Fractal, a d.gray-man fanfic

Title: Fractal
Author: Cella N.
Fandom:D. Gray-man
Ship: Miranda Lott/Komui Li, hints at River/Miranda
Summary: Miranda Lott wasn't used to attention, or to anything aside from disgust or annoyance. MIRANDA. KOMUI. On how love and friendship doesn't wait for wars to end.
Spoilers: All through the Anime so far.
Dedications: To Seren, because…why the hell not?
A/N: This had began as a KomuiMirandaRiver threesome, but in the end it had evolved into KomuiMiranda, and I couldn't stop it. So if you see many hints at RiverMiranda, that's why. First DGM fic, so some things might not be accurate. Maybe later, when I'm hit with another Plot bunny, I'll write another fic for the threesome.

Fractal
In colloquial usage, a fractal is a shape that is recursively constructed or self-similar, that is, a shape that appears similar at all scales of magnification and is therefore often referred to as "infinitely complex."

01.

It was cold in the building, and everyone was staring at her.

Miranda Lott held her ground, looking at her clean shoes, as if she were five years old again, just caught with her hand in the cookie jar. There was a bit of mud on the tip of her left shoe.

The laboratory crew kept talking in hushed tones, and Miranda's paranoid mind could only guess what they were saying. That she was useless; why was she sent there; what a boring Innocence; what an ugly woman; what good was she to them? Fear grabbed at Miranda, drying her throat and dropping stones into her stomach as she thought 'They're going to send me back, aren't they?'. But before she could drop on her knees and beg them to keep her, someone talked.

"Right, come on people, back to work. This isn't a freakin' museum, you know?" one of the men said. From the way everyone listened to him, she could tell he had an important rank. The shushed talk ceased around her, and Miranda wanted to thank him, or hug him, so grateful was she.

The man blinked at her for a moment, as if wondering who she was, or why she was there. Then he shook his head slightly. "Miranda Lott, right?"

Miranda nodded feebly.

"Great!" the man said, smiling kindly. "We've been waiting for you."

Miranda blinked. "Y-you have?"

"Course we have. Ever since Komui sent a notice that his sister had found a new Innocence in Germany, we've been sitting on egg-shells to see the new Exorcist coming with it."

"K-komui?" she asked, the name familiar but not quite. She'd heard it before, maybe, from Linali, but she couldn't be sure.

"That's our Head Officer," the man explained. "Well, he leads the lab here, but…he's not very active."

"Why? Is he sick?" she enquired.

"He's lazy," the man answered, flatly. "We slave for him while he drinks his coffee, and snoozes about," he droned, waving his hands around the cold lab. "We manage to wake him up sometimes, when we tell him Linali is getting married."

"She is?" Miranda asks, innocently believing it.

The man laughed quietly. "No, but whatever works, right? Boss is very protective of his sister."

Miranda paled. So Komui was Linali's older brother: very protective of her, too. Flashes of her first fight, of Linali's imprisonment at the hands of the Noah girl, the injuries, all flooded her eyes. Yes, she was doomed. Her boss would hate her. He'd kick her out, if no-one did it before him.

"Right, then. I guess you're ready to meet him. He'd want to introduce you to Hebraska."

Miranda wondered if Hebraska was a monster who would eat her, for all her felonies. Dying would be terrible…more so, when she'd just made friends at last.

"Don't worry, no-one will hurt you," the man murmured. "My name is River, by the way."

River. A nice name, Miranda thought. Hearing rivers flowing near her always calmed her nerves before. Stepping inside the blue waters, lying down as if on a bed, and letting the streams carry her down, to wherever, had been her favourite childhood pass-time. River placed a guiding hand on Miranda's arm, and smiled. It wasn't cold in the lab anymore.

02.

Komui was, of course, sleeping.

Buried beneath a pile of paperwork that random church employees dropped around him, the man in command was snoring softly. The infamous bonnet was missing, probably somewhere in that papery mess, and his hair was strewn about, barely tied anymore.

River rolled his eyes, and leaned down to shake him awake. Miranda, standing near the door, observed the sleeping man. So this was Linali's brother. This was the evil scientist. This was…just a sleeping man. She could notice some similitude between him and Linali. The nose, for example, and his mouth, just around the corners. His hair, untied, looked soft, and as black as the night's darkest of skies. She had never seen a man with long hair before, because the Germans preferred to chop down even the last strand of hair on their heads if needed; and it would also be the first time she's see a Chinese man,--because Linali, while Chinese and still beautiful, was a woman; but those specific eyes and long hair, on a man would be more surprising. Prepared for a vision of exoticism, Miranda watched as River whispered something into the man's ear.

"LINALI, NOOOO!" the now-awake man screamed, making Miranda jump. The startled expression on the man's face turned to one of irritation as he turned to glare at River. "Why did you wake me up, now? I was having an awesome dream."

River cleared his throat. "Because you are our Head Officer, and you should be the most active one here. And because the new Exorcist is here," he said, pointing at Miranda.

"Oh," Komui said, flatly, and turned to grin at Miranda. "Hello," he sand, stepping towards her. "You must be Miranda Lott."

The woman shrank under his rather beatific grin, wondering if the man hated her for what she had caused to his sister. Figuring out it would do her no good to make an enemy out of the Head Officer, Miranda gave him a very sincere, "I'm sorry for everything. I've injured your sister with my uselessness, and I would understand you completely if you hated me for it. I apologize many thousand times."

Komui's smile changed, it was softer now, genuine. It made his face look even more strikingly attractive than before. "Apology accepted."

River smiled behind him, and Miranda figured she had done something well, for a change. Maybe they wouldn't feed her to Hebraska now. She smiled.

"Let's go, then," Komui said, "Hebraska doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Miranda paled.

Armed with a cup of steaming coffee, Komui lead the way to Hebraska, pointing out how things worked around them, where Miranda would stay, and where she'd train.

"All of our Exorcists are out looking for the Generals, and the remaining ones are all a step in front of you, so we'll have to assign you someone from the Lab to train you," Komui explained, taking a quick sip from his steaming Unholy Grail. "You have to get to know your Innocent first, stretch out the limits, usual business. I'll see if we can build you some machines to fight you."

"Fight?" Miranda asked weakly. "I can't fight. I can only stop time for a while." In saying it aloud, she realized how useless her abilities were. Poor Miranda, still useless.

"Well then, we'll see how to make you increase the time in which you can use it. It's a very useful power, you know?"

Miranda once again observed her shoes as she blushed. She wasn't used to men looking at her with anything aside from disgust and annoyance. Men did not smile at Miranda Lott. Men didn't touch Miranda Lott's arm softly. Men simply ignored Miranda Lott. And these two men, people she barely knew, were pulling her out of her status as the local pariah; she wasn't prepared for the attention. She wasn't prepared for anything aside from accusations, or hatred.

"…are you paying attention to this?"

She jumped a bit, and gave a weak lie: "Yes!" They continued walking, with Komui talking and gesticulating wildly in front of them. Miranda felt a bit intimidated by the man's energy and wondered mildly if he was the same person as the one she had found sleeping. In her life she'd only employed this much energy in apologizing around. If she had been alone with Lee Komui…

A hand found its way to her arm, and River leaned in to whisper, "Don't worry so much, he won't bite you…right now."

River's presence was as disconcerting as relieving. The man kept touching her arm so very briefly; it was a gesture intended to bring her at ease, but by being delivered by a man as handsome as this one, Miranda only got more nervous. What were they doing to her? Why now, after so many years of being kicked around, were there two--highly aesthetically pleasing-- men paying attention to her, smiling at her? Of course, the attention they gave her would end as soon as she'd start training, but she could still dream. If she had been any other woman, she'd have imagined romantically charged scenarios filled with decorative clichés. As it were, she just continued blushing, as they entered a big room.

"Miss Lott, meet Hebraska," Komui said, ceremoniously.

The strange creature slithered down and stared at Miranda. "Hello," it said.

Miranda paled, turned around, and ran away.

River and Komui shared a look. It went on for a few seconds, during which Nebraska 'tsked'; until River sighed, defeated. "Fine, I'll go get her back. Lazy boss," he accused, and left the room running.

Komui smirked.

04.

Miranda laid on her bed, huffing in exhaustion. She hadn't slept well in two days, the training program taking the better part of her time. She'd been in the Church for three days. After her meeting with Hebraska, she'd been given a room and put to sleep. The next morning at breakfast, Komui had come to tell her about her following training program. After he had left, she'd been awarded with odd looks from everyone around. The cook, Jeryy informed her that Komui was rarely awake at those hours, so they didn't get why the Head Officer had come all the way down to the kitchen, just for her. Miranda had dismissed it as quickly as possible, without blushing.

It was passed midnight, and Miranda finally found the meaning of 'the more you're tired, the harder you go to sleep'. She couldn't sleep, so she sat on her bed, staring at the white wall in front of her. How many times hadn't she done this before, in Germany? Hadn't she decided to put that old Miranda behind her? Old habits are hard to lose, she thought bitterly. Rubbing her eyes roughly, she sat up from her bed, and took four steps to a mirror in the room.

"Oh, mein Gott," she groaned, blinking blearily at her reflection. Her hair was in disarray, and she had dark circles under her eyes, deep enough to swallow half her cheeks. She was pale, and bony, and every bit like the old Miranda. "This is hopeless," she hissed at her image. And in that moment she assured herself that the whole blushing hopelessly around River and Komui thing was silly. They only smiled at her like an adult would to a child, to comfort him; and touched her only to reassure her, or entrap her. 'What did you expect them to see in you, Miranda?' She was too pale, too skinny, too tired, too clumsy and useless for any man to pay attention to her. This was neither the time nor place to be thinking about these things.

Realizing she wouldn't sleep tonight, Miranda pulled on a simple white robe over her nightgown, and left the room. She had expected everyone to be asleep, but there was still noise coming from the Science Lab. Tying the sash tighter around her waist, she entered the great room. Many men and women ambled about, tired and biter, carrying papers, analysing data, and working in the name of science. Or something like it.

"Miranda," someone called--it was River, dressed in pyjamas, with a similar robe to hers, untied over his shoulders. "What are you doing here? Did we wake you?"

Miranda shook her head. "I couldn't sleep. What happened?" she asked, pointing at the room.

"In-coming data from Cross' search team--that's Allen's team. They found a new Exorcist, and now we have to classify the data. It's all routine."

"Were you sleeping before?" Miranda shyly enquired, pointing at his attire.

"Yup. But now no-one is."

"Not even Komui?"

River pointed mutely to a corner where a man dressed in his usual attire fumbled over some papers. His bonnet was missing, and his hair was slightly uncombed. Even if they were as worse for wear as Miranda, they were still handsome. She shook her head, and the man stood up at headed their way.

"River, don't be a slacker," Komui snapped, pushing some papers into his hands.

"You're the slacker here," River bit back. "Back to work then. Bye, Miranda!"

Once River was gone, Komui noticed her. "Hi. Shouldn't you be sleeping?"

"I can't sleep."

"Wish I could switch places with you," he sighed. "Look for something to do…help around…"

"I'd make a mess out of everything," Miranda said.

"Then come and keep me company. If someone doesn't talk to me, I sweat I'll fall asleep."

Miranda blushed, but followed him to his office, anyway.

05.

The next morning, Miranda woke up with her head on a paper-filled desk. Soft snored came from across the table, warm air blowing over her hair with each breath, in tempo. She blinked quickly, and sat up in her seat. A paper was stuck to her cheek, and as she peeled it off, she realised she must've fallen asleep there last night. She'd been telling Komui about her one hundred jobs, while he worked and laughed every here and there. She must've dozed off somewhere around job sixty-five. Across the table, Komui was sleeping, his head pillowed of the papers, much like hers had been. In stead of admiring him, she stretched lazily, and sat up from her chair.

"Morning," Komui murmured sleepily from his place. The tone was too intimate for her liking.

"Good morning," she answered. She checked the clock on the wall. "I have training now."

"Okay, see you around," he said, flapping his hand in her direction, not bothering to stand to straight. He turned to watch her open the door. "Thanks, by the way."

Miranda smiled. "You're welcome," she said, and left the room.

06.

"Hello, again," River greeted, sitting down across from her.

Miranda looked up from her plate. "Um…hello."

"You've changed your clothes," he said, pointing at the lack of nighgown.

"I had to train," she mumbled. "You've also changed."

"I managed to catch some sleep at the end of the night. What about you?"

"I slept a bit. I kept Komui awake for the most part, though."

River choked on his food, his eyes wide.

Miranda did a double-take. "N-not like that! I just talked to keep him awake…why would you even…I mean, look at me," she protested weakly.

River smiled. "I am looking. And I don't see what you're so ashamed of."

Miranda blushed, and went back to her food. "Lying isn't polite."

"Not lying."

07.

Days went by, and Miranda trained. Slowly, she grew more confident in herself. She also found herself visiting the lab more often, enjoying the company of everyone there. She figured that if everything went wrong with her Innocence, she could always ask for a position in the lab. When she'd told this to River, the man had scoffed, and told her to keep training, because having Innocence was something not to be taken lightly. She should appreciated, he told her, and Miranda wondered if the man ever wanted to have Innocence as well.

She didn't see as much of Komui anymore, though, because when he wasn't busy, he was sleeping. And after a few times when she'd entered his office to find him sleeping, Miranda decided that she should just wait until she saw him in the hallways. Because seeing him sleep made her nervous, her palms sweaty and her cheeks red. If she'd have been more feminine, more sensual, or expert-like in the terms of romance, maybe her bosom would've heaved at the sight of the slumbering Head Officer. But she wasn't any of the above, so she decided to end it healthily, and not enter his office without knocking.

Another thing he'd learned about Komui was that he loved his coffee. She'd found River taking him a steaming mug once, and was informed that the boss only drank his coffee from that recipient. It was apparently a gift from his sister. She thought it was cute, although she would've wished he'd share his coffee with the rest. Miranda needed it dearly.

Miranda panted, dropping down to the ground in the training chamber, and the Innocence disappeared from around her with a hiss. Four hours. She had kept it on for four hours so far.

"You did a great job, Miss Lott," the lab assistant told her kindly.

"Four hours," she breathed. "Not enough…it's not enough. Many things could happen in four hours. Someone could get injured, the battles could not end yet. And if there are injured people on the team, and the battle isn't done with my functioning term ends, they might die." She looked down at her hand. "I feel like a machine, working on badly charged batteries."

"Get some sleep, Miss Lott. You've been doing this for a day and a half now. A few hours of rest would do you good."

Miranda nodded meekly, and gathered her knees against her chest, head leaned on them. "It's a pity I can't sleep."

"Perhaps you should ask for a sleeping pill?"

Miranda laughed. "I'll try." She lifted her head, and leaned her back against the wall. "I want to make this work. I want to be useful."

"You will be," the assistant told her. "Goodnight, Miss Lott."

Miranda waved as he closed the door, and sighed deeply. She looked down at herself. Black pants and top stuck to her body with the sweat, her legs too weak to stand up. Her hair was held up in a pony tail, loose strands were plastered to her face; the circles under her eyes had grown. She hit her head against the wall slightly, and made an effort to stand up. Gathering up a towel from the far end of the room, she made her way to the door, decided to go and help the lab team a bit. Sleep wouldn't come tonight either.

She opened the door, and ran straight into Komui. Komui, who was holding a mug of warm coffee. Miranda tried hard not to drool at it.

"Hello."

She looked at him. "Hi."

"How are you progressing?"

"Four hours," she answered.

"That's good."

"It's not that good," she murmured. "Do you have anything for me to do? Papers to order? Stories to tell? We were on job number ninety, right? I need to do something useful today…"

Komui looked at her, and held the mug at her eye level: "Here. You need it more than I do."

Miranda blinked, and stared at the out-stretched hand. "Y-you're giving me…your coffee?"

"Yes," he replied, amused. "Don't you want it?" he teased, waving it in front of her nose slowly. He brought it to his lips, and took a sip. "Mmmmm, so good!"

With a shaky hand, Miranda grabbed the mug, and downed its contents. Vaguely, she noticed her lips had touched the rim where his had. She shivered slightly. "It's good."

"Of course it is," Komui grinned. "I've heard you've been straining yourself, Miss Lott," he said mockingly. "I've been informed that you weren't resting well, and you keep stressing out your assistant with your constant need for training."

"I…want…to…help," she said, drowsy. "What…"

Komui smiled innocently. "I've taken the liberty to slip in some potent sleeping pills into that coffee," he declared. "You'll have a nice, long rest. And when you're done with it, we'll establish a schedule for you to work on your Innocence. I don't want to lose any Exorcists from over-training."

Miranda blinked, and pointed at him. "Sleeping pills…you…Komui…evil…"

Komui chuckled, catching her as she fell asleep on her two feet. "Yes, very evil." he stared at the sleeping woman in his arms, and shifted uncomfortably. He wondered how he should take her to her room. He guessed dragging her to it would be very ungentle of him; it had been so long since he'd carried anyone on his arms, the last person being his sister. "Right. Let's see if I can still do this." He picked the woman up into his arms, and made his way to her room.

It was close to her training room, which was an advantage. He opened to door with his elbow and shoulder, and entered the dark room. Blindly, he walked around the room until his knees hit the bed, almost making him lose balance. He placed the woman on her bed, and manoeuvred the covers over her. Sighing flustered, he leaned in, and brushed some loose strands of hair away from her face.

"You know, this would've been easier, if you hadn't been so cute," he whispered secretly to her, noticing how his hands were shaking from having carried her.

A cutting line of light invaded the room, and Komui turned to find River leaning against the doorway. "Should I be jealous?" the Squad Leader asked, smirking.

Komui rolled his eyes, and joined him at the door. "Just forcing her to sleep, you know?"

River chuckled. "Is Mister Komui getting attached to the Exorcist?" he cooed.

The older man clucked his tongue, and slung his arms around River's shoulders. "Come on, we should let her sleep. Also, seeing as my main source for entertainment is out for the night, you're gonna have to come up with something to keep me awake."

River grinned as he close the door softly behind them. "I'm sure I'll find something."

08.

The next day, Miranda entered Komui's office, without caring if he's asleep or not. She woke him up with her noise, and he protested mildly until he saw her face. Miranda had never been this angry.

She pointed a shaky finger at him. "You never do that again. Don't you understand? I need to accustom myself to not sleeping, in order to keep the Innocence working for a long amount of time."

Komui adjusted his bonnet slightly, and sat up, coming to a stop in front of her. Miranda wasn't done.

"Furthermore, that was treason, that was! Luring me with coffee, when all I wanted at the moment was coffee, and putting sleeping pills in it! I don't want you to do it again!" she added a weak, "please."

Komui chuckled. "Are you rested?"

Miranda squared her shoulders. "I am. But I still don't like it."

The man placed his hands on her shoulders. "You know, I am aware of the limits of your Innocence, and I know you want to get strong. I want you to get strong also, because we need all the help we can get. But that doesn't mean I'm going to let you die training. It was just one night's sleep, okay? You can keep on acting like an insomniac from now on."

Miranda blinked, and blushed hotly. The tip of his thumbs were grazing the skin at her neck. "O-okay," she whispered.

Komui looked down at her. He seemed to be looking for something, she wasn't sure what. He leaned down, and Miranda flailed weakly in his arms. "Wh-what are you do--"

He kissed her. To anyone, it would've been a small brush of lips, but to Miranda, who hadn't had a man hold her like this before, touch her like this before, it was everything. He pulled away slightly, and looked her in the eyes. Her eyes were half closed, and Komui leaned in again, this time pressing his lips against hers for a longer time. She forgot how to breathe, and he stopped shortly, surprised at himself.

"Wh-what was that?" she asked, softly.

Komui looked at her lips, wondering. Had she felt the tingles as well? He looked at her eyes. "I have no idea."

"Right."

Komui let go of her shoulders, lifting off a finger at a time. It felt like unfurling wings, like letting go of something he should've held on to. But he wasn't ready. And neither was she. He hadn't done that before, been so impulsive with a woman. It was hard to not be impulsive around Miranda, and it disconcerted him.

"I should go," she whispered, not moving from her spot.

They weren't ready. They wouldn't be ready in a long time. They didn't even knew what this was, and yet here they were, wondering. Wondering why the world was this cruel and beautiful. To give something, only to take it back.

"You should," he whispered.

"Right."

She didn't move. Neither did he.

"Komui, I--"

He leaned in quick, kissing her again, really kissing her this time. Moving his lips in tandem with hers, tasting her mouth, using large hands to press her head closer to him, angling her head a bit to fit better. Their bodies moved, her hands on his back, as he cupped her face, and brought her closer, nearer, so warm. His fingers twitched on her face, and he pulled away, with one last tug at her lower lip. They both shuddered, still in each other's arms, panting and excited.

"You should," Komui said, kissing her once more. "You should," he murmured against her lips, and pulled away from her. He let go, placed a few steps between them. "Go."

It was only one word, and it was like a sword to her heart. She nodded weakly, and turned around before she threw herself into his arms again. They couldn't afford romance during war. Too much loss, too much heartbreak. An Exorcist's life is short, the proverbial two days. And he…he probably deserved better. Forcing the tears not to fall, Miranda made her way out of the office, silently, quickly, and painfully.

09.

"What bug's bitten you?" River said, dropping himself across the table from her.

Miranda looked up from her plate. "What are you talking about?"

River scoffs. "You. You've been itchy for days, and haven't visited the lab anymore."

Miranda fiddled with her fork. "It's just that…I'm busy…and…well…"

"Who are you avoiding?" River asked flatly.

Miranda sighed. It seemed she couldn't get anything passed River these days. His concern was nice, but right now, she didn't really want to talk to him. "Can we not?"

River tilted his head to the right, and observed her with narrowed eyes. "It's not me, is it?"

"N-no way! You've been a great friend, River! It's just that…with the stress…and the war brewing…especially the damned war…"

"Ah," River said softly. "So it's Komui."

His name, his name made her lip tremble, and she bit it to force it to stop. "N-no, it's not. I told you--"

"Miranda, listen," River said softly. "I have no clue about what happened with you two. I'm not sure I want to have any. But you've both been like this for days, so I beg of you to talk to him, or I'll force you both to kiss and make up."

Miranda dropped her fork, clumsy again.

River noticed. "So that's what happened?" he pointed out, surprised. "You two kissed--"

"Could you, um, not say it so loud? This is the cafeteria, you know?"

"--and you're now ignoring each other, as if you've done something wrong." He groaned. "I swear, I pick the most difficult friends ever." He took a moment to calm himself down, and looked seriously at Miranda. "I know what he's thinking. He's thinking, this is war, I can't get attached, because if I lose her, I'll only break down, and stop working, and stop being useful. And I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, why would he even want me, he regrets me now, I'm never gonna be able to face him again. But you're wrong, because there's not reason for him not to want you, Miranda. He's been paying more attention to you than any of the Exorcists so far, he's carried you to your room, he's brushed your hair away. He has to be crazy not to like you, because I honestly didn't lie when I said you had nothing to be ashamed of.

"If anyone's an idiot here, it's Komui, but he's always been one. Don't let him lead you both into thinking that because this is war, you shouldn't follow your emotions. You never know when your last day will come…you have to take everything thrown your way. And if you don't do it now, and then you lose him, you'll only regret it more. I don't want to see my friends turn into shells, Miranda. Don't you see?"

She was crying by now. Outwardly crying rivers in the middle of the cafeteria, with the rest of them looking on. This was going to break her. Everything, anything that Komui did from now on, could break her. But River was right. She had to try. She sat up from the table, and offered him a shaky smile. He returned it with a proud one, and she wondered, mildly, if maybe Komui hadn't kissed her like that, or treated her like that, if maybe something would've happened between River and her. She shook her head, because right then, it didn't matter. It would be the last time she'd think about it.

Shoulders squared, she made her way out of the cafeteria.

For once, when she entered into his office, he wasn't asleep. He was wide awake, and stood up from his chair, making it screech on the floor. For a moment, they stared at each other, her in the doorway, and he, at his desk.

"You're crying," he said.

"Your fault," she said.

"Miranda…" he started.

For once, she moved before him, running into his arms, her cheek pressed against his.

"Miranda, we can't…it's war…"

"Why? Why can't we? Why can I never have the good things? Why does Miranda Lott always end up losing? Why did I get an Innocence that is more hurtful than benign? Why can't I for once not end up crying at the end?" she whispered hotly in his ear. She laughed weakly, and intoned "Miranda, Miranda, unlucky woman Miranda."

"Don't do this," he whispered.

"Hated, dark and clumsy," she continued.

"Please…"

"Your turn to listen, Komui. Your turn to see my reason. This may be war, but we're still human. Just because it's war doesn't mean we should put our emotions aside. It means we have to live as if it were our last. And if today were my last day, I'd like to do this," she said, and kissed him.

He pressed his lips on hers, bringing her forth, his arms around hers. "'na be the death of me," he whispered against her lips.

"Better me than Akuma," she said back, and allowed herself to be silenced by his lips again.

This time, neither let go.

10.

"Look, new uniforms for everyone!" River pointed to a box on top of Komui's office.

Miranda frowned slightly, flexing her fingers to adjust her body to the uniform. She would be leaving that day, to China. Because they needed her there. Komui hadn't been the one to inform her; he had chosen River to carry the message. She figured that if it were up to Komui, he'd have kept her there in chains if needed; because she'd have done the same for him. Right now, the man was looking at her from a dark corner of his office.

"When do you leave?" he asked, quietly.

"Five hours."

"Hmm." Komui looked at River.

"I'll go get everything ready," the man said, and left the room.

The room was flooded with silence. "I like the new uniforms," Miranda quipped weakly.

Komui smiled bitterly. "I hope that it'll be able to protect you. Even for a little bit."

With small steps, she made her way to where he was, leaning on the wall. "Komui…"

"I wish you didn't have to go," he said, hugging her tight. "Stupid war."

"I know. But the sooner it's over…"

"Don't get yourself killed."

"Promised. Don't get yourself killed."

"Promised."

One last kiss, his lips against hers in a lingering touch. It was a goodbye kiss. It hurt on both side, like a double-edged blade. He kissed her on the corner of her lips. She shivered in his arms.

"I lo--" she started.

He pressed his lips to hers again, to silence her. Then, pulling away, he said, "Tell me when you come back."

Miranda nodded softly, and lay her cheek on his shoulder.

This was, after all, war. Apocalypse or not, there would be loss on both sides. If she died in this battle, she'd die happy, at least, because she had had him. For however short the time, it was enough. And if she didn't die, and he didn't die, then maybe…then maybe they'd pick it up from where they'd left it. And allow it to grow, to unfurl, and to fly free. They'd allow each other to be. But for that, they'd have to live first. Saying goodbye had never been so hard.

I love you.

:end: