Magikarp used splash!

It's super ineffective!

Arceus laughed at the pathetic fish who was 1 billion levels below him.
"Ha ha! You're too weak! It's God's turn to strike!"
"No! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Magikarp cried "Please God! Have mercy on me! I'm just a dumb stupid weird magikarp who can't do anything right!"
"Tough." Arceus said.

Arceus used hyper beam!

It's the most effective move in the whole entire Pokemon universe!

Magikarp fainted and died. Typical magikarp.

Arceus laughed again before floating off to his magical God house in Arceus land.

Arceus went inside his house and turned the TV on. The screen had Jigglypuff's face squashed all over it.
"Stupid Jigglyfuck." Arceus muttered.
He changed the channel to the Pokemon anime- where Ash's pikachu was humping a bottle of ketchup.
"Jeez, kid. Teach your pokemon to fight, not hump ketchup."
He changed the channel again- this time, it was his private CCTV channel with CCTV footage of the whole pokemon world. He saw Palkia smoke weed and Grimer being a butt to a noob trainer.
Arceus sighed at the dumb pokemon on the screen. He turned the TV off and decided to go into his hot spring sauna for a bit.

"Ah, that's nice. Now what should God do?" Arceus said to himself as he slid into the deep end of his king sized hot spring. "Oh! I know! I'll annoy Palkia and take its weed! But first, I must relax!"

5 hours later.

Palkia was smoking weed and drinking mountain dew whilst making everything go upside down.
"ERMAHGERD JUSTIN BIEBEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRR!" the Legendary pokemon randomly exclaimed before Arceus came and make everything not upside down. The god pokemon stared at Palkia before using his god powers to disintegrate all the weed in the world.
"Bwahahahahaha! Now you can't smoke weed anymore!"
"Aww." Palkia hung its head low. "Did you disintegrate all the weed in the world again?"
"Yes, Palkia, yes I did."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" it cried. "I can't live anymore!"
"Ha. Imma go teach that kid how to train that pikachu properly!" Arceus blasted off into the Hoenn region to find Ash and pikachu.

Meanwhile, May was being annoying and Ash was trying to find food to shut his stupid female companion up.
"Aaaaash, I'm huuuungrrrry! Feeed meeeee."
Ash sighed in annoyance. "Shut up, May. I'm getting you food!"
"But can't I have that ketchup?" May pointed to pikachu's ketchup, making the electric mouse pokemon growl and push his ketchup back.
"PIKA!" Pikachu growled defensively.
Ash slapped May. "What the fuck, May! You know pikachu married that ketchup bottle! You can't just EAT it!"
"WHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT, KID?!" Arceus yelled from above.
The children gasped as they saw God himself.
"OH MY GOD! IT'S GOD!" they squealed in unison.

"Yes. It's me." Arceus was not amused. "Now I'm going to battle pikachu and see if it can fight!"
Ash threw pikachu in front of God. "Pikachu! Use thunderbolt!"
"Piiikkkkaaaaa... CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" Pikachu screamed as he used thunderbolt on Arceus.
"My turn!" Arceus declared his turn
Arceus used earth power!
Unfortunately for pikachu, it's super effective!
Pikachu fainted and Ash picked him up. "No." the young pokemon trainer cried. "Not my pikachu!"
May sprung into action and used her useless torchic.
"Torchic! Use flamethrower!"
The fire chick threw flames at Arceus and got kicked by the god.
"I can't be bothered to use moves. A god kick is enough to make that chick faint." Arceus said to the noob trainer.
Torchic fell into a puddle.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY TORCHIC!"
"Looks like I won!" Arceus announced.
"Arceus! Why did you do this to my little torchic?!"
"Because it's shit?" Ash smirked.
"Hey!" May retorted. "My torchic is not shit! At least he doesn't hump ketchup!"
"So?" Ash yelled. "Pikachu's epic!"
Arceus laughed at the kids as they argued about their pokemon.

Arceus sat in the meadow with Palkia and Dialga.
"And then I was like, "a god kick can make that chick faint" and then the kids argued because they're noobs!" Arceus told the story of his encounter with Ash and May.
"Cool! I farted on Mewtwo!" Dialga laughed at his story of his encounter with Mewtwo.
"Weed." Dialga moaned. "I want weed."
"No." Arceus stated.
"Aww."
"And then I farted into infinity! Yay!" Dialga let out a poot.
"Eww gross! A farting pokemon!" Arceus and Palkia held their noses -if they even have noses.
Suddenly, Ash sprung out of a bush and forced Charizard to battle! Then a teletubby gave Palkia weed!
"WHAAAAAAAAT?!" Arceus roared as he saw Palkia smoke the weed. "TELETUBBY DIE!" Arceus shot a laser at the teletubby and it died.

Ash backed away. "Come on Charizard, let's get the hell out of here."

Charizard groaned and turned to Ash.
Suddenly, the world shook and a giant sun with a baby's face came.
"Shit. It's the teletubby god." Arceus spat as the sun came closer to the pokemon god.
"I AM THE TELETUBBY GOD AND YOU KILLED TINKY WINKY!" The sun bellowed.
"Yeah, so?" Arceus challenged the other god.
"You must die!"
"I'm the god here, so I can't."
"Oh." The teletubby god thought for a few seconds. "Then we must fight to see who the best god is."
"Very well then!" Arceus saud. "Challenge accepted! Yah!"
"Deal with my teletubby army bruh!"
"Deal with my god powers!"

TO BE CONTINUED