AN: You know what I love reading? Those stupid, humorous stories written at like, 3 am. Because they're so stupid and random, you laugh SO hard. Well...that's what this is. I hope you laugh anyway. It was 4 in the morning, and on my website, I had an avatar of Abaranger with the "Dino Thunder" rangers cooking. Everyone was giving it hilarious captions. So, with insomnia kicking in, I thought I'd throw together this. It's way more of a parody then Shopping Chaos, but still in character enough to where you'll laugh. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Disney, Saban, Power Rangers, or Frittata with Potato and Prosciutto
Cooking Chaos
A Dino Thunder One-Shot
It was a sunny Saturday moring down in Reefside, the brisk morning wind running through Conner's hair as he stepped outside his car, slamming the door shut with a yawn. He wasn't the only one showing exhaustion though, as Ethan stumbled out of the front seat with his eyes literally closed, and Kira, about a minute later, was walking up to Conner mumbling angrily.
"This blows." She hissed as the trio walked up to the porch of their science teacher's house.
"Tell me about it. Do you know how much sleep I got last night? Two hours. Just because I spent most of the time studying for finals." Conner stumbled up the wooden steps with a tired grunt.
"At least you got sleep. I was up all night trying to beat my high score on Pendulum Doom!" Ethan exclaimed. He then leaned against one of the porch's wooden post with closed eyes hoping to get a few seconds of sleep while Kira rung the door bell to the house.
"Well, you guys knew we had this in the morning. It's you're fault you stayed up so late." She said in a half-yawn. Sure, she got more sleep than them, but she was still tired. She hated waking up this early on Saturday's.
"Whatever. Let's just get this over with. I'm going to take a nap when I get home." Conner told them, watching as Ethan nodded in agreement.
"If Mesogog doesn't create some monster to keep us busy all day." Kira didn't mean to make matters worse, but she was just stating the facts. It could happen. It's not like they weren't awaken early in the morning because of some freak-of-the-day before.
"Let's just hope this isn't worse than fighting a 20-foot-lunch-bag-green-head monster."
All of them moaned/yawned in agreement to that while in the distance, they could hear footsteps running down the stairs inside the house. A few moments later, the door opened up to reveal Dr. Oliver in a white kitchen apron, smiling broadly.
"Yup…" Conner groaned, walking past his teacher into the house. "It's worse."
A total of five Red Bulls and three coffee's later, the Rangers were able to get off Tommy's couch and into the kitchen where they found him placing a bunch of appliances on his table. Of course, this was after Ko-hu-dong was over. The trio couldn't start off a Saturday morning without watching some decent cartoon violence.
"Ugh, Dr. O, I really don't see the point of this." Conner groaned, collapsing into a chair where in front of him were a few whisk's and bowls.
"I already told you guys, if you refuse to take Home Ec, then I have no choice but to teach you a little about cooking." Tommy informed them, throwing a red apron at Conner, a blue at Ethan, who merely let it fall onto his face while he stood half-asleep, and a yellow at Kira.
"Oh come on, I'm never going to cook in my life. If I can make a bowl of cereal, I'm good." Conner stood up to tie his apron on, only to find out a minute later after ignoring Dr. Oliver's ramble about how he will need it in life, that he was trying to put it on backwards.
"Conner?" Snapping his head up, the Red Ranger saw his teacher chuckling lightly at him.
"You need some help?" Tommy asked, folding his arms to his chest. Scoffing, Conner managed to put the apron on correctly, and stood looking out the window like nothing embarrassing had happened.
"Okay," Tommy put his hands together with a smile. "This morning, students, we are going to be baking a delicious specialized breakfast that will be eaten and tested by our very own, Hayley." He made his way over to the table to grab a few things.
"Where is Hayley?" Kira asked, looking around as if she was going to pop in all of a sudden. Looking up, Tommy hesitated to answer, finally clearing his throat to reply.
"She's at home sleeping in. She'll be here to eat before noon." Bluntly ignoring Conner stomp his foot on the floor like a five-year-old, the teacher made his way over to the stove.
"After that, we'll be cooking lunch, which if you get a good grade on your breakfast, you will be able to eat. Any questions?" Tommy spun around, looking at the three with a smile. He nodded his head when Conner raised his hand.
"Yeah," He stepped forward. "Could you stop making this seem like a test? I'm getting enough pressure from Mr. Chorley on my algebra exam." Rolling his eyes, Tommy nodded his head with a sigh. He was about to turn back around to the stove when his eye caught a hold of something.
"Ethan!"
"I wasn't sleeping!"
"You have drool on your chin."
"…oh." Ethan wiped away the dripping saliva on his lip.
"Okay, let's see if we have all our ingredients. Eggs…flower…sugar…arsenic -"
"What was that last one?" Tommy snapped his head up from the cook book, staring at Ethan as if he had just stripped naked and did the hokey-pokey.
"Uh…sugar?" Ethan slowly repeated.
"…oh, okay. Go on." The Black Ranger told him, shaking his head with confusion and looking at the cook book again.
"Whew, that was a close one." Ethan whispered, dumping a cup of sugar in the mixing bowl.
"Do you really have arsenic on you?" Conner whispered back while cracking a few eggs.
"Why? Are you planning to put it on Dr. O's coffee?" Kira retorted, not finding the joke funny at all. Yet again though, it was early in the morning, and she didn't find anything funny said by the two idiots next to her.
"Maybe, maybe not. What does it matter to you?" Before Kira could throw flower in his hair, Tommy stood up from the table and walked up to them with the cook book in his hands.
"Okay, do we have the pancake batter done?" He asked them, looking up and darting his eyebrows down confused.
"What's going on?" Just by looking at their faces, he could tell they were either a( hiding something b(put something in the food or c(didn't bother doing anything at all.
"Nothing. Just mitching in the kitchen." Ethan said quietly, taking over the stirring for Conner.
"What did you just say?" Tommy asked utterly confused.
Ethan sighed in sorrow. "I don't know."
"Oh crap." Kira suddenly gasped, and began to hit her head on the counter.
"What?" All three asked in union.
"I didn't put flower in that batter." She said rather slowly, in fear of the reactions she was about to get.
"What did you put in then?" Conner questioned.
"…a lot of sugar." Kira's words came out so quietly it took a few moments for the guys to understand what she actually said. After they did, Tommy let out a deep sigh and grabbed the bowl from the counter, getting ready to throw the containments in the trash.
Before he could though, Conner stuck his finger inside to get a taste. His happy squeak told them all they were in for a long morning.
An hour later, and finishing up half of the sugar infested batter, Conner was as hyper as squirrel on a red bull.
Ethan had fallen asleep standing up again.
Kira was doing pretty much all the work.
And Tommy stood on the other side of the kitchen as if he was trying to keep safe distance in case something blew up.
"Ethan, wake up." Kira demanded loudly, stirring a new batch of batter.
"Huh, what?" He muttered, wiping drool away from his chin for the third time that morning.
"This is so stereotypical! The woman does all the cooking. Slaves over a hot stove while the man stands there, sleeping or watching TV. This is not what Dr. O wanted, you guys. Now help me cook or -" Loud, obnoxious snoring cut Kira off guard, and her eyes went wide as she spun around with the bowl still in her hands.
"Ethan!" She screamed, throwing an egg in his face.
"Hey, hey, Kira!" Tommy shouted, running up to her and pushing her gently back into the stove. While Ethan wiped egg off his face in distortion, Conner fell on his knees laughing like a hyena.
"Come on you guys! It's already ten o'clock and we don't even have pancakes done yet! Kira, stop getting aggravated with the guys. Ethan, get another cup of coffee and stay awake. And Conner…" Tommy looked at the soccer player, who was now rolling on his back in a laughing fit.
"Conner, get out of my house."
Things were starting to come along a half and hour later. The pancakes were settled on a plate, hot steam coming off them and syrup dripping off the edges while next to that was a trash can full of even more pancakes than that plate held, burnt and black. The Rangers were now trying to cook eggs like chefs. Literately. Dr. Oliver wanted professionally made eggs.
"That's not how you do it, Conner!"
"Is too!"
"No, it's -"
"Uh, dude…"
"Conner, stop!"
"I'm doing it right!"
"…"
"And there goes another case of eggs." Kira sighed, grabbing the pan away from Conner and dumping the burnt, broken eggs into the trash.
"How come Dr. O is just standing over there and not helping with the baking?" Ethan said quietly to the two as the yellow Ranger placed the pan back on the stove.
"He feels that this is a learning experience for us and as our teacher, he should simply observe and not interfere." Kira reported as if she was quoting his every word. While she did, Ethan went to the fridge and got another case box of eggs.
"…in other words, he's just too lazy to help?" Conner asked, looking at their teacher who was sitting at the table sipping coffee and reading the Reefside Times.
"Exactly." With that, Kira cracked another egg.
It was almost noon, and the Rangers had gotten no where. Ethan was still falling asleep, Kira was doing all the work, and Conner was still as hyper as squirrel on a red bull.
"Can I lick the spoon?" He bounced, smiling largely and panting loudly. It scared Tommy, but he still didn't move from his comfortable spot at the table far, far away from his students.
"No, I'm not done yet anyway."
"Pllleeasssee?" He persisted.
"No, get away from me!"
"Can I lick the spoon please?"
"Get away from me Conner!" Kira retorted, pushing him aside with her hips.
"I wanna lick the spoon!" He cried, stomping his foot on the ground.
"Oh my god, fine! Lick the spoon!" She exclaimed, shoving the spoon over to Conner and looking away in disgust as he licked waffle batter.
"Hey, wait…" Ethan snapped his eyes open, looking around confused and locking his sight on Conner licking the spoon like a child.
"How come he gets to lick the spoon and I don't?" He asked with hurt and anger in his voice. Grabbing Conner's arm, Ethan tried to get a lick of the spoon himself, and the two ended up physically fighting over the waffle batter. Kira groaned loudly at this.
"…god, please kill me now."
You know how I said things were coming along? Well, they weren't now. It was eleven thirty, and the Rangers weren't even close to finishing their task, so in panic, they did what they always did. Pulled Dr. Oliver into the situation.
"You guys, this is for you to learn. I'm just here to help you with where to find things in my kitchen." Tommy sighed, tightening his apron around his waist as he made sure not to get close to the sizzling bacon.
"Stop whining and hand me the whisk." Kira snapped back. Usually, she'd never be so rude and un-respectful to her teacher, but she was tired, annoyed, and sick of Conner bouncing in place.
Clearing his throat, Tommy looked around scratching the back of his neck. "...what is that again?" Kira's jaw dropped and she turned around to him with her hands thrown in the air.
"Do you even use your kitchen?"
"Yes!" Tommy exclaimed in defense, standing up straight with his arms folded to his chest. Two minutes pasted that Kira and him started eye-to-eye, not even blinking things got so intense. Finally, he dropped his shoulders and sighed in defeat.
"No."
"Here you go!"
"…I'm scared."
"Don't be, just eat it. One bite at least."
"…I'm really scared."
"Hayley, please!"
"Why don't you eat it, Oliver?"
"Because there's probably arsenic in it!"
Hayley sighed in annoyance as she picked up her fork and gulped loudly. Behind her, all three Rangers were looking intently waiting for her first move, and it made her even more nervous. She looked behind at them, then at Tommy, and sighed once again.
Cutting short of the dramatic slow-motion movement of the fork entering her mouth, Hayley slowly chewed at a bite of the waffles, waiting for the taste to sink in before smiling and nodding her head.
"This is actually really good! A little sugary for my taste, but-"
"Sugary? Move over!" Before Hayley knew it, the plate was taken away from her, and Conner was eating the waffle and pancakes with his hands like a savage.
"Okay students, you passed the first part of the test. Now, to fix yourself some lunch." Tommy informed them, the table now full of new appliances but less crowded then it was in the morning. That gave the Rangers hope.
"Can't we just fix a BLT or something?" Ethan asked with a yawn.
"No. In fact, you're going to be fixing something totally different. Frittata with Potato and Prosciutto." The only thing that could be heard after that was the TV that echoed from the living room, and Hayley's occasional laugh from watching it.
"A whadda what?" Conner bewilderedly stumbled.
"It'll take less than a half and hour, and it's very easy. Just follow my directions and you'll do well." The teacher insured them.
"Oh, so this means you'll be helping this time?" Kira sarcastically asked.
"Okay, Ethan, get out 4 tablespoons olive oil, and Conner, chop 1/2 onion." Tommy went on, ignoring the yellow Ranger bluntly. While Ethan went to the other side of the kitchen, Conner stood where he was, staring out into the living room with a blank expression on his face.
"Oh come on." Kira mumbled, taking his job so she could go home and sleep already. Not understanding what was going on, Tommy walked up to Conner to see just what he was looking at.
"Conner! Stop watching TV and get to work already!" With that yelled at right in his ear, Conner jumped to work.
"Huh…"
"What?"
"The bread's not rising." Ethan informed his teacher, seeing him come walking up to the trio who were watching the bread in the stove do nothing. Bending down to his knees to do the same, he darted his eyebrows down.
"That's not right. Conner, what did you do?" Tommy didn't ask this in a 'you did something wrong' type of way, but inside, was just curious to his actions.
"Well, the cook book said to put in a tisp...so I figured like, what, one grain or something...yeah "tisp" sounds like a small amount, right?" Conner asked them all, looking at each one for an answer. He didn't think he did anything wrong. Ethan's chuckle was telling him other wise though.
"Conner…how much did the cook book say to put in?" He chuckled even louder.
"A tisp...what?" The soccer player was really confused as Ethan fell over laughing, and Kira banged her head on the counter.
"That's "table spoon" you moron!" Tommy exclaimed, hitting him on the back of the head with a whisk.
Two hours passed, and lunch was never cooked. Why you ask? Tommy gave up. After second attempts to cook the bread, and listening to Hayley's hysterical laughs more than twice, he decided it just wasn't worth it. He 'passed' his students.
So there they were, all five in the Dino Ruins half asleep, still a little hyper, or annoyed.
"…you don't really need cooking anyway." Tommy told them. "I'm sure your wives will cook for you guys. And Kira, you seem to be a good cook already. I don't need to teach you anything here."
A few moments of silence went by that the Rangers just stared at Tommy in disbelief.
"Told you!" They shouted in union. Tommy was about to say something back in his defense - he really did think today was a good idea! But Hayley stopped him from doing so with her own words.
"Uh, guys, we got a situation." All four got up immediately and jogged over to the mainframe computer where Hayley sat at.
"What is it?" Tommy asked.
"It seems to be another one of Mesogog's freaks. And you're not going to like it." She winced, turning around in the chair to show her pity.
"…why?" Kira dreaded the answer, and luckily, Hayley never gave one. Instead, she waited for the Rangers to look for themselves. When they did, they weren't happy.
"Dude…"
"He looks like the pancakes in the trash can!"
"He kind of looks good. Makes me hungry."
"I knew today was a bad idea." Tommy groaned with his head in his hands.