arizona almost sounded vulnerable. And vulnerability was something her wife had been loathe to show for months.
"Helping Bailey with that case yesterday," Arizona continued, "it felt good to be useful. It felt good to be right. To know that I'm still a good doctor even with…" her voice trailed off as she glanced down at her prosthesis.
"Of course you're still a good doctor," Callie offered gently. "You're a great doctor. And a freaking genius," she added with a little laugh, relieved to see the smile that crept onto Arizona's lips.
"Sure," Arizona shrugged. "But it was nice to confirm it."
Callie nodded.
"It was nice to do something meaningful with my time," Arizona continued. "So I… I talked to Hunt and I want to go back to work sooner than… than what I thought."
"Yeah?" Callie asked.
Arizona nodded. "I was thinking I could start at the beginning of next week."
Callie smiled. "That sounds good."
"When are you bringing this to Derek?" Arizona asked.
"I was thinking next week, too," Callie replied. "That'll give me a chance to go over this some more. Do some more research. And hey, if you keep helping me there's no way Derek will shoot me down this time," Callie added with a smile. She watched as Arizona's own smile was suddenly replaced with that look of anger that had floated over her wife's face multiple times that night. Callie took a breath, and took a chance at popping the beautiful bubble of normalcy that she and Arizona had been encased in for the past half hour. "What is it?" she asked.
"What?" Arizona replied shortly.
"What's wrong?" Callie repeated. "You…" she paused. "You're upset," she stated.
Arizona opened her mouth to refute her, mostly out of habit from hating being told what she was feeling. The therapist she'd seen immediately after the amputation had detailed everything she was and would be feeling. It made her want to punch him in the face. But instead, a bitter laugh came forth.
Arizona laughed again. "Look at you," she scoffed.
"What?" Callie asked confused.
Arizona gestured around the room. "You have mountains of research on experimental procedures and phone calls to Switzerland and a slideshow for god's sake." She let out another disbelieving laugh. "You're fighting him. You're fighting him. You have ideas to save his hand and he's shooting you down. I mean," she paused. "I would have done anything to save my leg. And you're fighting him."
"Arizona," Callie said softly, not sure what to say. "I think he's just scared. He wants to save his hand. He's just scared."
"Well then he shouldn't get his hand," Arizona snapped. "I would have done anything. Anything. To save my leg. But I didn't get to. And Derek gets to just sit back while you do all the work to save his hand? How is that fair?"
"It's not," Callie agreed quickly.
Arizona let out another bitter laugh. "Well he's lucky he has you to fight so hard for his hand," she bit off, resentfully.
"Hey, no, Arizona," Callie countered quickly. "I would have fought for your leg. I would have done anything for your leg."
"You would have done an intramedullary nail," Arizona replied shortly.
"As a band-aid," Callie countered. "An intramedullary nail would have left you with chronic pain in your knee and probably arthritis as well. I wouldn't have let that be your final solution. A nail would have saved your leg so that I could have time to figure out how to fix your leg. I would have read every study and called every specialist in every country and made you a hundred slideshows. I would have fought for your leg if I could have stabilized it. If we could have cleared that infection…" She looked at Arizona pleadingly. "I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to fight for your leg."
Arizona squeezed her eyes shut. "I know you are," she admitted quietly.
Callie gaped at her for a moment. That might have been the last thing she expected to come out of her wife's mouth. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Arizona spoke again.
"And I get that this is scary," Arizona continued. "He's a world famous surgeon and this is his hand. And he's our friend," she added.
Callie nodded. Part of her wanted to let go of the tears she'd been holding back and cry. To tell Arizona how afraid of failure she was. To tell Arizona how if she couldn't save her wife's leg, she was damn well going to save Derek's hand. She wanted to let it all out. She wanted the reciprocity of marriage. To let Arizona be the strong one for a change. For Arizona to hold her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. To tell her that she could do this. But she fought back those tears and those urges. Because tonight had been progress. That had been honest communication they'd just had. Not the polite conversation or angry yelling they tended to fluctuate between, but honest to goodness communication. And that was amazing. So Callie could be the strong one for just a little while longer. She nodded again.
"Plus I hear doctors are the worst patients," Arizona added, making an attempt at humour. She could sense Callie's distress, her conflicted feelings and her anxiety. But she simply wasn't equipped to do anything about them at this point. Not in the way she could have and would have before. So she deflected. "I mean, I get the tiny human patients, who can't be doctors, so I don't really know. But I do remember that you were a terrible patient after the car accident."
Callie chuckled.
"And I mean, I do have my off days," she added.
Callie laughed again.
"So I'm sure Derek's no delight to deal with," she concluded.
Callie smiled and nodded. "Yeah," she agreed.
"But he's lucky to have you," Arizona added, and this time it was said with sincerity, not resentment. "Because you, are exceptional."
Callie's stomach dropped a little. Because that was enough. Words like that from Arizona, that would get her through. That made her know that she could so this.
"It's after two," Arizona said with a glance at the clock on Callie's laptop. "You must be tired."
Callie fought back the yawn that tried to surface when Arizona announced the time. Because she didn't care if she had to work tomorrow, (today). She'd swear off sleep forever if it meant she could have nights like this with her wife.
"We can do this again tomorrow if you want," Arizona offered. "Or in a couple of days after you've done some more research. I can be Derek again."
Callie smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that. Thanks, that'd be great. That'd be really helpful."
Arizona rose unsteadily to her feet, holding on to the back of the couch for balance. Once steady on her feet, she leaned forward and pecked a quick, goodnight kiss against Callie's lips.
Callie froze when she felt Arizona's lips against her own. They were only there for the briefest of seconds. A kiss performed by route. More chaste than even the chastest pecks they'd shared at work. More like the dutiful kisses Callie gave to her great aunts and uncles than a kiss between wives. It had been a kiss born from muscle memory rather than passion. But still. It was everything. It was the first kiss they'd shared since the amputation. At the end of what might have been their best night since the amputation. It was a turning point. It was breaking the barrier of physical contact. It was something Callie had missed so much. She smiled.
As Arizona righted herself, she paused, surprised at her own actions. Her fingers drifted across her lips for less than a second before she swallowed. "Goodnight," Arizona offered, turning and making the short but slow trek back to their bedroom.
"Goodnight," Callie called after her, her hand migrating to the heart pendant she wore around her neck. Identical to the one her wife wore around hers. The one that neither of them, no matter how difficult things had been over the past few months, had ever considered taking off. Her finger traced idly over the pendant and she knew. For the thousandth time she knew, that they were going to be alright.
So as you can see, that line "I practiced with Arizona last night, she made a much more enthusiastic Derek" stuck with me. I thought it would be interesting to explore why Arizona was a much more enthusiastic Derek.
And the kiss. That kiss on the cheek at the nurses station when Arizona came in for her first day back at work was (unless I'm mistaken) the first Calzona kiss they've shown post amputation. That also felt like a big deal that they hadn't addressed. So, I hope you enjoyed. Leave me a review to let me know what you thought.