Left 4 Love by Floppy McFoppybottoms
Quick note: Please take this completely seriously. I assure you, I did.
Chapter 1
It was dark and the sun had just set over the horizon and the sky was black and there were stars and there were cars and the sounds of zombies and moaning. The four survivors, Zoey, Louis, Bill, Francis, Bill, and they were walking around the unlit city.
"It's times like this that make me miss my family," Bill said.
"I think we all miss our families, Billy-boy," Francis retorted sarcastically, taking a lingual jab at the old war veteran.
"I just wish my grand kids were still alive," Bill continued, unaware of Francis' rude remark.
"Bill, you've been talking about your grandkids for hours now," Zoey said, "Maybe it's time we stop for the night."
Bill stopped and stared at the ground, putting out his last cigarette.
"NIGGA, I WAN' SUM FRIED CHICKEN," Louis said, his howl piercing the air.
Suddenly, the zombies came.
"Francis, you idiot!" Bill yelled, as he began to fire his uzi.
The zombies roared and went toward the survivors and began attempting to tear them apart limb from limb with their bare hands and teeth and fists and legs and.
"Zoey," Bill said, "I need a heal!"
"We're out of health packs!" Zoey yelled.
Bill replied tenderly: "Yes." And so they made sweet love.
Louis and Francis continued firing into the night, Zoey and Bill continued to experiment with their bodies.
"Francis" Louis said, "I need a heal!"
"We're out of health packs!" Francis yelled.
Louis replied tenderly: "Yes." And so they made sweet love.
The now confused zombies watched in horror and the old man, young woman, and two men went at it. Blood, sweat, various other bodily fluids, and the sweet sound of lovemaking penetrated the air. The zombies decided to call it a night, and left the four survivors to themselves.
…
Hours later, the lovemaking ceased.
"Works everytime," Bill said, grabbing his trousers and fastening his belt buckle.
"Can't I be the one paired with Zoey next time?" Francis inquired.
The four of them laughed heartily, and continued their quest. It wouldn't be long, then, they decided, before they might reunite with their families and finally be happy. But their families were dead and they remembered that shortly after.