Title: Running

Summary: He has been running away his whole life and he never even realized it. JackDaniel friendship. Maybe slight DV towards the end. Spans seasons 8 to 10.

Spoilers: Lost City, New Order, The Movie, Forever in a Day, The Curse, Meridian, early season 9, and Momento Mori.

Category: Missing Scene, Drama, Angst, Friendship

Author's Notes: This is a series of three different scenes from three different perspectives at three different times. They are all directly related, but each has a different mood to it. They take place at the beginning of season 8, the beginning of season 9, and in season 10.

At first I thought Jack was just being petulant and I regretted telling him that he could do whatever he wanted when he became a general. Obviously, I hadn't thought of this particular scenario when I said those words.

"Daniel, you and I both know what this is really about, and it has nothing to do with intellectual curiosity, or the origin of humanity, or the fact that you are Earth's 'expert' on the Ancients. It has nothing to do with all that meaning of life stuff, you're always going on about." He stops for a moment and looks me square in the eye. "This is about running away."

I feel like I have been smacked between the eyes when Jack says those words, and for a moment I can't even understand what he means, let alone try to formulate a rebuttal. That hesitation is all the opening that Jack needs.

"It's about you running away, Daniel. Again. You'll try and deny it, but luckily for both of us, I know you better than that."

I think that this might just be the longest period of time that Jack has ever managed to stun me into complete speechlessness.

"Daniel, the last time you ran away, I let you, because I thought it was what you needed to do." At that I am about to reply, because I wasn't running away from anything. I told Jack before I ascended that I wasn't giving up, I was just trying to make a difference by following a different path. But before I can say any of this, Jack sees my indignation and continues with his point. "I may not have liked it, but I understood that you needed to find yourself again and explore every opportunity presented to you. I hated it, but I also knew it was the right thing for you at the time." I feel a bit more surprised at that, pleasantly surprised somehow, but still, Jack refuses to give me time to recover. "But this time Daniel, this time you're just running away. You think if you're the first one to bolt than maybe you won't get hurt. Well, this time, I won't let you get away with it."

Jack stands from his chair and looks down at me, eyes burning with some unreadable emotion. "I'm the general, Daniel, and I say that you are not going to Atlantis. You are going to stay right here, and that is final. Request for transfer is irrefutably denied, Doctor Jackson. You are dismissed." He says the words in such a clipped, official sounding voice that I wonder when my best friend was replaced by this utterly professional general.

I look up questioningly, wondering if he really meant the tone as well as the words. His face is almost cold, completely emotionless. I see that he really is serious and I wonder how that new uniform managed to create a new attitude as well. I begin to realize that if I don't accept his dismissal with typical military decorum, I might just find him kicking my ass right out the door.

I stand slowly and slink to the door, still in shock over the transformation I just witnessed. I'm so stunned that I can't even think through the consequences of Jack's refusal, but slowly it hits me that he really won't let me leave. He has the power and authority to take this opportunity away from me.

I am halfway through the door, preparing to close it behind me, when his voice stops me, and suddenly he's back to being the friend again instead of the general. Funny how I've already separated them into two distinct entities, even though it's been little more than a month since Jack took over from Doctor Weir.

"Daniel?" I stop in the doorway, looking back hesitantly, knowing full well that my uncertainty and confusion are painfully obvious to someone who can read me as well as Jack can. "When you're ready to be honest with me, I promise I'll listen."

I still have no idea what to say to that. I imagine my look is one of childlike confusion, because for all the world I feel like a child who was just disciplined for something that he didn't even know he had done wrong. I nod vaguely and close the door behind me.

For a moment, I simply stand in the hallway feeling lost. Lost and utterly baffled. I have no idea what to do about Jack's decision. I consider talking to Sam and Teal'c. Maybe they will be able to talk some sense into him. They were both on leave while I was in Antarctica, but I'm pretty sure they should be back by now. Weren't they scheduled to be back last week? I realize that I'm not even sure when I last spoke to them. Everything has moved so quickly since our search for the lost city, Anubis' attack on Earth, the negotiations with the system lords, the battle with Fifth and the Replicators, and now the research in Antarctica…

"Sir? Is there something I can do for you?" The haze clears and I find myself looking at a slightly concerned technician on his way to the control room. He has stopped in front of me, waiting for an answer to his question, but for the life of me I can't remember his name and then I wonder if I ever knew. With all the changes around here lately, he might be new, except that he seems to know who I am.

I glance quickly at his uniform and try to sound relaxed. "No, sergeant. Everything's fine," I say as I start to walk away.

"Are you sure you're all right, sir?"

"Yes, I'm fine, sergeant. Thank you."

Right now I really need to get out of this base and clear my head. All thoughts of talking to Sam and Teal'c vanish. I need to get out of here. I've spent so much time in this base over the last seven years, and right now it all seems tied to my past when I thought that my future was in Atlantis. Right now, these gray walls seem too much like a prison and I just need to escape.

I've lost count of how many laps I've made around the track. I had paced the house, I had tried to work, generally driving myself to distraction before I finally realized that nothing I did would help. I couldn't stop thinking about my confrontation with Jack, and even though I had left the base, I still couldn't escape. I had hoped that the physical exertion would clear my mind, that it would work off some of the frustration that had been bubbling for days now, like a pot that just refused to boil over. So I grabbed a pair of jogging shoes and went out to the track, hoping it would give me some clarity, or at least tire me out to the point where I could relax.

I hear the sound of my feet hitting the ground and each impact serves to punctuate my frustration. I keep moving, constantly circling the track as though it will somehow solve my problems.

Jack had said that he wouldn't let me run off to Atlantis, but at the time I had thought that he was joking. I had thought it was just part of our normal banter. After all, at the time, we had no idea where Atlantis was or how to get there. I had insisted on joining Elizabeth's research team, and since they did need a translator who could read Ancient, there was really no way that Jack could say no. Of course he did emphasize that it was only a temporary assignment, but at the time, I didn't give that much thought either.

And now, now that we've finally figured out how to get to Atlantis, Jack refuses to let me join the expedition. And his explanation is the biggest load of bull I've ever heard.

I'm running away? Running away from what? I almost growl in frustration and increase my pace just a bit, racing around the next corner.

I'm furious with Jack for what he said. He thought I was running away when I chose to ascend. He admitted that he understood why I had to try, but he still thinks I was running away. After all this time, does he really think so little of me? Does he truly believe that I would just run away from my problems?

You're running away again, Daniel. You'll try and deny it, but luckily for both of us, I know you better than that.

The toe of my shoe catches on an uneven spot on the track and I almost trip, but quickly regain my balance.

I've always believed that Jack knew me better than anyone. It was frightening at first, the way Jack seemed to instinctively know what I was thinking. It worked well for us, most of the time, and it certainly wasn't a one-way street. We always seemed to be just a little more in tune with each other than was normal, and that was what made our relationship work. It was one of the things I missed in the last year or two before I ascended. Somehow that connection seemed to fade a bit, but I figured it was just another result of the changes in SG-1 and the SGC as a whole. After all, nothing ever stays the same.

But if Jack really does know me as well as he seems to think, than where did this crap about running away come from? What the hell did he mean by that? He said I wasn't being honest, but what does he expect me to say?

The hurt and the frustration are starting to leak away and I am forced to consider what Jack said, or rather what he didn't say. Why would he think I'm running away?

Answers come in flashes:

"So, you're just giving up?" Jack asked. The words still hurt.

"No. No, I'm not giving up. Believe me." I meant it, but the sadness was still there.

The memory shifts, moving backwards.

"What are you going to do?" Those words were uttered by a dream, but it still sounds like Sam's voice.

"Well, hopefully, I'm going somewhere far away…to the most remote dig I can find."

I know that without Sha're's warning, that was exactly what would have happened. I would have left. I remember the dream and the way Jack had tried to sound so professional as he said good-bye.

"It's been a pleasure doing business with you…Doctor Jackson." The casual words were betrayed by the tight embrace and the tinge of regret in Jack's voice.

Another shift, and I remember packing a single suitcase, preparing to leave again.

"This is the work you've been doing? This is what was so important that you were willing to sacrifice our relationship for it?" Sarah actually gave a bitter laugh. "You'll be laughed right out of academia, Daniel. You're sacrificing your career for nothing." She walked out the door and cast an angry glance backwards. "I guess I should be glad that I broke things off when I did because you're a bigger fool than I ever took you for." I had been surprised at her anger, but not nearly as surprised as I was by Doctor Jordan's refusal to listen.

"You can't be thinking of going through with this. No one will care what proof you think you have. Please, Daniel. Don't make a foolish decision that will only end your career."

So I left Chicago and started over. After all, things had changed and it was time to move on. At least that's what I told myself at the time.

Suddenly another image flashes like a strobe light in my mind and I stumble, almost falling before I catch myself and come to an abrupt halt, panting for breath that is suddenly in short supply.

I remember the fear of a little boy as he saw a stone crashing down. I remember how he stood in shock for just a moment until his fear took over and he ran. He bolted from the room, running away as fast as he could, instantly realizing the horrible truth that his entire world was about to change and he simply wanted to run away before it could.

My own ragged breathing breaks into my thoughts as I gasp in remembered pain. It was so long ago, but the pain is still there, not fresh and not debilitating, but still present. I screw my eyes shut and try to block it out, try to regain my composure. It was just a memory, nothing but an unwanted little memory. But even as I tell myself it is irrelevant, I know otherwise, because I realize that Jack was right. I am running away. I have been running away my whole life and I never even realized it.

The next thing I know, I'm standing on Jack's doorstep, knocking furiously. I didn't even bother to go home first, just drove straight to Jack's, knowing that he should be home by now.

When he opens the door, Jack cocks his head slightly in a gesture that few people would recognize as surprise. He raises an eyebrow and looks at me, holding the door open, but making no move to let me in.

"How did you know?" I blurt out the words without preamble.

"Know what?" Jack's clam tone should infuriate me, but it doesn't, because he knows. He knew even before I did.

I take a deep breath and then say the words. "I keep running away. Every time things change I – I guess I get scared and then I – I just run. I never really thought about it, never realized…" I have no idea where I'm going with this so I just allow the words to trail off and give Jack a hopeful look.

Jack opens the door all the way and steps aside, allowing me to enter. He closes the door behind me and puts a hand on my shoulder, gently guiding me over to the couch. I sink into the cushions and Jack sits on the coffee table so that he's facing me.

"So?" He says that word simply, but the implication is clear.

"I went running because I was angry at you and I needed to clear my head. And I just couldn't stop thinking about what you said. I'd never thought of it before, maybe I didn't want, but I ended up thinking of all the times that I've chosen to run away for one reason or another." I stare intently into his eyes, hoping he will see how deeply his words affected me. "I ascended because I thought it was the right choice. We all know that Jacob could never have healed me, but even if he could have, I was so confused at that point… I needed to find out if what I was doing really mattered, if it was really worth it."

Jack nods. "I know. For a long time, I didn't understand why you had left us. I didn't even want to understand. But I do now."

I nod my acceptance of Jack's unspoken apology. Then I turn away from Jack's gaze. "But there was something else, too. Things were changing so fast, the SGC, SG-1, us, me…all of it. And that made it easier to leave. It's not the reason I left, but it did make it easier."

"Okay." Jack accepts this as well and I take a deep breath, clearing my throat for what I know has to be said next.

"But you're right. I do run away. Things change and I – I don't know how to deal with that, so I just…run. I was running from Sarah and Doctor Jordan when I left Chicago, and I was running from my ruined career when I accepted Catherine's offer and came to work on the Stargate." I stand up and walk a few feet away, trying to get my bearings. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "Jack, you have no idea how close I came to running away after Sha're died. If she hadn't sent me that message through the hand device, I would have. In the dream, I did. I tried to run away and I never wanted to look back."

When I look back, Jack's eyes are filled with acceptance and that confuses me.

"And this time?" he asks. I can only shrug, because I'm not sure I want to consider this. I move back to the couch and collapse into it. "You wanna know what I think?" He doesn't wait for an answer. "I think that things are changing again and you wanted to leave while you still had the chance. Hammond's gone, I've been promoted, Carter's taking over – "

"It's not that." I'm already shaking my head as I interrupt. "I trust Sam. She'll be fine leading SG-1. And I wanted you to accept the promotion, so – "

"Daniel, will you let me finish!" I stop and stare. I realize my mouth is hanging open and quickly shut it. "Thank you. What I was going to say is that you've been through a lot this year what with the whole descension thing, and your ex-girlfriend, and let's not even mention South America. You've just adjusted to being un-ascended again, and I know that was more difficult than you ever let on." I duck my head in embarrassment but can feel a slight grin. Sometimes, Jack is far more perceptive than I give him credit for. "So let me just take a guess here. In the past few years you've been through plenty of drastic life-changes, usually ones that were forced on you by other people, and this time, when things started to change, you decided to take control. On some level, you decided that if you left before everyone else changed, than you wouldn't get hurt. Instead of waiting for SG-1 to drift apart, you'd be the first one to just pick up and leave." I can't help it. I meet his eyes with a look that must hold pure unadulterated shock. "Am I right?" he asks.

"You've really thought this through, haven't you?"

He gives me a sheepish grin. "It must be the promotion. It's starting to get to my head."

"Maybe you just have too much time on your hands."

"Well, you know, things are pretty quiet at the base what with you kids all off doing your own thing. Of course, Carter and T both got back last week, and since I'm not letting Elizabeth keep you…"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll be back soon enough." I try to smile, but I'm sure it looks just a bit forced.

"Daniel, I'm not saying you'll never go to Atlantis…"

"I know. And you're right." I sigh. "I can't keep running like this."

He smiles. "Of course I'm right. I'm the General. I'm always right."

I accept his attempt to lighten the mood and reply in kind. "Now, I don't recall anyone ever saying that."

"You did."

"No," I raise one finger to stop him. "No, I said that when you were a general you could do whatever you wanted. And in retrospect, I should have just kept my mouth shut."

He chuckles. "So, can I count on having all three of my top advisers around for a little longer?"

I think for a moment, but then nod. "Yeah, Jack. I think we can manage that."