Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, or any of the characters used in this fic. They all belong to Tite Kubo: the genius behind the captivating manga that started it all. I only own any of my original characters that I choose to include, as well as any of my own original plot ideas.
Bear Traps
A/N: TBTP.
"That's ridiculous! How dare you say such things about Lady Yoruichi!"
She had absolutely hated the idea of being forced to sit down to a cup of tea with this man, and now he was shooting off his mouth, saying things about her mentor that would never come to fruition. The mere thought of the woman growing old and ending up as Kisuke had said, "a wrinkled widow with dried up ovaries the size of raisins," simply infuriated her.
"Oh, don't be a killjoy, Soifon." He then turned, staring wide-eyed at the dark-skinned woman who glowered at him. Immediately, his manner changed. "I-It's a joke. It's meant to be funny."
Be that as it may, the two women didn't find it funny in the slightest. Sitting there in the silence, Soifon was certain that the man would end up with his head removed and stuffed between someone's sheets before the morning rolled around again.
And, given Lady Yoruichi's ability in that field, she doubted that anyone would miss him.
"You wouldn't be so hot either, Kisuke," the woman replied with a sneer. "What with you losing your mind, and all your hair falling out. Disgusting, really."
The man raised his hands to his head, a frightened expression on his face. "N-No need to be so hateful," he said shakily. "We're all friends here..."
Oh, yes. Friends. As if she could possibly be friends with a man so dedicated to stupidity. It was no wonder his lieutenant was always screaming at him.
"Well, while we're on the subject, what would Soifon be like as an old woman?"
The girl felt herself flinch, a warm flush coming to her cheeks. She didn't want to hear the fool's interpretation of what she'd look like. Especially after the humiliation he'd cast upon Lady Yoruichi.
Soifon glowered at the man, daring him to speak. He just sat there, almost thoughtfully, nursing his tea. Then, he took a breath and spoke.
"Well, that's a simple matter. If we take into account the young lady's behavioral patterns... It's only appropriate to assume that our dear little Soifon would be... the crabby, tiny old lady who screams at children, and leaves bear traps on her front porch."
Sinking down into her seat, Soifon decided that she really did hate him.