They say nothing hurts worse than a heartbreak. Who they are, I'm not sure. Maybe they're the more experienced adults who know when to give advice. But whoever they are, they're more than right. As I stood there in the ball room, I couldn't have agreed more. I had never felt such intense pain rip through me as I prepared to let him go. Then again he was never really mine to keep. But for the last five years we pretended like this wouldn't happen. We pretended like we could actually have a future together.
We forgot that he was the prince and I was nothing more than the daughter of his mother's hand maiden.
Today came faster than we anticipated. That didn't make it any easier. It still hurt as fresh as the day his father told him it was time to narrow down the competition. That was three months ago. Now we were getting ready to watch our beloved prince propose to the princess who would one day rule beside him. I wondered if they would look at beautiful as his parents did on their thrones.
I held my hands in front of my stomach, holding them tightly so they wouldn't shake. I stood in the shadows watching as the princesses fixed their hair and fluffed out their big dresses. They were all trying too hard, and it pained me to stand there and watch them fuss over their looks when Bellamy couldn't care less about who was prettiest. He never like extravagant things. But soon he would have one. Soon one of those girls would become his bride and I'd be a memory he held close on those cold nights he thought of his glory days.
I knew he didn't love a single girl in that room. I knew because he told me he would never feel this way for anyone the way he felt about me. I bit my lip as the pain got worse. I always knew I'd have to let him go one day, but I didn't realize how attached I had become.
Maybe this was why my mother always warned me to stay away from the brown eyed Prince. My mom had tried so hard to warn me that I needed to guard my heart against Bellamy and the way we felt about each other. I never thought she would be right.
Then again I always knew how this would end.
Everyone stood as the king and queen entered. Aurora looked beautiful in her blue gown. The queen always looked beautiful. She was one of the lucky ones who found her way out of poverty and into the arms of the king. I think that's why she wanted her son and I to be friends. She always encouraged our friendships.
Her husband looked like the most powerful man, his medals pinned to his chest. He stood tall, his salt and pepper hair so different from his son's. He was growing a beard, which made him look even more intimidating whenever he glared in your direction. He glared in my direction a lot, especially whenever it concerned Bellamy. Everyone gave them their full attention as they took their seats.
My eyes were glued to Bellamy as he entered next. His little sister trailed behind him. My stomach clenched. I hadn't seen him since this afternoon. I couldn't believe how much I had missed him since we said goodbye. Why did my heart still stop when I saw him? Why were the butterflies even bigger floating in my stomach when I knew this was it. We had spent our last night together. He had ruined me for any other man who might want to help me escape this life.
But even as I stood there with my broken heard, I knew I wouldn't change a single thing. I would never give back a single moment we spent together.
His brown eyes searched the crowd, tears gathered in my eyes as I realized he wasn't looking for me. He was looking at the future princess who would join him in his bed chambers tonight. I couldn't tell who his eyes landed on, but I knew that they would never find me. I chose the shadows for a reason.
I didn't want everyone to see me when I finally broke.
We were sixteen when things changed. We grew up together, Bellamy used to chase me around the castle. I would squeal and run, my mother hated letting Bellamy play with me. But Aurora was a different kind of queen. She wanted Bellamy to have friends and socialize. She didn't want him to be a stuck up prince who never interacted with anyone other than his subjects.
So my mother was guilted into letting me take a few classes with him. That's how we grew up side by side, learning about life and the castle together. I was the most educated maid in the land. Especially once the queen realized how good I was with medicine. She said this castle could use a brain like mine.
Anyways we were sixteen when the king announced Bellamy would start to have annual dances to meet the princesses who would soon be in the running for his hand in marriage. Kane thought Bellamy needed to start to prepare for his life when he took over the throne. Which meant he needed to find a queen who would stand beside him. He dropped the bombshell one day when we were in class. I was there, beside Bellamy when he let out a groan.
"I hate this. I hate my dad forcing me to choose someone I don't even know," he ran his hand through his hair and sucked in his bottom lip. He hated letting his dad have all the control over his life. I didn't envy him, I wouldn't want someone to control my life either.
I rolled my eyes, "you have five years Bellamy. This is just the beginning process, you always knew you had to marry a princess. Don't worry you'll get to know her before you're forced to wed her."
He shrugged. Something about him was different. It was like he forgot this was his life. Like he didn't remember his father explaining to him which lands belonged to the king who's daughter would soon be of age. King Kane was big on joining two kingdoms together. He wanted Bellamy to choose the girl who could help our kingdom gain the most.
He shook his head, his eyes avoiding mine, "I don't think any of the princesses are interested in more than the title or my looks. I want someone who is my equal, someone who forces me to think and challenge myself."
"Sorry," I shrugged giving him a small, "but you can't marry me."
Bellamy's smile faltered as we stood in the hallway where he just left his father's office. I thought he would find the joke funny. Especially because he always told me how much of a terrible wife I would be. He always said he pitied the fool who finally made an honest woman out of such a stubborn mule.
"Aw come on, laugh Bell. It's a joke," I tapped his shoulder and he snapped out of his haze. He laughed, but it wasn't real. I had spent my entire childhood with this boy, I knew when something was off. And Bellamy Blake was acting like a total stranger as he stood there. He was acting as if I was the one forcing him to choose a wife.
I reached out my fingers grazing his cheek, "hey, what's really bothering you?"
His eyes darted back and forth, as if he was afraid someone was going to come looking for him. After a moment his brown eyes fell on mine. Then he grabbed my hand, "come with me. I want to show you something."
He pulled me down the hall before I could ask him what it was. He walked quickly, his footsteps were always bigger than mine. His legs were longer, he was on a mission. He kept his hand in mine, the warmth seeped into me. If he hadn't been holding my hand I would've fallen behind. But I knew where we were going, I knew where Bellamy always took me to his room when things got to be too much for him.
He pushed me into his room before he followed. He closed the door and I turned around to face him. My heart was pounding, because I thought he was going to tell me something terrible. Something that would change both of us. Before I could ask him what was happening he pulled me in, his hands on my hips. Then he took me by surprise and pressed his lips to mine.
He might not have said the words, but this kiss was going to change both of us. He felt like a shot of air sent straight into my lungs. Like I was a brand new person, like I was finally a woman. His lips were gentle, his hands never moved from my hips. I melted into him, no longer sure if best friends were supposed to do this.
I closed my eyes as I realized this was what I always wanted. I moved my mouth with his and wrapped my arms around his neck. I pressed my chest to his, his mouth working hard against mine. He moved from soft to needy in a matter of seconds. As if we would never get another moment like this. The warmth from his hand seeped into my heart.
Bellamy pulled away slowly, "I've never kissed a girl before," he whispered, pressing his forehead against mine, "and I really wanted my first kiss to be you."
I blushed, and never really thinking about who would be my first kiss, or where it would happen. But I was more than happy Bellamy had taken the reigns, I was more than okay with this man being my first kiss. I smiled, his thumb running along my bottom lip. It took me a few moments to pull myself together.
I found my voice, keeping my arms around his neck, "what about your second?"
I kissed him once more, "and third," he agreed as he held me tightly, "God I thought you were going to reject me."
I smiled at him, "I never realized I had been waiting for this. Waiting for you to make a move we both know won't end the way we want it to," I sighed as he kept me pressed against his chest, neither one of us ready to let go.
"I don't care what my father makes me do. You're the one I want all my firsts with."
Tears were blinding me as I watched him dance with Echo. Thinking about that day when he finally kissed me hurt even more than the present. Because that was the day he knew I was ruined. He claimed me, only to know that in a few short years he would throw me away for someone new. He made me promises he couldn't keep, he gave me a glimpse of a life I would never have.
I blinked away tears, wondering if I would ever be able to breathe without feeling the stabbing in my chest.
He had his hands around her waist, she was pressed up against him. Everything he did with her I taught him to do. He knew how to move and how to speak to make a girl swoon, because he tried it on me first. I never realized until this very moment I was his trial run. I was the girl who taught him how to be a man, how to be a prince who would sweep the queen off her feet.
Echo looked thrilled to be dancing with him. I wondered if he would pick her. She was very meek, which meant she wouldn't fight with him. He loved making me so mad that I would yell at him loud enough for the others to hear. Then he would kiss me in the middle of my anger and ask if all was forgiven.
He'd give me that cute crooked smile and I'd be so lost in his brown eyes I would forget what I was upset about. It was like Bellamy had put me under a spell. One that would be broken tonight, when he proposed to someone else.
I wiped away a tear as Raven joined my pity party. How she found me I wasn't sure. I didn't tell anyone I was here. I wasn't supposed to be here, I wasn't supposed to feel more than loyalty to the king. I didn't want them to know about us. I didn't want to blow Bellamy's cover. I didn't want everyone to hate him because he broke my heart.
"Hey," she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me from behind, "how you holding up?"
She was the only one who knew. I never told her, she figured it out. It was nice to have someone to lean on. But I knew it was dangerous for her to know our secret. Which is why I made her promise not to tell another soul. I trusted Raven. But it was hard to trust her with this secret.
"I'll survive," I whispered, "somehow."
My eyes were glued to Bellamy who was dancing with Gina now. She would be a good match for him. Her brown hair was shorter than mine, but still curled around his fingers. She laughed at his stupid jokes and I could tell she was a good listener. Out of all the princesses in this room she was my favorite.
Because she was the complete opposite of me.
"You know if you were out there it wouldn't even be a competition. He would choose you and be done with it all."
"It doesn't matter. I can't be out there because I'm not a princess. I'm the daughter of his mother's maid, the girl who grew up in the castle trained to become his wife's maid. Somehow we forgot my place. We forgot that his would never last."
I never forgot. No matter how happy he made me, how many kisses we stole, I always knew the end would be painful. For me. Bellamy got another girl to replace me, another chance at falling in love. I was the poor girl who would end up back at the bottom. It didn't matter if queen Aurora wanted my brain for the infirmary.
I would always be the maids daughter. I would always be less than a princess.
Bellamy spun Gina around and she giggled. I couldn't help but remember when he used to dance with me like that. He taught me to dance. We were barely thirteen and still unafraid of the friendship that was happening between us. But he hoisted me up on his feet and spun me around this very ball room.
I had never laughed as hard as I did that day. Looking back that was the moment I knew this life was one I never wanted. That was the first day I wished I could've been born someone else. The only time I wished for a crown instead of a broom.
Because Bellamy wasn't allowed to fall for someone like me.
The first time the rebels broke into the castle it was my birthday. Bellamy and I were in the sun room, he was giving me his present. I didn't even get to open it, I never did find out what he got me that year. Because the alarm sounded and suddenly we were pushed through a wall into one of the small safe rooms.
It was just Bellamy and I in the dark room. Which would've been an ideal situation if not for the fact that our home was under attack. Bellamy stood with his hands on the sealed door as if he could open it by the sheer will of his anger. He always hated how the rebels fought their way into our home.
"Your mom is fine," I squeezed his arm knowing he was worrying about Aurora, "she always finds your dad when this happens. Don't worry about them."
He laughed, pulling away from the door, "it's ironic really. Usually I'm worrying about you. And my mom always tells me the same thing."
Aurora told me once after the dances started she wished I could participate in winning Bellamy's hand. She wanted someone who would make him happy. She wanted him to marry someone who was a friend first, lover second. She had no idea how much that hurt my heart. Because if I could, I would've stolen him away from those princesses the moment they stepped into this castle.
I smiled as Bellamy turned around and faced me. He grabbed my waist and pulled me close. The butterflies in my stomach would never get used to the way he smiled at me, the way he touched me. My heart would never find another person to flip flop over. If he wasn't holding me so close my hands would've been shaking.
"Clarke if this was another time, another place, I'd run away with you," he whispered, our faces inches apart. I smiled, wondering if that was as romantic as it was supposed to be. I wouldn't know, I never had anyone other than this beautiful man.
Could you actually love the very first person who touched your heart? Or were you supposed to lose your first love, to realize how love worked and understand the signs of the person you were supposed to be with? I couldn't imagine loving someone who wasn't Bellamy Blake.
I bridged the distance between us and kissed him slowly, my hands holding his face, "I would go anywhere with you," I whispered, my eyes closed as I pressed my forehead to his, "this castle was never my home. You are."
There was six months until he turned twenty one. Six months until I had to let him go. Six months until I was homeless, because we both knew I wouldn't find a new home. We both felt time moving forward while we were stuck wishing it would stop. But it didn't feel real in that moment. Because we had each other and that's all that mattered.
I pulled away first. Whenever I remembered how close we were I tried to talk about the princess he was going to pick. I gave him suggestions, I told him which girls were secretly rude and mean. I was his inside into the life he would have to live with her. The maids knew all the best gossip after all.
I ran my thumb over his bottom lip and then sighed, "don't choose a blonde girl," I stepped away from him and sat down on the cot that was there. I shivered as I pulled the blanket over my thin dress, "don't pick a princess who looks like me. Because I don't want to know you'll be happy with my look alike."
"Clarke," Bellamy hated when I talked about him choosing a wife. He hated that he had to choose. But I wouldn't hold him back. I wouldn't change his destiny.
He had far more important things to do than spend his life with a lowly maid.
I wiped away a tear, "you have to accept that this won't last forever. Because it won't. A prince doesn't marry the daughter of his mother's maid. He doesn't marry his best friend and he doesn't marry for love. He marries for status and land. Which is how you'll choose your bride."
"Can we go one day without you bringing this up? I think you like reminding me that our time is coming to an end. Because you bring it up whenever we get a moment like this alone."
I laughed, the anger clear in my voice, "right. It'll be easier to break this off if we fight. I didn't think of that."
"Yes Clarke. Push me away. Push the only person in this god forsaken kingdom who's ever cared about you away. So then you can live your lonely life without anyone saying I told you so."
He ran his hand through his hair. Even if we had just fought, I couldn't help but smile. He had been doing that since we were kids. Whenever he was upset or agitated he ran his hand through his brown shaggy hair. Then he would look at me and it seemed to ease the tension in his shoulders. Even before we started dating Bellamy told me I was his anchor into the real world. Aways from his the crown and his father.
Suddenly all my heartache dissolved.
"Stop smiling at me," he glared at me as he stood against the wall, "you said you wanted to be angry with me."
Tears filled my eyes as it washed over me again. I wanted to be happy with him in this room, but it was hard to be happy with a deadline hanging over your head, "six months, Bell. That's not a long time. Summer will be here before we know it and I'm just not ready to give you to someone else. I'm not ready to let you go."
Bellamy crossed the room in three strides and knelt down in front of me. He pulled my hands into his and waited for me to look at him. His palms were warm, they were big as they housed my small hands. I loved looking at our skin pressed together. His tan skin looked so warm against my paleness. I brought my eyes up to his and I knew no matter how hard I tried I would never be happy with anyone else.
After a long pause he squeezed my fingers.
"You don't have to push me away. Please don't push me away."
He was begging me to fight for us. But that was a battle we would never win. He had to see that this would never be. No matter how many happy fairy tales his mom read him at night, the boy never lived happily ever after. Not in the real world.
"Sometimes I think it would be easier to say goodbye now. To cut ties with you, to cleanse my heart and soul of you," Bellamy's hands went to my waist as he pressed his face into my stomach. He was holding onto me as if my words were going to break us apart for good this time. I laid my hand against his arm.
"But then I think of how I can't remember a single moment in my life, good or bad, that you weren't there beside me. You've been my partner in crime, my best friend for as long as I've been alive. Which means I'll never be able to let you go. And that hurts the most."
The safe room was quiet as he held me. We had been doing this for four years now. No one knew. No one knew that when the summer came my heart would be broken by the prince who was never supposed to fall in love before he married someone else. No one except Raven and my mother would be able to tell how shattered my world had become.
And neither of them would ever be able to replace the person I lost.
Bellamy sighed as he pulled away and brought his eyes back to mine. He pulled my face towards his, kissing me softly. It would've been the perfect last kiss. A kiss to last me a lifetime without him.
The room was cold, but Bellamy was always warm. He held me close as he continued to kiss me, climbing up on the bed beside me. He held me close, like he could pull me into him and we would never have to live without each other. I sighed, giving into everything my body wanted.
I couldn't fight him or myself when he was touching me. Six months left and I knew there was no way I would never be able to quit him.
"For what it's worth," Bellamy's deep voice rippled through my body as he laid his hand across my heart, "I wish I could pick you."
Bellamy danced with every single princess in the room. I watched as his shoulders loosened up and the tension left his body with each new girl he spun around the room. My heart stopped hurting when he started to enjoy their company. I let out a slow breath, knowing I'd never be able to feel this way for another person. But I wanted Bellamy to be happy. I loved him, so I knew I'd have to let him go.
That didn't make it easier, but I knew it had to happen. Loving someone made you stronger, made life worth living. Knowing I had Bellamy, even for a short time, I knew I could somehow make it through tonight.
It would be the rest of my life here in this castle that would be hard on me.
The castle was quiet when I snuck out of my room last night. The nighttime guards wouldn't question me, we had a pact. I looked the other way when they went for more food and they didn't question why I wandered the halls after curfew. Still my heart was beating fast inside my chest as I walked down the long hallway towards his bedroom. I kept to the shadows, afraid of getting caught.
We had ended things this afternoon. At least that's what we said. It had been an intense moment of apologies from Bellamy and understanding from me. I thought I could say goodbye and be done with it. But I had to see him. I had to get one last moment with the only boy who would ever hold my heart.
His bedroom door was open. I pushed through and then locked it as I stood there staring at his sleeping form. I smiled, he looked so young when he was asleep. I was taken back years as I stood there watching his chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm. He looked more like a boy than a king. So peaceful and relaxed.
I walked to the edge of his bed and realized how foolish this was. He never got to sleep, I shouldn't be selfish and wake him up now. I had said my peace and we were supposed to move on. Still I leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Maybe he would think it was a dream. Or maybe he would know this was my actual goodbye.
I was about to turn around and leave, never letting him know I was there, when he opened his eyes. His deep voice was thick with sleep, "Clarke?"
All it took was that voice and I was gone. Tears choked me as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down into the bed beside him. All it took was one moment alone to break us, our goodbyes meant nothing in the moonlight of his room. I pressed my lips to his, too scared to speak until I knew I wouldn't cry. His hands pressed against my waist, his kiss a promise he couldn't keep.
"What's wrong?" He pulled away and I knew there was more weight to that question than he realized.
"I just wanted one more night," I whispered as he wiped away a few tears that had escaped, "one more stolen moment in our bubble. I'm yours Bellamy. I always have been," he kissed me, his hands trailing under my shirt, "I always will be."
He kissed my neck and I knew what I wanted. I didn't care if he took me. I wanted this first to be with my best friend.
"I might have to choose a wife tomorrow," he whispered as he looked into my eyes, his hand resting on my cheek, "but my heart will always be yours."
I slipped my hands under his shirt and he understood what I was asking for. We had both been asking for this moment for as long as I could remember. His thumb brushed against my chest. His lips silenced the moan that followed. We stopped talking as he pressed me into the mattress.
We laid tangled up in his sheets together. If this was any other night I would've been happy. I would've closed my eyes and fell asleep in the arms of the man I loved. Nothing was as perfect as we were together. I pulled on his shirt, the castle was always too cold for me. Bellamy was a furnace behind me, keeping me warm with his body. I turned around to face him as he pulled the blanket up to his chest.
"We shouldn't have done that," I whispered. More tears ready to fall, "because we can never do it again. And that one time wasn't nearly enough."
He gave me that smile I liked to believe he saved for me. He was half asleep, his eyes barely open, "if you give me an hour we can go again."
I couldn't help but laugh, "the mighty prince Bellamy takes an hour to recharge? I should warn the future princess."
He tickled my sides as he pressed a kiss against my shoulder, "what can I say? You wore me out."
The room fell quiet around us. I might deflect with humor, but I knew this moment had to shatter. Someone else would be in my place tomorrow. He held me against his chest and I felt his heart beating against my back. I listened to him start to fall back asleep, his breaths became slower. I was getting ready to slip out, when his arms tightened around me.
"Where are you going?"
"Back to my room," I whispered, thinking he had gone back to sleep.
He held me tighter, "one last time," he whispered against my skin, "I want to wake up holding you one last time."
I didn't argue. I wasn't ready to leave him either. But I knew this would only make things harder on both of us. Still I closed my eyes and laid my head in the crook of his neck where it fit perfectly. I closed my eyes and listened to him fall back asleep. I knew I would never get another moment like this again.
So I savored every last second we had.
I slipped away before he woke up this morning. Saying goodbye in his arms after what we did last night would've been even harder than before. I needed to let him go and I couldn't do that if he was holding me in his arms after we finally slept together. I knew Bellamy would've said anything to keep me there in his bed. One look in his brown eyes and I would've agreed to anything as long as it meant we could stay together.
I couldn't stop thinking about how in another life we could've woken up together. I could've been happy and glowing because the man I loved had finally claimed me as his. We could've spent every night together.
But this wasn't another life. This was my life. And Bellamy wasn't meant to be with a maid.
The party kept on going around me. The parents were tipsy on the alcohol Aurora had served. Their laughter filled the air, their daughters nerves were wound tight. The evening was wearing to an end, which meant soon only one of them would be left. After the last dance was had the king called his son back to the stage. I knew this was it. Everyone felt the change in the air as the royal family got ready to make their announcement.
I wondered if he would be as gentle with her. If his hands would stop and hold her the way he held me. I wondered if he would hold her eyes to his, smiling as he said her name over and over again under his breath. I wondered if she would lose herself in the man she was with. Or if the moment we shared last night meant so much more to the two of us because of how much we had to lose.
Because of how much we truly did love each other.
The king cleared his throat and looked at his son. I could barely keep my eyes from filling with tears as I got ready to let him go. I knew this was coming, I knew we couldn't be together. But I still wasn't ready to let myself believe it was the end.
Bellamy had been my best friend since before I could form memories. We shared a crib, Aurora wasn't the queen to me she was more like another mother. I wiped away a tear as Raven grabbed my hand.
"It'll be okay," she whispered, both of us thinking about Finn and how they never got their happy ending, "you'll learn to love again."
I swallowed the lump in my throat and agreed. But I knew it wasn't true. Half of my heart would always belong to the brown eyed boy who would one day rule this country. I would always be his subject, which meant I would never be able to breathe without a reminder of what we once had.
I would probably have to be her maid. He'd want me close, which meant I'd never escape the torture of seeing him happy with someone else.
I was about to leave when my eyes met his. He caught me staring, the party was meant for royals. Anyone not working wasn't supposed to be here. But I snuck in because I had to see who she was. I wanted to see the face of my replacement, the luckiest girl in the kingdom.
Bellamy's lips twitched as he caught sight of me. He always told me he had a thing for rule breakers. I saw a small smile at the corner of his mouth. He ran his fingers over his lips, a move he used to give me whenever we wanted to meet me somewhere alone. Usually we ended up in his bedroom. I shook my head, my heart couldn't take an actual goodbye.
His father leaned over and whispered something in his ear. He nodded, his eyes falling away from me as he gave his father an answer. This was it. Bellamy would finally belong to someone else. And I would be used and bruised goods that no one could ever possibly love again.
Not the way Bellamy had.
He looked sad as he father stood, "ladies and gentlemen, it is my honor to introduce to you my son, the prince and heir of Arcadia. Prince Bellamy Blake."
Bellamy smiled, buttoning his jacket as he let out a breath, "good evening. I know you've all gathered here to hear my decision on whom I choose as my bride. I would like you all to know I've made my decision. But you are all beautiful and lovely women. Don't let my choice stop in you in believing you will one day find love."
I sighed, my eyes going towards Wells as Bellamy gave a half hearted speech. The guards looked out of place, one of them had a red band around his forearm. Their formation seemed off. I had years in this castle, I knew the way the guards acted at dances like this. Something was wrong but I couldn't put my finger on why I felt so hollow. All the maids and servants didn't notice. Surely the royal attendants didn't either.
King Kane stood, "alright my son. You know all their fathers have agreed to give you their daughter's hand. So you may offer your hand to the princess you choose."
"While everyone watches," he muttered as he stood up off his chair. He walked down the steps slowly, his shoulders bobbing up and down. He had always been handsome, even when he was a child. But now he was breath taking, especially in his dress suit.
His body filled that suit out perfectly. It hugged every curve and slope a man could have. I watched him grown into his shoulders, his muscles appearing as he trained with the guards. Bellamy was handsome, but his soul was even more beautiful than his face.
I could only hope whoever he chose understand that as well as I did.
Bellamy passed the first table where Echo was sitting. Her face fell, he didn't even glance in her direction. Everyone watched as he continued to walk away from the stage. I could hear them holding their breath, waiting to see who the lucky girl who finally be. He passed the third table where Roma sat smiling like she had already won the prize. Finally he came to the shadows where I was standing. That crooked smile took up his face as he waited for my eyes to meet his.
"I know you're there," his voice was soft. Those brown eyes glowed in the light of the room. My heart was pounding as he held out his hand, "give me your hand Clarke."
Raven pushed me forward, causing me to grab at his hand before I fell down. His big fingers curled around mine and I felt the world stop turning. He was choosing me. In front of everyone, his father included. He was choosing the poor maid he had grown up with.
Everyone gasped as he pulled me out into the light. I was wearing a brown dress that matched my status. I wasn't dirty, thank god. I had actually put some effort into my appearance today, thinking it would matter to him. Not that my looks ever had anything to do with Bellamy's attraction to me. He always told me they were a second to my beautiful mind.
Still it was a shock to see him holding my hand. They all gasped, everyone knew I wasn't royalty no matter how hard I tried to change.
"Bellamy what are you doing?" Kane's voice echoed across the room. Aurora was smiling as he kept his hand in mine.
"Making my choice."
Slowly he knelt down on one knee and held my hand between his. There were more tears in my eyes, "Clarke I've known you my entire life. I've never known someone as stubborn and hard headed as you. You frustrate me to no end, but you also push me to be a better man. A better leader. I never needed to search for a princess because she's always been here, beside me."
I heard a few sighs as he pulled out the prettiest ring I had ever seen, "Bellamy."
He shook his head, "I love you Clarke Griffin. A king is nothing without a beautiful and strong queen. Make me the happiest man in the world and marry me."
My mouth fell open as every single princess in the room glared at the scene. I couldn't think, I couldn't speak. His father was standing, ready to tell him to stop making a fool out of himself, out of us. But Aurora stopped him. She shook her head, watching as they all waited for my answer.
"Yes," I whispered as he pushed the diamond onto my ring finger and stood up to kiss me, "you never even had to ask."
A few people clapped as he held me in his arms. I blushed, realizing how terrible this looked for the kingdom. A maid would be their queen? A maid who grew up in the castle, they probably assumed I seduced him. They would probably assume I was pregnant with his child and they wanted us to marry before it got out.
None of that mattered to me. Because I was happier than I had ever been standing there wearing his ring.
King Kane looked furious. He glared as his son as we stood there, happy together. But the moment didn't last. Because that's when all hell broke loose. The first guard with a red band around his forearm came up and put a bullet in Roma's back. Another one walked over to Echo's table and shot her father in the head. There was no time to think, no time to run.
The rebels had gotten into the castle. This time they came prepared.
I screamed. The entire room turned into a circus as Bellamy pushed me behind him. I stepped to the side, his arm at my waist as he tried to shield me. But I wouldn't let him be the hero. One of the guards came towards us, his gun pointed at my head. I clung to his arm, praying he wouldn't be a hero.
"Bell."
"Don't even think about it," he whispered to me. We knew each other too well. He knew I would do whatever I had to to keep him safe. He was the prince, this kingdom needed him.
The rebel smiled. Murphy. The one who used to try and get Bellamy to come out and fight him. I could see his enjoyment as he watched us back up into the corner.
"Nowhere to run now, huh prince?"
Bellamy growled. My eyes swept towards Wells. He was coming towards us. Murphy didn't notice as Bellamy answered, "you rebel scum. You'll never get this kingdom."
He laughed as he lowered the gun and pointed it at my chest, "maybe not. But I don't think you should get a happy ending either."
My life flashed before my eyes. Every moment I shared with Bellamy, every night I spend wondering how hard it would be to live without him. None of it mattered as he kept his arms around me. My heart panicked inside my chest, as the guards tried to get control of the situation at hand.
He pulled the trigger. I heard the shot but I never felt the bullet. Bellamy pushed me behind him completely, turning to face me as Wells took Murphy down with one shot. I watched the blood seep onto his shirt as he held me. Bellamy had taken the bullet for me. He winced as I touched his arm. He pressed a button and the wall opened.
"No. I won't go without you," I pulled on his arm but he shook his head. His eyes went to his father, his mother. They were cornered on the stage. Half the guards were Rebels in disguise. I knew they needed him, but not nearly as much as I needed to keep him safe in this room with me.
"I have to protect my kingdom," he winced again, the bullet had hit his shoulder. He looked at the ring on my finger and kissed me once more, "I never considered any of them. It was always you."
A bullet barely missed my head. I didn't get a chance to say anything to him. Before I could he pushed me into the safe room and slammed the door shut. Leaving me with nothing but his kiss and the weight of his ring to remind me why I didn't get to fight.
I lost track of time in the dark room. I didn't even bother to turn on the light, I sat there staring at the wall and waiting for someone to open the door. I waited for someone to tell me Bellamy didn't make it. I was preparing myself for the actual heartbreak that would follow. I knew the pain I felt today would be nothing compared to what it would be like if Bellamy didn't make it out of this war alive.
I listened to the dripping of the water down the wall. The room was sound proof. I had no idea what was happening outside these four walls. The door was sealed, it was locked and I couldn't open it until it was safe to leave. I should've pulled him into this room with me. I shouldn't have let him be a hero.
Because even the best heroes didn't always make it home.
I wiped away a tear as I closed my eyes. I wasn't tired. I wanted my fiancée, my best friend to tell me everything would be okay. Whenever the rebels broke in I usually tried to find my way to his safe room. Because I didn't like wondering if he was okay. I didn't like to be stuck in this alone, wondering if the others were okay. I wondered if my mom had gotten to the servants safe room in time.
The rebels didn't even seem to care how many lives they ruined.
I had no idea how long I sat there waiting for someone to open the door. Time seemed to stop, my eyes glued to the steel door. But the moment it opened I bolted up. My legs were wobbly from sitting for so long, but I was faster than I thought I could be. Two guards I barely recognized stood there asking me if I was okay. I didn't have time to answer, I pushed past them and went straight to the infirmary.
I didn't even stop to take inventory of the mess that was the castle.
My eyes went wide as I took in the scene. Every single bed was taken. Every surviving member of this castle was injured and waiting to be looked at. Those who didn't have life threatening injuries were shoved to the side. But that wasn't what struck me. My heart splintered as I searched the faces and Bellamy's wasn't among them.
If he wasn't here among the wounded, it meant he hadn't made it. Tears choked me as I looked down at his ring. The last thing he would ever give to me.
"Clarke," Ravens voice pulled me from my depression.
I ran to her bed, off to the side against the window, and hugged her tightly. Her leg was bandaged up, she had a black and blue eye. She looked like a giant bruise and I wasn't sure how that was possible. But she looked better than a lot of the others. Unless she ran right into the middle of the fight like I knew she would've.
I sighed as I sat down on the edge of her bed and held her hand in mine, "what happened?"
"Somehow the rebels took our guards. They thought they could over throw the king while he was busy making a fuss of his son's engagement. Instead they made a mess of the castle and lost all their men. We're stronger than we look. We took them down and they went running when our backup came."
I smiled, proud that our kingdom was strong enough to fight against those who were trying to take it down. Bellamy died fighting for his kingdom. He was a hero. I knew he would be proud. But that didn't make it any easier. We had been so close to our happy ending.
"He would be proud to know his sacrifice was worth it," I said squeezing her hand, "and I'm glad you're okay."
"Wait who?" She asked confused as I wipe away my tears.
"Bellamy. He's not here," I couldn't get the words out. If I said he was gone then it would be real. It would be final and I wasn't ready for that yet.
Raven laughed, wincing through the pain, "oh Clarke. My sweet Clarke. Bellamy's not here in the infirmary because he's the king. He's recovering in his room."
My heart stopped as I realized what she said. I smiled, hugging her once more before jumping up and all but running out of the room. This was our second chance, I wasn't going to waste it.
There were more than a dozen guards outside Bellamy's room. They all looked at me like I was the enemy, until one of them finally recognized me. He bowed, as if I had always been royalty. I smiled at him as he let me pass. My mind couldn't seem to process the fact that Raven said he was the king. Which meant something big had happened to his father.
"He's been asking for you," the guard whispered as he opened the door and then I took in the commotion that was happening inside his room.
There were at least three advisors speaking with him. Bellamy looked like a king, even if his arm was in a sling. He was wearing a white cotton shirt, like the one I wore this morning after I slipped out of his room. I couldn't believe it had only been twenty four hours since that happened.
He was sitting taller than he normally did. His shoulders seemed to be holding the world already. There was scruff around his jaw. He was more a king now than ever before.
I smiled as his eyes caught mine. He tried to stop the relief that flooded his features, but I saw him relax, "can you all give me a moment with my fiancée please."
I waited until everyone left the room. I had to force myself to walk to his bedside. But once I was there I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He pulled me in with his good arm and kissed me like he thought he would never get to kiss me again.
"I thought you were gone," I whispered pulling away. Happy tears filled my eyes, "and that was worse than thinking you would choose someone else. Please don't ever push me to safety without you again."
He ran his finger over my bottom lip, "I'm sorry. I pushed you into that room because then I knew you were safe. I couldn't bare to lose you Clarke. Not when I finally made you my first real choice in this life."
I smiled and kissed him once more, "so you're the king now huh? What happened?"
Tears gathered in his eyes, "my father died protecting my mother and Octavia. The rebels would've put a bullet in their heads if he hadn't thrown himself in their path. Another guard got them to safety, but I wasn't fast enough."
"I'm sorry," I whispered as I laced our fingers together, "I'm so sorry Bell."
He sighed, shaking his head, "before he died he told me he was proud I broke the rules, he was glad I didn't choose a princess for her family's land or status. He wanted me to be happy, to love someone and be loved in return. The way he loved my mom. He gave me his blessing to marry you."
My mouth fell open as he leaned in and kissed me. This moment was bittersweet. Because we were finally allowed to be together, at the cost of the one man who we never thought would give. I could taste Bellamy's tears and I knew that his father's approval meant more than anything else to him. It meant a lot to me too.
"I feel like I'm going to wake up and this will have all been a dream," I whispered as I pulled away.
Bellamy couldn't stop smiling, "the best dream," he whispered before pulling me into his chest, "because I get to spend the rest of my life with my best friend."
We had lost a lot in this last rebel attack. Bellamy had lost his father, Aurora had lost her husband. Arcadia had lost their king. But we had gained so much more there was no denying the way we felt. I felt horrible for how happy this moment made me feel, after all the lives we lost we didn't deserve to smile. Bellamy laced our fingers together, his eyes landing on the diamond ring he gave me earlier this evening.
We might have a kingdom to put back together, but we would rebuild and we would recover. I knew as long as I got to stand beside him, as his wife and his equal, there was nowhere else I'd rather be.
Bellamy's fingers grazed my cheek, "I always told you I'd pick you," he whispered, smiling as our lips hovered inches apart, "there was never a choice for me. It's always been you."
I couldn't help but laugh, "I'm sure all the other kingdoms will be thrilled to hear you married a maid. They'll probably think I'm already pregnant and this was just a giant cover up to hide an out of wedlock child."
Bellamy tickled my side and I knew if he wasn't injured he would've turned me over and repeated the events of last night. He pressed his lips to mine, stopping the giggles that escaped my mouth, "well we can make that happen."
His brown eyes flashed with desire, but I shook my head, "not until you're better Bell. And not until I'm officially your wife."
He kissed me softly, "well then I guess you better get to helping my mom plan our wedding. Because I don't want to wait another day and almost lose you again."
This time when his lips meant mine, I knew he was promising me forever.
