Toddler Steps

By AmboDriver

Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. I'm just playing around with the characters that I adore (even if they are all super sad right now). They are owned by Shondaland, ABC, and probably a lot of other really rich folks.

A/N: Damn, like I so should be working more on the other stories, but had this new one shot idea pop into my head and couldn't shake this one image of Sofia and Arizona, so it had to be written. Damned Calzona muse! I'll get another letter written for that story in the next few days and some "If/Then" alty goodness after that. Promise.

But, first, another sometime-in-season-9 one shot. I guess you might consider this kind of a sequel to the story I posted earlier this week, "Cuts So Deep", but you don't need to have read that. This is just another scene from Arizona's recovery and their path back together.

And many thanks to Lovegood41 for helping me with the nicknames mentioned in this story and for being such an awesome Calzona buddy.

Four months, two weeks, and three days. That's how long it had been since their plane had fallen out of the sky. That's how long it had been since she had last taken a step without some form of crutch or walker or cane. One hundred and thirty nine days. And Arizona would be damned if she would let it reach one hundred and forty.

She sat on the couch in the living room and patiently waited while Callie looked through the fridge. "Anything else you want? I'll get some of those cookies you like, but anything else?"

"No," Arizona answered as she watched her wife close the fridge door. "Everything's on the list. I double checked."

Callie went over to where Sofia was sitting on the floor, playing with two dolls and completely lost in her own fantasy world. "I can take her with me if you want."

"Don't you think it's about time I get back to being a parent, too? I can finally get around well enough now to take care of her, and I really want to. You'll be gone an hour, tops. I'll call if I need anything."

"Okay," Callie said with a nod before leaning down and placing a quick kiss on the crown of Sofia's head. "You be good, munchkin. No giving Mama a hard time." She got no reaction as Sofia continued to be lost in the babble of her two baby dolls. With an amused shake of her head, Callie walked over to Arizona. "You're really sure?"

Arizona rolled her eyes but couldn't quite suppress a laugh. "Yes, I'm really sure. Now get going. We'll both still be here when you get home."

Callie's smile was soft but there was pride playing in her eyes. "I love you," she said as she leaned down to place a gentle kiss on Arizona's lips.

"I love you, too. Now go." She pushed playfully at Callie's hip to get her moving toward the door.

"Okay, okay. I'm going." Callie gathered her purse and keys and stopped at the door for a moment. "Bye," she called out before leaving the apartment.

"About time," Arizona said with an exaggerated puff of relief as the door gently closed.

She waited a few minutes to make sure Callie wouldn't rush back in because she forgot something. When she was reasonably sure her wife would long since be in the car and heading toward the grocery store, she took a deep breath. "Well, let's see how this goes."

She grabbed her cane and used it to push a few toys out of the way from where she sat to the other couch. She then placed it aside and looked over at Sofia to make sure she was well out of the way as well, but her daughter was still engrossed with her dolls. "Here goes nothing," she whispered to herself as she tensed her thigh muscles and used her arms to help push herself to a standing position.

She wobbled at first and had to spread her arms wide to maintain her balance, but as she shifted her weight to her left and felt the solid support of the prosthetic holding her up, she smiled. "Okay, not so bad."

"Not bad," she heard Sofia mimic. She looked over to see her daughter standing to the side, watching her with those big brown eyes that looked just like Callie's.

Arizona bit at her lip. "This is weird, huh? Then again, you probably don't remember me when I still had my leg. But still, sometimes I've got this thing on and sometimes I don't. It must be kind of confusing for you."

Sofia's brow furrowed. "Mama's leg," she said as she pointed at the prosthetic.

"Yes, Mama's leg. I've got a new one. And once I get this one figured out, I'll get the full-featured one that'll let me walk and even run eventually. And then I'll be able to finally chase you around the playground."

"Swings!" Sofia yelled as she started to bounce excitedly.

"Damn, you had to go and say the p-word, huh?" Arizona muttered to herself. She then spoke louder to Sofia. "When Mommy gets back, I'll ask her if she can take you to the playground, okay?" It was her first instinct to not even consider going with them, but that was because until recently she didn't have the mobility to handle the uneven ground. Now she could easily make it to a bench with the simple help of her cane and maybe a little assistance from her wife. "Maybe we can all go, okay?"

"Okay," Sofia answered quietly, but she now seemed more interested in Arizona than she was in the prospect of a trip to the playground.

"But first, Mama is going to walk over to the other couch all by herself with no cane or crutches. Because the faster I master this, the faster I can get the super leg." She looked down at the prosthetic and had an irresistible urge to wiggle the toes of a left foot that had long since been burned to dust. She shook her head sadly, chasing that knowledge from her head and instead focused on getting the muscles of her hip and thigh to lift the prosthetic leg and move it forward. It was crazy how hard it was. It takes 80% more energy to move an above knee prosthetic than it does to move a natural leg, she could hear Callie telling her as she had tried her first steps with the help of the parallel bars in PT. "Feels more like 100%," she huffed as the leg came to a halt maybe three or four inches in front of her. "Baby steps," she whispered as she started to shift her weight forward so she could be balanced before taking a step with her right leg.

Sofia was suddenly by her right side, reaching up to take her hand. Arizona was about to tell her no out of fear she would lose her balance and fall on her, but then her daughter smiled up at her and said, "Me help."

Arizona tried hard to blink away the sudden tears and keep the emotions from getting the better of her as her heart almost exploded with love for her little girl. It meant so much to her that Sofia was there, trying in her little 18-month-old way, to help. "Thank you, Sofia," she said, trying hard to keep her voice calm. "I'd love your help. So, toddler steps it is."

Sofia beamed as she took one slow step forward, obviously trying to demonstrate to her mama how it was done, and waited. "See?"

"Yes, big girl, I do see. You take good steps. Like this?" she asked as she carefully shifted her weight to balance on the prosthetic and swing her right leg forward. When she had her right leg settled and felt steady, she let out a long-held breath. "Okay, I'm walking."

"Mama, good!" Sofia squealed as she started to pull hard on Arizona's hand.

"Woah, slow down, sweetie. Mama needs to walk very slowly, okay?"

"Okay," she replied very seriously.

"Okay, why don't we do two steps. Okay? One, two." Sofia just looked up at her with her big eyes blinking. "I know, counting is something we won't be getting to for a bit. So, just stay with Mama, okay? Don't go too fast."

"No fast, Mama."

"Right. Okay, two steps, here we go." She shifted her weight back to her right leg and tried to more naturally pick up the prosthetic and move it further forward than the last time, which she managed if only barely. And then without stopping, she again shifted her weight over her left thigh, tensing the muscle to provide stability, before taking a step with her right leg. "Yay, two steps. We did it, Sofia!"

"Yay, Mama! Mama walk!"

"Mama's walking alright."

Callie's voice behind her startled Arizona. She turned out of reflex and almost lost her balance. Callie moved over quickly as Arizona released her grip on Sofia's hand and flailed both arms for balance. Before Callie could reach her she held out her hand. "It's okay. I've got it."

Callie stopped a foot away and looked down at Sofia. "Hey, Sof, can you go sit on the couch for a minute?" When the toddler did as she was asked, Callie turned her attention back to Arizona. "And what do you think you're doing?"

"Mama walk," Sofia answered for her.

"Yeah, Mama walk," Arizona repeated. "Mama's gotta walk before Mama's gonna run. And our little monkey over there is getting fast. I want to be able to catch her."

Callie let out a soft chuckle and shook her head. "I already can't catch her once she gets up a head of steam."

"Well, then I'll just have to be faster than you," Arizona said with a bright grin.

"Yeah, yeah, it won't be fair once you get some new-fangled bionic leg or one of those sprinter cheetah springy limbs."

Arizona bit at her lip and relished in the playful banter that had only reentered their relationship in the last week or two. And it was even better that they both felt comfortable enough for that banter to be about her amputation. It was a new level of comfort and trust for them as they moved forward with their lives together. "You'll just have to enjoy the view from behind me then."

Callie's face reddened just a bit as she took in a sudden breath. She then leaned over so she could look at Arizona's ass. "It's a good view. I can live with that."

Arizona felt a warm tingle flow through her. While they'd overcome a lot of the problems between them and long since forgiven each other for everything they'd said and done to hurt one another since the crash, they hadn't really taken that step back to a sexual relationship, so flirting was something that they had both kept under wraps. But Arizona missed it, and just experiencing the fact that Callie might still be attracted to her was incredibly important. She swallowed hard and smiled when Callie just nodded to her with a deep understanding in her eyes. "Well, then, go sit on the couch and let me do this so I can check off another step until I get my bright pink cheetah leg."

"You are not getting bright pink. They don't even make bright pink."

"Yet."

Callie shook her head with a laugh and moved her way over to the couch. She sat down next to Sofia and smiled up at her wife. "Okay, Robbins, let's see it."

"Sheesh, talk about pressure!" Arizona blew Callie a kiss before looking back down at her legs. "Let's see, where was I? I got two steps down, so how about I see if I can make it all the way over there?"

"I know you can," Callie said softly.

"Thanks." Arizona concentrated as she shifted her weight to her right leg and then picked up and moved her prosthetic before shifting her weight again. Back and forth, she kept taking little steps, feeling the muscle memory return to her legs, until she had managed five steps and found herself almost toe to toe with Callie. "I did it!"

Callie jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around Arizona. "That was amazing. I know that wasn't easy, but you did it."

"Mama walk," Sofia added from where she was using Callie's side to pull herself to a standing position on the couch.

Arizona wrapped her arm around Sofia and pulled her in to the hug. "Yup, I did and Mommy's right. I have a whole new respect for mobility, that's for sure. This thing is hard." She tilted her head up so she could place a kiss on Callie's lips. "I love you," she whispered.

"I love you, too," Callie answered softly.

Arizona smiled then. "And thanks for helping get me back to life. You're a great cheerleader."

"Since when do cheerleaders yell at you to get your ass out of bed?"

"Well," Arizona said with an affectionate push of her shoulder against Callie, "sometimes even cheerleaders have to give some tough love."

Callie looked her in the eye and there was a moment of swirling emotions on her face. "I did what I needed to do."

Arizona understood that she meant far more than the tough love she had doled out to try to get Arizona out of bed. She was also clearly referring to the amputation. Arizona had long since forgiven Callie, because really there was nothing to forgive. Arizona had asked for a promise that was impossible to keep, and Callie had only done what needed to be done to save her life. "I know and I love you for it."

Callie smiled but didn't respond to that. Instead she moved to the side so that Arizona could sit down. "Do you need help turning around?"

"Stay close in case I lose my balance, okay?"

Callie nodded as she picked Sofia up and put her further down the couch so that there would be room to catch Arizona if she started to falter. "I'm right here."

Arizona nodded as she slowly started to shuffle around, mostly stepping with her right leg and then dragging her left around without lifting it up. When she was almost all the way around, she let herself fall back onto the couch. "Whew, I'm beat."

Callie sat down right next to Arizona and patted her right thigh. "You did amazing, Arizona. Really, amazing." She then grabbed Sofia and pulled her onto her lap. "So, since I forgot my grocery list, I have an idea. Why don't we go get some lunch after Sofia's nap and then we can go to the store after that?"

Arizona hesitated. She hadn't gone anywhere in public except the hospital up until now. But, really, she needed to get out and now that she could walk twenty or so steps reasonably well with the cane, she could probably handle lunch at least. "I'm not sure about the store, but lunch sounds good."

"Okay, I can just run in and get what we absolutely need. I'll get the big stuff after work tomorrow."

"Oh and I promised Sof that we'd go to the p-word."

"Swings!" Sofia added as she started to bounce on Callie's lap.

"Crap, she's figured out 'p-word'," Callie said with a laugh.

"She's so smart," Arizona added as she leaned in to give Sofia a noisy kiss on her cheek.

"Okay, so nap, lunch, playground, then a store drive by. Sound manageable?" Callie looked at Arizona expectantly.

"Yup. As long as I get to pick the restaurant. I'm dying for sushi." Arizona was getting sick of eating from the same local take out places.

"Hanami it is," Callie added. "Now let's get nap time going." She looked at Arizona and tilted her head in question.

"You can put her down," she said as she poked at Sofia's belly. "I'll see you after your nap, munchkin." She then gave her another kiss on her cheek.

Callie stood and lifted Sofia onto her hip. Sofia looked down at Arizona. "Night, Mama," she said as Callie started toward her room.

Arizona watched them go and then let out a weary sigh. "Sheesh, worn out after nine steps. I didn't even reach double digits." She shook her head and removed the prosthetic and the sock she wore underneath. She then massaged the slightly tender skin there. Every day it was less and less sore, but there were still a few small spots that had not completely developed a tolerance for the pressure.

"Is it hurting you?" Callie asked as she closed the door to Sofia's room.

"Not really. It's like breaking in new shoes. A few rubs here and there but it's getting a lot better. I just need to get used to it."

Callie made a pass by the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water from the fridge. She came over and resumed her seat on the couch before offering one of the bottles to Arizona. "You know, you should have waited until PT tomorrow to try that."

"Says the woman who pushed herself so hard she collapsed in my arms after pushing residents around the halls on a gurney." She smiled at Callie as she took a swig of the cold water.

"Point well taken," Callie said as she twisted the plastic cap on her water bottle. She looked at it for a moment and then laughed.

"What?"

Callie smiled at her. "I was just thinking how hard it is to believe that we've come this far. I'm so happy that we have."

"Took us long enough." Arizona shook her head. "No, it took me long enough. If I hadn't let the pain take over. If I had been stronger, we'd be so much further down the road than we are now. I cost us so much time. I'm sorry."

Callie reached out and cupped Arizona's face, quickly swiping away a tear before it could travel down her cheek. "Stop it. That's behind us. That was just part of your healing. You needed time to mourn the losses in your life. And I don't care about that. You're back now. You're here with me. And you're walking again, Arizona. And every day it will get a little better. Every day you'll feel stronger, the steps will be easier, and before you know it, you'll come to a day when you just stand and walk across the room without even thinking about it. And then the sky's the limit. You'll even be back on your wheelie sneaks in no time."

Arizona laughed and shook her head. "Let's not get too far ahead of ourselves."

"Okay, but one day you will. If you want. It'll just take some work."

Arizona reached up and took Callie's hands from her face to cradle them between her hands. "Walking isn't the only thing that I need to relearn. I have to learn to be comfortable in my own body again." She sighed heavily as her eyes dropped to the remains of her left leg. "It's so damned ugly."

"Hey," Callie said as she grabbed Arizona's chin and turned her face back up so their eyes met. "Do you want to know what I think?"

She wasn't sure what was worse, Callie lying to make her feel better or Callie speaking the truth and maybe agreeing with her. Still, she needed to hear what Callie thought. They'd spent far too long not talking to one another. So, she just nodded, not really trusting her voice, but needing to hear whatever Callie had to say.

Callie took a deep breath and nodded as she slid onto the floor to kneel before Arizona. She placed one hand on Arizona's right thigh but hesitated with the other hand. "May I?"

Arizona swallowed hard. Callie hadn't touched her left leg since before the surgery, whether out of fear or disgust or worry about Arizona's reaction. But as Arizona searched her wife's deep brown eyes, she only saw a calm questioning there, instead of the hesitation or bracing she thought she might see. "Yeah. Go ahead."

Callie smiled and kept her eyes locked on Arizona as she slowly lowered her hand until it gently fell on Arizona's thigh about midway up. "It's okay," she whispered with a supportive smile as she lightly squeezed her thigh. "You know, I've made some promises in the last few months that I had no right making. But I have such a hard time when you're afraid, Arizona. I want nothing more than to make it all better for you, and so I panicked. I promised you that you wouldn't lose your leg. We both know that was something I couldn't be sure of at the time. I also promised you that night in the ambulance bay that I wouldn't ever go anywhere. If I have any say in it, I'll never leave you, but if we aren't the poster children for the fact that sometimes life throws some wicked curve balls at you, I don't know who is. I can't control crazy gunmen or car accidents or planes falling from the sky. Really any day can be our last, as we know all too well. So, the promises that I can't be 100% sure of, well, they stop right now. But I will make one promise to you today that I will keep. I promise never to promise you something just to make you feel better. I'll always tell you the truth, no matter how hard, and then I'll try my damndest to be there for you as you deal with that. Okay?"

Arizona's heart started pounding. It felt like Callie was getting ready to drop a bomb on her that would hurt. But still, how could she run now when she had asked for the truth? She needed to finally start being brave and facing things, even when they hurt like hell. No more bailing, physically or emotionally. "Okay," she whispered.

Callie nodded. "I thank God every day for this," she said as she gently slid her hand down further on Arizona's thigh until she could cup the end. "This is why you're still here with me and Sofia. Maybe I'm selfish, but I love this." She shook her head with an almost embarrassed laugh. "You know, I've never been a fan of the word 'stump' and even less so now. It's such a lifeless word and this, well, this is full of life and promise and hope. We need a better word. Maybe a nickname?"

Arizona felt relief as she laughed at Callie's suggestion. "A nickname? Like nicknaming your boobs?"

Callie reached up and cupped her breasts. "Don't mock Patty and Selma," she said with a light laugh.

Arizona joined in the laughter for a moment before taking a deep breath to regain her composure. "Never. I love your Simpsons- homage boobs. They happen to be my favorite boobs on the entire planet." She resisted the urge to reach out and touch them, because she didn't want to start something she wasn't ready to finish. Besides, they were discussing something pretty important. There would be time for testing boundaries and working their way back to intimacy later. "Okay, so we need to think up a nickname. But no suggestions from Sofia. I mean she'd name it 'leg' just like she named her baby doll 'doll'. It kind of defeats the purpose."

"True." Callie then put her hands back on Arizona's thighs and became serious again. "Anyway your 'nickname-to-be-determined' is beautiful. It brought you back to me. I'd be taking Sofia to the cemetery to visit your grave today instead of us all going to the playground if it weren't for this. She would have lost two parents and I would have lost the love of my life. And you would have lost out on watching her grow up. And let's not even talk about all the tiny humans you still have to save."

She heard the truth of what Callie was saying and she certainly didn't hate the amputation any more. She understood it was life or limb, and Callie had made the exact right decision. That still didn't make it easy to feel comfortable with it. "A stump and an artificial limb are far from sexy though."

"Is that what you're worried about?"

Arizona felt a blush warm her cheeks and she barely nodded, suddenly feeling so embarrassed by her insecurity. "How can you ever want me like this?" she asked, her voice choking on the lump in her throat.

Callie settled herself between Arizona's legs as she wrapped her hands around her back and pulled her to the edge of the couch, bringing them just a scant inch or so apart of one another. "You, Arizona Robbins, are hot. You are hot, you are sexy, and you are just so stunningly beautiful. You're perfect. Your leg has absolutely no impact on any of that."

"You're not just saying that, right?" She so wanted to believe Callie, but it was hard, and she worried that Callie was just saying the right thing to make her feel better.

Callie's hands worked their way under Arizona's t-shirt and stroked the soft skin at her sides, sending a rush of desire through the blonde at the first intimate touch in months. "I'm not just saying that. I've missed touching you, baby. I've been holding back out of fear, but maybe I just need to show you how much I still want you. Can I show you? I promise I won't push you further than you're ready to go."

Arizona's stomach flipped as a million butterflies began to torment her in the best possible way. "Yes," she whispered a scant second before Callie's lips were on her own. There was no gentle easing into it. This was a full-on passionate kiss with tongues battling and lips being sucked hard. It was a kiss like no time at all had passed, like a million before it, and yet so incredibly unique it took Arizona's breath away.

Arizona's hands instantly went to Callie's hair, trying to pull her closer as her fingers intertwined with the thick dark locks. She had missed this, the feeling of excitement and need and total acceptance that smoldered in the fire of Callie's kisses. When she desperately needed air, she pulled away just enough to fill her lungs and then she rested her forehead against Callie's. "I've missed that."

"God, me too. I was so afraid I'd never get to kiss you like that again." To punctuate her sentiment, she kissed Arizona again, this time more chastely but still full of the emotion that made Arizona's heart just ache for Callie's touch.

"Come here," Arizona whispered as she patted the couch beside her. Callie quickly slid onto the seat and then, as if reading Arizona's mind, wrapped her arms around the blonde and pulled her into a warm embrace. Arizona snuggled down into Callie's arms. "I love you so much. Do you know that?"

"Of course I do," Callie said and there were emotions choking her words. "You survived a plane crash, you came home to me, and you went through so much trauma and yet came out the other side. You fought for us, Arizona. And you're still fighting day in and day out so we can get our life back. Do you know how proud I am of you? How in awe I am? God, I couldn't love you more if I wanted to."

"I did all that for us, for you and Sofia, for our family. Without you here, loving me no matter how hard I've made it, I would have given up a long time ago."

"I'm just glad we had that love there already as a foundation. It gave us both something to fight for."

Arizona felt so much love for Callie and so much empathy for what she had endured along the way that her heart clenched painfully. She wanted to work so hard, to fight every second of every day, to get better so they could return to as normal a life as possible. But she knew there was no easy way through this. "You've been so patient and understanding. Can you give me just a little more time so I can be comfortable with being intimate with you? Part of me so wants to just rip your clothes off right now, but I know I'm not quite ready for that. I need to feel more secure in this changed body first, okay?"

"Anything you need, Arizona. I'd wait forever for you. You know that." She gently kissed the crown of Arizona's head. "And anything I can do to help, just ask."

Arizona smiled brightly as she thought about what would help her move forward. "Well, you can kiss me as often as you want. Kissing is good and I think I can handle that no problem."

Callie laughed. "Oh, there's a hardship. I'm not sure I can handle that."

"I know. I'm asking you a lot." Arizona smiled. "But you know there are two things that I think really will help."

"What's that?"

"I need to feel comfortable with you touching my leg, so if we're just sitting around or whatever, would you go ahead and touch it? You know, just rest your hand there or run your fingers over my skin. And maybe you could help me with massaging it when it hurts?"

Callie immediately put her hand on Arizona's left thigh and began tracing lazy patterns with her fingertips. "How's that?"

"Good. I like that. It feels good." And she was surprised to realize that it really did feel quite wonderful.

"Okay, I like that, too, so that's not a problem. So, what's the other thing?"

Arizona reached back and took Callie's free hand to wrap it around her waist and then placed her own arm tightly over it. "I just want us to act normally again. You know, if I'm in the shower or on the toilet, you can come into the bathroom. I want to be able to be naked in front of you and vice versa. I'm not sure I will do that today, but soon, and I'll really be trying to be comfortable with it. And it might be a little torturous until we get back to our sex life, but I think it'll help to be comfortable with you so we can get back to that."

"Torturous, yes, but so welcome. I've missed that too. Okay, no more privacy for you," she said with a bright laugh.

Arizona rolled over so she was facing Callie and smiled. "It's all toddler steps from here on out."

"Toddler steps?"

"Yup. Occasionally things might be wobbly and sometimes we'll run like crazy while other times we may just come to a quick stop, like Sofia does when she runs in here and sees Dora on the TV, but we'll never stay still for long. And every day, our steps will be more and more sure until they are second nature, just like Sofia's steps are getting more and more sure." Arizona gently kissed Callie. "We'll get there."

Callie tightened her arms around Arizona. "We will." She then slid sideways and pulled Arizona down with her until they were lying on the couch with Arizona on top of Callie. Callie reached up to tuck a strand of blonde hair behind Arizona's ear. "I love you, Arizona."

"I love you, too, Calliope," Arizona whispered a moment before capturing Callie's lips with her own.

Their kiss lasted maybe a minute before Sofia's voice drifted out of her room. "Mama! Mommy! Me up! Swings!"

Arizona laughed. "Speaking of toddler steps."

Callie shook her head with an amused grin. "You need to practice, practice, practice so you can get that new leg and start chasing her. By then I'm going to need a break. She's exhausting!"

Arizona gave Callie a quick peck on the lips. "Deal."

THE END