To Touch The Sun

LxLight

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note then I wouldn't be writing this, so I'm glad I don't own it.

A/N: This fic is set while L and Light are chained together (sorry I don't give mention to the handcuffs but if I did my mind would beg me to make this fic kinky). This is all from L's perspective and Light might seem OOC but I'm writing him as an innocent youth untouched by the Death Note (because he lost his memory) so forgive me if it seems a bit off. This is just a sad little oneshot that I wrote while pondering how L would view Light, comparing him to the sun. Enjoy the story and if you can Review 'cuz what writer doesn't enjoy a nice review to make their day?

It was inevitable. Once the handcuffs that would bind us, for who knew how long, clicked in place I knew…I knew I would end up like the foolish Icarus. From the beginning of time, mankind has always strived to touch the sun, just to know a fraction of what it feels like to be consumed by such radiance. Light…I think to me, you are the sun. So brilliantly you shine, so warmly you glow and my body aches to be bathed in your rays of golden excellence.

I have never known such longing before. Such undeniable, unfathomable, inconceivable urges to touch your skin, to kiss your pretty lips, and to make love to only you. I watch you sleeping sweetly in the dead of night, and God do I have to fight the urge to caress your face, to trace your pouty lips with one of my pale fingers. But I resist…because I now more than anyone what happens to those who fly too close to such perfection.

Dammit, but you tempt me though, with your sultry glances, with the way your lips move almost sensually when you say my name. And in those moments, I almost give in to my lust for you, my insatiable lust that is entranced by something as beautiful and dangerous as you, Light-kun. And sometimes, sometimes I get the feeling you want to touch me too…

For the ninth time today I catch myself absentmindedly staring at you again. Legs crossed, and eyes glued to the computer screen of your laptop. I watch you type away trying in vain to find new information on the Kira case. Why? Why does someone as beautiful and brilliant as you have to be Kira? Yes, you don't fool me Light, I know who you are. I've known since the moment I laid eyes on you, from the moment you enchanted me with your trademark sun god appearance. And it sickens me to the core that I could love a man such as you, but I do.

You sense my eyes boring into you I suppose, because you turn to me all smiles and feigned innocence as you ask me, "Hey, is something troubling you Ryuuzaki?"

I look away and shrug as I mumble in reply, "No nothing you need concern yourself with Light-kun." Your outlandishly cheery smile falters slightly, and as I watch you warily from the corner of my eye, I see something is amiss with you. Because, if I'm not mistaken, it looked like genuine concern that danced in your pretty colored eyes.

The rest of the day passed by quite uneventfully, and sooner than I had wished, it was time for us to retire to our suite for the night. God, how I was dreading yet another night alone with you to share a shower…to share a bed. It was like my own personal form of torture that I had to endure every night when I would stay awake as you slept, desperately fighting back my sexual urges. But all the task force members said their goodbyes and left, leaving me and you to trudge silently towards the elevator.

Once inside the elevator, I squash the button that would take us to our floor, and then I take a sudden interest in staring at my bare feet. I shiver, as I feel the hairs on the nape of my neck stand up, and I know it's because you are staring at me. Looking up suddenly, I feel my breath hitch in my chest, as I stare into your eyes. How come it's so easy to get lost in your reddish-brown eyes? Oh yeah, because they're beautiful and intense. They seem to bore into my mind, and know every little thing I'm thinking…and for some reason, I like that. I like saying everything, without having to utter a single word.

I catch my breath, and the elevator comes to a stop. We both rush out of the stuffy space and head to our room. Opening the door via passwords and retinal identification, I stroll into the luxurious space and sigh as you close the door behind us. Smirking, somehow I knew before you even opened your mouth, that you were going to ask me what was wrong with me today.

You walk briskly towards the bed, and I reluctantly follow as you sit down to remove your expensive dress shoes. "Look Ryuuzaki, we both know you didn't fool me earlier. I know something is weighing heavily on your mind, and I want to know what it is! I want to help you." My lips involuntarily twitch into a smirk, yeah like you really give a damn as to what I'm thinking, unless it's my thoughts on you being Kira, of course.

"Like I said earlier, it's nothing you need to concern yourself with. I was just thinking of the reasons why men should never touch the sun. Nothing more, nothing less, Light-kun." Finishing my sentiment, I sit gingerly next to you on the bed in my most comfortable position, knees tucked tightly under my chin, toes curled over the mattress edge, and thumb resting against my lips. Again, I feel more than see you staring at me, and I move my head slightly so I could face you. We just stare at each other for a while, each of us lost in our own thoughts until your voice jars me back into reality.

"Why do you think it's foolish for men to try and touch the sun? Is it so wrong to want something so badly you'd do anything to get it?" Smiling softly, I turn away from your penetrating gaze, so you wouldn't be able to see the expression on my face. You showed me such naivety through your words. You were never like this before, never so open and honest with me. Before, you were always guarded, like you had something to hide…but all of that seemed to change when I had you under surveillance, locked up nice and sound where I could watch your every move.

I think I know why you changed Light…somehow, someway you must have lost all of your memories concerning Kira. Now I see the real you, the you before you were poisoned by the greedy impulsive need to not only touch the sun, but be the sun. And I can't help but guiltily, secretly wish that you stay this innocent and kind forever. Because I don't know what I'd do if you became Kira again…I really doubt that I'd be able to let you go.

"Have you ever heard the story of Icarus and the wax wings, Light-kun?" I finally ask, tugging myself away from my dark thoughts. I watch you smile, and un-tense yourself and relax as you reply, "Of course I have Ryuuzaki. But I believe that every grand attempt to 'touch the sun,' as you put it, doesn't always end in failure. I just think a person needs to know when enough glory is enough."

Frowning slightly, I place my chin upon the knees under it, and wrap my arms around my legs securely. "What made you ponder such thoughts in the first place, if you don't mind my asking, L?" Gasping softly, my eyes fly to yours as I search your face, looking for any emotion there. I see tenderness in your eyes, and open curiosity etched into your young features. A far cry from the cold, sharp expression you once garnered.

I lick my lips impulsively, as I begin to feel an all-too-familiar heat tingle within my body. The need to touch and be touched raced through my body like an infection, and I knew I was damned either way. For if I denied myself of you any longer, I would surely go mad! But…if I gave in, who knows if I'd come out of the fire unscathed.

A shiver runs down my spine, as I feel your fingers gently cupping my cheek and I stare imploringly into your captivating eyes. "Why are you so afraid of me L? I'm merely a human with human desires, not some pagan god. Don't worry, I won't let your wings melt, leaving you to plummet into the sea…I promise." As you whispered those last two words, I couldn't help but lean into your touch, and I almost sigh at how warm you feel.

You move, so that your lips are pressed lightly against my ear, and I shiver as I hear you say, "Please L! Let me bask in your gentle glow, let me make you feel the heat of my desire for you." I moan softly as your fingers scrape against my scalp and get lost in my unruly hair, and I finally give myself to you as you capture my lips in a kiss.

I feel your lips moving against my own so painfully slow, as if you were torturing me for not giving in to you sooner. My hands move of their own accord, fisting themselves in the simple red dress shirt that you are wearing, and I pull you closer never wanting to let you go. Tilting my head back, so you could kiss me deeper, another shiver runs down my spine as I feel your tongue lightly tracing my bottom lip.

Complying with your needy demand, I open my mouth and nearly faint, as I feel your tongue tracing the rims of my teeth. I feel the heat rising to my cheeks, as our tongues met shyly for the first time. My mind keeps screaming at me to fight you for dominance, but as your tongue entwines itself with mine, only thoughts of giving in and enjoying every pleasurable moment with you are on my mind.

Breaking away from our passionate lip-lock, I take in your panting countenance with hungry eyes. Your face is flushed a delectable pink, lips red and slightly swollen from kissing. I look deeply into your red-brown eyes, darkened a richer color in your lust. My fingers shake in anticipation, as they try to undo the buttons on your shirt as sensually as possible. The last button undone, I slide the rich red shirt away from your beautifully tanned skin.

Your chest is moving up and down almost frantically, and I can't tear my eyes away from the sight. I want to tell you how beautiful you are, but such words spoken from my lips would taint and mar the beautiful moment we were creating. I jump slightly, pulled away from my lustful staring as I feel your nimble fingers travel beneath my shirt and up my back. I close my eyes, etching every moment into my memory because I knew this would be the first and last time we made love.

My shirt is pulled easily away from my thin frame, and my skin warms considerably as I watch you stare at me with such unbridled desire. Your fingers make quick work of my pants and underwear, leaving me bare and completely exposed to scrutinizing eyes. My heart fluttered uncomfortably at the thought that you might not actually like what you see, but my fears were for naught as I hear you whisper softly, "Beautiful."

Blushing, I felt like an awkward teenager as I smile modestly, touched by your simple honesty. My fingers trace every inch of your tan skin, hungrily devouing the warmth and softness they felt. And then I take off your Armani black slacks and red silk boxers, and stare that the entirety of your perfection. A minute passed into two as we just looked at each other, basking in one another's presence before your lips were on mine again. And then we made love, pure and simple.

It was bliss, nothing else to it. Because after we made love, you fell gracefully beside me panting heavily and laughing softly. "Gosh, that was…God, that was amazing L," you breath out as you turn to me, smiling so innocently it was almost painful. Smiling softly to myself, I return your gaze replying, "It was, thank you Light."

A frown paints your lips as they part to say, "You act as if this was a onetime thing. Don't you love me? Or was I wrong to assume you felt the same way as me?"

My eyes widen, and my heart swells to the point it felt like it was going to burst at the thought of your words. It was more than I could ever hope for, could ever dream of that you would love me back. And then my heart deflates, because those words were too good to be true. But I smile softly in return anyways and say, "Don't worry Light, I love you too."

It hurts, God it hurts…My chest constricted tightly and I toppled from my seat lying on the ground helplessly. I faintly hear you screaming my name, your voice sounding like a piece of you had just died…and I am happy. Happy that you truly care about me. Now you're holding me, and I look up to smile at you to let you know it'll all be okay. But the smile freezes on my lips, as I see your face. The pain I felt in my heart then is what undid me, because in that moment I saw who you really are. You are Kira, and you have won.

My eyes slowly began drifting closed, and I smile somewhat sadly. Because I knew, from the very beginning that in this story I was Icarus, and now I am left to drown in the sea of my own foolishness…

The End.