Title: Pool Boy

Disclaimer: Don't own Glee.

Rating: PG-13

Words: 2835

Summary: Burt hired Puck to clean his pool, honest! It was only to clean his pool! He didn't know 'clean my pool' meant 'screw me'!

Pairing/Characters: Puck/Kurt (pre-slash-turned-slash) with a heavy dose of Burt!

A/N: Prompt is: All Burt wanted was his pool cleaned. Honest!Puck gets the wrong idea and when he tries to work, Burt gets pissed and protective when he realizes what Puck is actually getting paid to do.Awesome!Burt FTW!Not exactly sure how to figure Kurt in. Maybe he walks in when Puck tries to "work" or hears Burt going all Papa Bear. *shrug* How to figure Kurt in is open to whoever takes it.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Oh, Puck—you know the wide receiver for the football team at McKinley?" Betsy, the dresser next to Kurt's, asked. Kurt's dresser clipped some of his hair as she nodded her head. "Well, he came over to clean my pool yesterday…"

Kurt tensed up and his face took on a cherry tomato look.

"Best seventy-five I've ever spent!" she squealed, giggling like a schoolgirl, rather than the middle-aged woman she was. Burt sighed as he waited, his eyes closed and head laid back. What was so exciting about getting your pool cleaned? Okay, so you had a pool—no need to rub it in other peoples' faces…

You don't see him squealing excitedly about a pool being cleaned well. "Hey, can you possibly not distract my dresser with mundane excuses of stories about your exploits?" Kurt sniffed daintily. "I'd rather not have a bald spot because you find Noah's-,"

"Noah?" she looked utterly lost as to what he was saying.

"Noah is Puck's first name," Kurt growled. "He is a person you know, not some meat stick," he glared at the woman in the mirror as she froze in her cutting. "Get on with it!" he snapped. She went back to cutting his hair.

Burt frowned. He didn't raise Kurt to be able to snark women and be rude to them. He knew better than that. Clearing his throat loudly, Kurt tensed before sighing. "Sorry," he grumbled, not sounding anywhere near sorry.

"Anyways, before I was interrupted," Betsy shot Kurt a look, at which Burt himself growled at—she looked ashamed at being caught—and mussed her hair. "He came over and gave my pool a good cleaning—I'd recommend him to anyone," she had a wistful look on her face that didn't bode well with Burt.

"Yeah?" Burt grunted, "What kinda pools does this kid clean?" he asked.

"Above ground," Burt nodded without anything else to say. She glanced towards Kurt, "I'm sure your son would love to hire him," her sneer caused Burt to stand quickly.

"And just what is that supposed to mean, Betsy?" he asked snappishly. Okay, so getting snarky and being rude is one thing—demanding answers is another.

She looked taken aback and looked to Kurt, who wasn't looking at either of them, his eyes screwed shut as he waited for his hair cut and style to be finished.

Which it was, five minutes later. As they left the shop, he spotted the flyer for pool cleaning and ripped off a stub. "That woman…those women who agreed with her…something screwy is going on in their noggins, eh?" Burt tried joking.

"You have no idea," Kurt grumbled as he righted his bangs.

"So, you know that Noah kid?"

"Mhmm…he's in Glee with me, the wide receiver for the football team—he was the guy that ran the ball that one time I played—and he's one of…one of my friends," he flushed lightly.

"Just a friend, eh?" Burt snorted at the squawked 'Dad!'

"Yes, he's just a friend," Kurt pouted from his front seat.

Burt rolled his eyes. "So it's okay if I hire him to clean the pool, since you refuse to do it and I, along with having no idea how, have to work? …And I don't think Finn should be trusted with chemicals?"

"I have sensitive hands—no pool chemicals will come in contact with them unless it is when I'm swimming!" Kurt defended. He also looked a bit wary of Burt calling the Puckerman kid. "I think it's best if you call someone else to clean the pool," he added.

"It's seventy-five bucks, Kurt…that may be a bit steep, but c'mon…she said he was the best!"

Kurt shook his head, "You're a lost cause, dad," he said as they drove up to a takeout place. "You know we're both getting the healthiest thing on the menu, right?"

"Yes."

"And Finn is going to be mad if we don't bring anything back?"

"Yes."

"So we're going to have to get him and Carole some food as well,"

"Yes."

"Very well, just making sure," Kurt smirked and rolled his eyes as he looked the menu over. Burt loved the kid, but he was so demanding…

-0-

He looked the stub over and frowned before shrugging. He was the best, so why not call him up to clean his pool, right? It rang a couple times before a younger male's voice answered.

Hello?

"Hi, is this Noah Puckerman?"

Yes.

"Yeah, I'd like you to come clean my pool…? This is Kurt's dad—we just got an above ground and I need it cleaned…like, badly," he did, Kurt had gone swimming and got some grass into it—he needed to build a deck or something around the pool. The kid's voice squeaked.

Kurt's dad? U-uh…are you su-sure you want me to clean your pool?

Burt frowned. "Well…yes…the women at the salon said you were the best…uh, pool cleaner…and I thought 'what the hell, I can hire him'," he cleared his throat. "Is that okay with you?"

W-well…I'm kinda surprised…I mean…I know I'm in Glee with Kurt, but I don't-

"Kurt said you two were friends…" Puckerman sounded too happy.

He said we were friends? Oh, okay, I can clean your pool…wait, I mean…will he be there?

"I don't think so, I think I'm alone this Saturday—Carole is going to visit her relatives in Columbus for the weekend, and Finn is going to be at Rachel's, I think…I'm pretty sure Kurt is going to the mall,"

Oh…I…yeah…I can clean your pool—what time?

"Anytime Saturday—after 10, at least…I don't want to wake up early in the morning—won't be beneficial to either of us," and by that, he meant he would be a growling bear and generally unpleasant to be around.

Oh…okay. The kid gulped and shakily added, I'll be there at about 1?

"Sounds good, kid, see ya then!" he cheerfully hung up. "Kurt!" he called down the stairs.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Puckerman is coming to clean the pool tomorrow at 1…what are you going to be doing?"

Kurt's face burned red. "I…I was thinking of hanging around the house—Mercedes is busy with Quinn and I didn't feel like gossiping about everything at the time, so I declined their offer to go to the mall,"

"Are you sick?" Burt asked jokingly.

Kurt stuck his tongue out at Burt, before grinning. "No…" he sighed and righted his bangs, squinting at his dad. "You aren't going through a mid-life crisis, are you?" he asked worriedly.

"What? No!" Burt was confused. "Why?"

"You called Noah…"

"To clean the pool…"

"Exactly, to clean your pool-,"

"Isn't it you and Finn's pool?"

Kurt blinked at Burt and his mouth fell open slightly. "Oh, my God…you really don't know what's up, do you?" he shook his head and walked down the stairs, back to his room, muttering to himself.

Burt scratched at the thinning area on his head and frowned. What was his kid on?

-0-

Opening his door at 1:05 pm on a Saturday was something Burt could tolerate. At least it wasn't in the morning. "Hey, kid," he greeted, opening his door wider for Puckerman to walk by.

"Mr. Hummel," he gulped and adverted his eyes to the hall. "So…where's the pool?" he asked nervously as he tugged his shirt.

"I'll show you," he smiled cheerily and motioned Noah to follow. He did, and Burt quickly showed him through the kitchen and out to the back.

Noah stopped short at the sight of the pool and nodded his approval. "Very nice," he commented flippantly as he took off his shirt.

Burt raised an eyebrow before returning inside. "Dad, hey, dad, psst!" he looked to Kurt's bedroom door.

"Yeah?"

"Is Noah here?" Kurt peeked his head out from behind the door, looking around.

"Yeah, just got here…took his shirt off right away…kinda weird, but eh," he shrugged his shoulder. "I'm going back out there—you want me to tell him you said hi?" he asked.

"No!" Kurt disappeared behind his door again.

"Screwy kid," Burt smiled affectionately as he headed back outside. When he sat in a lawn chair, yawning, he watched the Puckerman kid set up his supplies. "So, it's a flat fee of seventy-five, or do the prices change?"

"Well, it depends…do you want the full package, or just a general cleaning?"

"Definitely full package-,"

"Okay," Puckerman squeaked, his face burning. It was really hot out today—the weather guy said it'd be reaching 95 degrees. "Hot there, Puckerman?"

"Um…yeah…" he looked away from Burt.

Burt knew a lot of things, but the three things he knew about most were football, cars, and fear. And this mohawked kid was exuding fear. Burt didn't have an inkling as to why—all he wanted was his new pool cleaned! He didn't have time—nor knew how to clean a pool—and even though Kurt insisted on getting one for the summer, he refused to let his hands get rough from handling the chemicals to maintain said pool. And Finn played dumb about a lot of things, but pool cleaning left him more wet than it should've.

The kid had started off regularly enough; checking the pH balances, checking the chlorine balance, and then he emptied the filter and skimmed the top for dead leaves and bugs and the like. Sweltering heat caused Burt to go inside, grab a couple of pops, and bring one to him.

The Puckerman kid took it gratefully, but was looking more and more nervous by the second. "Say, kid, what's with the mohawk?" he was genuinely curious. Not that it looked bad or nothing, but it wasn't much of a…popular look.

His face flushed and he ran a hand over the strip of hair. Burt pursed his lips thoughtfully. "Look, man, I've…I'm used to housewives hiring me—but whatever floats your boat, you know?"

Um…what? Burt had no idea what this kid was spewing. All he really knew of the kid was that he used to be a bully to Kurt, redeemed himself numerous times by helping Kurt out when he could, and that he was part of the Glee club. Quite a good singer too, if he cared to really think about it.

"I can't really…I guess I'm getting what I asked for…" Now Burt was royally confused. He'd save the royally pissed off for when this kid told him why his gut was having a field day of 'dread'.

He took a shuddering breath, gulped his pop down, and nervously shuffled forward. "I-I've never actually done…anything…like this,"

"Done…what?" Burt's eyes squinted against the light to give Mohawk the eye.

The kid took another step forward, and was invading Burt's personal bubble; now Burt was even more confused. "Look, kid, just get the job done and you can go-," he grabbed Burt's shoulders and was leaning forward. Burt froze before pushing him away. "What are you doing?" he squeaked before stepping back and regaining his composure. "What-what…" he took another deep breath while Puckerman was looking confused. "What are you doing?" he asked calmly, although on the inside he was freaking out.

"My…job?" he looked confused. "I mean, usually it's cougars that come onto me, but I get it, you're lonely-,"

"What? I have a wife!" Burt looked baffled. "Cougars? As in older women?" he smacked a hand to his face and let out a low groan. "You can't be serious!" he added in exasperation. "Do you enjoy it?" he screwed up his face in slight revulsion. He didn't want this Mohawked kid to come onto him, or to try have relations with him, just because he paid the kid good money to clean his pool! Honest!

That Betsy women at the salon downtown was raving about the Puckerman kid cleaning her pool like a pro—he thought she meant literally! He didn't even piece together why Kurt's face had gone red and he seemed rather reproachful to the woman! It disgusted him!

The kid didn't—the women did. Who gave them the right to take advantage of a young kid like him? "Well…not anymore…I used to love it; you know…getting with MILFs and stuff…but…now I just need the money…"

He fixed his gaze back onto Puckerman and frowned. "You're a prostitute."

His face burned. "I…I guess…?"

"Dad!" the two looked towards Kurt, who was standing on the deck with a towel and in a pair of shorts that should be banned in the United States, looking scandalized.

"Kurt…"

Burt's eyes snapped to the Mohawk and scowled before he softened at the longing look the kid was giving his son. "Son," he greeted, nodding his head.

"What…what's going on?" he hugged the towel tighter to himself, despite his roaming eyes. Oh no…

"He's cleaning the pool, duh," Burt replied, giving him a raised eyebrow.

Kurt blanched and he looked towards Puck before looking towards the man that looked to be about ready to burst. Burst in angry flailing limbs of ranting, laughter, even a bit of pity. Puck had directed his look to his feet.

"Kurt…go inside and get me a beer and you two some pops?" he asked gently.

Kurt was still staring at Puckerman before nodding slightly and walking inside. He turned back to Puckerman and gave him a steady, long look. "Listen-,"

"Can we forget this ever happen?" he asked desperately before Burt could get a word out. "I promise, I'll stay away, just please don't tell anyone I thought…thought…" he looked away with angry tears. "I just needed the money."

Burt softened. "I'm not going to forget this—so get that out of your head," Puckerman's eyes snapped to his and his mouth dropped open. "This is going to be your last pool you clean, got it?"

"What?" Mohawk choked. "I need the money, though—my mom's on my back-,"

"This will be your last job and you will not continue any pool cleaning—maybe except for mine, because Kurt refuses to do it himself, despite him and Finn ganging up on me to get the damned thing-," that got a small smile to tug at Puckerman's lips. "And especially if you think of asking my son out, you will not go 'clean any pools'," he fixed him with a stern glare and did the air quotes viciously.

"But…wait…how did you…"

"Anyone with eyes can see you two looking at one another," Burt scoffed. He looked over Puckerman and frowned. "You're probably a good kid, underneath the badass rep and mohawk," he glanced towards the house, where he spotted Kurt unsuccessfully duck behind the curtain of the kitchen window. He rolled his eyes. "I need a new set of hands at the garage—you will come work for me, with Kurt after school, got it?"

"I…don't know a lot about engines…"

"Kurt and any of the other guys can teach you if you need the help," Burt said softly. He knew he was sticking his neck out for a kid like Puckerman. He did. He also knew that those cougars, or desperate women, weren't going to sink their bad manicures into him anymore.

And he can't believe he just thought of their manicures…

Puckerman nodded slowly and glanced towards the house. "Do you honestly think I have a chance with Kurt?"

"Yes." Burt frowned, "But hurt him and I have a shotgun and a patch of secluded forest for you,"

Puckerman gave him a small smile. "My name is Noah," he said with a nodded head.

"Burt—when Kurt comes back out here, I'm going inside. Ask him out, tell him about your new job, and tell him you're not going to do the pool cleaning business anymore or something. No other funny business," he gave Noah a warning look as Kurt came back out, holding the pops to his chest and the beer out to Burt.

"Yessir," Noah saluted him weakly as Kurt stepped off the porch.

"God sakes, son…stop making your nipples stick out like that—it'll probably get Mohawk hot or something!" He remarked offhandedly as he passed, noting with a bit of pride how red Kurt's face turned.

He walked into the house, leaned against the counter, and watched the two interact awkwardly. He didn't even bother hiding—why should he, he's the awesomest dad in the world, if he does say so himself…

Noah ran a hand over his mohawk, talking to Kurt with a nervous expression on his face—with good reason. Kurt was playing the Ice Queen act, but the question caught him off guard and he was imitating a fish.

He asked something that got a nod in return, and then asked something that got a negative shake of the head by Noah. His Ice Queen mask melted before he was smiling softly and sharing a look with Noah, nodding and laughing when Noah scooped him into a hug.

Burt frowned to himself and then shook his head, tapping the window noisily. The two teens broke apart, looking embarrassed. Kurt looked appalled as he waved Burt off frantically. Burt rolled his eyes and downed the last bit of beer

He'd definitely need another one…