Mirage In My Life

by McQuaid21

I don't own Psych. - Shawn Spencer is dead. He was killed in a mugging gone wrong. Shawn Spencer left his mother a letter ascertaining the truth, how her absence in his life affected him. He left a letter that said more than he could tell her in life. The tragic upbringing of Shawn Spencer.

Madeleine POV

I used to have the same fear for his father, I used to imagine Henry wouldn't come home after work and his partner would come to my door and tell me he died on duty. I couldn't handle it, I couldn't live in an environment like that; how was I expected to handle that? I had to get out, leave it all behind; looking back, I did leave it all behind.

Madeleine Spencer

Dear Mom,

If your reading this, I'm dead. I was afraid to tell you this, I've been mulling it over for years. I couldn't tell you in life so I told you in death; a weak move on my part. I didn't want to see your reaction, I just wanted you to be aware.

If you got this note, than my feelings haven't changed. How can I tell you how I feel? I don't know, I'll have to try. I hope you understand how important you are to me.

Mom, you are one of the people who matter most in my life. But Christ, I don't even know you. Mom, I don't love you. You left us so long ago, and you never really came back into my life. I can't remember the last time you told me you loved me and actually meant it.

I think back to a time when Aunt Myla hugged me, she said she loved; now how could that have meant more than when my own Mother says she loves me. It meant more because you always say it in passing, you never meet my eyes. You never mean it.

I cry when I think about our relationship, how can I love you when it doesn't seem as though you love me? But how can you love me if I don't love you? I think upon our relationship, I can't find any happy memories to associate you with; you weren't there for me.

Mother, your one of the most important people I've ever met; but I can't love you. I shouldn't love you. I don't love you. I need you to know, every time I try with us, you only end up making it worse.

If you'd had only looked at me, you would have known how I felt years ago; rarely do you meet my eyes. God Mom, you left everything behind for Christ sake! You matter so much, I don't hate you; but I don't love you.

Sincerely,

Shawn Spencer

Madeleine Spencer was sobbing before she got to the end of the letter; she missed her son's life and she was too busy for his funeral. Henry's job wasn't the problem; she was a monster! She can't call herself his mother, how can she even call herself human?

I Don't Own Psych.