Unlife
A Harry Potter/Hellsing Fan Fiction
By RavynousHunter
I am Ødelegger Krig, a Norwegian-born student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I am one of the few vampire students here, having been infected when I was twelve. However, I also lead a double life, both as a Hogwarts student, and as a Hellsing operative, sent there to deal with a supposed vampire threat. Seras Victoria gave me my unlife, under direct orders from her master Alucard, since then I have worked as an agent of the Hellsing Organization, ridding the world of the vicious, bloodthirsty undead that plagues England.
To make a long story short, I was sorted into Ravenclaw, and have met some of the local undead, one Ebony Way, and Harry Potter. For the first few weeks, I got to know them, investigated their behaviors and general potential as a menace to the Crown. The students seem to be rather abusive, suicidal, and overly sexual; frequently making many "trips" to the Forbidden Forest to engage in their disgusting activities. I don't really see how Sir Integra thinks these incompetent dunces could possibly pose a threat to anything more than a rodent, but my orders stand, no matter how weak-minded and erratic my targets my be.
"Ødelegger, what do you think of that Ebony, some hot piece of gothic work, eh?" said Harry in a slightly hushed tone.
"Maybe, seems a bit of a nymphomaniac, don't you think?" I said in a cold tone.
"You might be right, but damn, she really knows how to put out!" he half-yelled.
"Ugh," I thought, "this is getting stupid. Do all these morons think the same? Do their lives revolve around when their next tryst is? I'm beginning to relish the idea of killing them. Still, I have to wait until the right time…"
It was then that Ebony walked into the room, wearing her generic miniskirt, black shirt, and fishnet. I had been working on getting her into the Forbidden Forest, where I could kill her quietly, but she was extremely moody and almost unpredictable.
"Hey Ødeleg, what do you think of my new fishnets? Hot, aren't they?" she said in her normal, arrogant tone.
I had to restrain myself almost to the point of bursting a blood vessel. "Not a bad choice, but they aren't black enough," I said, trying to be as pleasant as possible.
She sighed. "Yeah, I think you might be right. I saw Draco today, he looked totally depressed, but he's still a major hottie! God, there was this one time in the Forest…"
I lost focus after that; all I really heard was a buzz of unflattering innuendo and raunchy storytelling. I began to think that God was punishing me for some past wrong, perhaps my acceptance of immortality. It was then that I lost my damned mind. I couldn't stand the mindless drivel coming from the mouths of these simpletons any longer. They had to die. NOW.
"Excuse me, I need to go get some parchment from my room, I'll be right back," I said, trying very hard not to laugh like a madman.
"I have a bad feeling," said Ebony.
"Me too," said Harry.
I went up to my room, opened my chest next to my bed, and extricated my silver sword. I walked slowly down the stairs, relishing every seconds before these fools met their demise. I walked back to where Harry and Ebony were, they were chatting about some nonsense.
"You know," I butted in, "I've had it up to HERE with you infidels. You mediocre dunces don't have the faintest idea why in Hell's name I'm really here, do you?"
"Don't tell me you're going prep on us!" screeched Ebony, her shrill voice grated against my mind.
"Ebony, I think we should leave," Harry said, a look of terror washing over his face.
"He can't do anything, I'm Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, and this little 'convert' doesn't stand a chance in Hell. Why are you here if you aren't here to learn about magic?" she said in a commanding tone.
"So simple, even you idiots can understand it. I'm here to kill you. I am here on direct orders from Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing. It's you who doesn't stand a chance. However, just to be safe…"
"Master?" I called out in my mind.
"Yes, Ødelegger?" said Alucard, inquisitive as ever.
"I'm tired of the reconnaissance, it's time we dealt with these nuisances."
"I've been following your progress since day one, and I couldn't agree with you more," he said in anticipation.
My master appeared at my right hand side, wearing a wide grin and eyes blazing. "So, you are the incompetent buffoons my dear friend here has had to deal with for so long. I'm as unimpressed by you as he is," he said in a low, threatening voice.
"Shall we, Master?" I inquired, my hands shaking at the proposition of hunting them down like animals.
"Might as well get this over with," he said with a heavy sigh.
I rushed toward Ebony, who had a head start on me while Alucard chased down Harry. She went up the stairs of the north tower using her vampiric speed. I stood at the bottom of the stairwell and relished the moment. When she got about three quarters up the tower, I began leaping from stair set to stair set, my sword drawn and poised to draw blood.
By the time I got to her, she had made it into the Divination room and barred the trapdoor shut. I lowered my head, closed my eyes, and smiled. I could hear her heart beating furiously, I could hear her panting, and I could smell her fear. The feeling was exhilarating. "Better than any drug," I thought.
I leaped up to the trapdoor and burst through it, landing some two meters away from the teacher's desk.
"I can hear you, mouse, I can hear your heartbeat, your panting. I can smell your fear, your delicious fear," I said, finally letting my sadism through.
"Why are you doing this?" she yelled, "If this is about me not sleeping with you, we can still do it, there's still time!"
I rushed up to her, my nose pressed against hers. "You think I would want such a filthy thing, you mignonette? I would rather bed down with a sea turtle! Look at you, all that vampiric blood and power, and not even the slightest clue as to how to USE it! You're pathetic!"
She was crying furiously at this point, "Please, for Satan's sake, don't kill me! I'll get better, I promise!"
"You had your chance, you perversion of immortality. Don't worry; your beloved Harry and Malfoy, along with Diabolo and Mary will join you soon. You won't be alone in death."
Just as I had my sword poised to pierce her heart, three others burst in through the trapdoor; it was Diabolo, Mary, and Malfoy. "What luck," I thought. "This saves me the time of having to hunt them down."
Mary cast an Expelliarmus, knocking my sword from my hand, Diabolo shot out a Petrifaction Curse, and Malfoy went to check on Ebony.
"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco said with what seemed to be sympathy.
"I was almost drilled with a silver sword, do you think I'm okay?" she said, obviously flustered at Draco's slightly moronic question.
I looked up and saw them preparing to cast a Killing Curse on me, I grinned gleefully. I burst out of the Petrifaction Curse in time to dodge their collective wand blasts and stood, poised and dignified, with a grin that would make a dragon kill itself due to terror.
"Looks like I'll have to stop playing," I sighed, rushing behind Diabolo. "You're the weakest out of them all, min venn. Forbered til å omkomme!"
I grabbed Diabolo's head and tore the top half of his skull off. While he was shrieking in pain, I threw the top part of Diabolo's skull at Mary, hitting her square on the face and dazing her. As I finished off Diabolo, I rushed to Mary and pierced her heart with my right hand; both she and Diabolo fell to the ground in a pile of ashes.
I rushed into Draco's face, saying, "You know, min venn, I never really did like you. Dø, du verdiløs stykke dritt."
I lunged forward, burying my hand in his ribcage. I ripped out his heart and rushed to Ebony as he, too, fell to the ground in a pile of ashes. I stuffed Draco's heart into Ebony's mouth, forcing her to eat the heart of her lover.
"You have been the worst offender of all, min venn. Du blir ikke tilgi. Brenn i helvete for evighet." I said, reaching for my sword.
As she whimpered, begging me to stop, I plunged my sword into her heart. She screamed so lout it would've woken even the dead; it was the kind of scream I was looking forward to. As she collapse in a pile of dust, Alucard informed me he had killed Harry. Telling him to wait a while before taking us back to Hellsing HQ, I pulled a small vial from my robes, filled it with Ebony's dust, and put a label on it with the text "E.D'N.D.R.W."