A/N: So, I recently flew face first into the Doctor Who fandom, and this is what came out of it. I immediatly fell in love with River and this pairing, and feel as if I connect with River, so I enjoyed to right this. I hope I got the characters right, and please tell me what you think.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the wonderful idea's which sprout from my head.
Drowning
They tell him not to be alone. He finds this happens a lot. People leave him, but they tell him not to be alone, and they don't understand that they are leaving him alone, and it hurts him.
River is different. If it weren't for River, he would be alone. But she is there, and sometimes he doesn't even notice her but she is there in the times he needs her, which tend to be often now. She is there in the times when he needs her and even when he thinks he doesn't. She can't stay. He wants her to stay and always be there but she can't. And when she leaves, he is left alone.
The Doctor is alone and lost without his River.
(He needs his River, that current pulling him under. He despratly needs it)
It's always adventures with them.
Chasing something or running away from it, saving the world and stuff like that. It's always fast and frightening. Deadly and exciting.
He wishes for a break sometimes. He wishes that he can see River without there being something that threatens their lives and many others. He likes those days, but lives for the days where it can just be River and himself. He just wants to be with River while he has her, he just wants to hold her and care for her, and loves the days where he can.
River, surprisingly, is a cuddler. Though she would never admit it, she enjoys to have his arms around her in a tight protective hold. He wonders if it makes her feel safe, and he hopes it does because he is her husband after all and he wants to protect her. He hopes it does, because he wants her to feel safe, he needs her to be safe. So he holds her tight to him and she squeezes him even tighter then. She'll allow him to hold her tight to him and melts contently to his touch. She buries her head in his chest and closes her eyes, seeming to relish the moment as he does. And she'll press herself to him and burrowing into him until they are practically one.
Sometimes she will fall asleep, and the Doctor loves the moments when she does. In sleep, she looks so very peaceful, young and free as she is. It takes away the lines and shadows and she looks more beautiful then he has ever seen her, which is to say a lot because she is always beautiful to him. He decides that he likes this River, the peaceful sleeping one in his arms, but that doesn't means he likes that firery running River any less.
(She's his River. And rivers can be quick and harsh, but sometimes they are calm too. People don't give rivers enough credit, maybe they just don't know them like he does)
She never says goodbye to him.
When he sees her, she always gives her a flirty smirk and her signature, "Hello sweetie." and despite his efforts to not let those things do so, it makes his hearts flutter anyways. She always says hello, and if he's lucky he'll get a kiss before she flips open her worn blue dairy which matchs his own and reminds him that there days together are numbered. It makes his hearts hurt and all she has to ask is, "So, where are we?"
She doesn't even know that she's hurting her, and he can never tell her because it will hurt her too and he doesn't wish to hurt her. He tries not to think about how the day will come when she must finally go to the Library. He selfishly thinks that he can keep her away from there by never bringing her to the singing towers, but he knows that to do so for too long would only cause more pain.
He tires to get her to stay, to just stay with him forever so they never have to be apart. It is childish and selfish but he tries to get her to stay because without her he is so alone. So lost and alone, which he doesn't like. He tries to get her to stay forever but she won't and he knows she can't but he still tries.
She always says hello to him, he finds, but she never says goodbye. He hates goodbyes, she knows that. Maybe she hates them too.
(But that's his River and he needs her, the waves that help and hurt him. He needs it)
Despite his desprate struggle not to, he finds that he needs River Song.
He needs her and the beautiful melody of mystery that she is. He needs her flirtatious grin and knowing smile. He needs the way she teases him and how she feels in his arms. He just needs her.
She has always needed him, in a way, and he knows that. She is firery and inderpendent but she needs him. She loves him. She has always loved him and he has known that for an awful long time. And he finds, no matter how hard he tries not to, that he has fallen deeply, irrevocably in love with her too.
Well, he has always loved her, but not in the way she loves him. When they got married, she was so deeply in love with him, and he still didn't know her as well as he would but she was so deeply in love with him. She was so in love with him and he knew she was the one, because deep inside he knew that he felt that too.
He tries to keep himself from falling more and more in love with her, not wanting to multiply the pain that he will feel when they must say goodbye. But she is River, and she loved him before he even knew her and he fell in love with her before he even understood it. He falls in love with her anyway, and he always knew that he would fall in love with her. He tries so hard not to love her, not to need her the way she needs him.
But he falls in love with her anyways. Because she is River. She is wild and free and so very beautiful. She is loud and caring and will never let him go. And she is wonderful and just perfect and he loves her. Because she is River, and he loves her, and she loves him.
Because she is his River and he is drowning in her. Hopelessly drowning in her, and he isn't sure if he wants to breath again if she isn't there. He is drowning, the Doctor is drowning, but he finds that he likes it.
The Doctor was never that good of a swimmer, and here he is, drowning in his River and he loves it. He struggles to keep himself above water, but River pulls him under with her bright, mischievous eyes and wonderfully curly hair. Suffocates him with that sultry laugh and loving way. And he lets himself drown. He lets himself drown and he enjoys ever minute of it.
Because is it really drowning when that same person killing you is also your lifeboat? It must be, because he feels the increasing of his hearts and the tightness in his lungs so it must be drowning. But that's his River, strong and deadly but beautiful. That's what love is like, drowning, that's what their love is like.
But he would gladly let himself drown if River was there to save him, and he knows she always will be.
(Because she is his River, and he needs her. She is River, and he loves her, and she loves him)
Thank you for reading, and please review.