Chapter 1: Sadness
Not to put too fine a point on it, Sid was feeling down. He was really depressed. Very little in his lonely life was making much sense to him anymore. In spite of his depression, he was managing to hold himself together. Following his return from the USA, he had gone back to his home in Bishopston and was, once again, living with his mother, Liz. He had obtained a secure job as an admin assistant in a government office in his home city of Bristol. He had money coming in, a roof over his head and food on the table, but he was beginning to come to the conclusion that his life no longer had any real purpose. Liz was getting concerned about her son.
Three years previously, with Tony's help, Sid had flown to New York in an improbable attempt to find his girlfriend, Cassie. Against all odds, and with some local help, he had found her working in a diner on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. She was overjoyed to see him, but did not want to return to England immediately. Sid stayed out there with her and they spent the next eighteen months or so travelling round the country and really getting to know each other.
They eventually reached Phoenix, Arizona and Sid felt that they were perfectly suited to each other. He hoped that Cassie felt the same way. He proposed to her. Much to his disappointment, she declined his proposal. She went on to say that she wanted to move on and end her relationship with him. He had not prepared himself for this eventuality and, as a result, had no argument prepared as to why the couple should stay together. Reluctantly, and with a very heavy heart, Sid agreed to say a final goodbye to the girl he had loved deeply for over four years. The couple parted, agreeing not to try to contact each other again.
Sid made his way to Los Angeles and flew home, returning to live with his mother in Bristol. A couple of days after leaving Cassie, the implications of his decision came home to him. He was emotionally devastated.
Cassie, meanwhile returned temporarily to New York, where she resumed her role as a waitress in the diner where she had worked before. Fortunately for her, Adam was still there and living in the same apartment. She had also realised what leaving Sid meant to her. She was also an emotional wreck. Adam consoled her and gave her shelter and some hope. After all, he said, if Sid was as depressed as her, he would find some way of finding her despite his pledge not to. She should try to be patient and leave things to fate. He also said that fate had strange ways of making things happen.
When she had worked for long enough to earn the fare home, she flew back to England. Because of her pledge not to try to contact Sid, and because of his promise not to look for her, she felt she had to keep a low profile. She found work as a waitress in a small Greek café in North London.
Tony and Michelle, Sid's best friends had now left university, Tony had been to Cardiff and Michelle to York, but they did return to Bristol during vacations. In spite of the distance between them, they had succeeded in maintaining a long distance relationship and became engaged on the weekend of the Royal Wedding in 2011, just before taking their finals. They had both obtained good jobs in the Bristol area and were beginning to plan their wedding. Tony wanted Sid to be his best man, but he was also concerned about Sid's state of mind.
Sid kept his mind occupied by reading books, listening to music, surfing the internet and spending at least one evening each week with friends. Despite all this diversionary activity, he could not forget his sweet Cassie and his feelings for her. At times when he was alone with his thoughts, feelings about her would come to the surface and he quietly wept. Michelle visited him one Sunday afternoon and found him listening to a Genesis CD on headphones with tears streaming down his cheeks. When she asked him why he was crying, he explained that the version of the song 'Afterglow' he was listening to expressed perfectly how he felt about losing Cassie.
Tony did try to get Sid interested in other girls, but to no avail. Sid felt that he had already met his ideal. None of the girls introduced by Tony came anywhere near replacing Cassie. In fact, in his profile on a social networking site, under the heading 'Ideal Woman', he had entered Cassie's name no less than seven times. His love for her was not going to fade. Tony now realised this and accepted that Cassie was the only girl for Sid.
One evening, Sid felt that he had hit rock bottom emotionally. He had become so depressed that he was seriously beginning to wonder what it would be like to just disappear; to die. He was surfing the internet and googled the word "Oblivion". One of the results was a website apparently called "Oblivion". It appeared to consist of a gallery of candid pictures of a melancholy looking but breathtakingly beautiful girl. It did not take Sid long to realise that the girl in the pictures was none other than his Cassie. It was clear from her facial expression in most of the pictures that she was feeling very sad indeed. It broke Sid's heart to see her looking so forlorn. Despite his promise not to contact her, he was now determined to try to find her. The pictures gave him the impression that she was as unhappy about their separation as he was. However, finding her was not going to be easy. There was no clue on the website. It was anonymous. There was just the gallery. However, the sight of Cassie's sweet face did give him hope and lifted his spirits.
Some of the photographs were taken in the street, so Sid started to look through these to see whether there were any indications as to where they were taken. He found this a somewhat harrowing experience as the sight of Cassie's sorrowful eyes in each of the pictures made his heart ache. Although he had said goodbye to her, he still cared deeply about her and could not easily put her out of his mind. After looking carefully through about two hundred of the pictures, he was about to give up when he saw a red London bus in the background of one of them. Although it was out of focus, he could discern the route number. This told him that the pictures were taken in North London, probably Hampstead.
He was not quite sure what to do about this. London is a big city and he realised that a random search of the Hampstead area would not produce a result unless he was exceptionally lucky. After all, he mused, he would never have found Cassie in New York without Grant Clifford's assistance. For the time being, he was stumped. He needed help. He showed some of the pictures to his mum, who suggested that someone who knew that part of London might recognise the outside café tables in a couple of the pictures.
"Do you know anyone who lives in that part of London?" asked Liz, "They might even know the café."
"I can't think of anyone at the moment." said Sid.
"I know it's a long shot, but what about Maxxie?" suggested Liz, "You told me he went to London to look for work."
"That was years ago." said Sid, "He could be anywhere now. I don't even know his number."
"I suppose you could try Tony." suggested Liz, "He might be able to help."
"He hasn't helped me much recently." said Sid. "I know he means well, trying to introduce me to new girls, but none of them could ever replace Cassie. She was my ideal. Once I'd finally accepted that I'd fallen in love with her, I realised how perfect we were for each other. I really miss Cassie. She was special. She was my inspiration. I should have tried harder to stop her leaving."
Sid was almost in tears as he said this.
"I know it's hard darling, but It might be your only hope of finding her." said Liz, "She still means a lot to you doesn't she."
"She does." said Sid, sadly.
After a great deal of hesitation, he did follow Liz's suggestion. He called his best friend, Tony and told him he was trying to look for Cassie and believed she was living in North London. Tony also suggested that he should try to contact Maxxie.
"Do you know where he is?" asked Sid, "I seem to have lost his number."
"I think he is still living in the same bedsit somewhere near Hampstead Heath." said Tony, "He might be able to help. Why do you think she is in that particular area?"
Sid told Tony about the website and the gallery of pictures of Cassie. He also told him why he thought some of them were taken in Hampstead.
"She's more beautiful than ever but she looks so sad." said Sid, "It breaks my heart to see her like this. She looks so lonely; as if she doesn't get any real love. I really do want to help her. I still care about her."
"Wow, Sid!" exclaimed Tony, sensing Sid's angst, "You are still in love with her. Let's hope she feels the same. I'll certainly help you."
Tony gave Sid Maxxie's contact details including his email address, so that he could send copies of the more recognisable pictures. He also reminded Sid that Maxxie was one of his Facebook 'friends', so he could have been contacted that way.
After a little more hesitation, Sid phoned Maxxie.
Maxxie answered.
"Hello, Sid." said Maxxie, "Haven't heard from you in ages. What's prompted this call?"
"Hello Maxxie." said Sid, "I'm looking for some help finding someone."
"How could I help you?" asked Maxxie, "Who are you looking for?"
"It's Cassie." said Sid, "I think she might be living or working in Hampstead."
"It's funny you should mention that," said Maxxie, "because I did see her about two weeks ago. She served me in a café near where I live. Why the sudden interest?"
Sid told Maxxie about his adventures in America with Cassie and also his proposal of marriage and her rejection. He explained that they had agreed to go their separate ways. He described the sense of total loss that he had felt a couple of days after saying goodbye for ever to his beloved Cassie. He went on to mention the website and Cassie's facial expression in most of the pictures.
"What was your impression of her mood?" asked Sid.
"She seemed very quiet." said Maxxie, "She certainly wasn't the bright bubbly girl we knew at Roundview. There seemed to be a deep sadness about her. She rarely smiles. She seems to have lost her sparkle. If you do find her, don't tell her I said this, but I think leaving you must have hurt her much more than she expected it to."
"I don't know whether to find that reassuring or not." said Sid, "How do you think she'd react if I walked in to her café?"
"As you know, I'm not an expert on girls." said Maxxie, "However, if both our impressions of her mood and the reason for it are correct, after the initial shock, she should be overjoyed to see you. Don't be surprised if she sheds a few tears."
"Thanks Maxx." said Sid, "I feel better for that. I really do want to see her now. Where is this café?"
Maxxie gave Sid details about the location of Pete's café.
"Would you like me to discreetly find out what shifts she might be working in the next week or so?" asked Maxxie.
"That would be helpful." said Sid, "Don't let her know that I'm looking for her. I want to surprise her."
"I'll go with Caterina." said Maxxie, "If she asks the questions, Cassie should be less suspicious."
"Thanks a lot, Maxx." said Sid, "I'll owe you one if this works out. Incidentally, who is Caterina?"
"It's a long story." said Maxxie, "When you come to London, we'll have to meet up and I'll tell you all about her."
"That's a deal then." said Sid, "Don't forget to tell me what hours she works."
"I'll let you know by the end of next week." said Maxxie, "Bye!"
"Bye, Maxx," said Sid, "and thanks again."
Sid was already feeling a little more hopeful. He now knew that Cassie was alive and definitely working in North London. All he had to do now was to wait for the information from Maxxie and find an excuse to go to London.
Sid came back down from his room after talking to Maxxie, to be met by his mum.
"You look a bit happier Sid." said Liz, "Was Maxxie any help?"
"He was." said Sid, "He says he's seen Cassie. She's working at a café in Hampstead. I've asked him to find out what times she works so I can drop in on her."
"That sounds hopeful." said Liz, "You'll just have to be patient now and wait for his call."
Sid realised this and accepted that he could do nothing until he had some news.