Title: Covetous
Summary: Jealousy is not very flattering, except well… maybe on Nicky Nichols. Red doesn't seem to mind her green eyed little monster.
Disclaimer: I do not own OITNB or any of its characters. They belong to Jenji Kohen, I do however, own my writing so please don't steal- Johanna002©
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A/N: There are two stories which precede this one. The first one is mine, "It's Better" the second is AliceSloane13, "Gingersnap". I am posting this separately because you don't have to read either of those stories for this to make sense, but if you want to see the evolution of their relationship then.. There's that.
Also, be on the lookout because starting December 1, I will have a Christmas Madness story that will be updated with a new chapter/ story every single day until Christmas!
Enjoy!
Nicky watches in innocent fascination at the way everyone gathers around the common room. She can hear all the ladies gushing and squealing in excitement, loudly declaring how much they'll miss Angela (the 2nd Mrs. Boo) and how she's off to do better things.
With a shake of her head she glances down, playing with the small crumbs left over from her cookie.
"It's insane!" Lorna declares breathlessly as she seats herself beside her.
"What is?"
Lorna smiles and loops her arm through her friends. "That she's going home." She closes her eyes and lays her head down against her shoulder. "Are you excited?"
"Too leave this place?" Nicky scoffs. "Is that a real question?"
"It seems to take forever, but one day that will be me and you. We'll be able to walk out of here and leave this place behind us."
Nicky grins, "That'll be the day, huh?" She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and chews on it nervously. Her eyes scan the room, and her brows furrow in annoyance as her search comes up empty handed. Her leg bounces impatiently on the ground and her attention begins to drift from Lorna all together.
After a third sweep, Nicky finally sees her- Red. She's standing in a corner talking with Norma, her spiky, red hair shaking with every bob of her head. Nicky releases a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and a calming smile plays across her lips
She watches her movements and she squints as Red departs from her conversation. Her attention is focused solely on her as she mixes and mingles with Ms. Claudette and Gina.
Nicky's shoulders square in response when Red's hand lingers longer than she would have liked on Gina's shoulder.
"Hey, Nic-"
"How much longer do you think Red has on her sentence?" Nicky asked, unaware that she had just interrupted Lorna
Shrugging nonchalantly, Lorna is seemingly unaware of the tension rising in her friend's stomach. "Not sure, why?"
Nicky's lip curled, eyes still locked on the exchange going on in front of her. "Curious." She tore her eyes away and looked at Lorna, "You think maybe she has at least four more years?"
"Possibly," Lorna purses her lips together in thought. "She's been here quite a while though, so I guess she could always get out sooner."
A low growl sounds in the back of Nicky's throat and she hangs her head in embarrassment.
"I can't wait to get out of here." Lorna declares. "You going to miss me when I'm gone?" She teases seductively, jabbing her elbow playfully into Nicky's side.
"Only every day." Nicky winks, She smiles and drapes an arm around her shoulder. Her eyes flick up once more and she can't help but grin like a child on Christmas when she sees that Red has departed from Gina's side.
Jealousy was an ever looming monster that Nicky battled with daily. She had become so accustomed and dependent on Red's affections that when the women lavished the same attention onto anyone else Nicky would feel her stomach twist and churn painfully in response.
Quickly, Nicky locates Red. This time she's talking to Healy and she feels herself relax into a pure state of ease- the threat was over. The jealous monster that had begun to bubble in the pit of her stomach was dormant once more.
If there was anything Nicky valued most, it was her relationship with Red. It wasn't the playful banter they shared back and forth in front of an audience that she craved, it was the more intimate and private moments that only the two of them were witness too that meant anything to her. Under the cloak of their bond, Nicky had discovered a very heartfelt and maternal side of Red that only she was privileged enough to witness. It had never been spoken out loud but Red had a pedestal of favoritism, and Nicky took center stage.
The tenderness of their relationship opened up a door of affection that Nicky had been deprived of her whole life. It was euphoric and addictive. Like she craved heroin, Nicky craved Red's undivided attention. It's what kept her going. She wasn't sure she would know what to do with herself if she had lost that level of intimacy. It was never to be taken out of context, for their relationship was different than the one she occasionally shared with Lorna. With Lorna it was aggressive and passionate. It was about quenching the human need for sex.
With Red, the relationship was tender and much gentler. Red would lovingly caress her cheek when she felt particularly proud of her; she would mindlessly play with the ends of her hair, twirling the golden locks around her finger, watching as the curls sprung to life.
"I don't know what I'll do if you leave before me." Lorna said aloud. "I think I'd go crazy."
Shaking her head and chuckling gently, Nicky pursed her lips together in amusement. Lorna had the decency to blush and shyly pushed her hair behind her ear.
"Don't you believe me?" Lorna asked softly. She leaned against Nicky, her hand gently running up and down the length of her arm. "I'd miss you." She declared confidently.
Scoffing, Nicky shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She smiled the corner of her lips quirking up in the unique way that they did.
Lorna's lips thinned as she watched the plethora of emotions reflect across her friend's features. Nicky wasn't as hard to read as she thought she was. Her 'tough girl' facade was cute, but anyone with eyes could see right through it. "Red would miss you." She promised.
Nicky shook her head, focusing her attention on her fingers. "You think?" She questioned, quietly. Despite misconception, Lorna was a loving soul, and though she did get lost in her own fantasies, she could tell when those closest to her were troubled.
She nodded, affectionately squeezing her arm. "I do."
Before Nicky had a chance to respond, Red's voice sounded off behind her. "What are we talking about?" Her accent was especially heavy as she dramatically annunciated her words. Her hands fell to Nicky's shoulders, and she squeezed lightly encouraging a response.
Dropping her head backwards, Nicky forced a smile. She straightened up slightly and shrugged gently. "Nothing." She cleared her throat, hoping to make up for how nervous and squeaky she had sounded.
Lorna scoffed, rolling her eyes as she shifted in her seat. "She thinks no one would miss her." Lorna was observant, she was however, not discreet. She laughed in an attempt to dispel the heaviness of Nicky's glare.
"What?" Red chuckled gently and squeezed Nicky's shoulders again. "Stupid girl, why wouldn't I miss you?" Her thumbs gently stroked against the expanse of back they could reach.
Nicky's face heated in embarrassment, and she bit the inside of her cheek in response. "Well, I just-" she stuttered. She hated being put on the spot, especially when it was concerning her insecurities. "Nothing, we were just talking. She's taking my words out of context."
"Hmm," Red hummed unconvinced, she squeezed her shoulders once more.
Nicky's left hand came up to gently cup Red's and she patted it affectionately. "I know you'd miss me." She had spoken the words so softly that Red questioned whether she truly believed them. Nicky didn't sound convinced.
Her brow rose in response and she forcefully nudged Nicky around so that she could better look at her face. "Nicky you-"
"Red!"
Turning at the sound of her name, Red's attention diverted completely from Nicky as she watched a frazzled looking Gina approach her.
Nicky's face scrunched in annoyance as she watched the exchange. A low growl of displeasure sounded from her as Red's hand came to gently land on the small of Gina's back. If anyone had heard her, they didn't address it.
"What's wrong?" Red asked
Nicky crossed her arms over her chest, head tilted slightly as she waited for Gina's response. Out of the corner of her eyes she glanced around cautiously, making sure no one was paying special attention to the silent tantrum she was throwing.
It was out of character, even for her, but she couldn't help it. So many years of being abandoned and neglected by Marka, she felt compelled to protect and cling to what was hers. That meant her relationship with Red.
Gina shook her head in annoyance and crossed her arms. "Trisha and Mercy are in the cooler making out."
"What?" Red questioned, finding the whole thing unbelievably comical. "Why in the hell are they in there?"
"Something about privacy."
Rolling her eyes, she asked, "There was nowhere else for them to go?"
"Apparently not."
Huffing loudly in frustration, Nicky stood up from her seat, not even bothering to excuse herself. Gina's troubles were anything but. It was something she could have handled on her own; better yet she could have just ignored Trisha and Mercy and minded her own damn business. Right now she needed Red to focus on her, not dissect why two morons wanted to freeze to death.
Shaking her head, she scuffed her work boots along the tile as she walked. She recalled how well she was once able to distance herself from others. It had always been easier that way, but it never made it any less lonely.
As she exited the common room, she quickly realized she was more annoyed with herself then with Gina and Red. Too quickly she had reverted to her inner child. It was ridiculous to be so envious. There was nothing to even be threatened by. They were just talking. It was her own damn insecurities that were the problem.
Just as she was about to round the corner, she heard Red calling out her name. Turning, she clasped her hands behind her back and waited until Red caught up with her.
"Where are you going?" Red asked her, lips quirked into a smile. "You bored already?"
Nicky shook her head, her lips thinning into a tight smile. "Just tired, may go lie down."
"You were fine just a moment ago." Red challenged. Arching an eyebrow in question, her eyes searched Nicky's, squinting at the embarrassment that flashed before her. Her shoulders squaring in response, she walked a step closer towards her, hand coming up to lift her chin. "What's wrong?"
Nicky batted her hand away, casting her eyes down to the floor. "I'm fine." She didn't bother denying that anything was in fact wrong. "Go back to the party."
"I will," Red's hand came up, fingers gently playing with the ends of her hair "As soon as I make sure you're okay."
"I am," Nicky urged. Pushing her hair back, she sighed in irritation.
Frowning, Red's voice hardened. She shook her head in confusion, her brows furrowing as she tried to piece together the last fifteen minutes. What in the world had gotten into the younger woman? Had she somehow offended her? She hadn't known Nicky more than a year, they were still trying to learn one another's triggers, but surely she wasn't the cause of her obvious distress. Once more Nicky tries to shoo her away, her voice was tight with irritation as she once more explained that she was fine.
"You can keep saying that all you want, but I know you Nicky." Red didn't notice the sparkle in Nicky's eyes as her words registered, "Something's up."
Swallowing her beating heart, Nicky nodded. Quietly under her breath she whispered, "Yea." Red did know her. She was the only one who had ever made an effort to try. Pink hue washed across Nicky's cheeks, darkening as her embarrassment swam full circle.
"What's wrong?" Red tried once more.
Stomping her foot, unable to disguise what was truly bothering her, Nicky confessed, "we were talking." She sighed dramatically, rubbing a hand through her hair, "You and I were talking and you stopped talking to me to talk to Gina." She spoke quickly, ripping off the proverbial Band-Aid. Despite the serious nature, Red couldn't help but laugh. The throat vibration consumed her.
Physically Nicky was a grown woman; intellectually she was wise beyond her years, but emotionally, Nicky was young and bruised. Whatever her mother had done to her, or not done with her, scarred her beyond comprehension.
Her mouth agape, Nicky looked around the empty hallway, nervously shifting on the balls of her feet. Red's laughter confused her, and she shook her head in a silent plea for her to stop. She hated how vulnerable she had made herself.
The laughter continued, and Nicky scoffed angrily, her hair whipping wildly as she turned. "Save me the embarrassment and leave me alone."
Red sobered up quickly, her hand reaching out to grab the back of Nicky's shirt as she turned on her heel. "Hey," She called gently. "I'm sorry." She hadn't meant to laugh. The last thing she ever wanted to do was offend one of her girls. Especially Nicky. Somehow the troublesome big mouth had quickly found her way into her heart.
Nicky refused to face her, arms crossed in front of her chest as she stared at the wall ahead of her. She felt Red hug her from behind, her chin digging into the top of her shoulder. Her features remained stoic, despite the apologies and sweet words that were being whispered against her ear.
"Nickyyy," Red dragged out her name, pressing a kiss to her wild mane. "I'm sorry," She squeezed her tightly. Despite how foolish they may look to an unwelcome observer, Red couldn't help but want to coddle her. Nicky was a different kind of special, and while tough words and a hard stare would get the job done, sometimes Nicky needed special TLC.
"No you aren't" Nicky challenged back.
"I am," She promised. A smile touched her lips as Nicky's body relaxed against her. "I know now that you need a little extra attention and I will do my best to indulge you." She chuckled gently as Nicky hummed in response, turning in her arms. She felt Nicky's head against her own, her arms squeezing her tightly. "But you know," She chastised softly, running a hand up and down the length of her back, "There's no reason to be jealous."
Nicky pulled back, scowling in response.
Pulling her back towards her, Red shook her head in amusement. "I love you all equally."
"Right," Nicky hugged her tightly, proclaiming, "You just love me the most."