Leonard grumbled as he punched in the last entry, saving the data. He quickly moved across sickbay and stashed the latest blood sample, before returning to the young man sat on a biobed rubbing his arm.
"Alright ensign, you're done. Don't you go kickin' up any hornet's nest between now and the next physical, a'ight? I've got enough on my plate without spending my time kissing your boo-boos better. Especially if it concerns Orion gonorrhoea."
The ensign nodded sheepishly.
"Got it, doc. And uh, thanks."
"Ah, go on, git!" Leonard waved him off. The ensign took this as permission to slip off the biobed and out of the door. Leonard pressed his palms tiredly into his eye sockets until he saw spots. Despite having tied up the monthly crew physicals, it didn't mean he could go sleep; no, he had a PADD stack up to his shoulder to get through, everything from reports to file, to reports to sign, to evaluations to submit, his only company a bottle of bourbon he'd liberated from Scotty's stash. A long sigh escaped him before he straightened up.
"You okay there, Len? You look awful."
Leonard turned to see the concerned eyes of Christine Chapel on him. That concern was very rude of her considering he knew she was working almost as long a shift as he, yet she still looked radiant, her beehive hairstyle polished, and makeup still immaculate. He shook his head before she could whip out her tricorder at him.
"'m fine Chris – nothin' a sleep-hypo can't fix."
Christine's eyes narrowed.
"Don't you dare, Len, you've been hissing hypos like nobody's business for the last week. You know they're no substitute for a good night's REM sleep."
He opened his mouth to protest but she just waved her hand in his face.
"No, no arguments! You have an ACMO for a reason; you go sleep – I'll call Jabilo to fill in for Beta shift early."
Leonard swore she could read minds because she just carried right on answering his unspoken protests.
"It's only half an hour before he would start anyway. Plus, I'm going to take at least a third of that PADD stack you've got. I'm your Head Nurse, I can handle these."
That was how neatly Christine punctured Leonard's plan to work himself into unconsciousness. He deflated.
"Ok, ok, you win. But don't you go thinkin' you're gonna walk all over me this easily every day, Chris. I'm not going that soft."
"You, Leonard? Soft? Never." She replied with a smirk.
If Leonard was a religious man, he'd have thanked whatever god had delivered Christine back into his sickbay. After an…encounter with Jim that had got out of hand, and her subsequent two month stint on some outer frontier space station, he had missed her quick wit, and her even quicker reflexes, especially in medical emergencies. While Mara was a good nurse, Christine's almost supernatural empathic intuition, made her an amazing one.
He quirked his mouth in a half-smile, before going to submit the crew evaluation to the archives; he could sleep after that. The PADDs would have to wait until tomorrow. Now his mind had been made up, his body decided it had been given the go-ahead to complain about how tired it was. Leonard yawned long and hard as he moved to the medical computer.
He made to submit the 430 documents as 'complete', when an error popped up on the screen.
FILE INCOMPLETE
The computer voiced. Leonard grit his teeth, and punched it in again. Red flashed on the screen as a mechanical voice rang out.
FILE INCOMPLETE
"You worthless piece of junk, what the hell is the madder with you? You got all 430 reports right 'ere, you- right, fine. Have it your way."
COMPUTER, locate missing crew member file
The computer thought for a second.
UNABLE TO LOCATE MISSING CREW MEMBER FILE
"Now what the hell is that supposed to mean? Either I'm missing a crew member or I ain't. Make up your mind!" He groused. Was he really going to have to have an elaborate dance with the Enterprise computer right now? Six months in space in the most advanced tin can Starfleet could cook up and it still didn't know its crew. He ran a hand roughly through his hair.
COMPUTER, ANALYSE number of ENTERPRISE crew
COMPLETE: THERE ARE CURRENTLY 431 LIFEFORMS ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE
Leonard blinked. That can't be right. They'd stopped off at Starbase 107 three days before, adjusted the crew roster and logged it following their departure – the total had been 430.
COMPUTER, request confirmation of PREVIOUS ANALYSIS
The computer thought for a second.
COMPLETE: THERE ARE CURRENTLY 431 LIFEFORMS ABOARD THE USS ENTERPRISE
Leonard frowned and thought. Perhaps an error had occurred when updating the crew roster. It was either that or…
Or they had a stowaway on board.
On the bridge, Jim's feet tapped a restless staccato on the bridge floor.
Exploration my ass, he thought as he idly swung the chair in slow semi-circles, if I wanted to spend days on end doing nothing, I'd have stayed on in Iowa.
Let it be known that James Tiberius Kirk, in his youth, was not a man to simply sit and watch the stars go by. No, his genetic makeup was at all times practically screaming to be doing something, or at least someone. He'd go over to the science console and annoy Spock for a bit, but while Vulcans may be incapable of emotions, that didn't make them incapable of scathing retorts at irritating SOs – Jim feared he's come out of the next engagement with a complex. Uhura would find an uncomfortable place to stick her boot if he went over to her for the third time this Alpha shift, Sulu wouldn't rise to any of his taunts and Chekov, well, Jim just felt guilty pushing his buttons.
That really only left Bones.
Jim looked down as the communications pad on his chair beeped. He grinned at the blue light.
Speak of the devil.
"Kirk here." He opened the channel.
/Jim, it's McCoy./
Jim rolled his eyes – who else would it be.
"Bones you should get up here; you're missing out on a particularly spectacular patch of Empty Space." He expected a snort and sarcastic retort from his CMO, but instead there was just a small pause. He frowned.
"Everything okay?"
/Well, nobody's hurt. It's just…might be nothing, but you prob'ly should still know. Jim, the computer's tellin' me we got an extra body on board./
Jim's brows furrowed in confusion.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
/I was puttin' in the crew's physical evals when the computer tells me I ain't got 'em all down. Now, I know the crew, I've been doin' these evals for six months and I ain't missed a man yet. Y'know we updated the roster after leavin' Starbase 107? We had 430 crew at that point. Now, we got 431./
"Are you sure the computer didn't make a miscalculation?" Jim asked. When Bones replied he could hear the frustration even across the comm.
/Jim, I been and checked the roster myself, asked the computer to re-calculate three times and even had Scotty run a diagnostic – the results are fine. I think we got a stowaway./
Bones concluded. Jim rubbed a palm across his face in thought.
"Alright, thanks Bones, I'll check into it." He shut off the comm. on the Southern grumbling on the other side, before turning to the ops console towards the front.
"Lieutenant, uhhh, lieutenant-"
A blonde woman with a statement hairstyle primly turned to acknowledge him.
"Rand, sir."
"Yeah, Lieutenant Rand. Can you do a sweep for an unaccounted for lifeform aboard?"
She looked at him quizzically but none the less tapped her fingers across the display. A few seconds later a string of writing appeared on the screen.
"The computer reports the unaccounted lifeform is confirmed."
"Okay, can it tell us the species?"
Tap tap.
Blip.
"Computer can only report it as 'unidentified', captain."
"What? How can we not identify an alien species? What do they program into these ships?" He asked in disbelief. Rand shook her head.
"No, sir, we can identify species aboard the vessel. This simply means the race has no DNA data on record."
Kirk thought on this for a second. If the ship had nothing on record, it either meant the intruder was of an undiscovered/contacted species, or it was an enemy – not a Klingon, they had plenty of DNA on them. If the intruder was a Romulan, it would have still come up as a Vulcan composite scan. Best tread carefully.
"Sir?" Rand was still waiting on further orders.
"Lieutenant, confirm location of unidentified lifeform."
Tap tap.
Blip.
"Lifeform is currently stationary in rec room 2, sir."
"Thank you, Lieutenant." Jim pressed the comm. on his seat and watched the red light blink on.
"Kirk to security."
/Giotto here, captain. What can I do for you?/
"Giotto, get Hendorff and go to Rec Room 2, Deck F. Phasers on stun, gentlemen. I'll meet you there."
/Aye, sir./
Jim practically bounded out of his seat; finally, some action. Even if it was nothing but an undiscovered blip in the computer wiring, it was at least something to do. If he sat still for one more minute, he might have done something he regretted. And he didn't regret much.
He was halfway to the door, when Spock materialised at his shoulder. He tilted his head at him in question, while Spock stared back.
"Since you are contacting an unknown individual of possibly hostile intent, it is only logical that your second in command accompany you for support. Besides, my superior strength may be beneficial in this situation." He concluded. Jim grinned at him and clapped him briefly on the shoulder.
"Let's hope that will be unnecessary, right, Mister Spock? Mister Sulu, you have the conn." He threw over his shoulder as the turbolift closed on them.
Jim and Spock met up with the security detail before proceeding towards the rec room. Barely a passer-by glanced at them; they'd seen weirder shit go down on the Enterprise. If they weren't on Red Alert, it just wasn't worth taking the time to be curious about anything anymore. Eventually they arrived, taking a moment to pause outside the room. Jim turned to his team.
"Alright, you lot wait here while I check out the scene."
Spock raised an eyebrow in what he would deny later was disbelief.
"Captain, are you sure that is wise? We have no idea what sort of a lifeform we would be dealing with, or whether it will resort to force, or perhaps even take hostages-"
"Relax, Mister Spock. So far, the lifeform hasn't done anything. I'm going to go in there casually and subtly. I can do subtly!" He insisted when Spock's eyebrow ascended even higher.
"I'm going in, no more arguments. But…do be on standby." He added. Giotto nodded and Kirk casually sauntered into the rec room.
The recreational centres of the Enterprise were some of his favourite places on the ship, as they were intended to be to all crew members, apart from Bones. With one wall of the room a transparent view-screen to the outside, Bones hated the oppressive feeling of all that space pressing in on all sides, just waiting for the slightest ship malfunction so it could suck you out into the frigid, dark maws of space. Or at least, that's what he said.
For his part, Jim found the viewscreen to be very calming. The room was also always half-full with officers just coming off shift or the occasional crewman plagued with insomnia who usually ended up falling asleep curled up on one of the couches scattered around the room. There were tables, smaller than in the mess hall, but still big enough that one could eat a snack in peace, and large potted plants dotting the space at intervals. Sulu had once pointed out the ones he specifically enjoyed cultivating; unfortunately, Jim had also spotted a particularly pretty looking ensign at that moment, and to this day couldn't remember which ones he'd mentioned. He did feel a bit guilty about that.
Now though, Jim wasn't appreciating the comfort of the rec-room. It was relatively quiet now, being the switch-over period when Beta shift was getting ready to start and Alpha shift was winding down, while Gamma shift was sleeping. He scanned the room – a few officers were playing chess on one table, another was sleeping face-down over his tray of protein-cubes, a group of friends were toasting this or that with glasses of Green, and one officer was sat apart at the back, still, silently watching over the others with an intent, studious gaze. From where he was standing, Jim couldn't make a good decision on the gender – it appeared human, with short dark hair and darker eyes. It was wearing a dress-like uniform, but that wasn't enough to determine it as female. Kirk had seen quite a few male crewmembers who preferred the skant for mobility. Its face looked either like a feminine human male, or a masculine human female.
While he assessed the officer with a trained eye, the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. Approach with caution, a voice that sounded suspiciously like Spock advised in his head.
And don't try and sleep with it, that one sounded very much like McCoy.
Pushing out all voices that weren't his own, Jim wandered over to the stranger, casually slouching into one of the empty chairs at the stranger's table. He pretended to observe the rec room in silence for a moment before looking at the lifeform out of the corner of his eye.
Only to be faced with a very interested and very intense stare. Holy shit, that was creepy. He cleared his throat.
"So…what's a pretty anomaly like you doing in a place like this?"
For a moment the lifeform just continued to stare at him, almost through him, before it smiled. And fucking hell did it smile – despite having a completely normal-human-like dental structure, the creature somehow managed to smile with too many teeth. The hairs at the back of Jim's neck tried to run away from the situation. It was like a mouse tickling the nose of a sleeping lion, or whatever space-themed equivalent you'd like to substitute it with.
"Anomaly, captain? I'm sure I have no idea what you mean." The voice too was perfectly balanced for androgyny – deep and husky, but Jim had heard women with smokier voices.
"I assume, as a-" He checked the ranking stripes on their long sleeves, "-lieutenant commander, you have a name?"
Fuck that smile, seriously, Jim's brain muttered.
"Doesn't everybody?"
"Do you speak in anything but non-sequiturs?"
"Sometimes."
Ok, Jim had had enough.
"As captain of the ship you are currently on board of, I demand you identify yourself." He commanded, in what Sulu had once termed his Captain Voice. It had sent many an ensign running for the nearest console to hide behind. The being just tilted its head.
"Kyw."
"Q?" Jim asked. It shrugged.
"Spelling's subjective of course."
Jim faced Kyw, arms folded across his chest and his face stern and business-like.
"Kyw, we know you are not a part of this crew. You are not supposed to be on this ship. Why are you here? If you're trying to cause trouble-"
Kyw laughed.
"Me? Trouble, Captain Kirk? I'm but a simple historian; if you hadn't gone poking around, nobody would have known I was here at all."
"A historian." Jim framed the question as a statement, injecting all the sarcasm and doubt readily supplied by the situation he found himself in.
"Oh yes. I've heard so many things about this ship."
"Really."
"Hmmm. The famous Captain Kirk, or should I say infamous? Considering the amount of trouble you run into, you seemed the perfect ship for my little experiment."
"You're sounding more like a scientist than a 'historian'." He mocked. Kyw absently tapped a finger against the seat-armrest. Jim noticed in passing the perfect state of Kyw's fingernails.
"Ah, see this is interesting. You people's need to categorise everything. You seem absolutely resistant to any fluidity in the world! It's fascinating." Jim thought how Spock would hate the word the way Kyw said it (that is, if Vulcans could hate – that one was an ongoing uphill battle).
"Look, Kyw just tell us who you are. I could easily get my CMO to take a thousand and one samples from you instead, but that would just waste all of our time."
Kyw narrowed its eyes; finally, a reaction.
"You could certainly try. None of the others ever managed to stick one of us." It frowned momentarily.
"Well, there was that whole messy business when Q got himself a proper body and everything. Horrid. Bet they got lots of lovely samples from him there."
"Wait, wait, Q? I thought you said you were Q? And who are they? What are you talking about?" Jim was officially Confused, if he could have passed his previous state off as anything but.
"I am Q. Or Kyw. He is also Q. We are Q. Q likes to…meddle with your affairs."
"No, you're wrong. We've never encountered a…Q."
Kyw scoffed.
"Well, obviously not in this universe."
Jim frowned and leaned in.
"You know of alternate universes?"
Kyw looked at him out of the side of its eye. An upward quirk snagged the side of its mouth.
"Of course. It is the only thing of interest anymore, no? Knowing everything that has been or will be in a universe is eternally boring. But new universes, created in an instant without our doing, actions unfurling second upon second – fascinating. I, a mere, humble, historian endeavour to…observe."
"So…you're here to experience time?" Jim asked, trying to wrap his head around what the creature was saying. Trans-dimension omnipotent beings? It didn't seem to fit with the admittedly slightly creepy, yet very much human looking figure sitting beside him. That figure now had a truly disgusted look on its face.
"Experience? Gosh, no. No. It is the difference between…studying the interaction of acids, and trying to bathe in them. Definitely not recommended."
"So where are the other Q. Can we expect them to pop around for tea any time soon?" Kirk asked sarcastically. Kyw just shrugged, sighing deeply.
"I wouldn't know, Kirk. Probably not – to stretch that analogy further, it is the difference between studying the interaction of acids, and reading about the fact that acids exist. You are of very little importance to the majority of the universe, quite frankly. Most Q are tired of every and all universes, let alone a small section of it, containing a tiny organisation of which a miniscule ship is drifting through space. No, I shouldn't think you'll have to watch out for them anytime soon, if at all."
They lapsed into silence for a while. As they had talked, the rec room had steadily emptied, whether simply by chance, or because the inhabitants had felt the borderline tension that had hovered between the two. Now the room was silent, one of (maybe) Sulu's plants waving purple stems through the air.
"So…"
"So?" Kyw repeated, as if mocking.
"You know you can't stay on the ship, right?"
"Oh, why not?"
Jim had a pretty convincing 'baffled face', as verified by Bones, and he employed it to its best effect just then.
"Because…you're not Starfleet?"
"Am I not wearing your uniform?" Kyw asked innocently, waving one blue-clad arm in demonstration. A scowl crawled onto Jim's face as he slapped the offending appendage out of the air.
"Starfleet is more than a uniform!" He snapped.
"It's a set of, of morals, and ethics."
"Oh I have morals and ethics aplenty, applicable to every situation. I don't see the problem."
Jim ground his teeth in frustration.
"It- it doesn't work like that. You need to enter into the Federation first, and then be certified, and-"
"Come now, James T. Kirk, we both know I am both more qualified and more capable than you or anyone else in your Federation." There was that creepy hair-raising feeling again. Jim slid out of his chair, in defensive mode again in a second.
"It doesn't matter." He insisted.
"You have encroached, without warning or permission, on Federation space." He noticed the rec room doors sliding open and Spock and the security officers come in as backup. "You will be taken into custody until Starfleet Command can be notified. You are entitled to representation and fair treatment while you are under our protection. Do you comply?"
Kyw remained calmly seated even when it was being stared down by Jim, with three phasers pointed at it by very determined men. It rolled bored-looking eyes at the company.
"Oh, how droll."
Kyw vanished.