Say something, I'm giving up on you.
It has only been three days but it was already beyond torture for her. She stood in front of the apartment - belonged to her beloved. In her hand was the key she was handed to on the last day - the bright smiling sunflower in her tight grasp. Her heart pounded and her mind wondered - if she could handle all the emotions trying to break free inside.
'Maybe… just… maybe... this is my closure...'
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Christa held her breath and bit her lower lip from anxiety and fear. She inserted the key in the slot and unlocked the door. She wanted to run but at the same time, she felt like she needed to do this. She pushed open the door and dared herself to look into the apartment. Silence took over as she stared in the first room that greeted her. Every furniture was covered in white cloth. It was cleaned. Her beloved never liked cleaning. Christa remembered well how they used to argue when it comes to who had to do the dishes. The corner of her small, pink lips curled into a gentle smile yet her heart ached from missing her so much. She felt as if she was losing her sanity - suddenly slapped by loneliness. The bright blonde moved in and closed the door behind her. The key was then set on the stool standing by the closet.
Anywhere I would've followed you.
Her fingertips trailed along the back of the covered couch as she made her way to the sliding door. She pushed open the heavy purple curtains and the morning sun immediately shone in - illuminating the apartment. She turned away from the door and looked around. Her heart stubbornly ached and tears threatened to well up in her eyes again. Perhaps, she needed time… a lot of time.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.
She swallowed hard and started to make her way to the bedroom - where her love used to spend most of her time whenever she had her days off.
And I am feeling so small.
Each footsteps was hesitant as she neared the master bedroom. Her mind was fighting her body which was doing just the opposite of her thoughts. Perhaps deep down she knew what she wanted but denied - even when she knew it'd her hurt deeper and deeper.
It was over my head.
She stopped in front of the door and pressed her palm against the cold wood.
'What are you doing, Christa?'
Slowly, her hand slid down to the knob and grabbed it tightly.
'Don't open it….'
She turned the knob and pushed open the door which creaked softly. As the door swung wider, her sky blue eyes widened in surprise.
I know nothing at all…
Instead of the dull white painted wall, it was a burst of colors! Every inch and every side of the walls were covered in post it notes - every one of them with something written on it but the next thing that caught her attention was a brown wooden chest in the middle of the white covered bed. Out of curiosity, Christa moved towards the bed and sat down gently on it. She opened the box and there was an envelope - addressed to her.
She took it out of the chest and rubs over her lover's handwriting.
"Ymir…." She called out softly. 'I miss you...'
… so much that even calling out her name hurts.
And I will swallow my pride.
Her vision blurred and she chuckled softly. What would Ymir say when she was already crying even before reading the letter?
'Crybaby….'
"Crybaby…" She said softly with a small smile as she lifted her hand up to wipe her tears away. Her slender fingers flipped open the unglued envelope and shook the letter out to her palm.
'Hey baby,
Don't cry, silly girl.'
Christa let out a laugh. Ymir knew her too well.
'First of all, I'm sorry for every tears and heartaches I caused you. I love you. I thought maybe it'd be a good thing to teach Christa how to live without me before I actually leave for good. It was difficult. It was definitely hurtful. I miss you a lot. But I did something to overcome that. Do you like the post it notes on the walls? They're my messages to you every single time I miss you. Cheesy, I know but I am allowed to. Don't laugh. Don't you dare laugh!'
Christa chuckled and read on.
'By the way, good luck trying to get the top ones down… and the ones on the ceiling too.'
"Ceiling…?" Christa raised a brow and lifted her blue eyes up. Sure enough, even the ceiling was covered in colorful notes."Ymir…." She growled softly, her brows furrowed as she lowered her gaze down at the letter again.
'Promise me not to read them all at once. Just read one or two each day and put them in the box after you do. I promise you by the time you reach to the last note, you will be fine again. This is my comfort and this is my goodbye. I love you, Christa.
Love always,
Ymir.
P.S: I left a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates for you in the fridge.
P.S.S: I checked the expiry date. Don't worry.'
Christa lowered the letter and her eyes scanned around the colorful room. Somehow… she felt a little better. Ymir succeed in comforting her - even when she wasn't there anymore. Her fear and anxiety taken away by just that simple letter which now meant the world to her. Of course, she still felt lonely and the only person who could take that away wasn't going to come back. It was the worst feeling in the world - to lose the most loved person.
She closed her bright blue eyes and reached towards the wall for a random pick. She peeled a note out and opened her eyes to read.
'My little bright sunflower,
Oh, how I loved embracing her,
Her warmth brings comfort to my heart,
Her gentle voice lulling me to sleep.
My little bright sunflower,
I love her,
For her warm heart, for her bright smile, for her B size boobs, (feels just right)
For her…. everything.
My little bright sunflower,
I obviously suck at poem,
But I hope it brings a smile to your face.' (Btw, this isn't the only poem I wrote.)
Christa chuckled and smiled widely. "Silly…" She said softly as her smile dropped a little, "Thank you, Ymir…" She closed her eyes and brought the note to her lips so she could press a kiss against it.
'I'll be fine when I finish reading everything...'
Ymir said so and Ymir knew her well.
You're the one that I love,
And I'm saying goodbye.