Author's Note: This is my first ever fanfic. I feel a bit of an explanation is in order for the first few paragraphs. This is a small scene taking place 5 years
after the Trio's 6th year at Hogwarts. The war is still going on, with Voldemort rising in power daily. Harry hasn't been seen since the Department of Mysteries fiasco, which in this book will take place at the end of his 6th year, not the 5th.
Also, I'm not sure how many people will actually read this fic, as I'm nowhere near having it finished, I have maybe the first 3 chapters done,
but to those that do read it, I ask that you give me a review or a personal message telling me what you think. How is my writing? Does it flow? Do you like the story? What questions do you have and is there anything you notice that may not make sense? I'm open to all criticism, as I have most of this story written as an idea in my head, but I'm not sure how to go about it. And finally thank you, I appreciate your time.
With that said, on with the show!
Oh, and I own none of this. J.K. and her affiliates do. This story is just my daydream ramblings.
All the Reasons. All For You.
Four hours. It took Hermione just four short hours to solve an almost five year mystery.
She sat at her desk in her room on the upper floor of an extremely musty, dilapidated home, staring at an extremely long piece of parchment. It was a letter. Adorned next to the paper was a runic cube cut out of stone, similar to those muggle Rubik's Cubes that were so popular, only this one had many more faces, and instead of being covered in colors it was blazoned with runes and magical symbols. Just as she began to read the lengthy note, several screams from below interrupted her train of thought. Instinctively, she grabbed her wand, burst through her door and streamed to the stairs. As she was about to release the hex that had formed on the edge of her lips, she stopped. Everyone in the room was gawking at the new arrival at the door, staring, silent.
She couldn't believe it. She wouldn't believe it. He had hurt her so much. He had destroyed her very reason for existing. But, as it was, she was the first the dash down the decrepit stairwell and into his arms, crushing him with the most caring, loving hug she knew how to give. Immediately she began to sob directly into his arms, forgetting just how angry, how livid she ought to have been with him. She just sobbed into his arms.
Minutes. Hours. Days. She stood there holding on to him for dear life. She didn't know how long it truly was, but he was back, and that was all the mattered. As she looked up into his eyes she started to remember why she was so furious with him. She lamely pounded her fists into his torso, cursing him, berating him, anything and everything she could think of to make him feel guilty. After a while, she stopped and began crying again, slumping into his embrace.
"Ssshh, 'Mione, it's okay. I'm here… I'm right here," he said simply.
"You idiot…" she whispered into his tear stained chest while closing her eyes. "That's the point."
-H*P-H*R-H*P-H*R-H*P-H*R-H*P-H*R-H*P-H*R-H*P-H*R-
He had grown a bit closer to Hermione the past few months. She was always there for him; helping him study, practicing new spells and charms, or even just listening to his doubts and fears. She was always around, he could always count on her. Maybe that was why he was feeling like this. This ache. This gut wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach. That must be it. She was spending her time with someone else and he was so used to her being next to him he forgot that she didn't spend ALL her time with him. I mean really, how could he expect her to? She had a life, hell, he had a life. They both had other friends, other classes, other obligations. Still, he couldn't help but feel that constant twinge of jealousy every time they crossed paths. And seeing as there was only three other couples, that pass happened quite often.
"You know Harry, as much as my head enjoys dancing with you, my feet are starting to bruise over."
"Wha?" Harry replied, being jerked out of his thoughts for a moment.
"You've been trouncing on my toes for the better part of the song, Harry. Is something the matter? You look like a Wrackspurts got a hold on you."
"Oh! Er…right. Sorry Luna, I've just been thinking," he agreed sheepishly.
Sagely, she said, "Oh it's okay. I'm sure it'll weasel its way out eventually."
With that the dance had ended, and Luna led Harry off to their table at the head of Great Hall, where the Yule Ball was being held. The entire hall had been transformed for the event. Harry thought it was reminiscent of a large rain forest, one he had seen the past summer at the Dursley's. The Lion King. Yeah, that was it. There were a multitude of enormous, tropical trees billowing down from all directions, with vines of fairy lights strung to them. Small torrents of clear blue water would cascade down from the canopy every now and then, magically lift back towards the top, and descend down upon more vegetation again, creating a waterfall-like effect amongst the green foliage. A magnitude of brightly tinted flowers, plants, and bushes decorated the ground, with little elves popping to and fro with little gold and silver trays carrying an assortment of drinks, snacks, and sweets. Birds of every size and shade of color glided from tree to tree, squawking and singing to one another (with no "mess" Harry seemed to subconsciously notice.) Harry liked the idea of the Ball being festooned with tropical theme. It seemed to take you away from the moment, made you forget it was almost Christmas, and that there were no cares in the world. All in all, it would have been beautiful, had it not been for the only object his eyes seem to gravitate to that evening.
No, not object. Person. Harry thought. A strong, caring, brilliant woman who is casually laughing at one of HIS jokes, fawning all over his star-like demeanor. I could make her laugh like that. I do it all the time. Heck, I bet if I were over there now she wouldn't even give him the time of day…
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow down there Harry! Where is all this coming from? She's just having a good time, what's wrong with that? His inner rationale supplied.
But his subconscious would not be deterred; she could be having a good time with me!
Maybe so, but who asked whom, here? I believe you were so wrapped up in deciphering that egg of yours you forgot to devote any time to your feelings.
I'll have you know!...wait! Did you say feelings? What feelings? His subconscious was clearly confused.
You know, for as often as you dawdle on and on about how wonderful she is, you would think that at some point you'd realize how much you fancy her!
I…no. I can't! She's my best friend! And she's brilliant! And…just no. No. I can't, can I?
"Harry, you really should talk to her, you know. It'll get rid of the nest of Wrackspurts clouding up your brain," giggled Luna. As Harry was ripped from his musings, he jumped and stared at her, not recognizing where he was for moment. After gathering his wits he replied,
"I'm sorry, Luna. I'm not being a very good date to you, am I?"
"It's quite alright, Harry. You should tell her how you feel."
"But I'm not sure how I feel Luna. Even if I was sure, what would it do to her? To us? What if she doesn't feel the same? What if she won't look at me or talk to me anymore? I need her far too much for her to disappear on me, especially with this blasted tournament on my back."
"Silly Harry. Do you really think she would have stuck by you all these years just to give up on you at such a crucial moment of your life? I'm sure she'd stand with you if she didn't return your feelings. Besides, she does feel that way about you."
"I'm not sure, Luna. And say she does feel that way about me, why would she come here with Krum then?"
"Because he asked her, and, seeing as she had no date, and with you paying no mind to the fact that she's a girl, accepted. She didn't do it to spite you, Harry. She just wanted to have good evening."
HA! The rational part of his mind exclaimed. See? What'd I tell you?
Shut up.
Harry sighed, "I guess. I just wish I could figure out all these new feelings. I don't…I don't know how to deal with them. I usually have Hermione to explain all this to me."
"Well then, you'll just have to go ask her and find out then won't you?"
"Yeah…yeah I guess. I really am sorry Luna, you deserved better tonight."
"Don't be silly, Harry. Go to her. I'm sure I can keep myself occupied for a while. I've seen a few Nargles floating around, which is curious. This type of atmosphere isn't usually their scene, although it is almost Christmas."
Harry remained silent for the longest of times, letting the night drag on and on as he watched Hermione and Viktor from afar. As the evening of the Ball began to come to a close, Harry finally stood up, summoned up all of his Gryffindor courage, took about four steps towards the table where Hermione and Krum were talking animatedly, then promptly turned about, and walked back to his date. As he sat down he rushed out,
"Luna, what do I say?! How do I get her by herself to talk to her? I couldn't do it in front of Krum, that'd be too embarrassing! Even if I get her alone what could I possibly tel…!" Harry gasped as Luna leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek, effectively putting a halt to his ramblings. His face was one of shock as she stared out dreamily over his head, seemingly gazing at nothing. She said,
"Hmm, well why not ask her to dance? You are pretty terrible as a partner, Harry, but I don't think she'll mind. After that, just say what comes naturally. You're really making this a lot harder than it needs to be."
Harry just stared, still in a bit of shock as he nodded towards his partner for the evening. He slowly stood and walked over to Hermione. She smiled as he approached; she had been wondering when he was going to come see her. As he reached the table, he bowed and mumbled out,
"uhHrmneuwanadncwme?"…silence. Great. Well, awesome Potter. At least you didn't manage to make a fool of yourself. He started to drift back towards the crowd, hoping no one had noticed the exchange, when he heard Hermione burst out laughing.
Still giggling she said, "Of course I'll dance with you Harry. I've only been waiting the whole evening."
Harry couldn't help but grin. Krum shifted slightly as Harry offered Hermione his hand, but otherwise made no notion as to how he felt about his date being swept off to the dance floor.
Once the pair actually reached the slightly raised platform, Harry began to panic. He had not thought this far ahead, or really hadn't thought at all. What was he doing? What did he talk to Luna about?
"Harry this is part where we enter the stage and pretend we know what we're doing." Hermione chuckled as she dragged him up onto the dance floor. As she grasped his hand he felt himself gasp and hold his breath, as if his body didn't know how to breathe properly anymore. Soon he found his arm around her waist and clasped with her free hand, while her other snuck around his neck. They began to move in time with the beat, Harry letting her take the lead, as he had absolutely no idea what he was doing.
Harry gaped at his new partner. She looked so beautiful tonight. Not that he didn't think that all the time anyway, or wait…did he? Since when did he think Hermione was beautiful? His brain gave him no clear answer, and his instincts told him that it was just always that way. She was always attractive, but now he was finding his body was reacting in strange new ways to the idea, the blush running up to his cheeks and setting his skin to a nice, new uncomfortable balmy temperature. Was it this humid a moment ago? She was wearing a simple emerald sundress, with pastel jade splashed strands that flitted about her waist. The neckline curved slowly down her chest in almost U-shaped pattern, revealing just the tops of her cleavage. Hermione has cleavage? When did this happen? Well, I've really only seen her in her school robes and nightgown. Who knew she was hiding such a…figure? On queue his eyes gave the briefest of flickers up to her chest, taking in the color of her skin and her open collar. His pulse when quickened when he observed the color of her skin. It was a pale cream hue that seemed to reflect all of the lights the shone throughout the hall, making her shine just as brilliantly. His heart rate climbed and his pulse quickened as took all of this in. All of Hermione in. He detected his body responding again, and made a conscious choice to keep his eyes on her face.
And mistake number two.
He lost himself. Staring back at him were the warmest, softest, cinnamon speckled eyes he could ever remember glancing at. He wasn't aware of how long he was looking into them, but he was sure it wasn't long enough. He had to focus on breathing again, because he apparently forgot for the fifth or sixth time. Sucking in a large huff quickly, and he almost choked on his own air as he breathed in her scent. A mixture of honey, vanilla, and cinnamon, like her eyes. He sensed peaches as well, possibly from her hair, which instead of its normal bushiness was turned into a wavy up-do, with strands here and there falling about her face. She began to pull away, however. This beautiful, magnificent young woman was loosening her grip, intent on leaving him alone on the platform. On an impulse, almost intuitively, Harry pulled her closer to him, snaking an arm around her waist, pressing his palm into the small of her back. His mind not informing him that Hermione's body went rigid for the slightest of moments before relaxing against his own. He wasn't even aware they were swaying about, or to the fact that there were only a few people left in the Great Hall, all watching them move to the sound of…nothing. Hold on, what happened to the music?
Meanwhile, Hermione Granger's psyche was sprinting a million miles a minute. She had never been in this potentially compromising position with Harry before, and now that she was, she didn't have the slightest idea what to do or expect. Okay Granger, calm yourself down. Harry is just being polite, offering to dance with his friend. Surely that must be it! Besides, the Ball is pretty much over, and he's only just now asking her to dance. But well, he didn't dance with any of his other friends did he? Just Luna, right? Well he may be one of the bravest boys I know, but he's hopeless when it comes to girls. So he probably wouldn't have asked even if he wanted to. I'm sure he only asked Luna because we've been spending a lot of time together, helping him with the tournament. But what if it's more? Is he expecting something more? No, Harry isn't like that. Besides, he doesn't notice me that way. Which is okay, he's my friend. My very best friend and I wouldn't ruin it for anything. Even if that means he won't kiss me like I..stop! Don't even think about it Miss Granger! You know full well Harry doesn't need that on him right now even if he wanted to. Which he doesn't. I…was he just looking at my chest?!
About three quarters of the way through the dance, she was aware of Harry not looking at her, watching his own feet. It took her so long because she was also busy looking anywhere but directly ahead, to where she would most certainly be gazing at Harry. She chanced a glance, catching his eyes dart up to her chest, and saw the flush deepen in his cheeks. Cute. She thought. I guess Harry is somewhat of a normal teenage boy after all. I guess I have grown up a bit this past summer, so it's only natural for him to notice. Hormones and all that nonsense. In that moment, shaky green eyes met nervous brown ones, and Hermione instantly began to have doubts she could fight this. How could she deny a feeling so warm and loving emanating from his gaze. You're in serious trouble now Granger. You reaaaally shouldn't have stared into those lady killers, you know you're going to regret that one.
As the song gradually came to halt, Hermione sighed, and started to release her grip on Harry, only to have him hold on to her even tighter. She was astonished. Harry kept moving about as if to continue the dance, and it appeared as if he had no idea that there was no longer any music in the air. Silently she carried on, letting him whisk her about the now empty stage. She no longer felt the stares of the few others left in the Great Hall. It was only her and Harry. She never remembered feeling more at peace, or if she had, it was nothing like she felt now. All the teasing she had endured over her years for her overly-bushy hair, her large front teeth that no one seemed to miss, and her love of studying and schoolwork. All her insecurities just melted away in Harry's arms, under his gaze. She felt so…right. But as quickly as she discovered this newfound sense of bliss, it disappeared just as quickly. She became aware of just how quickly Harry went rigid in her arms, as if it only just realized that the melody from before had stopped.
Harry came to a halt with wide eyes that looked wildly around. Ron, Luna, Viktor, Cedric, and Cho along with professors Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Snape were all watching him, watching them. Cedric and Cho were snickering while Dumbledore and McGonagall were trying to hold back their respective smiles. Dumbledore less so, as you could see that wonderful twinkle in his eye, while McGongall's lips were plastered into a thin line to prevent them from curling upwards. Viktor and Ron seemed to be scowling, but in almost defeated sort of way, as if they were reluctant to admit how perfect the impression of young couple gave was. Luna just cast her dreamiest glare towards them, as if nothing were out of place at the current moment, and as was well. Harry's glimpse lingered on Snape's for the briefest of moments. He had expected there to be fury, or even disgust at Harry's "extreme showcase of arrogance," but all he saw in Snape's black eyes was unrelenting sorrow. Snape noticed Harry's short-lived scrutiny and sent him a sneering look, which brought Harry's eyes back to Hermione's. He fumbled around for anything to say, any words that could convey his sincere apologies and embarrassment.
"I-I, uh, Hermione I'm…" he stuttered, as he couldn't find the words to relay. He didn't know what else to do, so he dropped his gaze as well as his hands, and without delay sprinted for the large double doors that would lead him to safety.
As he ran throughout the castle to make it back to the tower, Hermione remained in the newly created ballroom with a look of pure shock. Within every corner of her extremely logical mind she failed to deduce the reasons for Harry's actions. She forced herself to fight the tears that began to well up in her eyes, but try as she might, they came anyway. Luna was at her side in an instant, attempting to comfort her from the scene that had just transpired.
Hermione came to the only two possible conclusions she could that night as she struggled to let sleep overtake her. One, she was without a doubt in love with Harry. She couldn't refute how wonderful she felt in his embrace, how flawless she felt when Harry held her eyes with his. It was inevitable to her that she would fall in love with her best friend, the first friend she ever made, but she couldn't see any short-term way out of it. She imagined that this was just a long time coming, spending almost every day with him for the better part of three and a half years, getting into all sorts of trouble and bad situations, for her to fall for him. And two, from Harry's reaction at the end of her dance, he was not in love with her. She knew he cared for her, but only as a friend. That's probably why he ran away in such a hurry. He didn't want me to start thinking he had more than a friendly view of me. At this last thought she began to weep uncontrollably into her pillow, shrieking within her mind so as to force the unbidden thoughts and desires to go away.
You stupid, ignorant git! You went through all of that to tell her that you fancy her, and you run off in the middle of the dance, leaving her alone in the Hall?!
Can it! I don't know what I feel alright? And in case you didn't notice, the dance was already over and I was just making a fool of myself in front of everyone, in front of her.
Gods you're a dolt. Couldn't you see how happy she was? And then you run out on her. I'll say ol' chap, you royally screwed the pooch on this one.
I don't know what I did, but I'm sure she won't want to be friends anymore after that. I didn't know what I was doing. She's my best friend, and I acted like a complete dupe.
Well I won't argue with what you were, but the reason you think so is where we'll disagree. Go talk to her, explain everything. She'll understand.
No. I won't put her in that situation. I won't pressure her. I need Hermione. I won't lose her.
*Sigh. Whatever you say.
Harry lay awake in his dormitory, arguing with himself about what had transpired. Back and forth his thoughts bounced off his brain, not coming to any sound conclusions.
Needless to say, neither Harry nor Hermione obtained any sort of sleep that night.
End Chapter 1.