Every finger in the room is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get affraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
"Dr.Chen"
Deb turned around startled by the sight of the police officers in the
doorway of the exam room."I'm with a patient"
The man on the table nodded slowly
"Dr.Carter will cover you"
Deb turned and glared at Carter,standing behind the uniformed men.
"You should go Deb" he said sadly
"It's about your niece..........."
Deb dropped the chart from her hands,"Leilani?"
The officers nodded
"oh god" Deb cried
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
"Jing Mei?"
Deb rubbed her eyes,and looked up at her sister.Her eyes were blood
shot and the woman looked 50 years older.
"It's Leilani..Oh Jing mei!They keep saying it's a hate crime..they
wanted her dead because she's Chinese"
She took a deep breath,biting her lip till Deb tasted blood.Deb
looked around her..at the beige walls and the generic paintings that
were beginning to blur together."is she?"
Her sister nodded slowly,"she's dead"
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
The area around the admit desk blurred into one loud buzzing movement
all around her.
"why don't you take off the rest of the day?" Dr Greene stood in
front of her
Deb narrowed her eyes as he came into focus,"I'm fine" she said lamely
"At least take it easy"
Deb nodded and grabbed a chart.
*******************************
"hello Mr Johansen"
"It's been some day,hasn't it?"
Deb nodded,watching the old man stand by the window,looking outside.
"It was a beautiful day" he replied
************************************
Deb stood frozen,at the front desk
"You okay?" Carter touched her shoulder,causing her to jump
Deb nodded,looking at the phone in front of her."She just asked me to
pick out something for Leilani to be buried in"
"your sister?"
Deb nodded
"Do you really want to do this?"
She shook her head,"Will you come with me?"
Carter raised his eyebrows,"Of course" he touched her hand
Deb smiled sadly,"I shouldn't be doing this"
"this shouldn't have happened"
Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird
"is that Chen's niece?" randi pointed to the front page of a newspaper
"I don't know" Dave glanced it over,"Lemme see"
Randi shrugged
"Dude" he muttered,running his eyes over the words,"That's sad"
"It says" her voice dropped
"they killed her cause.." Dave bit his bottom lip
"Yeah"
******************************************************
"You ready?"
Deb shook her head,buttoning her jacket,"Never going to be ready"
Carter smiled sadly,"It'll be okay"
******************************************************
The house was empty when Deb turned the doorknob.She could feel
Carter's breath on her neck."It's this way" Deb said quietly,her
voice barely over a whisper.
"Two weeks" she thought to herself as they walked down the dark
hallway,"and it already smells musty". Deb stood in the doorway and
let the tears run down her face.
"Deb"
She looked up at him,"Can I be angry?"
He nodded
"Cause I'm angry"
Carter looked around,"Wanna tell me about her?"
Deb shook her head,"Not yet"
He nodded,"I'll be in the living room"
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
She held the clothes to her nose,and closed her eyes.
"But Auntie!" Leilani laughed
"A 18 year old girl has to smell good,it's the rules" Deb sprayed the
perfume at her
"Arrgghhh!" she laughed,running away,"Fine,fine.Buy it for me then"
"Gonna smell pretty at college"
Leilani blushed,"I hope"
"Hope?"
"Hope I make it to college"
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
On the bed side table was her opened diary.Deb felt a slight pang of
guilt..those were her secrets,her thoughts.
She sat down on the bed and took a deep breath,her chest heavy with
sadness.
"April 23rd-
They said being mysterious is cool.I don't think they know anyone
with real secrets..like me"
"April 26th-
Love could be the most amazing feeling, that's what people tell
me.Keep smiling Lei, the boys will coming running.At least Eileen
smiled at me"
A shot of electricity jolted through Deb.She took a deep breath and
kept reading
" May 13th-
I wouldn't chose to be this way..especialy since I know that if my
parents knew they wouldn't love me anymore..Auntie either.I don't
think I even love me anymore"
Deb heard a sob escape her..
"Deb?"
She lookedup at Carter,tears running down her cheeks faster than the
words could escape her mouth."She was gay."
Carter nodded
"they killed her because she was different"
Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get affraid what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now
"Dr.Chen"
Deb turned around startled by the sight of the police officers in the
doorway of the exam room."I'm with a patient"
The man on the table nodded slowly
"Dr.Carter will cover you"
Deb turned and glared at Carter,standing behind the uniformed men.
"You should go Deb" he said sadly
"It's about your niece..........."
Deb dropped the chart from her hands,"Leilani?"
The officers nodded
"oh god" Deb cried
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim
"Jing Mei?"
Deb rubbed her eyes,and looked up at her sister.Her eyes were blood
shot and the woman looked 50 years older.
"It's Leilani..Oh Jing mei!They keep saying it's a hate crime..they
wanted her dead because she's Chinese"
She took a deep breath,biting her lip till Deb tasted blood.Deb
looked around her..at the beige walls and the generic paintings that
were beginning to blur together."is she?"
Her sister nodded slowly,"she's dead"
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
The area around the admit desk blurred into one loud buzzing movement
all around her.
"why don't you take off the rest of the day?" Dr Greene stood in
front of her
Deb narrowed her eyes as he came into focus,"I'm fine" she said lamely
"At least take it easy"
Deb nodded and grabbed a chart.
*******************************
"hello Mr Johansen"
"It's been some day,hasn't it?"
Deb nodded,watching the old man stand by the window,looking outside.
"It was a beautiful day" he replied
************************************
Deb stood frozen,at the front desk
"You okay?" Carter touched her shoulder,causing her to jump
Deb nodded,looking at the phone in front of her."She just asked me to
pick out something for Leilani to be buried in"
"your sister?"
Deb nodded
"Do you really want to do this?"
She shook her head,"Will you come with me?"
Carter raised his eyebrows,"Of course" he touched her hand
Deb smiled sadly,"I shouldn't be doing this"
"this shouldn't have happened"
Got a kick for a dog beggin' for love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird
"is that Chen's niece?" randi pointed to the front page of a newspaper
"I don't know" Dave glanced it over,"Lemme see"
Randi shrugged
"Dude" he muttered,running his eyes over the words,"That's sad"
"It says" her voice dropped
"they killed her cause.." Dave bit his bottom lip
"Yeah"
******************************************************
"You ready?"
Deb shook her head,buttoning her jacket,"Never going to be ready"
Carter smiled sadly,"It'll be okay"
******************************************************
The house was empty when Deb turned the doorknob.She could feel
Carter's breath on her neck."It's this way" Deb said quietly,her
voice barely over a whisper.
"Two weeks" she thought to herself as they walked down the dark
hallway,"and it already smells musty". Deb stood in the doorway and
let the tears run down her face.
"Deb"
She looked up at him,"Can I be angry?"
He nodded
"Cause I'm angry"
Carter looked around,"Wanna tell me about her?"
Deb shook her head,"Not yet"
He nodded,"I'll be in the living room"
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
She held the clothes to her nose,and closed her eyes.
"But Auntie!" Leilani laughed
"A 18 year old girl has to smell good,it's the rules" Deb sprayed the
perfume at her
"Arrgghhh!" she laughed,running away,"Fine,fine.Buy it for me then"
"Gonna smell pretty at college"
Leilani blushed,"I hope"
"Hope?"
"Hope I make it to college"
Why do we crucify ourselves
Every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my heart is sick of being in chains
On the bed side table was her opened diary.Deb felt a slight pang of
guilt..those were her secrets,her thoughts.
She sat down on the bed and took a deep breath,her chest heavy with
sadness.
"April 23rd-
They said being mysterious is cool.I don't think they know anyone
with real secrets..like me"
"April 26th-
Love could be the most amazing feeling, that's what people tell
me.Keep smiling Lei, the boys will coming running.At least Eileen
smiled at me"
A shot of electricity jolted through Deb.She took a deep breath and
kept reading
" May 13th-
I wouldn't chose to be this way..especialy since I know that if my
parents knew they wouldn't love me anymore..Auntie either.I don't
think I even love me anymore"
Deb heard a sob escape her..
"Deb?"
She lookedup at Carter,tears running down her cheeks faster than the
words could escape her mouth."She was gay."
Carter nodded
"they killed her because she was different"
Never going back again
Crucify myself again
You know
Never going back again to
Crucify myself
Everyday