Title: The Day Jeff Lost His Groove
Pairings/Characters: Jeff, Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel, Thad
Warnings: My humor is strange?
Summary: Jeff is having a great morning, that is until he discovers a little problem with his morning routine. One-shot based around one of my favourite warblers, Jeff.
Author Note: I just had a huge urge to write something about Jeff and I wanted it to be stupid. I needed to write something because I've not written in a while now. R&R guys!
Disclaimer: If I owned this show, Blaine and Kurt would've kissed at the very least by now. But I don't so they haven't.
It was going to be a good day, he could feel it. He didn't have any tests, he'd finished his assignments and he'd just had this really great dream about that one guitar he's been eyeing at the store. Jeff smiled as he ran a hand through his hair, stretching in his nice, warm Dalton Academy bunk. For some reason, even the bed felt softer today. The smile was well and truly plastered on his face at this point. It was one of those perfect mornings, everything felt entirely right.
Reluctantly, Jeff left the warm cocoon of the bed sheets and made his way to the bathroom. His roommate had already left to get breakfast like he always did. Something about getting there before all the good pancakes with the icing sugar sprinkles were all gone. He looked at himself in the mirror, raking a hand through his blonde locks once more. He was so glad no one saw his hair like that. He just wasn't ready to commit social suicide like that. He grabbed a bottle of the product he always used for his hair and that was the moment. That horrible, terrifying moment when you know that everything that could have been amazing and perfect is actually out to get you because, oh my God what are you supposed to do when the bottle is empty! He opened all the cupboards and drawers, only to come up with more empty bottles.
He stared wide eyed at his reflection, "Oh God, oh God, oh God…"
There was no possible way for him to leave this room. Not like this. He was doomed to live out his days in this room which wouldn't last long because there's only so long that his supply of junk food and energy drinks will last before he ends up starving to death. Why? Why did this have to happen to him? Just when everything was going so well!
He groaned and hit his palms against his forehead angrily when it suddenly hit him. Blaine. Dear, sweet, dapper prince Blaine with hair so packed full of gel it looked more like a helmet than actual hair. He was sure to have gel. Sure it wasn't what Jeff usually used but he was in no position to argue about that right now. All Jeff had to do was get down the hall to Blaine's dorm without anyone seeing him. Easy. Right? Except, if anyone sees him he will never live it down. Ever. This will be worse than that time Thad got locked out of his room in his underwear.
Jeff shrugged on a Dalton hoodie and put the hood over his head, smiling when it gave the desired effect, hiding his hair from view. Rushing down the hall, he knocked frantically on Blaine's door.
"Who is it!" He heard, the voice muffled from the other side of the door.
"It's Jeff! I'm begging you, open the door right now Blaine!"
"Give me a minute!"
"You open the door right now or I swear I will…crap, what do you love? Because I swear, if you don't open this door, it is so gone!"
"It's open!"
Jeff rushed through the door, closing it as quickly as he could. He leant against the door, sighing out in relief. So far no one had seen him. So far everything was okay.
"Look Jeff, this is a bad time…"
"Blaine, I'm having a crisis, I really need…" Jeff's voice trailed off when he finally looked at Blaine. Blaine's hair was curly. Really curly. He hadn't seen Blaine's hair that curly in a long time. It looked fluffy and kind of like if you put your hand on it, it would bounce up and wow it looked like hair and not some weird cross between plastic and fur.
"Say nothing." Blaine warned, "Just tell me what you want and leave."
Jeff nodded, shaking his head to clear it, "Right. Okay so I was having this really great morning and then I looked in the bathroom and I'm out of product and I know that normally I'd never be caught dead with gel but I'm kind of in a life or death situation here so what I'm really asking you is…can I possibly use some of your gel? Just for today."
Blaine laughed nervously. That wasn't a good sound. That couldn't possibly be a good sound. That had to be the worst sound since Thad screamed when he got caught in his underwear outside his dorm room.
"…What?"
"The thing about my hair gel…" Blaine looked at the floor for a moment, his pyjama pants falling over his feet.
The lead warbler stood there in silence, unsure of how to tell Jeff when finally Jeff snapped, "Spit it out Blaine!"
"Kurt stole my hair gel."
Jeff stared at Blaine for a moment, "You're kidding me right? I don't have time for your lovers quarrel! This is a serious situation!"
"Do you honestly think I would joke about something like this! I can't be seen like this! Look at me, I look like a poodle!" Blaine's voice was filled with desperation, "I was about to come to you for some product, but no! You're not the only one who is screwed here!"
"Okay, calm down. Why did Kurt steal your gel?"
"I don't know. He doesn't board here but he should be here by now. He usually comes by this way."
Jeff nodded. So all he had to do was get the gel off Kurt. Easy, right? He could do that. He wasn't afraid of Kurt. Except when Kurt's angry. Or grouchy. Or moody. Okay, he was scared of Kurt. It wasn't like Kurt was a bad guy, just scary. Really scary. Jeff had made it his mission to never get on Kurt's bad side.
"Blaine?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you ever…upset Kurt before?" Jeff asked tentatively,.
"Yeah, once. It wasn't pretty. Please don't yell at him Jeff."
"Blaine, I have nothing to control my hair. Nothing, so excuse me if my voice is a little bit louder than usual!"
"Fine! It's your funeral." Blaine muttered under his breath, running a hand through his curls.
There was a knock at the door which caused Jeff to let out a - only slightly embarrassing - squeak of fright.
"Who is it!" Blaine called.
"It's Kurt, open up." A voice muffled by the door between them replied.
Blaine went to open the door but Jeff grabbed his wrist, "Wait, what if Kurt mocks us?"
"What? Why would he mock us?"
"Have you seen us?"
"It's not as bad as you're making it out to be."
"I hope you realise he's going to laugh at us both."
"Actually he caused mine so he can only really laugh at you." Blaine shrugged, "Sorry man, you're on your own."
Jeff groaned, "You are so not getting anymore guitar lessons from me."
"What? I need those!" Blaine's eyes got larger and his bottom lip jutted forward into a practiced puppy pout, the pout that said, 'you will give me what I want or I will scream until I get it'.
"Too late. Just let your porcelain prince in. He'll be getting annoyed."
Blaine opened the door to find Kurt with one eyebrow raised questioningly, "Really Jeff? I heard that."
"…You're not his porcelain prince?"
Kurt stared at Jeff, scrutinizing with a look of confusion etched on his face before turning to Blaine. He looked Blaine up and down and Blaine looked back, feeling just a little uneasy. Kurt let his finger twirl around the curly lock hanging by Blaine's eyes. Kurt smiled.
"It's so fluffy."
"It's horrible. Where did you put my gel?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Kurt deadpanned.
Blaine groaned, "I can't go out like this Kurt!"
"Well then you shouldn't have lost your gel." Kurt sat on the bed at the other side of the room, "What's with you Jeff?"
Jeff let out a shaky breath, "I need you to promise me that you're not going to laugh."
"I can't make that promise. That statement always means something funny is going to happen."
"Kurt, promise me." Jeff demanded.
"No."
Blaine sighed, "Just show him."
The look Jeff gave Blaine was nothing short of, 'are you insane? What are you talking about, show him? It's Kurt freaking Hummel!' and he stressed his point, "He's going to laugh."
"You want his help, you show him."
Jeff grumbled, defeated. He pulled his hoodie from his head, crossing his arms over his chest. Kurt stared wide eyed at the warbler. His fringe was all over the place, practically covering his face. His hair at the back was uncouth and there were stray bits in every direction. Some of the stray bits curled at the tips, completely unlike the usual pristine, straight look they were all used to. Kurt's mouth opened, closed, opened again and finally the boy burst into a fit of giggles, falling back on the bed he was sitting on. Jeff had never hated him so much in his life. Kurt tried to calm himself down, wiping tears from his eyes. Jeff didn't see the humour. This really just wasn't funny. He'd think Kurt would understand how dire the situation was.
"Oh my God, thank you Jeff. Thank you so much. That's made my day."
Jeff couldn't contain the low growl deep in his throat, "Blaine, will you excuse us for a minute?"
Blaine looked between the two of them, noting the look of pure rage in Jeff's eyes, "I don't know…"
"Please Blaine." Jeff insisted.
"But…"
"Blaine," Kurt spoke up, "Go get our coffees, yeah? I'll just be a minute and then I'll meet you."
"I told you, I can't go out like this." Blaine reminded him, pointing to the unruly mess on his head.
Kurt got up, crossing the room to stand in front of Blaine. He pulled him just a little bit closer and smiled sweetly.
"I promise you," Kurt ruffled Blaine's hair, grinning at the feeling of the curls around his fingers, "It looks good like this."
Blaine sighed, knowing he was beaten, "Please don't kill each other." He murmured as he left.
The moment the door clicked closed, Jeff turned to Kurt, arms still firmly crossed over his chest. He moved towards Kurt, trying to display that he was taller than Kurt and that totally means what he says goes, right? That's got to be some unwritten rule.
"Where is Blaine's hair gel?"
Kurt didn't look away from Jeff even for a moment, "It's in a safe place, which is more than it deserves."
"I need it Kurt."
Kurt pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration, "Not you too."
Jeff shook his head, "Believe me, I don't want to use that stuff but it's the only option I have. Please Kurt, where is it?"
Kurt scoffed, "Please! That's it? You honestly expect me to just hand over the gel like that? Jeff, that gel is a crime against nature. I will not stand by and allow any more people use that stuff."
"Don't make me threaten you!" Jeff's voice rose. He was desperate. He was annoyed. He was angry and he just wanted the day to go back to the way it had began.
"Oh come on Jeff, what are you going to do? What could you possibly do to me? I came from McKinley remember? I spent my time around girls. I could make it so that no girl will ever speak to you within a ten mile radius." Kurt's eyebrow rose in challenge.
"You wouldn't!"
Kurt smirked evilly, "Try me."
Jeff stared Kurt down. The fashionista in front of him wasn't going to back down, that much was obvious. There was only one thing for it. He had to fight fire with fire.
"Give me the gel or I'll tell Blaine how you really feel about him and don't say you don't know what I'm talking about because everyone - except our darling lead singer - knows."
Jeff smiled innocently. He had Kurt. There's no way Kurt would let him tell Blaine. It's one of those things we'd all appreciate to have kept to ourselves.
"I've pretty much told him that already. You'll have to do better than that."
Jeff's voice caught in his throat. He had told Blaine already? Blaine hadn't done anything about it? What was Blaine doing! Screw that, what was he supposed to use as a bargaining tool now? He was really just at the end of his tether now. Everything that could have gone wrong at this point, had. Murphy's law in all it's glory.
"Give me the gel or I'll go to your house and destroy all of your Marc Jacobs jackets! Don't even think I won't! I have nothing to lose!"
Kurt stared shocked at Jeff, his voice coming out in a soft whimper, "Please don't hurt my jackets. Please."
"Give me the gel."
Kurt was seeing red at this point. No one threatens his jackets. No one. He screamed in Jeff's face, "Even if I wanted to, which I don't, I can't! I don't live here remember! I left it at my place!"
"Well what about you! Don't you have hairspray or something!" Jeff was desperate. He was so, so desperate it hurt.
"Yes! Maybe if you'd asked politely I would've let you use it but you crossed a line! No one threatens my jackets!" Kurt poked Jeff's chest accusingly, "You are a bad person. Suffer through today with that awful hair. You deserve it."
Kurt stormed out, ignoring Jeff calling out his name. He hit a nerve. He knew he had but he didn't think there were any options left. He hadn't thought that maybe he was an idiot and he was going to ruin everything for himself anyway. He bashed his head against the door repeatedly, murmuring 'why' over and over again.
That was it then. There was no way he was going to school like this. He'd pretend he was ill, go out and get some products later in the night and everything would be better by morning. He pulled the hood back over his head and moved back to his room.
"Hey man, do you want some pancakes?"
Jeff jumped, "Jeez Thad! Don't do that!"
Thad smirked, "Sorry. Do you want any or not?"
Jeff slipped the hoodie off and stole a pancake from the plate in front of his friend. Thad grinned, trying to hide his laughter.
"Please tell me this isn't your new look."
"Don't say anything or I'll remind everyone about what you like to call 'The Great Hallway Debacle.'"
Thad grumbled, "It wasn't even that big of a deal.
Jeff chuckled, "Her man, you're the one that wore the white underwear with the red hearts all over them."
Thad glared at Jeff. So much for a good start to the day.