p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Sometimes you feel as though life is a hurdle race. James is the hurdler, you are the hurdle and Evans is the finish line. You would slow James down, but he would reach his destiny-emEvans/em-eventually. You know the sensible thing to do is break up with him. He is obviously in love with her and she loves him, too. But then again, so do you./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You stare at James and Evans. At their lingering hands, brushing knees and bumping heads. emThey are Heads now/em, you remind yourself, emthey are just doing their job/em, but you can't stop staring. You wouldn't be the jealous girlfriend, you emwouldn't./em You groan, burying your head in your arms and let out a string of cuss words that would have made James proud. You look back up, they are still bent over that piece of parchment. You heave a huge sigh, and resign yourself to staring at Hogwarts' Head Girl and Head Boy for the rest of the evening./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"(If you had bothered to look around you'd have noticed Sirius Black staring at you with something akin to pity.)/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""How do I look?" Evans asks giving them a slow twirl. You look up from where you'd been pretending to read emWitch Weekly./em Evans looks brilliant. She is wearing a simple yellow sundress and her hair is in a knot. You attempt to swallow past the knot in your throat./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She and James have to hand in the patrol schedule today, the day also being a Hogsmeade trip and so they'd decided to meet up in Hogsmeade for butterbeer and to complete the schedule. Mckinnon and Macdonald had chosen Evans' dress and done her makeup and hair pretending it was because it was the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, but you know better. Mckinnon and Macdonald had been on the Evans-and-Potter-belong-together club since the beginning./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You look fantastic. James won't be able to take his eyes off you." Mckinnon says. "No offence," she adds to you. You shrug-it is the truth after all-and brush it off. "Please," Macdonald scoffs. "That lad is nothing if not loyal, he'll tear his eyes out if that's the only way to keep from staring." Your gaze snaps to Macdonald, who raises an eyebrow as if to question your surprise. You open your mouth to retort but Evans shoots her friends a look and hastily making excuses they leave./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You get up and sift through your clothes, panicking. You don't want to be alone with Evans. She softly says your name. You do not turn around. Evans puts a hand on your shoulder. You have no choice but to turn around. You try to smile, the way Alice always did. Warm and welcoming. "Yeah?" you ask, cursing your voice for being so hoarse in contrast to Evans' soft voice. "You really do look beautiful, you know." you add. Evans looks surprised. "Oh thanks," she says. "Listen, youem are /emalright with this, aren't you? Cancelling your date with James and all?" She asks and you respect her for it. You have seen her staring at James when she thinks he's not looking, the same way you stare at him, the same way he stares at her./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yeah," You tell her. "And sorry about Marlene," Evans continues. "She, well she doesn't think before speaking." You shake your head and attempt to speak lightly, "She was right, no bloke would be able to keep his eyes off you when you look like that. Hell, if emI/em was into birds I'd snog you right now." Evans blushes but shakes her head. "James can, if no one else." You are amazed when you can find only the slightest trace of bitterness in her voice. She forces a smile-which looks more like a grimace-and turns away from you, she speaks after a moment and her voice is the slightest bit shaky when she says it's time for he to leave./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"After she leaves you stare at yourself, you are pretty-James calls you beautiful-but nothing makes you stand out, you haven't got Evans' hair or eyes or ivory skin. But your friends tell you that you are more beautiful than Evans can hope to be. But that's not it, you are no competition for Evans. Not just based on beauty, she is smarter, funnier, kinder and braver than you, too. You know that but you just can't seem to let go./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"(If you hadn't been so absorbed in your thoughts you'd have noticed Mckinnon staring at you shame clear in her expression.)/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You had been doing your work with him in the library when it happened./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You were absorbed in your work when you realized James who'd been bugging you to take a break had been unnaturally quite for the past ten minutes. You look up worried-quiet James Potter never ends well. You see him and stifle a smile, he's fallen asleep, face resting on his crossed arms. His face is peaceful in a way it never is when he's awake. emAnother part of him only I get to witness, /emyou think to yourself and for a moment it's all worth it-the sleepless nights spent wondering whether you're doing the right thing staying with him, the over-analyzing of his every word and the heart wrenching pain when he looks at Evans in a way you know he'll never look at you-and your resistance crumbles and you are just about to peck him on the cheek when he sighs deeply. It takes you a moment to realize that he's saying the word Lily over and over and over. You look away and try to convince yourself he's talking about the flower lily, but you can't. You get up shove your things into your bag and rush out of the library, trying-and failing-to hold back the tears./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"(If you'd been more observant you'd have realized that one of your emfriends/em had been hiding behind the books and eavesdropping, already planning to gossip about it to her other mates.)/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Your mates have been giving you hell for the past few days. They want you to break up with James, talking about some insignificant Ravenclaw who thinks you are cute-cute, not beautiful-calling Evans and James names and wanting her to confront James about the fact that he'd been calling out Evans' name in his sleep. But you don't, because you know more than anyone else that you can't choose who you love. You wish you could hate Evans because James is in love with her, but you can see the pain in her eyes every time she sees the two of you together and you know how that feels, so you don't. Maybe you are only a hurdle, maybe you've got only five minutes left with him, but you hang onto every moment because it doesn't matter, five minutes or five years, when they are with James they are equally precious./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"strongOOOOO/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Thank you for reading! Leave a lil review maybe?/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Love,/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Lax./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;" /p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You stare at James and Evans. At their lingering hands, brushing knees and bumping heads. emThey are Heads now/em, you remind yourself, emthey are just doing their job/em, but you can't stop staring. You wouldn't be the jealous girlfriend, you emwouldn't./em You groan, burying your head in your arms and let out a string of cuss words that would have made James proud. You look back up, they are still bent over that piece of parchment. You heave a huge sigh, and resign yourself to staring at Hogwarts' Head Girl and Head Boy for the rest of the evening./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"(If you had bothered to look around you'd have noticed Sirius Black staring at you with something akin to pity.)/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""How do I look?" Evans asks giving them a slow twirl. You look up from where you'd been pretending to read emWitch Weekly./em Evans looks brilliant. She is wearing a simple yellow sundress and her hair is in a knot. You attempt to swallow past the knot in your throat./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"She and James have to hand in the patrol schedule today, the day also being a Hogsmeade trip and so they'd decided to meet up in Hogsmeade for butterbeer and to complete the schedule. Mckinnon and Macdonald had chosen Evans' dress and done her makeup and hair pretending it was because it was the first Hogsmeade trip of the year, but you know better. Mckinnon and Macdonald had been on the Evans-and-Potter-belong-together club since the beginning./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You look fantastic. James won't be able to take his eyes off you." Mckinnon says. "No offence," she adds to you. You shrug-it is the truth after all-and brush it off. "Please," Macdonald scoffs. "That lad is nothing if not loyal, he'll tear his eyes out if that's the only way to keep from staring." Your gaze snaps to Macdonald, who raises an eyebrow as if to question your surprise. You open your mouth to retort but Evans shoots her friends a look and hastily making excuses they leave./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You get up and sift through your clothes, panicking. You don't want to be alone with Evans. She softly says your name. You do not turn around. Evans puts a hand on your shoulder. You have no choice but to turn around. You try to smile, the way Alice always did. Warm and welcoming. "Yeah?" you ask, cursing your voice for being so hoarse in contrast to Evans' soft voice. "You really do look beautiful, you know." you add. Evans looks surprised. "Oh thanks," she says. "Listen, youem are /emalright with this, aren't you? Cancelling your date with James and all?" She asks and you respect her for it. You have seen her staring at James when she thinks he's not looking, the same way you stare at him, the same way he stares at her./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Yeah," You tell her. "And sorry about Marlene," Evans continues. "She, well she doesn't think before speaking." You shake your head and attempt to speak lightly, "She was right, no bloke would be able to keep his eyes off you when you look like that. Hell, if emI/em was into birds I'd snog you right now." Evans blushes but shakes her head. "James can, if no one else." You are amazed when you can find only the slightest trace of bitterness in her voice. She forces a smile-which looks more like a grimace-and turns away from you, she speaks after a moment and her voice is the slightest bit shaky when she says it's time for he to leave./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"After she leaves you stare at yourself, you are pretty-James calls you beautiful-but nothing makes you stand out, you haven't got Evans' hair or eyes or ivory skin. But your friends tell you that you are more beautiful than Evans can hope to be. But that's not it, you are no competition for Evans. Not just based on beauty, she is smarter, funnier, kinder and braver than you, too. You know that but you just can't seem to let go./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"(If you hadn't been so absorbed in your thoughts you'd have noticed Mckinnon staring at you shame clear in her expression.)/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You had been doing your work with him in the library when it happened./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"You were absorbed in your work when you realized James who'd been bugging you to take a break had been unnaturally quite for the past ten minutes. You look up worried-quiet James Potter never ends well. You see him and stifle a smile, he's fallen asleep, face resting on his crossed arms. His face is peaceful in a way it never is when he's awake. emAnother part of him only I get to witness, /emyou think to yourself and for a moment it's all worth it-the sleepless nights spent wondering whether you're doing the right thing staying with him, the over-analyzing of his every word and the heart wrenching pain when he looks at Evans in a way you know he'll never look at you-and your resistance crumbles and you are just about to peck him on the cheek when he sighs deeply. It takes you a moment to realize that he's saying the word Lily over and over and over. You look away and try to convince yourself he's talking about the flower lily, but you can't. You get up shove your things into your bag and rush out of the library, trying-and failing-to hold back the tears./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"(If you'd been more observant you'd have realized that one of your emfriends/em had been hiding behind the books and eavesdropping, already planning to gossip about it to her other mates.)/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Your mates have been giving you hell for the past few days. They want you to break up with James, talking about some insignificant Ravenclaw who thinks you are cute-cute, not beautiful-calling Evans and James names and wanting her to confront James about the fact that he'd been calling out Evans' name in his sleep. But you don't, because you know more than anyone else that you can't choose who you love. You wish you could hate Evans because James is in love with her, but you can see the pain in her eyes every time she sees the two of you together and you know how that feels, so you don't. Maybe you are only a hurdle, maybe you've got only five minutes left with him, but you hang onto every moment because it doesn't matter, five minutes or five years, when they are with James they are equally precious./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: center;"strongOOOOO/strong/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Thank you for reading! Leave a lil review maybe?/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Love,/p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Lax./p
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;" /p