A/N: So recently, in fact, only a few hours ago now, one of my favorite authors here on FF released a heavily D/S, hate sex themed one-shot. It isn't his normal cup of tea, so I felt like it was karma that I should post this at the same time. I wasn't even going to post it here on FF honestly, as I didn't really want this to be my first post, but the timing just felt right. I had quite the time struggling with the upload tools, and figuring out how to actually get this up, so I fervently hope it was worth it lol. Regardless, here it be..

Amalee's Incredibly Private Journal
(Seriously, get out of here anyone who's not me!)

3rd of Sun's Dusk

Ugh. My feet are killing me! We just rode into town and Remi, our fearless leader, still wants to trudge all the way up to Dragonsreach to turn in some annoying, useless giant bounty! I can't believe her sometimes.. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I won't lie, that pretty face of hers had more than a little to do with my decision to accompany her small group across the entire continent, several times over! She just has soooo much energy, and I think she forgets sometimes the rest of us just don't have it..

Aranya, her bondmate and I, are going to the Bannered Mare to relax for a while so she can finish up around town. I really like spending time with Ari, Remi calls her Ari by the way, and I've kinda started to do the same; she's elvish, and comes from a village on the border of Valenwood. I love hearing her tell stories about growing up there. Especially when there's Nirnroot, because the loudest root is the best root, like my Da always said. I always feel a little self-conscious just being around either of them, they're just so beautiful, especially together.. I wonder sometimes why they brought me along at all. It must be my amazing fighting skills.. HIYAH!

sigh
I did not just write that...

4th of Sun's Dusk

I just woke up. Slept very well despite the stupid ground being made of rock, even through the nest of blankets I made on the floor. The soft moans and giggles those two make all night are almost like a lullaby to me by now. On one hand it keeps me up sometimes, wondering what they're doing, but on the other, I just feel safe knowing I'm not alone.

I heard them talking about a letter that Remi got while she was out last night. Apparently it's something to do with a Jarl's daughter and slavery? Eww.. now that's a quest I hope we don't have to get involved in! Somehow I doubt they'll be able to resist, though, if there's maiden's that need rescuing.. I wonder if they have any sweet rolls? So hungry... NEED SWEET ROLL.

7th of Sun's Dusk

I should've known.. three days later and we're camped under a bush in the middle of Dibella knows where, looking for some slaver's hut. Ugh, the things I do for these two! I suppose it's no worse than having Remi ask me to help her out when Ari was too tired last night... I couldn't say no, of course, she's both adorable and the sexiest thing on the planet when she's turned on. She gets real coy and she has the sweetest voice when she asks me to 'please suck her off?' It's a little intimidating when the best you've ever had was seven and a half, when you try to compare it to her sixteen inch monster. Goddess, it was a struggle to get the tip into my mouth! She actually had to help me stroke the whole thing with one of her own hands. I swear, girl is a monster, she absolutely flooded my throat when she came. I think I nearly drowned... She just said 'thanks', gave me the most disarming smile I've ever seen, and then hopped back into bed with Ari. I don't think it was more than a minute before she was unconscious.

I, of course, am wide awake, my eyes don't feel like they know how to close anymore. What did I just do?

She told me the story once. Apparently her great-great grandfather was a dragon, and all the women in her family after that had the inborn ability to change between... well, you know? I don't have to write it, do I? Ya, I think you know what I mean. Anyway, their power set would change as well. When she has her... her cock out, she can roast bandits with some seriously intense fire magic, and when she's pure girl she's not a bad frost mage either. I guess it's not too hard to see which she prefers if you watch her play with the little flames on her fingers while we're traveling from place to place. And if that wasn't obvious enough for you, just look at her pants, you can't miss it! I certainly don't, not anymore...

Comon Amee.. mind out of the gutter. You've got to get some sleep. We're heading to Windhelm in the morning.

9th of Sun's Dusk

Oh goddess... It was a bad idea to come to Windhelm, as soon as we showed up without a voucher, we were ambushed. It's dark now, I can't see much, I'm writing with a weird chunk of lead I found on a desk while the other two try to find our stuff. We're free for the moment. Even after what just happened to her.. to all of us, Remi actually looks determined. I can see she's in pain from the beatings, and I can't imagine how badly the cuts are stinging after what they did to her, but she looks calm. She saved us, both of us.. she saved me. We would've died in that room, I'm sure of it! But she somehow fought through the drugs they forced on us and helped Ari and I get untied.

Goddess, the sounds, hearing her scream while I couldn't see.. They had me faced away from them. Part of me is glad, but I.. I wish I could've helped her. We've spent almost an hour now looking for a hidden lever to disable a trap in order to move forward. I'm not much help.. I'm so shaken, I don't know how she does it, especially since she got the worst of it by far! I don't know what to do. I-

They found it. We have to go.

later

We did it! We killed her! She was totally crazy and she didn't go down easily, but we did it! The evil mastermind behind this whole place. It was awesome! but by Dibella, looking around, I've never seen this many naked girls in the same room before.. I mean, not that I've seen that many to begin with, but the strangest thing is they're all talking to her, trying to get Remi to take them with her. They each have their own approach, but they all mention something about a bond. They sound desperate. I'm sitting at a table watching them now. One of the girls is on her knee's with her hands on Remi's thighs, looking up at her like she's totally ready to suck her dick or something. Goddess, I did that.. I sucked her cock. I feel... I'm jealous. I can't believe it.. I'm sitting here watching someone else suck my friends cock, and I'm jealous.
I think there's something wrong with you Amee...

Ari's just watching them too. I think she's.. I think she's actually a little amused, and she's got her hand down-

Oh. Oh...

10th of Sun's Dusk

In the end, Remi decided she wanted to bring the girl from yesterday. Sasha's her name. She's actually nice when you can talk to her normally, but I swear, half the time she just wants to fuck me. I feel so out of my league! Not even a week ago, I'd barely considered sex, and now I've been surrounded by it for hours! I'm sitting on a bed, trying to be as far away from everything as I can, while still being able to see what's going on in case anything happens, but even so, a few of the girls have already come up to me. I'm so dazed I even let one of them crawl onto me and start kissing my neck. I moaned, like, alot.. and I was grinding my hips against her slim and very naked thigh. She pulled my top off and started kissing and teasing my nipples. I just groaned and hugged her against me. I was so wet.. just like I am now. I didn't stop her. I wouldn't have stopped her..

I thought I was straight before I met these two...

later

On the way back down to the basement Sasha explained, with help from Remi, that she's essentially a sex slave. A sex slave.. my friend has a sex slave. Remi seems adamant that she doesn't consider Sasha a slave, which, I suppose seems accurate enough. It still gives me a weird feeling, though. She's given her a weapon and some armor. Sasha seems to love the sword, and has even been willing to wear the boots and a helmet, but refuses to cover the rest of herself when Remi's around. It's a little embarrassing, but after everything I've been through these last few days, I don't have much room left to feel anything!

Remi's talking to a creepy dremora guy right now, and Sasha's just touching herself staring at Remi's butt, so I've had a moment to write this. The lighting is terrible down here, so I don't know how legible I'll be. There's a bad kinda feeling down here, and I don't trust that demon as far as I could throw him, which, I guess isn't very far.

I have no idea what they're talking about over there, but she just looked at me with this weird spark in her eye. I have a bad feeling..

12th dusk

goddess, i- she.. i can't keep my hands still, im shaking so much. shes in the next room checking on ari. i cant see, shes blindfolded me and my ankles are chained to the ground.. my body hurts, my throat is raw from sucking her cock, over and over again. i don't know whats wrong with her, i feel nauseous. she doesn't want to hurt me, i can feel that much when i remember archerones beatings... that evil bastard. and now Remi, my friend that im fatally attracted to is doing the same thing to me.. the thing that scares me is i cant hate her for it. i just feel... empty. empty and tired. im hiding this behind a dresser in an alcove over there if i can reach... dibella protect me...

15th, i think..

i don't really know how long we've been here. listen to yourself amee, still saying 'we'.. try as i might, i still cant hate her for what shes doing to me. she only hits me when i refuse now. my throat feels better at least. she spent an entire day kissing every inch of my body and touching me gently like nothing was wrong. i was on the edge for so long i almost begged her to let me cum. that fact alone frightened me. im scared of what her touch does to me.

shes been pleasuring me alot lately, its been easier since shes started focusing on me. she came in earlier today and i could feel her lips were cooler than normal, so i wasn't surprised when i felt her press her pussy against mine, grinding slowly, gauging my reaction. i flinched, but when i didnt resist she put her arms around my shoulders and i felt her breath on the back of my neck, like a cool breeze, whispering affirmations. for a few minutes i let my tensions slip and lost myself in the feel of her body pressed against mine, rocking rhythmically until i whimpered her name and spasmed, rubbing myself all over her thighs and anywhere my hips could go. it felt so good.. my afterglow faded slowly, and i just sat there in her arms, refusing to let go of my illusion; i was actually happy. she broke it for me. her lips kissed my neck, just under my jaw, and i felt her fingers trail slowly down the side of my face and off the tip of my chin. "worth it.." she whispered. then she was gone.

17th? Sun's Dusk

She must've seen me writing that last note, because she gave me my journal back this morning. Goddess it feels good to have something normal back in my life. Something I feel sure about. I can't understand my feelings toward her.. On one side, I can't believe what she's done to me. What she IS doing to me, and I don't want to forgive her. But on the other... I can still see and feel the friend I knew when she touches me. And goddess, I can't deny anymore that I love her touch. She can light my nerves up with just a few words, and she does, every day; until I'm a quivering, begging mess at her knees, touching myself (which I never used to do, but by Dibella I do now!) and sucking furiously on whichever body of hers she presents me with that day.

I had my first dream about her last night. We fucked, ya, and I got just as wet and horny as I always do thinking about her lately. But oddly, most of it was just a dream about the three of us together, happy, watching bandits and trolls and gryphons scramble and throw eachother around to see who could be king of the hill. The two of them together, one with their head on the others shoulder, while I lay contentedly at their feet. I loved the feeling of making them happy; And that thought stuck. If I just gave her what she wanted: me, then she would be happy, and in turn, I could be happy. It was so simple.. I could give myself to her. I wanted to give myself to her, Goddess I wanted to give myself to her. To my surprise, it made me incredibly wet to think that thought.. My hand drifted unconsciously down, and I imagined her pushing slowly inside me, each inch matched by my fingers until there was no more hand to mimic what I wanted. I cried out in frustration, which devolved into a series of moans and whimpers from the back of my throat as I helplessly pummeled the most sensitive spots in my pussy. That's how she found me that morning, crying and whispering her name.

whatever day it is

I was so ready. I wanted the bond. Everything was ready. I wanted to be hers for as long as I could move. I looked up at her from where I was sat on the floor. She nodded and I eagerly wrapped my hand around her length. Stroking slowly, I leaned forward and kissed her leg lightly, just above the knee. She hummed her approval and I trailed my lips sensuously all the way up her inner thigh, keeping a slow pace with my hand on her dick. I noticed the tip was tugging up against gravity little by little with every motion. I grinned like an idiot and reached up with my free hand to cup her balls and twirled my tongue in random patterns against them, watching with growing excitement as her cock slowly rose to it's full height. I kept my hand stroking lazily along it's length as I swallowed, looking at it.

This was it! I rose to my knees, wrapped my lips around her tip and looked up at her again. She just had this lopsided grin on her face, and all I got for acknowledgement was a slow mini-thrust into my mouth. I think I might've giggled, or tried to, if her cock wasn't almost the size of my fist. Despite that, I pulled her length down level with me and willed my shoulders forward until my face was pressed against her abs. Her inhale of breath was as long as I took to hilt her entire cock in my throat, and when I looked up, I saw the sexiest expression I'd ever seen looking back down at me. Her eyes were on fire, and I could see she wanted this as badly or more than even I did. Holding on to that thought, I heaved my shoulders back, feeling the entire shaft slide up to the front of my throat. I groaned, and by the sounds she started making, she liked what that was doing to her.

I replaced my hand and started stroking more insistently, taking half of her with my mouth. My hand kept a steady pace, but my mouth sped up to a brutal rhythm, flying along the head, but she loved it and I couldn't stop.. My Mistress was making the bond. Oh, Goddess I wanted it soooo bad. I pulled back so I was just sucking the tip, and managed to swirl my tongue around the head, letting my hand replace the rhythm. She was crying out and bucking against my face already, so when I brought my other hand up and started a few short, quick counter strokes at her base, she lost it. She tried to pronounce something but it got crushed and what came out was somewhere halfway between a purr and a growl as her breathing seized up, and her body tightened into a ball around my head. I could feel her twitching in my mouth, and just before she released, her whole body came loose. She plunged her cock all the way down my throat where she exploded. Pulse after pulse of her ecstasy surged past my lips, and by the time she finally stopped shaking and moaning, and her aftershocks were starting to fade, I could actually feel my belly swelling a little. I grimaced, dropping a hand to my stomach to cope with the intense stretch I felt there, while she stroked my hair absently.

After a few seconds, I swallowed and blinked. I was still looking up at her face when I started to feel it. A huge, unstoppable wave of lust. I could feel it coming a second before it hit me, and I was excited for what it meant, which only made it worse when it hit me.

I let out a choked breath and shuddered. I couldn't break eye contact with her. She watched every second as my face contorted with need. My skin set on fire with lust as my fingers caressed back up my navel, and settled over my chest, squeezing and teasing every inch of flesh and pinching playfully at the nipples. My other hand found it's way to my quivering pussy; I was already aching so badly for her with everything that had happened today.

I slipped one finger inside and my eyebrows curled with how insufficient that was. I slipped another finger inside and began pressing my palm against my clit, trying to get as deep as I could, all the while looking up at this gorgeous woman that I loved with my eyes. My mouth fell open and I think I started to pant when I saw my own desire and admiration reflected in her eyes. Goddess I wanted her inside me, I wanted to feel her push her huge cock into me and let me make her cum until neither of us could walk straight.

A thought occurred to me at that point: she had never been inside me before, my mouth, but never inside me.. I was going to get pregnant. There was no way I could take so much of her and not. And I wanted that, so much. I wanted to be part of her, have her as close to me as I could. That just pushed me harder. I struggled to get my pussy to accept the stimulation of my hand, it felt futile when what I really wanted was right there, but I couldn't have it.

Eventually I managed to find my most sensitive inner core, and with the state I was in, it didn't take long. I could see in her eyes she was waiting for me, and I furiously battered my abused pink sex until I finally had to look away, squeezing my eyes closed and splattering my release all over the ground. She had no intention of letting that be the end of it, though. I almost died of over-stimulation when she immediately flipped me over and plunged the tip of her cock into me, not even two seconds after I'd cum. I let out a choked moan that twisted into a sob as she began to pump into me, increasing inches at a time. I felt her arms hug me around my writhing waist and I wanted nothing more than to roll over and kiss her fiercely. But it wasn't my place, if the mistress decided she wanted to inspect my curves while she fucked me, then I would just have to wait. It was torturous, but I gave her every inch of my sex that I could, in the meantime. I had tears at the corners of my eyes with how badly I wanted to hold her, when eventually she did flip me over, and she did something I hadn't expected; she pulled out.

For what seemed like forever she just stared down at me, this adorable cheeky grin on her face until realization hit me. I felt the tip of her dick press against my ass, and after a few seconds of pressure, she slipped inside me with a muffled moan. At that point I actually did cry, overwhelmed by what she was doing to me. As she slowly pushed herself in to the hilt, I clung to her neck whispering "I love you, mistress. I love you, I love you, I love you... Thank you.."

By the time we were done, I couldn't move. I just lay there on the ground staring up at her with half-lidded eyes. It was rare to find a part of me, in or out, that wasn't covered in her cum. And it was at that point that it dawned on me: I was hers. It was done. We could do this every day after for the rest of my life. I had no capacity left for tears so I just smiled up at her, the most content smile that had ever touched my face in my life.

14th of Evening Star

The best part about all this is that I still feel like me. I'm still the quirky girl who likes Nirnroot and chasing walruses.. I just love my mistress too. It's kinda like I'm her bodyguard, only.. ya know, more. :) She has me trained now to respond sexually when she asks me to listen, but otherwise, I'm the same old Amalee I always was!

We did finally get around to telling poor Ulfric about his daughter, Marta. He didn't take that so well, but there's really nothing anyone can do right now.. Mia's dead, Volkar's a horse (my idea!), and the other Daedric slave broker's on holiday in Oblivion. Sasha and I fight for Remi's attention all the time, but we get along well enough on the side. My Mistress is fair, like I always knew she was, and she treats us both soooo well! Goddess.. it really doesn't take much to get me wet anymore...

I never did ask Ari what she thought of it all.. Maybe some day! But for now I can feel Mistress Remi's breath on my neck and she's... touching.. me, w-while I write.. She's reading over my shoulder, so I want to say 'I love you' one more time, and I expect now she'll-

"Listen to me.."