Stranger In My Life
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Age.
Sometimes, Aurelia Hawke wished that her mother was still with her. Well, that wasn't quite true. She always wished that her mother was still with her, it was just that some days she needed her more than others. She was needing her more and more recently.
She'd tried for years but the Qunari had still invaded the city and killed the viscount who – despite everything – had seemed like a really good man. She had seen Bethany again for the first time since Cullen had dragged her away (she still couldn't believe that one day he had been all 'I'm stealing your sister' and on another he had had the nerve to congratulate her on moving up in the world. So what if those two days were three years apart?) and Bethany hadn't seemed glad to see her. Aurelia couldn't blame her; it had been six years now and she still couldn't bring herself to see Bethany locked up in the Circle like that while Gamlen went at least once a month. Maker, but she was a coward sometimes.
And now, despite all her best efforts, Knight-Commander Meredith was continuing to choke the mages in the Gallows. She saw what was happening and heard even more about it and she knew that Bethany was one of Meredith's victims. Still, there didn't seem to be anything she could do. Sometimes, it seemed that the only things ever did that didn't turn out to be ultimately meaningless only made things worse. She'd never have thought Grace would have gone off the deep end like that and murder the best templar she knew…even if Thrask had been a part of Bethany's kidnapping.
And then, there was Anders. It was self-explanatory, really. Carver and Bethany, in a rare show of agreement, had often joked that she had the absolute worst taste in men. Aurelia had never believed them, of course, but now she really had to wonder. If she left out the fact that it was Anders and just focused on the fact that she was dating an abomination then she really would have to really question her judgment. And he wasn't even a consistent abomination, either.
As bizarre and dangerous – and perhaps stupid – as dating a normal abomination was, at least she'd know what she was getting. With Anders it was him one minute and Justice the next, often at the most unexpected of times or when he looked to be on the verge of considering what she considered a more reasonable viewpoint on their quest to free the mages. To make matters worse, he couldn't seem to decide if they were two entities or one. Either way, this was very worrying…particularly when he made it clear how much Justice didn't approve of their relationship. If they were really one and the same then she had to wonder. If they weren't then clearly the lines between them were blurring even further.
But then, who else was available to her? Not someone out of their group, that was for sure. The nobles vying for her hand and her fortune were too pretentious and unadventurous for her lifestyle. The templars were too religious, too addicted to lyrium (thanks for the heads-up, Aveline), and too much to blame for what happened to Bethany. Not to mention that expecting Anders and a templar to spend any real time together without one or both ending up dead was asking far too much. Another mage would be part of the Circle and thus out for the same reason she never went to see Bethany or an Apostate and thus being hunted and she had already had more than enough of living in fear for the ones she loved with her father, Bethany, and Anders. Common criminals and peasants really weren't going to appeal to her, either. All of it was too…normal. She didn't do normal well, for all that Anders had feared them being together would destroy her chance for it. She needed someone at least as eccentric as she was.
But if not Anders, who else was there? Aveline was happily married and too straight-laced for anything between them to have ever worked out. Varric was great but there was always Bianca to consider and the fact that she was a bit too crazy for his tastes. Isabela was gorgeous but even if she could be persuaded to have a serious relationship, Aurelia had seen her coming out of Anders' clinic too many times to really want to go there. Merrill's blatant refusal to see that blood magic was evil and to take any responsibility for the disaster with Marethari put her right out, not to mention that her naivety and the stranger-in-a-strange-land thing she had going on would probably be a lot less endearing if she dealt with it on a more regular basis. Fenris, of course, had almost as many issues as Anders did between the slavery and the amnesia and she never could quite figure out the right thing to say to him. He was just as likely to take offense at her attempts to understand and help him as he was to appreciate them.
Not to mention that she loved Anders.
She hadn't exactly meant for it to happen and she certainly didn't believe that falling for an apostate ran in the family just because her mother had done the same thing but there it was. He'd be the first one to tell anyone who asked what a horrible idea it was and yet…it made her happy. It couldn't possibly end happily but for now she thought it was worth it.
They'd be good together these last three years. It's just…something was happening lately. Anders had gotten back involved with the cause of the mages and Justice had resurfaced. Aurelia knew full well how Ella's near-death had scared him and it wasn't like she had expected or even wanted him to give up trying to help the mages forever. Still, she couldn't tell who had ultimately made the decision and, from what she could tell, neither did Anders.
She passed by the library and saw Anders (maybe) scribbling furiously on a sheet of paper. She could only see the back of his head so it was impossible to be sure if it was Anders in a frenzy or Justice. Well…the being that referred to itself as Justice, at any rate. Nearly killing the frightened girl he had been trying to save for mistaking him (possibly) for a demon didn't really seem very just to her. Vengeful, perhaps. And wasn't that one of the sides to justice? Vengeance and mercy?
"You are staring," Anders said in a deeper and more otherworldly voice than he normally used. So this was Justice then. Perfect. He had never outright attacked her but every time Aurelia saw him, she couldn't shake the feeling that he wanted to.
"I suppose I am," Aurelia agreed. "Is that a problem?"
"It is a waste of time," Justice returned, turning around. Yep, there it was: the glowing blue eyes that never failed to creep her out a little. She'd never tell Anders this, of course, as it would only upset him unnecessarily.
"I wasn't aware that there was anything pressing I had to do at this moment," Aurelia told him, mentally adding 'wasting time is unjust' to the end of the spirit's sentence since it was probably thinking that anyway.
Justice frowned. "That is only from a lack of trying. In Hightown it is easy to stay insulated but just go to the Gallows, Lowtown, Darktown and you'll see so much injustice going on that it would spur even the likes of you to action."
Aurelia's eyebrows rose. "Excuse me?" she demanded incredulously. "Even the likes of me? Are you forgetting that I spent all day today tracking down a conspiracy to oust Meredith so that the mages wouldn't be blamed and punished for it…despite the fact that several of the mages were, in fact, responsible for it and had taken my sister?"
"You attacked these mages and aided the templars in returning them to their prison," Justice accused.
"They attacked me first," Aurelia defended. "Thrask said to let Bethany go but Grace decided that nothing was more important than killing me in vengeance for the death of her ex-boyfriend."
"She was trying to seek justice," Justice disagreed.
"So I should have just let her kill me? Some help I could be to the mages then," Aurelia said, crossing her arms.
"No but you should not have judged her so harshly," Justice said after a moment's thought.
"Her ex tried to kill me because he'd somehow gotten it into his head that I was a templar and wouldn't listen to anyone else – even her – when they tried to tell him that I was not," Aurelia pointed out. "He really brought it upon himself."
"And yet you were sent by a templar to return him to the Circle and even returned one of the mages there," Justice reminded her.
Aurelia rolled her eyes. "Oh, honestly! He wanted to go back there! All I did was let him go and he turned himself in to Thrask. I let Grace and her people go although it would have saved me a lot of time and effort today if I'd just killed them. It's not my fault they were captured later."
"You still should not have aided the templars in retaking the mages who survived the fight today," Justice said severely.
"What was I supposed to do?" Aurelia challenged. "Even if I were in a forgiving mood – which I wasn't – the templars had still shown up by the time I was done taking out Grace and her minions. Should I have killed all of the templars who had shown up? Including Knight-Captain Cullen, Meredith's far more reasonable second in command? She'd only replace him with someone more like herself."
"Yes, you should have," Justice said simply. "Or you could have stopped them from showing up at all by killing the ex-templar."
"For what? He had shown up to help the mages but their blood magic drove him away. He didn't deserve to die," Aurelia argued.
"And because he lived he did an unjust thing," Justice replied.
"There's no way that we could have known that," Aurelia protested.
"He was a templar," Justice said as if that settled the matter.
"And Grace was a crazy blood mage who almost murdered my innocent sister…who is also a mage," Aurelia pointed out. "There was really nothing I could do."
"You may have tried to aid the mage cause today but there is so much you do that has nothing to do with it. You helped the Dalish elf consort with demons. That is unjust. You gathered ingredients for a merchant and dealt with problems in a cave that were unimportant. You-"
"Am I supposed to spend every waking moment trying to help the mages?" Aurelia interrupted.
Justice glared at her, not pleased with the interruption. "That would be proper, yes. You should also stop distracting Anders from his work."
"No one can spend their entire life devoted to any one cause, not me and not even Anders," Aurelia insisted. "At some point you need to do something else or you'll either go mad or wear yourself out."
"So you give in to sloth while the mages continue to suffer," Justice said reprovingly.
Aurelia closed her eyes and took a few deep, controlled breaths. "The mages are going to continue to suffer whether I have a life outside of them or not. I do whatever I can to help whoever I can and I'd like to think I do some good though Grace's actions really make me question that. Regardless, the lot of the mages? It's not going to change anytime soon."
"Oh, but it could," Justice claimed.
"How?" Aurelia demanded.
"Knight-Commander Meredith is the driving force behind these increased restrictions on mages. Getting rid of her is a priority. You say this Cullen would be better for mages while we work to free them completely. You have unrestricted access to Meredith. Why is she not dead? Have you truly so little concern for mages?" Justice asked rhetorically. It was clear what he thought the answer was.
Aurelia couldn't believe it. "So…you want me to just walk into Meredith's office and kill her?"
"You have surprise on your side and you are not sufficiently devoted to the cause of mages to make her suspicious. You have even helped do the templars jobs for them recently," Justice charged.
"I told her I'd look into it," Aurelia objected. "She said that she wanted me to see the other side of the argument. If I had found anyone sympathetic, I would have let them go but I figured that she would have enough sense to only send me after the worst of the worst. And what do you know? An abomination and a blood mage."
"And a foolish but innocent mage," Justice added.
Aurelia waved him off. "He was raised in the Circle and thought telling people he was a blood mage – even falsely – was a good idea. And he made no secret of who he was in a pub in the same city as the Gallows. He was clearly not capable of surviving on his own."
Justice ignored that. These minute details often eluded his comprehension. "Even if failed to kill her with one blow, you stand a fair chance of taking her out in combat."
"And what about her templars? I can't expect all of them to just sit idly by while she's murdered in their headquarters," Aurelia pointed out. "And regardless of what you seem to think, I am widely regarded to be a known mage sympathizer. Actions have consequences!"
"They could be dealt with. If they would defend her, they deserve to die like her," Justice insisted.
"There is no way I would make it out of there alive," Aurelia said flatly.
Justice shook his head in annoyance. "Is your life truly so precious to you?"
"Honestly? It kind of is," Aurelia admitted. "And there's no guarantee that the plan would even work. And if I die, who knows what they'll do to Bethany? She is in their custody, after all."
"A deplorable situation that you continue to allow," Justice said angrily.
Aurelia's eyes flashed. "How dare you!"
"Did you fight?" Justice challenged. "Or did you just let them take her?"
"I…" Aurelia couldn't look at him. "She told me not to. It was at Uncle Gamlen's house. Mother and Uncle Gamlen would have gotten in the crossfire. It was the right decision."
"And you wonder why I doubt your commitment to mage freedom," Justice said contemptuously. He brought his hand up to rub at his eyes. When the hand came down, Anders was back.
"Love? Are you alright? You look upset," Anders said, immediately rising and coming over to her.
Aurelia forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Anders peered closely at her. "Are you sure? You don't look fine."
Aurelia shrugged. "Well, maybe I'm a little tired. And seeing Bethany in danger because of me…I never really think about what my actions might mean for her."
Anders nodded. "Actions have consequences," he said, ironically echoing her words from earlier. It was nice to see that he still understood that even if Justice didn't seem to care. "It's harder when the threat comes from the people you're trying to help."
Aurelia managed a weak laugh. "Oh, tell me about it."
"Listen, Aurelia…how long were you standing there anyway? Did anything…happen?" Anders asked her.
What was she supposed to say? That Justice still hated her? Chances were that he knew that better than she did. That he'd lost control again? The blackout could tell him that. If she acknowledged what had happened then they'd have to talk about it and that wouldn't do anybody any good and would just upset them both.
"No, nothing," Aurelia lied, hoping she was convincing. "I was just watching you write."
"A truly fascinating task, I'm sure," Anders joked.
Aurelia pretended to consider the matter. "Well…it wasn't as interesting as that time Varric and I watched paint dry but it was close."
"Oh, no fair! Doing anything with Varric automatically makes it at least fifty percent more interesting," Anders cried.
"Would it be better if I said it was more fun than watching Merrill try to find her way home from the market?" Aurelia asked.
Anders bit his lip. "Normally I'd say no because she does that all the time but since I'd rather you think I was more interesting than Merrill, I'm going to let it go."
For the first time that evening, a real smile made its way to Aurelia's face. "How very big of you."
"I try," Anders said virtuously. "Listen, I'm about done here anyway. How about you and I get something to eat?"
Aurelia took the offered hand and followed him into the room.
This couldn't last. Every confrontation she had with Justice just further proved that to her.
Still, she was a firm believer in making the most of the time she had. She'd had to be, living in fear that one day her father or sister would be taken from them by the templars. Anders wasn't lost to her yet and she wouldn't let Justice ruin what they had.
It wasn't over yet.
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