Drag
By: Kinyta
With help and beta from: Bekke
Disclaimer: So all recognizable characters are not mine but I wish they were so I could run off with Snape, who is defiantly not a traitor.
AN: So this came to mind and I could not let the opportunity pass to write it when the plot bunny bit me in the butt about it. Forget HBP for a moment. OCC warnings.
Summery: What happens when the staff of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry get drunk in the staff room right before graduation? Why, a game of truth-or-dare of course. OCC
He did not even know why he went through with it. All he knew was he was drunk when he agreed to the little dare and Albus took full advantage of it. The dark lord was dead so he, Severus S. Snape, was finally relaxing with a nice round of fire whiskey in the staff room when Albus decided that the whole staff should be involved in a rousing game of truth-or-dare.
Severus was slightly drunk when Albus raised his voice heard over the chatting of the staff who were finally relaxing after the final tests were graded. The holidays were just about to start and every member of the staff was ready for it to be over.
"Excuse me everyone," the hairy headmaster had said, he waited for absolute silence before continuing, "I think that the staff should play a game before the graduation tomorrow. Any suggestions?"
Severus was absolutely repulsed by this idea but he could not help, in his intoxicated state, to say the phrase that would spell out his doom, "How about true-or-dare?" He had slurred them and was completely sure the headmaster had made him, is some terrifying way, say that phrase and all but killed the headmaster (who was suspiciously enough actually slipping his wand back into his sleeve) with his eyes alone.
"An excellent idea Severus," Albus was beside himself because he was also drunk. Severus was a little sorry for Minvera, having to deal with the intoxicated old man all that evening. "So who wants to start?"
"Sugest one of us hick tell Sevvie here hick truth-or-hickdare," a VERY drunk Filius, who was sitting to the right of the potions master, said slowly.
"An excall-cell-excellent idea Fill-iiiiiiii-uuuu-Filiu," Poppy, the usually sturn medi-witch, slurred.
"So Severus, truth-or-dare?" A mostly sober Minerva asked the semi-drunk Severus.
He had to think about this, it was after all a game of wizarding truth-or-dare, where if you told a lie everyone would know because of the boils across your forehead spelling out 'Liar,' and then you could not back out of a dare because of the 'Chiken' written there instead. No one know how it started but as soon as the first person asked the question the game would start right away. So he decided, "Truth," wouldn't hurt…as much.
"I know you have a crush on someone and you may even love them, so I want to know who it is." Minerva said taking a small sip of her rum laced pumpkin juice.
"That was not a question, Minerva," the dark man said trying to stall to save time so he could figure a way out. The entire staff did not need to know that he loved, He… He stopped his train of thought as Minerva started to speak again.
"Fine then," the Deputy Headmistress said exasperated, "Whom is it that you have a crush on, or might possibly love?"
'Dang her,' he thought realizing that he could, in no way, get out of this one. So he took a deep breath and said, "Hermione Ravenclaw," lowly under his breath and turned to Albus and asked quickly, and loudly, "truth-or-dare?"
Filius was sitting close enough to hear what the dark man said and exclaimed, with surprising steadiness, "Hermione Ravenclaw!"
Sibyl, who sat in a corner alone because no one wanted to sit by the seer shouted out her suspicions, "My inner eye tells me it is Mrs. Noris."
Severus just turned bright red while the rest of his face, save for the rebellious blood vassals, remained impassive. Hermione Ravenclaw, the new history teacher since Binns finally moved on, turned red as well while sitting on the left side of the headmaster. She was pretty to say the least with long light brown hair. Her eyes were the color of molten gold. Her pale skin showed up beautifully next to the dark purples that she wore that night. The ex-spy could not help but to sneak looks at her every so often.
Albus finally decided to answer the question that the potions master asked him. Of course being the Gryffindor that he was he chose, "dare."
"Very well," Severus stated while thinking of a good dare to give the old man, which was kinda hard, thinking that is, "Kiss a thestral."
It took the headmaster a few minutes to process the demand so Rewona yelled out, slurring, "Kiss a thrrr-issss-the-te-thestralllllllllllll, Allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll…" She passed out cold in the middle of the table she was sitting on top of. Albus though finally got it through his lemon drop-flavored-tequila clouded mind what it was that he was supposed to do.
"Oh-Ok-k-kay, Seeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvv," Albus finally said as he turned to Rubeus and ordered, "Get me hick one of those hick most beeeeaautiful beasts, Ha-ha-hick-gardeen."
Rubeus, who by this time was ruby in the face, just nodded and walked out of the class room. While the staff waited for him to come back with the creature the rest of the staff started talking again. Filius turned to Severus.
"So how mushch hangover rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeleving potionssssssssss do you have Sevvie?" The very drunk little man asked, slurring most of it. Severus almost did not answer but decide to say anyway. That was his second mistake, the first being getting drunk in the first place.
"Enough for the entirrrre staff and then some," he stated. Filius was about to respond when the door to the staff room opened to see Rubeus leading a very disgruntled thestral in to the room.
Albus just stood and made his unsteady way to the man and beast. He leaned over and gave the thing a sloppy kiss on the eye (he was aiming for the nose). The staff just clapped and Albus then turned on Minerva to start again.
That lasted for hours. The game went through many dares, most concerning Severus and the history teacher kissing. As time went on the potion master got asked by Filius and this time decided he was drunk enough to say a dare. The dare ended up being that he let the staff have some of his hang over potion the next day. So thinking that that wasn't so bad he did not even think the next time he got asked and just said "dare." That was his third mistake.
"Okay," said Sibyl while look very interesting with the bat wings that came where her ears should be, (form an earlier dare where Minerva decided that it was fun to have the divination teacher have the bat wings to show that she was really batty) "my hick innnnnnnnnnnnerrrrrrrrrrr eyyyyessss… that sounds really coooooooooooolllll yoooooouuuu know hick… yyou are going to dressssssss in aaaaaaaa dress to the leaving cccreemony tomorrow," this was almost all she said, almost, "also with tights hick and hick high hilhickls…" at that the divination teacher passed out cold. Now the only ones awake are Albus, Minerva, Rubeus, and Severus. So the four decided that is was time to sleep as well. They at least found comfortable spots to sleep in before they all passed out as well.
The next morning found the entire staff down in the dungeons looking for Severus' hangover potions. He passed it in a horrible mood. He had remembered the last dare of the night and was not looking forward to it. He took most of the day to stay away from his clothing so he did not have to think about transfiguring it. Though eventually he look at his all black clothing and transfigured it into a nice long black dress that reached his ankles, a nice pair of high heels and then a nice thin black tights that he got to do. He hated it and as the leaving feast grew nearer he wondered if he could stay away or live with one day of students seeing the word 'chicken' across his forehead. But decided that there would be too much teasing from the staff, and his ego could not handle that. So he showed his male pride and put on the long-sleeved dress, tights, and high heels, and left his rooms making his way towards the great hall ten minutes late.
Everyone else had been wondering where the cold man was and Albus was about to start the feast without him, seeing as how he actually remembered the last dare, when the great hall doors were opened by non other then a cross dressed Severus S. Snape. Every single eye in the hall was on him within seconds of him entering. No one spoke and he was just fuming as he walked up to the staff tables and sat down in the only set left next to his crush, Hermione Ravenclaw. That did not help his temper but then she leaned over and spoke so quietly in his ear that he could barely hear it. But when he did he could not help but laugh. That night was talked about for years and years to come.
It was just like Hermione Raven claw said, "You look really good in drag but you shooked everyone too much I think, for them to recover anytime soon."
The End