WELL! Im still working on my other story but my sister found this awesome thing and wrote this crazy story!
It all started when our protagonist, Lucy Heartfillia, woke up in a bush. It was the fifth time it had happened. Feeling alarmingly pleased, Lucy Heartfillia attacked a sock, thinking it would make her feel better (but as usual, it did not). Rather abruptly, she realized that her beloved Key was missing! Immediately she called her friend, Plue. Lucy Heartfillia had known Plue for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were sassy ones. Plue was unique. He was ingenious though sometimes a little... pestering. Lucy Heartfillia called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.
Plue picked up to a very nervous Lucy Heartfillia. Plue calmly assured her that most bunnies yawn before mating, yet otters usually indiscriminately shudder *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Lucy Heartfillia. Why was Plue trying to distract Lucy Heartfillia? Because he had snuck out from Lucy Heartfillia's with the Key only nine days prior. It was a enticing little Key... how could he resist?
It didn't take long before Lucy Heartfillia got back to the subject at hand: her Key. Plue grimaced. Relunctantly, Plue invited her over, assuring her they'd find the Key. Lucy Heartfillia grabbed her desk and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Plue realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the Key and he had to do it carefully. He figured that if Lucy Heartfillia took the '82 Corolla, he had take at least eleven minutes before Lucy Heartfillia would get there. But if she took the Magic Mobile ? Then Plue would be ridiculously screwed.
Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Plue was interrupted by four insensitive Dogs that were lured by his Key. Plue yawned; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling concerned, he aptly reached for his butterknife and fearlessly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent-the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the vineyard, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the Magic Mobile rolling up. It was Lucy Heartfillia.
-o0o-
As she pulled up, she felt a sense of urgency. She had had to make an unscheduled stop at IHOP to pick up a 12-pack of oven mitts, so she knew she was running late. With a apt leap, Lucy Heartfillia was out of the Magic Mobile and went explosively jaunting toward Plue's front door. Meanwhile inside, Plue was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the Key into a box of forks and then slid the box behind his ironing board. Plue was relieved but at least the Key was concealed. The doorbell rang.
'Come in,' Plue explosively purred. With a mighty push, Lucy Heartfillia opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid zealot in a Daewoo,' she lied. 'It's fine,' Plue assured her. Lucy Heartfillia took a seat just under where Plue had hidden the Key. Plue turned red trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Lucy Heartfillia was distracted. Without warning, Plue noticed a dimwitted look on Lucy Heartfillia's face. Lucy Heartfillia slowly opened her mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Plue felt a stabbing pain in his butt when Lucy Heartfillia asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the Key right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A annoying look started to form on Lucy Heartfillia's face. She turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's mittens from when she used to have pet bunnies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Lucy Heartfillia nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Plue could react, Lucy Heartfillia randomly lunged toward the box and opened it. The Key was plainly in view.
Lucy Heartfillia stared at Plue for what what must've been eight days. Rather abruptly, Plue groped exotically in Lucy Heartfillia's direction, clearly desperate. Lucy Heartfillia grabbed the Key and bolted for the door. It was locked. Plue let out a striking chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Lucy Heartfillia,' he rebuked. Plue always had been a little clueless, so Lucy Heartfillia knew that reconciliation was not an option; she needed to escape before Plue did something crazy, like... start chucking salt shakers at him or something. Without warning, she gripped her Key tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Plue looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Lucy Heartfillia. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame three days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Lucy Heartfillia. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Plue walked over to the window and looked down. Lucy Heartfillia was gone.
-o0o-
Just yonder, Lucy Heartfillia was struggling to make her way through the cornfield behind Plue's place. Lucy Heartfillia had severely hurt her arm during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral Dogs suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the Key. One by one they latched on to Lucy Heartfillia. Already weakened from her injury, Lucy Heartfillia yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of Dogs running off with her Key.
About ten hours later, Lucy Heartfillia awoke, her abdomen throbbing. It was dark and Lucy Heartfillia did not know where she was. Deep in the arid bush, Lucy Heartfillia was very lost. Unexpectedly, she remembered that her Key was taken by the Dogs. But at that point, she was just thankful for her life. That's when, to her horror, a oversized Dog emerged from the pumpkin patch. It was the alpha Dog. Lucy Heartfillia opened her mouth to scream but was cut short when the Dog sunk its teeth into Lucy Heartfillia's neck. With a faint groan, the life escaped from Lucy Heartfillia's lungs, but not before she realized that she was a failure.
Less than three miles away, Plue was entombed by anguish over the loss of the Key. 'MY PRECIOUS!' he cried, as he reached for a sharpened mitten. With a inept thrust, he buried it deeply into his neck. As the room began to fade to black, he thought about Lucy Heartfillia... wishing he had found the courage to tell her that he loved her. But he would die alone that day. All that remained was the Key that had turned them against each other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was the chilling cry of distant Dogs, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroes would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, no one lived forever after, the end. :'(