Anonymous asked: They were supposed to be at their very first Peck family dinner, instead Traci and Holly find themselves spending the evening together and bonding over their troublesome but lovable Pecks.
Holly startles a little at the gentle knock just as she's sliding her arm into her jacket, and pauses with a tired sigh when she turns to see Traci leaning in the doorway to the lab.
"Please tell me you don't have evidence that needs examining right away," Holly says, glancing up at the clock and noting the late hour. "Because I have plans that involve curling up on my couch and devouring an entire bottle of wine to myself."
Traci shakes her head in response as she takes in dark circles lingering beneath Holly's usually bright eyes. "I actually came to see if you wanted to come and get some drinks with me," she says with a small smile.
Holly's brow furrows as she finishes shrugging into her jacket, picking up her bag as she asks, "Don't you have a certain family dinner to be at tonight?"
She knows she's got the right night, because across today's date on the calendar that hangs in her kitchen, scrawled in Gail's messy handwriting, the big bold lettering reads 'Peck Family Hell – Be Prepared!' followed by a little doodle of a heart. It's something that she's been meaning to strike out now that she and Gail are no longer together, but every time that she tries her eyes get drawn to that little heart doodle, and she finds her hand unwilling to move as her own heart lurches with deep sorrow.
Traci's mouth purses together as she shrugs back at her. "Let's just say that you're no longer alone in discovering that dating a Peck isn't such an easy feat."
"I'm sorry," Holly replies sincerely, offering Traci an emphatic smile.
Without missing a beat Traci mirrors her smile back at her. "I'm sorry too."
Holly stares back at her for a moment longer, an understanding of what it means to have life so suddenly filled with Peck snark, ego and charm, only to lose it all too quickly again, passing between them.
"So, Dr. Stewart, what do you say, drinks?" Traci repeats, raising her eyebrow questioningly.
"Best offer I've had for a long time," Holly confesses as she walks towards her. "Just anywhere but The Penny, okay?"
Traci's mouth opens a little like she's about to question Holly's request, but she just as quickly closes it and nods her head in agreement, and Holly knows then, as Traci briefly dodges her gaze, that word about what happened between her and Gail that night with her friends most definitely must have spread around 15 Division.
Holly feels her chest clench tightly, the air rushing from her lungs in a deep, weary exhale as that painful night plays over in her mind again. She doesn't realise that she's closed her eyes and stopped walking until she feels Traci rub comfortingly at her arm.
"Come on," Traci urges softly, her eyes empty of judgement and her small smile filled with understanding. "I know this little place that we can go; best beer and burgers you'll ever have, I promise."
Holly forces herself to smile back, appreciating Traci's unexpected but kind friendship, and even though her heart is aching and missing Gail more now than ever, she let's Traci link their arms together and lead them out of the lab.
Traci orders them shots of vodka when they first arrive, sliding three out of the six to Holly before downing hers in quick succession. She's never really been a fan of vodka – the smell of it always reminding her slightly of paint stripper – but it feels far too impolite to refuse Traci's generosity, so Holly follows Traci's lead and devours her own row, wincing at the burn that trails down her throat.
Within seconds of her placing the last of her shot glasses back down onto the bar, Traci is sliding a beer in front of her and reeling off their food orders to the barman. Holly flashes Traci a grateful smile and quickly takes a long sip of her beer, letting the bitter taste of it soothe away the lingering heat from the vodka.
She's never particularly found it easy to just talk to people she doesn't know all that well, always a little socially anxious and awkward – Holly blames it partly on spending hours alone surrounded by nothing but corpses for company – but somehow Traci makes this unexpected outing feel simple.
Conversation flows between them naturally, and it surprises Holly a little at just how different Traci is now that she's no longer in her all-business detective mode. She still gives off a strong, confident, independent vibe, but as Traci tells her a little about her life and Leo, Holly also gets to bear witness to the soft, warm, nurturing, maternal side of her that had made Gail describe Traci as the 'real grown-up' of the rookies.
As she listens to Traci talk and gets to know her a little, she realises why exactly Gail has always spoken so highly of her. Holly knows that Gail's respect and admiration for Traci has a lot to do with how hard working Traci is, but she also knows that Gail has a special, unconditional love for Traci that blossomed from their shared tragic experience of Ross Perrick, and the devastating loss of Detective Barber. For that reason alone, Holly knows that Gail will forever be loyal to and fiercely protective of Traci and Leo.
Knowing that suddenly makes Holly feel a little guilty, almost as if she's stealing one of the only friends Gail truly trusts and feels like she can talk to, away from her. And since Gail isn't going to be speaking to and confiding in her any more, Holly desperately wants Gail to have somebody she can depend on and turn to.
"This was really very nice, but I should probably get going," Holly voices quietly, offering Traci a small smile.
Traci reaches out and covers her hand, preventing Holly from standing before she even has a chance to think about pushing to her feet.
"Holly, Gail is my friend, and I know she'll always have my back, but this mess between me and Steve… it means Gail feels like she has to put her loyalty to her brother before her loyalty to me," Traci explains knowingly, easily able to read the reason for Holly's discomfort. "The Pecks always band together during times of crisis. So, trust me when I say that Gail won't be looking to confide in me about you while things between me and Steve are so conflicted."
Holly lets out a breath and relaxes back into her chair as she reaches up to rub tiredly at her eyes. "How did things get so messed up, so quickly, huh?"
"I honestly have no idea," Traci smiles back at her and shrugs. "They're complicated folk, the Pecks. I guess we just weren't prepared enough to handle them."
Holly laughs wryly in response. "You can say that again," she says as she adjusts her glasses. "I mean, I was fine before she came bursting into my life out of nowhere, and demanded all of my attention with her engaging sarcasm and her endearing bite, and her beautiful, life-ruining baby blues." Holly huffs, not meaning to rant but unable to hold it in any longer. "I was going about my day-to-day business just fine. I was good, and now… now I feel like there's this giant piece missing from my world and I don't know how to function without it."
Traci regards her carefully for a long, drawn out moment before saying, "I know it's really none of my business, especially since I don't know all of the details about why you and Gail broke up, but are you really seeing somebody else?"
Holly sucks her bottom lip into her mouth for a second before releasing it and nodding her head. "Yes," she breathes heavily. "My friend Rachel set me up, she thought she was helping me move on. And I thought I was, you know?" Holly follows on, staring at Traci helplessly as Gail's words about her being the most wonderful person she's ever met echo around inside her head. "I mean she's nice, this new woman I'm seeing. She's smart and sweet and a little nerdy like me. She should be perfect for me, but she's…"
She lets her unfinished sentence hang there as she shakes her head, her mind briefly drifting to Gwen. Her fiery red hair and kind smile, and her deep, royal blue eyes, that even when Holly squints and tries to pretend are just as beautiful still don't match the cool, captivating marble blue of Gail's.
"…but she's what?" Traci prompts softly, as Holly stops shaking her head and stares off over Traci's shoulder, her mind completely tangled in her messy of thoughts.
Holly lets her eyes flicker slowly to Traci's and shrugs hopelessly. "She's not Gail," she murmurs sadly, her heart heavy and aching in her chest.
"You're still not over her," Traci states emphatically, her mouth twisting into up into a small, understanding smile.
Holly releases a deep, ragged, breath and shakes her head. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"The Pecks certainty know how to mess with our heads, that's for sure," Traci sympathises.
Holly presses her mouth together in a thin, sad smile. "What are you going to do about Steve?"
"I have no idea," Traci breathes with a little laugh, and then just as quickly her smile falters. "Leo is already starting to ask why Steve hasn't come around, and I don't know how to explain it to him. I don't know how to tell Steve that I get that he meant well but that Dex is Leo's father. He might be a pain in my ass, and he might be trying to fight me on custody for Leo, but at least we're both still here for Leo when he needs us. Dex being in jail… I don't want that for Leo. He deserves to have both of his parents in his life. He adores his father more than anything, and despite everything, Dex is actually a good dad."
Holly nods, understanding Traci's dilemma entirely. "You have to put your son first," she says in agreement.
"Yeah," Traci replies. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want Steve or his input. I just wish he would have come to me and talked to me first. At least then I could have tried to make him understand."
Holly lets out a small, wry breath. "At least now we know that their lack of communication skills really is genetic. Why do they have to be so damn stupid?"
Traci smiles knowingly back at her. "They wouldn't be them if they weren't so infuriating."
"Infuriatingly charming," Holly adds sadly, remembering the way Gail's lips would always twist into a devilish smirk, her eyes glimmering with mischief as they bantered back and forth, and the way that little smirk would just as quickly reveal her beautiful smile whenever Holly would kiss away her smugness. "God, I miss her."
"I miss Steve too," Traci confesses, her eyes falling down to her watch. "I wonder how the Peck family dinner is playing out."
"Given how much Gail protested when her mother demanded it, and how much she tried to prepare me for it, horribly I should think," Holly says quietly, a wave of sadness crashing over her as she imagines Gail facing her parents, and dealing with her coming out alone. She should have been there with her. For her. "I know I should probably be relieved that I'm not currently having my credentials over-analysed and questioned by Superintendent and Inspector Peck, but I really wish I was there with her, supporting her," Holly huffs, releasing a weary exhale and slamming her glass down on the table in frustration. "If she'd just let me apologise, I would have been there."
"I think Gail knows that," Traci says reassuringly as she sets her own glass down and offers Holly a gentle smile. "And I think deep down, Steve knows that I would have still gone if he'd just asked me to go." The barman comes over to collect their empty glasses, and Traci stands to pull on her jacket as Holly does the same. "And who knows, maybe one day, our loving, idiot Pecks will find their way back to us, and we'll get invited to a Peck family dinner again, and then we'll both finally get our chance to be there, with them, and for them."
Holly smiles softly in return, wanting nothing more. "I hope so," she says longingly. "I truly hope so."