Author's Note:
This story has been written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition as the Captain of the team, BallyCastle Bats. The prompt for present Round 3 was "write a story in which your OTP keeps a secret"
Pairing: James Potter and Lily Evans
Word Count: 1619 (Minus the author's note)
Summary: Lily is falling for James but she can't trust him because Severus has scarred her emotionally, plus, James had always been a bully and player. How can she trust him as he says "I love you"? When all she feels is that it's just a game. OneShot.
It's Just A Game
James was an enigma to Lily Evans. A puzzle she was trying to solve. A puzzle she found herself liking more than she should
He had enjoyed years of being completely irresponsible, he had confessed to her, he had hardly ever been serious about any girl in his life, most of them had been just simple distractions or, at times, trophies for him. He had confessed that, if he was being completely honest with her, James would have to admit to the fact that even Lily Evans, whom James thought he actually loved, had started off as a conquest. Lily had been aware of the fact and, unlike many girls, she had consistently put him down, unwilling to be part of the chase, which girls thought made them look desirable. That was just who she was. She was not ready to be involved with someone she despised so. He was a childhood bully and, intellectual, Lily considered herself beyond the silly phrase, "if he likes you, he makes fun of you". If he liked her, he should have shown it in some other way because, Lily was not going to fall for this nonsense. But she did.
She didn't exactly fall, but had to be dragged by James' stubbornness. But she knew that he had changed, drastically so. What made her heart melt was the fact that he had changed for her. Somehow, this made her feel more special than all of his extravagant proposals, which, funnily enough, involved flowers and writing their names on the false roof of the Great Hall. It was extremely flattering, but, at that time, it seemed like the most arrogant gesture in the world.
Lily realized with a start that it had all been a game of perspective, she had been quite prejudiced to see the good in James, masked in all the arrogance and pranking. It must have been the fifth year when he actually changed, Lily mused, things had grown more solemn, they were growing up, choosing sides... A shudder travelled down her shoulders as she remembered the day Severus had insulted her.
My Sev, Lily thought bitterly, is gone.
Choices made, deals signed, seals closed, but Lily didn't feel the closure. She felt more and more upset with the passing day. She missed her best friend. It's tough being angry at one's best friend, you just had too many things to share. But maybe it was long time coming.
She shook her head, bringing her attention back to the task at hand, patrolling the Hogwarts' passages, this was not really a time to be lost to her thoughts. Passing a window, her eyes were caught by the full moon, shining brightly in the inky blue sky, making the stars seem faded.
If she had not known about Remus, she would have thought the scene was beautiful. But the beautiful moon caused a dear friend too much pain and emotional turmoil, to a point where Lily couldn't anymore appreciate it's commendable beauty.
A sigh escaped her lips, now that she was used to James' continuous chatter, his absence made her feel empty, she missed him and this was the first time he had missed the patrol. He had taken McGonagall's permission apparently, because, she was the one who informed Lily that he won't come for the patrol. Lily pursed her lips wondering why James could not inform her himself.
He must've had his reasons, Her brain decided to reason with her, but she was far from paying heed to the rational part.
She really liked James, but a sense of paranoia had settled in the back of her mind, which continuously made her wonder whether their relationship was just a hoax, a game which James refused to lose. She knew that he loved her, he had told her many times, even though she had never said it back. It wasn't like she didn't want to, at the end of every kiss, the words were almost at the tip of her tongue, waiting to be spilled out. But James' reputation made it hard for her to trust him. She didn't entirely know when or how she was in love with him. She just was. No explanations given, no logical reasoning, just like that. Was it a gradual? Was it spontaneous? She had no idea. She just knew that somehow the hate had turned into tolerance and then adoration. Could she name it love? Yes, she could. She cared for him and his safety, she cared for his grades, for his emotions. She wanted better for him, she wanted him to be happy.
She couldn't fathom the hurt if she would find all of this to be fake, a bet, like Severus had warned her it would be.
Her thoughts took a darker turn by the time she reached the Gryffindor dormitory, sleep refused to engulf her, so she gave up and went to the common room to read. The house-elves had already cleaned the place and it looked as though pre-teens and teens had never inhabited it. She settled in the armchair by the fire, curling up and tucking her ankles, she pulled out a book from her sling back and began to read it. Soon her worries were replaced by the characters of the novel and she was lost. She didn't know when she was pulled into the land of dreams but heavy footsteps awoke her.
"That's all fine," A voice she recognised as Sirius' said, and her eyes fluttered, "But Lily shouldn't know about this."
"I don't know," replied an uncertain James, "She should know..."
They became silent for a moment and then James sighed, "It would just hurt her."
"Of course, it would," Sirius agreed. "What made you do that?"
"She was hurting," James replied, and Lily was unsure whether 'she' referred to her or whether it referred to someone else.
And then their footsteps and voices faded.
When Lily woke up again, she thought it must've been a dream, maybe her subconscious was playing games with her, she had thought too much about James hiding things from her that now even her dreams circled around them. But her mind continued to circle around a number of things that James could do to hurt her. If not surprised, she was definitely upset by the large number.
She distractedly got ready for the day, which was thankfully a Saturday so she would not be really distracted in any of her classes.
As she got down the stairs, a tired looking James greeted her with a kiss. He looked like he had not just stayed up last night but had spent it running around.
'James?' She asked, 'Are you alright? You look terrible!'
'Merlin, Lily,' James dimpled, and Lily let out a relieved breath of worry, 'You know how to make a guy feel loved.'
'Where were you last night?' She asked, 'You look like you didn't get any sleep.'
'My dear perceptive, Lils,' James joked but didn't answer her question. Lily's eyes narrowed, what was he hiding from her?
The works of a silly mind, made her jump to the conclusion that he had been cheating on her.
Her suspicions confirmed as James steadily avoided her eye, as though guilty and continued to shoot down any questions regarding previous night. Lily's mind sunk deeper into depression and she decided to hole up in the comforting aura of the Library.
Initially, it was hard for her to concentrate on her books but, after a little bit of prodding, she was too deep into her studies.
She continued to make some notes, and then re-revise them, she had no idea what time had passed. But when she was too deep into her notes, a shadow distracted her from her parchment.
'You needed to rub your relationship in my face?' Severus asked in a drawl, making her look up from her books. He looked emotionless, but his eyes, which Lily had learned to read so well, showed hurt, 'I have no interest in your affairs, Evans, just know that.'
'What are you talking about?' Lily meant to ask in an irritated voice but it came out just tired.
'I am talking about the fact that your boyfriend,' he said, spitting the word boyfriend, 'came to me asking to make amends with you. Didn't you tell him that you asked me to fuck off in so many words?'
'Language, Sev!' admonished an exasperated, yet confused, Lily, 'Why would he do that?'
'Firstly,' Severus replied, 'Don't call me Sev, you lost the right, secondly, why don't you ask that arrogant asshole you call your boyfriend that?'
With that, he left. And Lily slumped back in her seat, staring at nothing in particular, her thoughts swirled in her brain until James came and pulled her out from them.
'Well, Lily,' He joked as he sauntered over to her, 'I think Madam Pince is tired of your presence, let's just go and take a stroll outside.'
Lily looked at him, and blinked owlishly, as though she wasn't sure he was there in front of her. So that was the secret, it would hurt her that Severus didn't want to make amends. He was worried about her. He cared for her. He sounded defeated for her. He loved her.
'What?' James asked at her dazed expression, 'I know that I am dazzl-,'
Lily cut him off with a kiss, fireworks in her brain, he loved her. He loved her.
'I love you,' she whispered as she broke the kiss and a bedazzled smile spread on his lips.