Sakura: Hi! I was working on my story Power of Love tonight when I can across a song on my ipod that had me thinking about Kirk and Spock so I decided to write another fanfiction for Star Trek. I do have a sequel for Secret on Delta Vega in the works and it should come shortly. I do not own Star Trek or this song sadly. This is in Spock POV.
My Heart Will Go On
"If you would join with the Federation, we could provide you with protect-" I was explaining to Romulus' high council, when I heard a cry from my bondmate from his place on the Enterprise-B.
SPOCK!!!! Jim cried though the bond, fear along with a sense of dread and appending death echoing on the bond.
T'hy'la, what is the matter? I asked, trying to remain calm and strong for my mate. His feeling of fear making me worry about what was happening to him on the Enterprise, so many light years away from me now.
Spock…I…am so sorry, Jim said, waves of sadness overwhelming the bond his presence weakening in my mind. I don't think I will make it this time. Looks like my luck finally ran out. This is one No Win Scenario I cannot beat.
JIM?! I called, panicked, holding on to the bond with all my strength, before I was pulled away from Romulus and was suddenly there with my T'hy'la, in his head. I saw the hull of the Enterprise-B breached, leaving a hole that was slowly sucking all personnel in the area towards it, ejecting them into space. Jim reached out to hold onto the door but it proved futile, and we were pulled into the darkness of space.
Spock, I am so sorry. I love you, T'hy'la. Do not forget that, Jim said, sending waves of love towards me before I was thrown out of his head, an unbreakable barrier being placed between us as I was sent back to Romulus.
Jim? Jim?! JIM!!!! I called, pounding against the barrier with all my strength, but the bond was silent. I could not feel my T'hy'la in my mind and when I looked at the bond it was dull, already fading into nothing. I grabbed onto the last tentacle of the bond and held on, not willing for the bond to break. Jim was not dead, I would not, could not believe it.
"Ambassador Spock, are you alright?" one of the Romulan High Council members asked me. I slowly opened my eyes, finding that in my struggle to help my T'hy'la I had fallen to the floor of the chamber.
"No, I do not believe I am alright. If it is alright with you, I require time to meditate," I asked my voice not as steady as I would have liked it. The grief of losing my T'hy'la overwhelming me.
"Of course, Ambassador. We can continue our conversation when you have recovered," he replied, watching me closely. I nodded to him and quickly walked towards my quarters, allowing none of my emotions to show until I was safely in my quarters where I broke down and cried for the loss of my life-mate. My soul mate. My Jim.
I do not believe I will ever recover from this….No. I know that I will never recover from this, I thought firmly as I reflected on the words from earlier. I slipped into a deep meditation state, still trying to reach my bondmate, unsuccessfully. I glanced at the bond once I was deep in my meditation, and I was relieved to find that it was not broken but blocked.
Jim…what has taken you from me? I asked, glancing at the obstacle in the bond, the grief threatening to overwhelm me once again. I slowly started to gather up my emotions to get them under control once more. Before I broke my meditation I tried the bond once more, receiving no answer. I slowly broke my meditation and walked towards the bed in my quarters. Jim, no matter how long it takes, I will wait for you. I know you will return one day, my T'hy'la and I will be here to welcome you home. As I promised you once before, there will be no one after you. I will wait as long as I need, until you are with me once again, I thought before I feel into a deep sleep, hoping that when I woke up this would all be a nightmare. But knowing that nothing would change, and that when I woke up Jim would still be beyond my reach.
Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you
That is how I know you go on
"Mr. Spock, it is about time you've joined us," Jim said playfully, his eyes twinkling as he stood over me in his golden uniform from our younger years. I glanced around the room and found that we were back in our quarters aboard the original USS Enterprise.
"Jim, how are we here? You disappeared into space, our bond was blocked," I questioned Jim, slowly sitting up from the bed, glancing up at Jim in confusion.
"Spock, I haven't disappeared. I am always with you. Right in your heart," Jim said, pointing to my heart, as he sent waves of love towards me over our bond. It's not broken! The bond it is still here! I thought happily, letting myself drown in the emotions of my T'hy'la.
"Jim," I cried in happiness, engulfing Jim in my arms, holding him tight just incase he disappeared from my side. "I thought I had lost you."
"You Idiot. You will never lose me. As long as you remember that I love you, I will always be by your side. No matter what happens to me, a part of me will always stay by your side. Just as you have remained by my side," Jim said, gently stroking my hair as he held me close.
"Jim!" I cried, pulling him closer.
"Spock. I never thought I would see you get emotionally compromised for duty," Jim laughed, pulling back enough to kiss me softly on the lips. "You are stronger then this. I have never and will never leave you. Even if I might be gone physically a part of my soul will remain with you."
"Jim," I breathed, staring into his crystal blue eyes before I noticed my body starting to fade away. I clung to Jim all the tighter "JIM!!"
"Its time for you to go, Spock," Jim said sadly, pulling away from me to stand in front of me. "I will never be far from you, my love. I promise to return, wait for me." Jim smiled sadly before he and our room disappeared into darkness.
"JIM!!" I yelled, bolting awake. I glanced around the room, looking for any signs of my T'hy'la, only to be greeted to disappointment. I was still in my rooms on Romulus and Jim had been taken from me. I remembered Jim's words from the dream and held my hand over my heart. Yes, T'hy'la I will wait as long as you need. I know you will return to me once again. There are no such things as No Win Scenarios, you will find your way back just as you have always done, I thought, a small smile crossing my face before I headed towards the door. Ready to make my excuse to my hosts so I could return to Earth, knowing that there would be a service for him there and that my old friends needed me to be present.
Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on
A week after the loss of Captain James T. Kirk, Starfleet held a service to honor one of its most famous hero's. Everyone from the original Enterprise was here to give their consonances. Dr. McCoy sought me out after the service to take to me privately.
"Spock, I am sorry for you loss," Dr. McCoy sad, sadness in his eyes and voice. "I know how much you two love each other. It must be hard for you."
"You are mistaken Doctor," I said, gesturing him to sit next to me on the bench were we could watch the people place flowers on my T'hy'la's grave. "It is not as hard for me as you imagine."
"Why you green-blooded pointy eared computer! What do you mean it isn't hard for you?! Didn't you love Jim at all or where you just playing him for a fool!!!" Dr. McCoy yelled outraged, jumping to his feet.
"You misunderstood me Doctor. I do not grieve Jim's death because he is not dead. Therefore it is pointless to grieve for something that isn't true," I said, starting up at the Doctor, raising an eyebrow.
"Spock he was sucked off a ship and into space. There is no way even Jim could survive that," Dr. McCoy said, carefully taking a seat next to me again. "Jim cannot cheat death."
"I do not care what you believe, Doctor. The bond between us has not been broken as it would have if Jim had died. He is out there somewhere, alive, and no matter how far the distance between us, I believe that he will find a way back to me. I am content to wait as long as I have to in order for that to happen," I said calmly, smiling slightly down at Dr. McCoy as the thought of my T'hy'la. "Jim would not die so easily."
"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I believe you. Jim's just too stubborn to die an easy death," Dr. McCoy sighed, looking up to the stars. "I am sure he will return to you. He never did believe in No Win Scenarios."
"That is true, Doctor. Jim will return to me, of that I am positive," I said, looking up at the stars. I know you are out there somewhere, T'hy'la, and no matter the distance between us I know you will find your way back, I thought before returning to the funeral to console my old crewmembers, Dr. McCoy at my side thought out the service.
Near, far,
Wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on
It has been ten years since, Jim, my T'hy'la had disappeared into space. The rest of the universe believed him to be dead, but the good doctor and I knew the truth. That Jim was out there somewhere, alive, but stuck trying to find a way to return to us. I slowly got out of my bed in our old apartment, going to the balcony to gaze at the stars that my T'hy'la had made a life traveling to. I know you are out there somewhere, T'hy'la. I will never give up hope that one day you will return safely to my arms once more, I thought, watching the stars for another minute before heading inside, sending waves of love a the sealed bond before I fell into a light sleep, never allowing my hold on the bond to weaken.
Once more, you open the door
And you are here in my heart,
And my heart will go on and on
Forty years had now passed since Jim had disappeared into space and have been presumed dead. The only other person who believed that Captain James T. Kirk was still alive has just recently fallen sick and is not expected to survive his illness this time. Doctor Leonard McCoy was now 106 years of age. His health had been rapidly failing and it was only a matter of time before he joined the other original Enterprise crew that had already passed on.
"Damn it, I was hoping I could outlive you, you pointy eared bastard," Dr. McCoy wheezed, smirking. I looked down at his frail body lying in the hospital room, his heart rate slowly slowed down.
"The chances of you outliving me were quite slim, Doctor, as Vulcan's have a longer life expectancy then humans," I stated calmly, only my eyes showing the sadness I felt for the last of my true friends passing.
"Green-blooded hobgoblin," Dr. McCoy said, glaring up at me before he turned his attention to the window by his bed, gazing out at the starts. "Jim sure is taking his fucking time returning."
"I am sure he has a good reason for not returning, Doctor. Just as I am sure that he would have wanted to be here," I said to Dr. McCoy, as I watched him slowly turn his gaze away from the window and towards me once again.
"You haven't lost hope yet? You still believe he is out there somewhere? It's been forty years Spock, that is a hell of a long time for you to hold onto hope," Dr. McCoy said, smiling sadly up at me.
"I know he is out there Doctor. I will never give up on Jim. He would not have given up on me or you if he had been in our place," I stated, glancing out the window and at the stars.
"I only wish he had returned so I could kick his ass. Or stick him with a hypo," Dr. McCoy said, smirking. His mind likely picturing what he would have done to Jim had he returned to us and was not still lost in space or the past where he was always ready to stick Jim with a hypo if he did not listen to the good Doctor.
"Doctor," I started before Dr. McCoy interrupted me.
"Bones, Spock, Bones. Gods is this what Jim felt when he was trying to get you to call him Jim all those years ago?" Dr. McCoy asked, smirking at me as I raised my eyebrow. "I haven't been called Bones in so long I need a friend to call me that now. To send me off right."
"Doct-Bones, sticking Jim with a hypo just because he has been gone for forty years would have been illogical," I said, my lips moving upward in a small smile as Bones glared at me.
"Damn Pointy-eared computer," Bones spat, glaring at me taking a deep breath, his vitals slowing down significantly. "Spock, thank you for being here with me. I know it isn't east to watch a friend die. We had come good times, and a hell of a lot of arguments. When Jim returns tell him I am waiting for him with a hypo in the next life so he better watch his back."
"I will relay your message to him as soon as he returns," I agreed, my voice filled with sadness. "As illogical as it is, I will miss you."
"I'm glad i lived long enough to hear you admit you have emotions," Bones laughed softly, his vitals dropping further as his eyes slid shut. "Don't…forget to…tell Jim I will be waiting."
"I will not forget," I replied, laying my hand gently on my friends to send him strength as he took his last breath. A wave of sadness engulfed me at the loss of my last true friend, the last of the crew from the original Enterprise and a tear drop fell from my eyes onto Bones skin. As I sat there in my grief I felt the bond open slightly and a wave of sadness wash over me.
"Jim," I whispered, searching the bond only to find it blocked still. Jim, I know I felt you with me for a moment. You too grieve for the death of the good Doctor, Bones. I will wait for you, T'hy'la, just as Bones and I have been waiting for the last forty years, I thought, opening my eyes smiling sadly at my dead friends body before I got up to make the proper arrangements, taking time to glance out of the window at the stars once more.
Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone
Fifty years have now passed since Jim had disappeared, only ten since my friend and nemeses Doctor Leonard H. McCoy had passed way. My Father had called, requesting my presence on Vulcan for urgent business. I took the fastest Spacecraft and landed on Vulcan, after greeting my father I followed him to my childhood home.
"Spock, it has been fifty years since your bondmate has died. It is not logical to remain loyal to one who is dead. You should take a wife so you can produce an heir for this house," Sarek said, after we had seated in the living area of the house. "You have had more then enough time to mourn your loss but now you should make a bond with someone who can give you what you need."
"Father, Jim is not dead. He is out there somewhere and I will not form a bond with another," I said calmly, my emotions brewing beneath the surface. "It is not logical to bond with another when a bond is still in place. Jim will always be my T'hy'la and no one can replace him. He gave me everything I wanted and more. I am content to wait a lifetime for Jim to return to me. A love like ours only comes along once in a lifetime and I will not betray that love."
"Spock, you are a Vulcan, we do not have emotions," Sarek said disapprovingly.
"As many have pointed out, I am not only half-Vulcan but half-human. I have long ago grown weary of ignoring my human side and I am not ashamed to say that I love my bondmate," I said calmly, standing up. "Now if you do not have any other urgent matters to go over I must leave you."
"Live long and Prosper, Spock," Sarek said standing up, holding his hand in the Vulcan salute.
"Live long and prosper, Father," I said returning the gesture before I left, returning to my ship. As I was on course towards Earth I glanced around the stars I once explored with, Jim, and smiled. T'hy'la, no matter what people say I will never break or go back on our bond. Our bond will never disappear till we are both gone from this world but even then it will not be destroyed. Return to me soon, T'hy'la, I thought watching the stars flash against the black of space before heading back to Earth.
Love was when I loved you,
One true time I hold you
In my life we'll always go on
It has been seventy years since Jim vanished into space. I still waited for the day he would return to me. I was sitting in our apartment, thinking about the days of our youth aboard the Enterprise, going where no one had ever gone before. How young we were back then, each willing to give our life for the other. Jim, always willing to sacrifice his life for his ship and the crew under his command.
We had evening chess matches that brought us closer as friends and eventually lovers. After our return from Vulcan, during my first Pon Farr, Jim had approached me about T'Pring and his 'death.'
"Captain I must apologize to you. I almost killed you, therefore I must ask for you to accept my resignation," I had said, hands clenched tightly behind my back as I stood in front of Jim in his private room. Barely able to keep my emotions under control.
"Jim, Spock, its Jim when we are off duty how many times to I have to tell you that. I can't accept your resignation," Jim said, seated at the desk. "You are the best First Officer I could ever have. I will not let you resign your position just because you almost killed me. I accepted the challenge, Spock. I knew there was a chance I might die."
"Capt-Jim why did you accept the challenge then, if you knew that you might die?" I asked, curious, staring intently at his face. Jims face turned a dark pink and he glanced at the floor.
"Spock, you already know how much you mean to me. I would willingly give up my life it if meant you would live. I love you, Spock. I have told you so many times before but it just doesn't seem to get into that thick head of yours," Jim said, raising from his chair and walking towards me. "If you want to resign, Spock then so will I. I won't be parted from you, Spock. Ever!"
"Then Jim, will you become my bondmate, my T'hy'la, my life-mate?" I asked, raising one of my hands and cupping Jim's cheek. "If you accept this then we will be forever bonded. Only death would break our bond."
"Spock, of course I want to become your bondmate," Jim said, smiling brightly before he leaned in and kissed me on the lips.
We were bonded not long after that. Dr. McCoy had tired to 'fix' Jim as he had said, for wanting to create a life-bond with a Vulcan. The rest of the crew accepted our bond and were happy for us; they had been expecting this for a long time. Even before we had been together. Those days were precious for me, Jim and I had grown to love one another more and more each day as we grew older and nothing could tear us apart. Not V'Ger, not my death, my brother or Jim's disappearance. I was torn from my thoughts at the knock at the door and found a Yeoman there with a message from Starfleet with new orders for me. I thanked the Yeoman before closing the door and walking over to the window. It has been seventy years, T'hy'la. Yet I still believe you will return to me just as you always have before, I thought, smiling at the night sky before turning to my message.
Near, Far
Wherever you are,
I believe that the heart does go on
I stood outside, on our balcony looking up at the starts once again. Seventy five years have passed since Jim's disappearance, but I still held onto the hope that I would see him again. Jim would never give up on me so I could not give up on him. T'hy'la, I am here waiting for you. Return to me soon. I am waiting, I thought, taking one last glance at the stars before I returned inside, to another night of dreaming that my T'hy'la was by my side once again.
Once more, you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Seventy eight years have passed since Jim had been declared dead. I was on my spaceship headed to Romulus for a meeting with the Romulan leaders once again. As I was traveling at warp 8, when I felt the bond rib open and Jim's presence filled my heart and mind.
I gasped for breath, not believing that after so many years Jim, my T'hy'la, my soul mate, had finally returned to me. Jim!! I thought, happily, barely breathing as I allowed Jim's presence to invade my senses.
Spock? Is that really you? Jim asked, love washing over me as he responded to me.
Jim, I signed, feeling at peace after seventy eight years. Jim, I never gave up hope that you would return to me, my T'hy'la.
Spock! Oh, Spock it is you!! Love, I have missed you, Jim said, sending all his love thought the bond, holding on to it tightly.
I have missed you as well, T'hy'la, I said before remembering Dr. McCoy's last request. Jim, Dr. McCoy wanted me to relay to you that he is 'waiting for you with a hypo in the next life so you should watch your back.'
So, Bones did die, it wasn't something I imagined, Jim thought, waves of sadness and guilt rolling off of him.
He died at an old age; he was determined to outlive me, I was sad to see him go. But do not feel guilty, Jim. He lived a full life he would not want you to feel guilt over his death, I said, sending Jim my last memory of the good Doctor. I held onto the bond with all my strength and I redirected my ship towards where I felt Jim's presence coming from.
Good old Bones, Jim laughed, part of his grief and guilt subsiding. I traveled as fast as my small ship would allow, trying to get there as fast as I could, sending Jim all my love and reassurance that soon I would be with him again.
All too soon a pain shot through me from the bond and I felt Jim presence weakening once again. No, I thought recognizing the signs of Jim's life slipping away. I had just achieved orbit around the planet when I saw, thought Jim's eyes, the bridge he held onto break, sending him spiraling towards the ground. NOOO!! Jim!! I yelled, focusing on him. I have just found you again. I will not let death take you from me, I thought furiously as I sent Jim part of my strength thought the bond as I ran towards the transporter room, determined to save him. I would not let him slip away from me again.
You're here, there's nothing I fear
And I know that my heart will go on
I watched thought Jim's mind as the new Captain of the Enterprise talked to Jim, assuring him that he had once again saved the world. I did not expect any less from my T'hy'la. I reached the transporter room, keeping constant watch over Jim, watching his heart beats. "Oh my," I heard Jim say as his gaze locked on the sky, just where my ship was in orbit.
Spock, I don't think I can hang on any longer, Jim thought weakly, his blood still rushing form his wounds.
You will make it, Jim. I have not waited seventy eight years just to lose you now! Just hang in there for a while longer, I thought, holding onto Jim's soul with all my strength and I entered the transporter room. I am going to beam you up now, T'hy'la. Just hold on.
I will try to, Love, Jim thought, using all his strength to stay connected to me.
Just as you don't believe in No Win Scenarios, neither do I, T'hy'la. You will survive this, I thought as I started the beam up. In seconds Jim was on the transporter floor, I rushed over to his side, grabbing a nearby medkit and got to work binding his wounds just as I had done in our younger years after a tough mission. "You will make it, Jim. Just rest, I will be here with you when you awaken," I told him as I gently lifted him and carried him towards my room. Being careful not to disturb his wounds.
"Thank you, Spock. For never giving up on me and for everything," Jim said weakly, wrapping his hands around my neck.
"It is I who should be thanking you, T'hy'la. You gave me your love, which is more then I could ask for," I said gently lowering him onto the bed. I moved to leave but Jim held on tightly to my hand.
"Don't go, Spock. I need you. Will you lay with me till I wake up?" Jim asked, his eyes pleading.
"Of Course, my T'hy'la," I said, gently lying down besides him, wrapping him in my arms. The Romulans could wait, my T'hy'la had returned and needed me. Everything else could wait their turn.
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on
Jim has been reunited with me for a year now. We never let each other out of our sight for long. Fearing that the other will disappear again if we do. As such Jim has become my assistant, my shadow as I was his all those years ago. We had just returned from Romulus and Jim had made a full recovery from his wounds that he had obtained from his recent brush with death. The universe was celebrating the return of the famous Captain James T. Kirk, while I was just happy that my T'hy'la had returned to my side.
We had visited the graves of Dr. McCoy, Uhura, Sulu, Scotty, and Chekov earlier, for Jim to pay his respects. He deeply missed his old crewmates but was happy to return to my side. Jim took the longest at Dr. McCoy's grave, talking to his old friend and laughing at his dying threat. We soon after returned to our apartment that I had kept in the same condition that he left it in, all those years ago. We were currently lying in our bed, just content to hold each other close.
"Spock, I can not thank you enough for not losing hope that I would return," Jim said, smiling at me, his blue eyes twinkling as they always did.
"I knew I would find you, T'hy'la. I never lost hope that you would find your way back to me. Now that you are back and safe in my arms I am never letting you go again. You are never to be out of my sight," I said, my eyes locked with his, as I sent him every emotion I felt at this moment.
"So, no matter where you go I will follow?" Jim asked laughter in his eyes.
"No matter where I go you will be by my side. Just as I will always be by your side," I said, before we kissed, pure love flowing thought the bond. This time we knew we would never be separated again, no matter what happened in the future we would stand side by side and face it together.
The End
Sakura: Well I hope you enjoy this fanfiction. It took me five hours to write, it is currently 4am where I am. My friend Terry helped me think of ideas. I have a few ideas for other stories, some more fanfictions all for Spock and Kirk. And there will be a Sequel to Secret On Delta Vega coming soon so look out for that. Please remember to review and tell me what you thought if you want me to write more. Review's make me super happy!!