Going Home
PREFACE:
This songfic was inspired by two things – my love for the Cornelia Marie family on Deadliest Catch and the lyrics of the song, I'm Going Home. In keeping up with the goings-on of the fishermen over the summer, I read that Josh Harris was spending time with an old girlfriend in the spring, and by the end of the summer had a new girlfriend who lived in Vegas. In blending real life as seen on the TV show and fiction, this story evolved.
I have the utmost respect for how both men, Josh and Jake, carried themselves in Season Six of Deadliest Catch, and I hope that comes through in the story. They both had a tremendous burden to carry, and in the end, carried it well. They and their father, Phil Harris, showed us how to process the pain, anger and helplessness that accompany grief, both in dealing with addictions and death.
The purpose of this story was to write a fictional account of how emotions are processed when relationships end. Sometimes the love never goes away – it just changes into something that we cherish, but no longer need. It is true that the greatest love affair is with yourself – be true to yourself, your values and your ideals, and a good life will follow.
DISCLAIMER:
I have no idea what Discovery owns when it comes to Deadliest Catch; so please don't sue me, Discovery! I do not own these fine characters – they own themselves and they own the words they spoke. The original characters are the women: Christina Edberg, Tammy, Jessica Daniels, Vanessa, and Samantha (although I did borrow the Vegas connection). Although inspired by snippets of information from the internet, these women are fictional.
I don't have Chris Daltry's permission to reprint these lyrics, but they are all over the internet – so it's already been done. I am not making any money off of this story and do not plan to!
INTRODUCTION:
I'm Going Home (by Chris Daltry)
I'm staring out into the night
Trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain
I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home
Well I'm going home
The miles are getting longer, it seems
The closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love remains true
And I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try
Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all
And then some you don't want
Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah
I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home
Well I'm going home
CHAPTER 1
I'm staring out into the night trying to hide the pain…
A cold rain fell, as it did most winter nights in Seattle. Christina Edberg placed the last of her utensils in the dishwasher, and stared out the kitchen window. She had been offered transfers to Oakland and San Diego over the past two years, and had turned both down. An East Coast office was opening in the fall, and this time she planned to accept the job. She wondered, however, if the distance would be enough to escape the pain she had felt everyday for the past three years. He had chosen his father over her. She hadn't forgiven him… and hadn't stopped loving him.
Josh Harris walked through the airport and found Johnathan Hillstrand waiting for him. Josh had pushed his feelings aside when the crisis with his dad first hit, but now as he rode to the hospital and listened to John, reality set in for him. "Your brother needs you too, man," Johnathan told him. Josh struggled to hold himself together. He squeezed the bridge of his nose, and then bit his finger in an effort to hold back the tears. He stared out into the darkness as they drove through the streets of Anchorage. He had to stay strong for his father, his brother… and for himself.
"Call me if you need me, man," Johnathan said as Josh tossed his bags into the Anchorage hotel room he would be sharing with Jake. Josh had just left his dad, who was still in an induced coma following his twelve hour surgery. He had told Phil that he would be with him when he woke up, but that wasn't going to happen in the next few hours. There was nothing more he could do for him tonight.
"Yeah, thanks," Josh said as he reached his hand out to John, who grasped it and pulled him into a hug. Josh closed the door after Johnathan left and glanced around the room. Glasses here, dishes there, the room was a mess. He cleared the extra bed of Jake's clothes by dumping them into a drawer, and plopped his slender frame onto the bedspread. He could use a good stiff drink, but he needed a clear head in case the hospital called.
Watching his father comatose and helpless had nearly broken him. Josh threw a forearm over his eyes as visions of Phil sporting a center part of stitches on his shaved head floated through his mind. Hearing about the removal of part of his father's skull was one thing… Seeing it was another…
His brain wanted more sleep, but Josh couldn't lie there any longer. Todd had asked him and Jake to be filmed talking about their dad, and they were waiting for him in the lobby. He threw his legs over the side of the bed and rose. Despite sleeping on the plane, he was still exhausted. He had done his best to take care of the Cornelia Marie – having her moved from the Trident dock so other ships could off load, and finding a relief skipper – but he hadn't found a half-share to help. Leaving the crew short-handed by two still gnawed at him, but Freddie's advice to take a trip off had been heartfelt and correct. Josh needed to be with his dad as much as his dad needed him there.
Josh took the elevator down to the lobby and found the production crew waiting. He just wanted to get this over with and followed Todd outside. Jake was the last one out the door, and Josh told him, "Let's sit down on this bench and let's do this." Josh took a good look at his brother. He looked bad – pale skin, dark circles, glazed eyes. Josh hoped that it was due to exhaustion and nothing else.
"My whole life has changed like right now, you know?" Jake told him.
Josh looked away, but didn't reply. Didn't Jake realize that life had changed for both of them?
"I'm happy you came, though," Jake said as he leaned towards his brother and laid his head on his shoulder. Josh put his arm around him. Now that he was here, Josh prayed that Jake could get himself together so they could help their dad – and each other – through this nightmare.
to be continued...