If You Know What I Mean…
When Dougie knocked on my door after he broke up with his girlfriend asking me if he could stay at my place for a while I obviously couldn't say no. So now Dougie had been living in my house for two months and it felt great. It felt like the time when we lived together when we had just started the band. Dougie lived with me, Danny was next door, only Harry wasn't around the corner.
We had adopted a pretty normal routine together, sharing breakfast and doing chores together. And after a while I caught myself feeling lonely when he wasn't around. I found myself awake at night when he was out drinking with some friends, only finding peace when I heard him climb the old stairs of my house on some ungodly hour.
And this brings me back to today. I woke up early and had found myself thinking about living together. Sharing this house with Dougie forever. Only to be shaken out of my daydream by the sound of water running in the bathroom. Dougie had obviously woken up now and I couldn't keep my heart from skipping a beat.
I got out of bed and headed downstairs to start on breakfast. Listening closely to the water that was still running upstairs. I lay down some plates on the kitchen table and gathered everything I needed from the cupboard. When I heard Dougie turn of the water I heated the frying pan and started working on some scrambled eggs and toast, knowing he would be down soon.
Not much later Dougie shuffled into the kitchen and let out an approving sound.
"Mhm…Smells great Tom"
"Thanks Doug, I hope it taste just as great," I answered.
"Ah, Tom don't be so selfless, your food always tastes amazing."
"Doug seriously stop flattering me."
"Why Tom, you don't like it when I compliment you? Doesn't it make you feel all giddy when I'm nice to you?" Was he just being sarcastic or was he actually coming onto me?
"N-No… I do like getting compliments, it's just…It's just."
"What Tom please finish your sentences."
"It's just you don't give compliments, it's not like you to be so nice to people. You don't even do that when you are talking up some girl."
"Well Tom, you aren't just some girl are you? You're the singer and guitarist of my band, of our band. You're the one that made us big, you're a fucking music genius."
"I It's not just me Doug, there's Danny and Harry and You too Doug. We all made this band big and successful. If one of us hadn't been there it would never have worked.
"Tom look at me…" I couldn't look into his blue eyes afraid I would drown in them. Afraid I would make a fool of myself, so I just kept staring down at the frying pan.
"Tom, Tom look at me please?" I reluctantly looked up feeling dizzy as soon as our eyes met.
"Tom listen to me you're perfect…"
"But.."
"No Tom no buts just let me finish. Tom I remember when I was 15 when we had just started the band. I remember looking up to you like a dad… Then when we grew older you became more like an older brother to me. Helping me with girls and just that kind of stuff. I remember that I could still look up to you, but you helped me climb the stairs you were on. You helped me reach up, helped to take risks and just let go. You helped me climb that stairs and now, now I feel like I'm only one tiny step away from reaching the top of it. From reaching you. You gave the warmth that I needed after I broke up with Frankie. You helped me get through it, helped me pick myself back of the floor."
"But Tom you didn't just help me get back on track. In these past months I started seeing you differently. As I slowly climbed those last steps of the stairs I started seeing you through different eyes. I didn't see you as a dad anymore, nor did I see you as a brother. No Tom you are more than that. Tom I want you to listen closely to what I'm about to say, please. And I know you don't feel the same, but I can't not tell you anymore Tom: I'm in love with you…"
My jaw had long since dropped down and was no lying somewhere on the floor. I stood there unable to close my mouth, unable to move.
"I knew you wouldn't feel the same, it's just stupid I know. It's probably just because I was heartbroken and lonely, but I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself from feeling these things. And I couldn't stand not telling you, couldn't stand being around you when you don't feel the same. I still can't, I can't stand being around you when I know you don't… Dougie…feel the… DOUGIE…
He didn't look up, he just kept babbling away. I couldn't stand seeing him like this, looking lost. Not when I knew it wasn't necessary, not when I felt the same for him. But he just kept mumbling incoherent sentences about how sorry he was for me, for doing this to me. And I couldn't stand it any longer, couldn't hear him talk himself down any longer. So I just stepped forward and shushed him by covering his lips with mine. Softly kissing down on them, meeting his shocked eyes. Trying to tell him how I felt through my eyes. Slowly moving closer, pressing my body against his, lips still pressing softly. One of my hands made its way around his neck, the other finding his cheek. And finally I pressed my lips down harder receiving a soft moan from his side. Giving me the opportunity to let my tongue slide into his mouth, only to be met by yet another moan escaping his mouth. And then finally his tongue started to move too, our tongue dancing around quickly finding a smooth rhythm. I wanted it to last forever, but I already started to feel the fire starting to burn in my chest telling me I needed air. But I didn't want to let go just yet. Fighting my instincts I kissed down even harder for just a second before breaking apart with a gasp. Brown eyes meeting his blue ones a silent conversation playing in them.
"I love you too Dougie.
A/N: I wrote this lasy night on my iPod... I'm normally not a Floynter fan, but this just came to me...