AU: Hi everyone, I just want to let you know if you have NOT read The Burning Maze, do NOT, I repeat: DO NOT read this. IT CONTAINS SPOILERS TO THE BURNING MAZE SO DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ IT.
Thank you oh so much.
Disclaimer: rick riordan owns the characters, I merely wrote my own thing using the characters.
the difference.
I don't think any of us realize death is a possibility for us until we're staring death in the face.
Of course, we know it could happen, but we never really acknowledge it.
Going into war, going into battle is different. When you go into a battle, you have to hope that you're going to make it out alive. When you're going into war, you always hope, because you have to hope; you have to believe that you'll make it out alive even though you know you might not. And even though you know there's a chance you might die, you aren't focused on that because all you need to focus on is the battle in front of you.
But knowing there's a chance and knowing it's going to happen are two different things. It's different when you see him turn around and you get this sinking feeling because you're running out of time and something bad is going to happen. It's different when he shouts and you realize the fallen enemy behind him isn't fallen. And it's different when you see that enemy rise. And it's different when you still hear Jason yelling and you know he knows it's going to happen, and you want to tell him—you have to tell him—but you can't speak. And it's different when that enemy throws his spear and…
It's different when his blue eyes go wide.
It's different when he says "Go, remember!"
It's especially different when you wake up on the sand and he's there and you're screaming because he isn't waking up. You scream because he can't be, he just can't be gone. He can't, he can't, he can't. But he is, and no amount of screaming and no amount of charmspeak can bring him back. Yet you still scream, you still cry, and you put all your power into your voice when you sob for him to wake up because it's the only thing you can do.
You cry because you never got to say goodbye. You never got to tell him how sorry you were—for everything.
I never got to say goodbye.
I never got to tell him that I'm sorry for everything that happened. That I'm sorry he had to spend all that time, with the nagging fact that one of us would die sitting on his shoulders, alone. That I'm so sorry he never got to see Leo come back, happy and alive. That he'll never get to see Percy and Annabeth graduate. That he died not knowing I still loved him with all of my heart and more.
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Jason, because I never wanted this to happen. I swear, if I could go back, I would, and I would make everything different. I'd do everything differently. Because the difference is what matters most.
And, Jason, if I could go back, I would make all the difference.