Chapter 1: How it began

A/N: I've been wanting to write something like this for a while now. It might be a little depressing in some parts, but that's the point. The first chapter isn't really graphic or anything, but it has to do with the suicide. Please read and review. I hope you like it.

A brisk walk. That's all he needed to do. Just go for a quick walk and then he could go back inside. Hopefully it wasn't too bright outside today. The sun was such a nuisance that he never opened the blinds anymore. It was too bright. It hurt his eyes and his head and made his body ache for more sleep. If only he didn't have to go on this stupid walk every day. It pained him to leave the hospital bed.

It had all started when the ninja returned to their home villages. The fourth great shinobi war was finally over. The death count had been incomprehensible to him, however, it was a lot lower than the leaders had expected. That many people were lost and life still moved on? Yet this one loss caused him all this pain. All of this anguish. It caused him to be stuck in Konoha hospital for who knows how long.

After returning to the village, everything seemed to go back to normal. The children still played, the new genins still trained for the chunin exams, the teams still went on miniscule missions to destroy the evils left in the world. However, so many things were just wrong now. So many people who had ran throughout the streets, shopping, talking, dancing, happily were dead. Gone forever. There would be no edo tensei to bring back those lost to the cold yet comforting embrace of death. The embrace Rock Lee had felt on that fateful day.

Neji. He was lost in death. He had willingly died for Hinata, doing the job he had been born to do. Willingly, peacefully. He faded from the world without a single care left. He had done what he felt needed. It was finally over for him. No pain, no more suffering, no more losses, no more wins, just nothing. It was all gone. That's what Lee wanted. He wanted the pain to end, physical and emotional. He would end it himself and join his best friend in the cool rivers of the afterlife.

That night, Lee had just returned from dinner with his team. What was left of it, that is. They hadn't been assigned a new member to join them at that point in time. Tenten was so positive about the situation, as was Gai. He was just as over the top as usual. Those two had a great night and suspected nothing of Lee, who acted as though everything was okay for him. He was such a good actor after experiencing so many things throughout his life.

Gai and Tenten dropped Lee off at his house thinking they would be training together again in the morning. This they were wrong about. Lee was determined. He wanted to see his friends again. He wanted to see everyone that was lost. He wanted to be lost just like them. He was so determined.

Earlier that day, the ex shinobi went to the closest drugstore. It was too much effort to go to the larger one on the other side of the village. Whatever was at this one should be enough. All he needed was enough of something to numb his body so he wouldn't have to feel any hurt anymore, so the cuts wouldn't feel.

His cuts were small before. He was too scared to do much damage because he didn't want to be suspected of something. The bandages on his arms covered them well enough, but sometimes during training the cuts would tear, creating blood stains. Gai had asked about it once, but Lee claimed it was a flesh wound from training. That man was so easily tricked.

Tonight, the one he would finally feel the peace that was written on Neji's face, he wouldn't be so careful with his razor. It would be over, finally.

Lee tried to quickly open his front door, fumbling with and dropping his keys twice.

"Are you okay, Lee?" Tenten yelled towards him through the night air. She saw how he shook and trembled as he tried to open the door. With a loud creek, the door opened and Lee was gone without an answer. If only his teammates had known what was going to happen whenever that door opened.

The bodysuit wearing man slammed the door shut and ran into the kitchen, hurriedly opening the cabinets and grabbing the bottles of medication he had bought at the store earlier that day. He fumbled some more with the childproof lids until the two tiny bottles were open. As he ran to the other side of the kitchen to grab a glass, he knocked one out of the cabinet and it smashed into large pieces on the floor. Lee quickly scooped a particularly ragged looking piece up and grabbed a new glass. Filling it with water, he knocked the pill bottles over and started putting some into his mouth.

The water felt soothing on his tongue as the lump of pills slid down his throat. After the first step was taken, he slowly slipped more medication into his mouth, calm as ever. This was the beginning of forever. The beginning of sweet nothingness.

It didn't take long for the pills to take effect. Whenever he felt it, he snatched up the forgotten piece of glass and clutched it firmly in his shaking hand, cutting his fingers. The poor boy closed his eyes tightly and imagined the look on his friend's face again and again, hoping that's what he would look like whenever his body was found. However, the medicine he had taken hurt him. It hurt a lot more than he thought it would. His face was twisting in pain as his arm suddenly jerked into the glass.

It still burnt, but not like before. His entire body hurt for a little while. However, everything was becoming numb, quiet, as the glass went deeper into its target. He didn't feel a thing. It was like what he expected. Was he even alive anymore? He swore he could still see the glass sawing. But he wasn't aware of his actions. What was going on? Was he finally losing it? Was it finally happening? Lee thought so, as his vision started to blur and body stopped aching, and the last thing he felt was a smile rise on his face. This was the peace Neji had experienced in his last moments. It was as though Neji was right beside him, looking down on him as his eyes stopped focusing on their own. His friend looked so angry, unhappy, almost sick, but why? Lee didn't care. It was over and Neji wasn't really there. He was where Lee was heading.

Quiet, muffled, slurred words.

"It was quite a nasty wound. Very deep and definitely not clean. I don't understand how he stayed conscious long enough to cause this much damage. Plus he took pain relievers, but that's been taken care of."

"Well he'll be okay now, right?!"

"Yes, he should be fine after receiving care here. However, he's going to need to be here for a while for rehabilitation and he'll probably be put under suicide watch."

"That's fine. Just please take care of him for us. Nobody needs another loss right now, and we don't want him to die. Please take care of him."

"We will. It's our job."

"Will he be awake soon?"

Slit.

"It should be any time now."

Close.

"Hey, look!"

Slit.

"Lee, are you awake now?"

Close.

"Lee?"

There was no light in the room at the time he woke. Just a silhouette on a couch by the window. It was startling, very scary for Lee. It wasn't what he was expecting the afterlife to be like. Was he even dead? It sure as hell didn't feel like it. He was in so much pain, especially his left arm.

The terrified man let out a hissing noise as he tried to take a deep breath, adding to the anxiety he was already feeling. The silhouette moved a little, like someone was turning to find a comfortable position to sit in. Lee imagined what would happen if he tried to wake it. What could be so bad about it?

"H-heeeeyy," Lee said, drawing the word out as his parched throat didn't want to close on itself. The word came out breathily, almost like he was a ghost.

The silhouette moved some more and grumbled for a moment before dropping silent again. Lee wanted to cry out for someone to explain what was happening, or what had happened to him. All he could remember was eating dinner yesterday. It was yesterday, right?

"Heeeeeeyy," Lee said again, making the silhouette stir again.

A silent tear slid down Lee's cheek as he continued to try to call out to whoever was on the seat. He felt so helpless and sick. He was terrified beyond any amount he had every felt before. Tears flew down his face as he sobbed silently. Lee closed his eyes, praying for the darkness to leave soon.

Just as his eyes closed, Lee felt a cold sensation on his left arm, on top of the area that burned like hell. The tears suddenly stopped. He hadn't even will them away. They were just gone. Lee opened his eyes and looked towards the left of his bed.

It was Neji. He was just standing there, smiling down at his best friend, gently clutching the bandaged area of Lee's forearm. The smile on his face was so peaceful, so happy…Lee started to remember. He felt the memories rushing into his mind. He remembered the look on his friends face while he lie on his kitchen floor, covered in blood and shaking, no longer capable of using his own body. Neji had been there at his dead, and now he was there with him in the afterlife! That had to be it!

Neji looked at the door on the left side of the room behind him and suddenly disappeared. Just gone. No blur or anything, just gone.

The door to the room opened and a woman walked in, flipping on a light switch. Lee quickly closed his eyes, fearing the woman. He opened them slightly whenever he heard the voice from the silhouette. The woman had just come to wake it up, or him up that is. But why was he here. He shouldn't be dead. Something was very wrong here. This wasn't what he thought death would be like at all.

"LEE!" the voice shouted, "you're awake?!" Lee could hear the emotion in the male's voice. He could hear the way he started crying, blubbering like a child missing its mother.

"LEE!"

"Gai-sensei?" Lee asked, breathless.

"Lee, you're finally awake," the woman said to him, "how are you feeling?"

"Thirsty."

"Please get him some water, nurse," Gai sobbed.

"I'll be right back. Please watch him," the nurse said to him.

Gai walked to the side of the bed that Lee's good arm was on. He got on his knees and did something that looked like praying, but Lee couldn't see him very well. Was he thanking someone that he was alive? Probably.

"Lee," Gai said after lifting his head.

"Gai," Lee said back, one eye closed.

"Lee," Gai stated again, fighting back tears.

Lee just looked away. Everything was wrong. This wasn't supposed to happen. He should be dead. He had felt death's grasp that night. But someone had found him in time? How was he still alive after that? Why did somebody come looking for him?

"Lee, please listen to me well," Gai said. "If you had succeeded in ending your life, if you weren't here right now," Gai sobbed, "so many people would be hurt. I don't know what your motivation to do this was, but please, let us, all of your friends, be your motivation to never do it again. Please Lee. Live for us," Gai concluded, sobs wracking his entire body as he held himself up on the side of the bed.

"I'll try," Lee felt himself saying. He didn't know if it's what he really wanted, but it had slid off of his tongue, like it was true.

"We all love you so much Lee. Please, never again, never…never…" Gai said, continuing to said 'never' as the nurse walked back through the door with a glass of water.

The nurses watching over Lee had decided that it was time for him to start physical activity to relieve some of his anxiety and depression. Lee hated the outside world anymore. He was being forced into it for the first time in at least two weeks. He was terrified to go outside, to face the people he was so prepared to selfishly leave behind before.

Lee grew stronger every day. The will to live in him started to come back right after Gai's mini speech. However, he was terrified to return to life before the incident. What would people say about him or to him? Was it going to cause problems for him? Were people mad at him?

"Lee! Are you ready to go?" the nurse watching over him for that day asked.

"I am as ready as I will ever be," Lee replied, now determined to face the outside world.

"Alright. Now if you want, we can stop to talk to friends, or maybe grab something to eat, or we could just relax outside. This doesn't have to just be walking," the nurse said.

"I understand," Lee replied.

The pair walked down the stairs to the bottom floor of the hospital. Lee could already feel power in his body returning. This was nothing like the time after he fought Gaara. That was at least ten times worse. It wasn't that he couldn't do physical activity now, he was just missing the will he had before.

As they approached the main entrance to sign Lee out for the day, he felt the warmth of the sunlight spilling onto him. It kind of felt refreshing, peaceful. Eyes closed, Lee soaked in the feeling as much as he could.

"Okay, Lee," the nurse said, " are you ready?"

"Yes."

The nurse opened the door and held it open for Lee. He hesitated.

"What's wrong?" the nurse asked.

"No-nothing," Lee stammered out of the building quickly. The sun was hot today. For some odd reason, it didn't really bother him as much as it would have before. Lee had a feeling the day was actually going to go very well as a sudden rush of happiness ran throughout his entire being.

"Which way would you like to go?" the nurse asked.

Lee thought for a moment, trying to remember which direction different places were in. "Where's my house?" Lee asked the woman.

"Lee, I don't think we can go in there," she started. "I've been told by my superiors not to take you there."

"Please take me to my house," Lee said, seeming to ignore her. "I need to go there now," he said with ferocity that she could not refuse.

"Alright, very quickly. But please don't tell anybody."

A/N: I can't wait to continue writing this and see where it goes. Please review if you liked it so I can see when to update.