Mabel: Are you ready for the ultimate challenge?
Dipper: I'm always ready!
Mabel: Then you know what this means!
Dipper & Mabel: (Brandishing maple syrup bottles) Syrup race! Ahhh!
Mabel: (Tilts the bottle to get the syrup to touch her tongue before Dipper) Go Sir Syrup!
Dipper: (Tilts bottle to get the syrup to touch his tongue before Mabel) Go Mountain Man! Go! Go!
Mabel: Go! Go! Almost...almost... (Taps the bottom of her bottle and the syrup drips onto her tongue) Yes! (coughs) I won! (chokes)
Dipper: (Reading magazine) Ho ho, no way! Hey Mabel, check this out.
Mabel: (Looking at ad in magazine) Human-sized hamster balls? (gasp) I'm human-sized!
Dipper: No, no. Mabel. This. (points to a monster hunting contest ad) We see weirder stuff than that every day! We didn't get any photos of those gnomes, did we?
Mabel: Nope. Just memories! And this beard hair.
Dipper: Why did you save that?
Mabel: (Shrugs and makes an "I dunno" sound)
Grunkle Stan: Good morning, knuckleheads. You two know what day it is?
Dipper: Um... Happy anniversary?
Mabel: Mazel tov!
Stan: (Hits Dipper's head with a newspaper) It's Family Fun Day, genius! (Walks over to fridge and gets out milk) We're cuttin' off work and having one of those, you know, (sniffs milk in the refrigerator) bonding-type deals.
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day?
Flashback: Dipper and Mabel are helping Grunkle Stan make counterfeit money Stan: (To Mabel in flashback:) You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman! (hears police sirens) Uh oh.
Mabel: (Real life, shudders) The county jail was so cold.
Stan: All right, maybe I haven't been the best summer caretaker. But I swear, today we're gonna have some real family fun! Now who wants to put on some blindfolds and GET INTO MY CAR?
Dipper & Mabel: YAY!
Dipper: Wait, what?
(Cuts to theme song.)
*Cut to a road in the forest. Grunkle Stan is driving his car with Dipper and Mabel blindfolded in the backseat. Stan leans down to adjust the radio and the tires screech.*
Dipper: Blindfolds never lead to anything good.
Mabel: Wow, I feel like all my other senses are heightened! I can see with my fingers! (Touches Dipper's face, making him laugh)
*Car jumps, making the twins fly into the doors.*
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold?
Stan: Nah, but with these cataracts I might as well be! What is that, a woodpecker? (Drives through a wooden guardrail, making the twins scream.)
*Cut to the lake. Dipper and Mabel, still blindfolded, are standing in front of the parked car, which now has branches and sticks caught in the grill.*
Stan: Okay, okay. Open 'em up!
Dipper and Mabel: (Take blindfolds off)
Stan: Ta-da! It's fishin' season!
Mabel: Fishing?
Dipper: What're you playing at, old man?
Stan: You're gonna love it! The whole town's out here!
*Camera pans across the lake showing various townspeople doing different fishing activities.*
Lazy Susan: Here, fishy fishies! Get into the pan! *holds pan just above water*
Toby Determined: Say cheese!
Manly Dan's son: Uh, is this good? (holds up a fishing pole)
Manly Dan: No! (takes the pole and breaks it in half) I'll show you how a real man fishes! (grabs a fish straight out of water, throws it on the floor of their boat and punches it)
Manly Dan's sons: Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad!
Tyler: Get 'em! Get 'em!
Stan: That's some quality family bonding!
Dipper: Grunkle Stan, why do you wanna bond with us all of a sudden?
Stan: Come on, this is gonna be great! I've never had fishing buddies before. The guys from the lodge won't go with me. They don't "like" or "trust" me.
Mabel: I think he actually wants to fish with us.
Stan: Hey, I know what'll cheer you sad sacks up! Pow! (Slaps hats on Dipper and Mabel) Pines family fishing hats! That's hand stitching, you know. It's just gonna be you, me and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours!
Dipper: Ten hours?!
Stan: I brought the joke book! (Holds up 1001 Yuk 'Em Ups)
Dipper: No! NO!
Mabel: There has to be a way out of this!
Old Man McGucket: I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN! (crashes into various things) The Gravity Falls Gobblewonker! Come quick before it scrapdoodles away! (dances)
MabelL Awww, he's doing a happy jig!
Old Man McGucket: Nooo! It's a jig of grave danger!
Lake Gravity Falls Ranger McGucket: (Comes out and sprays Old Man McGucket with a spraybottle) Hey, hey! Now what did I tell you about scaring my customers? This is your last warning, dad!
Old Man McGucket: But I got proof this time, by guppity! (shows them his boat) BEHOLD! It's the Gobble-dy-wonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe! And wrinkly skin like...like this gentleman right here! (Points to Stan)
Stan: (Picking his ear) Huh?
Old Man McGucket: It chawed my boat up to smitheroons, and shim-shammed over to Scuttlebutt Island! YOU GOTTA BELEEEIVE MEEE!
Sheriff Blubs: Attention all units! We got ourselves a crazy old man!
*Everyone laughs at Old Man McGucket. His son just frowns and shakes his head.*
Old Man McGucket: (Walking off) Aww, donkey spittle! Banjo polish!
Stan: Well, that happened. Now let's untie this boat and get out on that lake! (Steps into his rowboat and starts untying it from the dock)
Dipper: Mabel, did you hear what that old dude said?
Mabel: (Mimicking Old Man McGucket:) Aww, donkey spittle!
Dipper: The other thing! About the monster! If we can snag a photo of it, we can split the prize fifty-fifty!
Mabel: (Gasp) That's two fifties!
Dipper: Imagine what you could do with five hundred dollars!
Mabel: (Imagines herself inside a human sized hamster ball in front of a hamster. In fantasy:) Not so high and mighty anymore!
Hamster: Aww...
Mabel: (Rolling back and forth) Ahahah-hahaha-heehee. Heehee (Crashes through the wall and rolls out onto the street and meets Xyler and Craz) Hey, boys! You can look, but you can't touch. (When the light turns green, Mabel scurries down the street in her ball) Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak!
Xyler and Craz: Awesome!
Dipper: (In real life, snapping fingers:) Mabel! Mabel?
Mabel: Dipper, I am one million percent on board with this!
Dipper: Grunkle Stan! Change of plans. We're taking that boat to Scuttlebutt Island, and we are gonna find that Gobblewonker!
Dipper & Mabel: Monster hunt! Monster hunt!
Old Man McGucket: Monster hunt! Monster...Eh...I'll go.
Soos: (Pulls up in his boat) You dudes say somethin' about a monster hunt?
Mabel: Soos!
Soos: Wassup, hambone! (Soos and Mabel fist bump and make explosion noises.) Dude, you can totally use my boat for your hunt. It's got a steering wheel, chairs, normal boat stuff.
Stan: All right, all right, let's think this through. You kids could go waste your time on some epic monster-finding adventure, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your Great Uncle Stan!
*The twins look at Soos in his cool boat. He does a robot dance. They look back at Stan in his leaky old boat. He sniffs his left armpit. They look at Scuttlebutt Island in the distance. They grin at each other.*
Stan: So, whaddaya say?
*The twins drive off laughing with Soos in his boat toward Scuttlebutt Island, leaving Stan behind.*
Mabel: We made the right choice!
Soos: Yes!
Stan: Ingrates! Aw, who needs 'em? I got a whole box of creepy fishing lures to keep me company. (After a moment of looking at the lure with flies buzzing around them, Stan cringes in disgust and closes the box)
*Cut to S.S. Cool Dude headed for the island.*
Dipper: Hoist the anchor! Raise the flag!
Mabel: We're gonna find that Gobblewonker!
Dipper: We're gonna win that photo contest!
Soos: Do any of you dudes have sunscreen?
Dipper: We're gonna...Go get sunscreen!
Mabel & Soos: Yay! (The boat does a U-turn away from the island. Underwater, a strange shape swims by.)
Commercial break. Hehe.
*The scene begins with Dipper pacing on the boat in front of Mabel and Soos.*
Dipper: All right! If we wanna win this contest, we gotta do it right! Think. What's the number one problem with most monster hunts?
Soos: You're a side character, you die within the first five minutes of the movie. Dude, am I a side character? Do you ever think about stuff like that?
Dipper: No, no, no. Camera trouble! Say Bigfoot shows up. Soos, be Bigfoot?
Soos: (Strikes a Bigfoot pose)
Dipper: There he is! Bigfoot! Uh oh, no camera! Oh, wait! Here's one! Aw, no film! You see? You see what I'm doing here?
Soos: Oh, yeah. Dude's got a point.
Dipper: That's why I bought SEVENTEEN disposable cameras! Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one under my hat! There's no way we're gonna miss this. Okay, everybody, let's test our cameras out!
Soos: (Takes a picture of himself; the flash scares him) Ah dude! (Drops the camera overboard.)
Dipper: You see? This is exactly why you need backup cameras! We still have sixteen!
Mabel: (Throws a camera at a gull flying over her head) AAH! BIRD!
Dipper: Fifteen! Okay, guys, I repeat; don't lose your cameras!
Soos: Wait, lose the cameras?
Dipper: DON'T!
Soos: Dude, I just threw two away.
Dipper: Thirteen! All right! We still have thirteen camera-(He accidentally crushes one with his fist.) Twelve. We have twelve cameras.
Mabel: So what's the plan? Throw more cameras overboard or what?
Dipper: No! No. Okay. You'll be lookout, Soos can work the steering wheel, and I'll be captain.
Mabel: What? Why do you get to be captain? What about Mabel, huh? Mabel! Mabel! Mabel! Mabel!
Dipper: I'm not sure that's a good idea.
Mabel: What about co-captain?
Dipper: There's no such thing as co-captain.
Mabel: Uh, whoops. (tosses a camera into the water)
Dipper: Okay, fine! You can be co-captain.
Soos: Can I be associate co-captain?
Mabel: As co-captain, I authorize that request.
Dipper: Well, as first co-captain, our number one order of business is to lure the monster out with this. (Gestures at a barrel of Fish Food)
Soos: Permission to taste some?
Dipper: Granted.
Mabel: Permission co-granted.
Soos: Permission associate co-granted. (Licks some, than gags and wipes his tongue) Ah..dude, I don't know what I expected that to taste like.
Soos: Ah...Dude, I don't know what I expected that to taste like.
Dipper and Mabel: (Laughing)
Dipper: Oh, Soos...
Stan: (Watching them) Traitors! I'll find my own fishing buddies! (Looks around and sees a couple sitting in a boat up ahead.) Ah! There's my new pals! (Starts his boat's engine.)
Reginald: (Is turned away from Rosanna, looks at a ring in a box and takes a breath) Now that we're alone, Rosanna, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you.
Rosanna: (Tearing up) Oh, Reginald!
Stan: Hey! (Pulls his boat up to theirs) Wanna hear a joke? Here goes. My ex-wife still misses me...but her aim is gettin' better! (Pause) Her aim is gettin' better! (Another pause) Y'see, it's funny because marriage is terrible.
Reginald and Rosanna: (Row their boat away)
Stan: WHAT?!
*Cut to S.S. Cool Dude approaching Scuttlebutt Island. There is fog everywhere. Soos is at the back of the boat shoveling fish food over the side. Dipper and Mabel are at the front. Dipper is trying to see through the fog while Mabel is playing ventriloquist with a pelican.*
Mabel: Hey! How's it going? (pelican voice:) It's going awesome! Bow bow, buh bow bow!
Dipper: Mabel, leave that thing alone.
Mabel: (pelican voice:) Aw, I don't mind none! (normal voice:) Hey, look! I'm drinking water! (pelican voice while drinking water:) Twinkle, twinkle little...(Chokes on the water and coughs, the pelican flies away.)
Dipper: Aren't you supposed to be doing lookout?
Mabel: Look out! (Throws a volley ball at Dipper, hitting him on the arm) Heh, heh. But seriously, I'm on it.
*The boat jolts to a sudden stop. It's crashed into the shore of the island.*
Mabel: See? We're here! I'm a lookout genius! Hamster ball, here we come!
*The trio disembarks and ventures into the foggy woods. Dipper is in the lead and carrying a lantern. Soon the come to a large sign nailed to a tree that says "Scuttlebutt Island." Soos and Mabel stop in front of it.*
Soos: Dude, check it out. (Covers part of the sign with his arm) Butt Island.
Mabel: Soos, you rapscallion! (to Dipper:) Hey! Why aren't you laughing? Are you scared?
Dipper: Pssh! Yeah, right! I'm not-
Mabel: (pokes him on the nose and blows a raspberry) Yeah, you are!
Dipper: Hey! (He drops the lantern as Mabel continues poking him and blowing raspberries) Quit..! Stop! Mabel!
*There's a growling noise in the distance. Mabel stops teasing Dipper and they look around. Soos comes up to them.*
Soos: Dude! Did you guys hear that?
Mabel: What was that? Was it your stomach?
Soos: Nah, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises.
Mabel: (Listening to Soos' stomach) Wow, so majestic!
Possum: (Grabs lantern and runs away)
Dipper: Our lantern! Aww! I can't see anything!
Soos: Dude, I dunno, man. Maybe this, uh... Maybe this isn't worth it.
Dipper: Not worth it? Guys, imagine what would happen if we got that picture! (Imagines himself dressed like Indiana Jones being interviewed on a talk show)
Charlie: Tonight we're here with adventure seeker Dipper Pines, who bravely photographed the elusive Gobblewonker! Tell me, Dipper, what's the secret to your success?
Dipper: Well, I run away from nothing. Nothing, except for when I ran away from my annoying Grunkle Stan, who I ditched in order to pursue that lake monster.
Charlie: How right you were to do so. He looked like a real piece of work. I don't often do this, but I feel the need to give you an award! (Gives him a medal and they get their picture taken.)
Mabel: (Crashes through the wall in a hamster ball) CHARLIE! WHY WON'T YOU INTERVIEW ME?! (Chases after Dipper and Charlie in her human-sized hamster ball, screaming like a maniac.)'
Dipper: (Real life, smiles:) I'm in! (Runs off)
Mabel: (Also smiling) Me, too! (Runs off)
Soos: All right, dudes! I'm comin'! (Chases them)
Soos: (Beatboxing)
Mabel: My name is Mabel! It rhymes with table! It also rhymes with... glabel! It also rhymes with... schmabel!
Soos: Dude, we should be writing these down.
Dipper: (Holding a camera) Guys, guys, guys! You hear something?
*The growling noise from earlier can be heard; a flock of birds flies overhead, away from the sound.*
Dipper: This is it! This is it!
Dipper and Mabel: (Punching each other excitedly) This is it! This is it!
Soos: (Grabs a stick and follows them into the fog)
Dipper: Everyone! Get your cameras ready!
Dipper Mabel, and Soos: (Turn cameras on)
Dipper:Ready? GO!
*Soos yells and jumps over the log, holding his camera in front of him as he runs toward the monster, snapping photos at random. The twins follow him, but when they get close, the "monster" turns out to be just the remains of a wrecked boat with beavers living on it.*
Beaver 1: (subtitled:) I love cavorting!
Beaver 2:(subtitled:) That deserves a hug!
(The two beavers hug and thump their tails on the boat. A third beaver slides off the boat and falls in the water. On the shore, Soos happily takes photos of the beavers. Dipper and Mabel are confused.*
Dipper: But...But what was that noise, then? I heard a monster noise!
*The "monster noise" sounds again. It turns out to be a beaver playing with a rusty old chainsaw.*
Soos: Sweet! Beaver with a chainsaw! (Takes photos of it.)
Dipper: Maybe that old guy was crazy after all.
Mabel: He did use the word "scrapdoodle."
*Cut to Stan with a boy*
Stan: Look, when you're threadin' the line, a lot of people don't know this, but you wanna use a BARREL knot. That's a secret from one fishing buddy to another!
Unnamed fat boy: Uh, I, uh, who are you, exactly?
Stan: Just call me your GRUNKLE STAN!
Unnamed wife" Sir, SIR, SIR! Why are you talking to our son? If you don't leave right now, I'm calling the police!
Stan: Ha ha, you see, the thing about that is... (Starts his motor and speeds away)
Unnamed wife: Go bother your own kids!
*Cut back to Scuttlebutt Island.*
Soos: (Taking pictures of a beaver) Ooh, yeah! Work it! Work it! Nice! Nice! Gimme another one of those! Yeah, I like that one.
Dipper: What're we gonna say to Grunkle Stan? We ditched him over nothing. (Throws a branch to the lake. The rock Dipper is sitting on shakes) Hey...Guys, do you feel that? (Falls off the rock) Hey, hey, whoa, whoa!
Gobblewonker: (swims around)
Mabel: Ahhh!
Dipper: This is it! (Takes pictures) Come on! This is our chance! What's wrong with you guys?
Mabel: Dipper...?
Soos: Dude...?
Dipper: It's not that hard, all right? All you gotta do is point, and shoot. Like this! (Aims camera at gobblewonker and realizes it's right in front of him. He drops the camera)
Gobblewonker: (Roars)
Soos: Run! (Running) Get back to the boat! HURRY!
*A tree falls and almost hits Dipper and Mabel, but they duck and roll out of the way. Soos grabs Mabel.*
Dipper: (Stops and takes a picture, but drops the camera) The picture! (Runs to the gobblewonker)
Soos: (Grabs Dipper) Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I got tons of pictures of those beavers, dude!
Dipper: WHY WOULD THAT MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?!
Commercial break. LOL Soos: Let's get outta here, dudes! (they start driving away in the boat)
Dipper: All right! This is it! (Tries to take a picture) Cracked lens?! Soos! Get a photo!
Soos: (Throwing cameras at the monster.)
Dipper: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Soos: Oh! I still got one left! Don't worry, dude! (Throws a camera to Dipper; it breaks)
*The gobblewonker steps into the water and tries to eat the gang. Soos steers the ship and escapes from it.*
Dipper: Go, go, go, go, go!
*Cut to Stan on his boat, struggling to tie a knot.*
Stan: Er, ugh, gah! Mollycoddling...
Shmipper: (In a boat a few yards away with his sister and grandpa) Can you please tell me more funny stories, Pop-pop?
Unnamed old man: Anything for my fishing buddies!
Stan: (Growls)
Shmipper: Pop-pop, I just realized dat...I wuv you.
Stan: Aw, come on! Boo! Boo!
Pop-Pop: Hey, now! What's the big idea?
Shmipper: Maybe he has no one who wuvs him, pop-pop.
Stan: Yeah, well, I...I...
*S.S. Cool Dude drives past him and soaks him. He throws his hat to the ground in frustration.*
Dipper: SOOS! BEAVERS!
Beavers: (Subtitled) We're still beavers.
*The boat crashes into the dam and drives past Dan's boat.*
Manly Dan: (With a fish) Headlock!
Sons: Dad! Dad! Dad!
*The S. S. Cool Dude drives by and turns their boat over. Fish are raining down on them.*
Manly Dan: The fishes! They seek revenge! Swim, boys! Swim!
Mabel: Aah! Look out!
Man: (Tries to move a window glass with man 2) Easy...Easy...
*The boat drives through it and breaks it.*
Man 2:My glass!
Mabel: WHERE DO I GO?!
Dipper: Um...uh...GO INTO THE FALLS! I think there might be a cave behind there!
Mabel: MIGHT BE?!
All: (Scream and go through a cave behind the waterfall and they see the monster get stuck)
Mabel: It's stuck!
Dipper: Ha ha! Yeah! Wait...It's stuck? (Tries to find a camera but he has none)
Mabel: Boop. (Lifts Dipper's hat to reveal he still has 1 more camera left)
Dipper: (Laughs and takes shots of the robot)
Mabel: Did you get a good one?
Dipper: They're all good ones! (Hugs her)
Mabel: WOO! HAMSTER BALL!
*The gobblewonker gets hit by a rock (that looks like a log). It's head falls down with an electric noise.*
Dipper: What the...? (Gets closer to the gobblewonker) Huh?
Mabel: What's wrong?
*Dipper steps on the gobblewonker and knocks it. It makes a hollow sound. Dipper climbs up the gobblewonker.*
Soos: Careful, dude!
Dipper: I've got this! Hold on! Hey, guys! Come check this out!
*The gang discovers a handle and opens it. They discover old man McGucket controlling a machine.*
Old Man McGucket: Work the bellows and the...Eh? Aww, banjo polish!
Dipper: You?! You made this?! Why?
Old Man McGucket: Well, I...I, uh...I just wanted attention.
Dipper: I still don't understand.
Old Man McGucket: Well, first I just hootenannied up a biomechanical brain wave generator, and then I learned to operate a stick-shift with my beard!
Mabel: Okay, yeah. But why did you do it?
Old Man McGucket: Well, when you get to be an old fella like me, nobody pays any attention to you anymore. My own son hasn't visited me in months! So I figured maybe I'd catch his fancy with a fifteen ton aquatic robot! (maniacal laugh; sigh) In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived. You just don't know the length us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family.
Dipper & Mabel: (Look at the fishing hats Grunkle Stan gave them and sigh)
Soos: Dude, I guess the real lake monster is you two. Heh, heh! Sorry, I just like, boom, just popped into my head there.
Mabel: So, did you ever talk to your son about how you felt?
Old Man McGucket: No, sir, I got to work straight on the robot! I made lots of robots in my day! Like when my wife left me and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron, or when my pal Ernie didn't come to my retirement party and I constructed an eighty ton SHAME BOT THAT EXPLODED THE ENTIRE DOWNTOWN AREA! (maniacal laugh) Well, time to get back to work on my death ray! (construction noises) Any of you kids got a screwdriver?
Dipper: Well, so much for the photo contest.
Mabel: You still have one roll of film left.
Dipper: What do you wanna do with it?
*Cut back to Stan.*
Dipper: (Drives by on the beat-up boat) Hey! Over here! (Takes a photo of Stan)
Stan: What the...kids? I thought you two were off playing "Spin the Bottle" with Soos!
Dipper: Well, we spent all day trying to find a legendary dinosaur.
Mabel: But we realized, the only dinosaur we wanna hang out with is right here.
Stan:Save your sympathy! I've been having a great time without you! Making friends, talking to my reflection...I had a run-in with the lake police! Guess I gotta wear this ankle bracelet now, so that'll be fun.
Dipper: So...I guess there isn't room in that boat for three more?
Dipper and Mabel: (Put on their hats)
Stan: You knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed?
Dipper: Five bucks says you can't do it!
Stan: You're on!
Mabel: Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed, PLUS me singing at the top of my lungs!
Stan: I like those odds! (To Soos:) Whoa! What happened to your shirt?
Soos:Long story, dude.
Dipper: All right, everybody get together. Say fishing!
Mabel and Stan: Fishing!
Soos: (Not in the frame) Dude, am I in the frame?
*Photo montage.*
(The gang are on a boat. the boat shakes.)
Mabel: Whoa!
Dipper: What was that?
Mabel: (Makes an "I dunno" sound)
(Underwater, two disposable cameras sink. The real Gobblewonker swims by and eats one.
End credits.)
Mabel: (Playing ventriloquist with the pelican:) Who wants to hear a joke?
Dipper: Not me.
Mabel: (Pelican voice:) Heh, heh! Yeah, ya do! Here it goes! Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant?
Dipper: I don't care!
Mabel: (Pelican voice:) 'Cuz he had a very big bill! La la la la! Yuk yuk yuk! Blah blah bloo! Yay! Hurray!
Dipper: Ugh, boo. Bad joke. Bad pelican joke.
(Episode ends)