A love that never should have happened is following me. The only thing is that it can't be stopped. I was a part of that romance, and I know it can't go on. Yet I still let it go on.

I can't help it if I really do love him, even though everyone else expects me to love James. I can't help it if I don't love James. I can't help it if I love his best friend. Lily Evans loves Remus Lupin. We know it's not the way that everything is supposed to go.

Remus felt dirty, and sneaky, going out with the girl his best friend desired, and would one day marry (although we didn't know it). I don't and didn't feel the same; after all, Remus can love the same person too, right? James just can't get it through his thick skull that I might actually love some one else, and that they love me too.

"Remus, I love you, and you know it. Why can't anyone else find out?" I questioned him, peering into his pale eyes, and the light of the candle flickering across his face.

"I don't know Lily. I don't. I don't think I would be able to handle it," he said, his little nose scrunched up in confusion.

"But that's the beauty of it Remus. That's the beauty of love. You never know what's going to happen next.

He stared at me, as if I were an alien. Then, he softly cupped my cheek, and pulled me towards him, his face not half an inch from mine.

"Is that my Lily talking?" he smiled, his breath blowing softly across my face, making me shiver, as if a chill were in the air.

"It is," I breathed, leaning closer.

I remember how our lips would lock, and a heavenly bliss would spread throughout my body. A rush of adrenaline would surge throughout me, making me want to explore new worlds. I would want to do dangerous things I had never even thought of before, and only because of him. Others would say 'because of a silly boy'.

I did not see it this way. He was not a silly boy. He was a part of me, and I was sure I was a part of him. Without him, I wouldn't be Lily Evans. Or as I often now thought, and thought then, Lily Lupin.

Every time, we would gently pull away from our kiss, wanting more, yet content, and we would just smile at each other, with no need for words.

Back then, everyday, my hands would itch for more, to discover more, to learn about him, but they would get me no where. A failure unto themselves.

I often thought of him, every day, every moment, and all the time. I was told that I would get a far off twinkle in my eye, and a secretive smile.

James Potter, the airhead, would often pop up and question, "thinking about me Evans?"

I wanted to smack him, to teach him a lesson. I wanted to tell him, that in fact, I was thinking about my love, my future husband, and his friend, Remus Lupin. But I wouldn't. I would respect Remus, and not tell anyone about our relationship, no matter how much that bothered me.

All I would do was shake my head, and continue to smile, because, a few feet away would be Remus. My love.

Do you think it will ever work out? Do you think we could ever be together, and not have to sneak out?" I whispered to him, the cold lake water numbing my feet.

He just smiled at me, which irritated me, but also made me very happy. He and I were both simply dunking our feet in the Hogwarts Lake, on a spring night.

"I don't know," he would say, and I would always know to be his response. He stared at me, pulling my close, my red hair blocking him from my view.

I impatiently brushed it away, and surprised him, with something I had never said before.
"What if we try it? What if, maybe, you'd let me become a Lupin?"

He stared at me, as if I had grown an extra leg, and I felt hurt. What was wrong with me?

"Lily…" he trailed off, looking scared. "Lily. We're only 17."

"Only 17? You say that like it's a bad thing! That would mean we would have our whole life ahead of us."

He smiled at me, and stood up, pulling me up with him. "You're different from the first Lily Evans I met. And I like it."

I always wonder what happened to end that, making that moment nothing but a lead up to the end of my romance life.

Remus would have told me that it was because romance is like pi- irrational, never-ending, and it never repeats.

James would have said; it was because I hadn't discovered what it was like to be with him.

If I would have that choice now, as a married woman, to a man I once hated, I know who I would choose.

I know my choice would be considered wrong, but it isn't. It's the truth, and the truth isn't wrong.

As a married woman to James Potter, I would still choose Remus Lupin.

You never forget your first love, or, my only love.

When James asks me if I love him, I say "I did marry you," and he would smile and spin me around the room.

The horrible thing was that I didn't love him, it was Remus. All I could do was give a secretive little smile, with a secret no one knew. A secret no one knew and that no one would ever find out.

A secret of love, of who I loved, and who I still love. A secret I would take to my grave. A secret that shouldn't be true. But it was.

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