I don't know what the hell is this but I just wrote it during a class.
In case of any grammar mistakes keep in mind that english isn't my native language.
I don't own Nikita
Guilt was surrounding her. She kept saying that she had no other choice to herself but it didn't ease the pain.
Soft music in the background was keeping her occupied, but her mind kept drifting back to her screwed up life. It's like every single time things get better she can prepare herself for something extremely bad. Sometimes she would actually believe Amanda with all 'caring gets you killed' because no physical pain can compare to this.
She couldn't possibly know how he felt and what was he feeling but she knew that she didn't want him to carry it all alone. She wanted to be there and help. They don't have to talk about it; she just wants to help him. He definitely can't do it by himself.
"Nikita?" a voice interrupted her thoughts.
Not wasting any time, a glass of wine flew across the room at the intruder.
Owen, who expected something like that, managed to escape the glass.
"Owen? Why are you creeping up to me?" she asked
"I'm not. I opened and closed the door very loudly, you were obviously deep in thoughts." he said
"Oh, I'm sorry." she sat back on the chair. He joined her.
"Oh my god Nikita, when was the last time you slept?" he noticed dark circles under her eyes and her pale face.
"I don't know." she rubbed her eyes
"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked
"Hiding."
"You are hiding? Isn't it always the other way around?" he joked
Her chuckle made him smile; at least she is still capable to laugh, even a bit.
"Now, who are you hiding from?" he was worried again
"Michael." she looked at her hands on her thighs
"He's still being a douche?"
"Owen! He is still struggling and he won't let me in. I feel like I'm going to fall apart." she just said it; she needed someone to hear it.
"I don't get that guy, of all people he decides to push you away."
"He has so much pride. He hates being helpless or useless. He knows now he's not useless but the helpless part will eat him alive. Because he won't let anyone near, he thinks he needs to do it by himself. He thinks he can do it by himself." she explained, or more like defended him
" He can't."
"I feel like if I come any closer, he will completely shut me off. We are on the shaky ground, again." tears burned in her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall.
Owen saw how bad she felt and that one little push would be enough for her to break apart. So he hugged her tightly. And those tears fell.
Meanwhile, Birkhoff was monitoring the whole conversation. Normally, he doesn't do things like that, but he wanted to know what was going on and this gave him a pretty good idea.
"Hey Birkhoff, anything on this thing?" Michael waved with his robotic hand while Birkhoff closed the surveillance cameras off.
"I told you, this is the best. It doesn't need any improvements. You just need to make peace with it and use it the best way you can." he said to him
Michael looked at him for a while, processing, then nodded.
"Now what are you doing to Nikki?" Birkhoff stopped him on the halfway to the door.
"Excuse me?" Michael turned around
" She is going to fall apart, man. And when she does, losing that hand won't mean anything to you when you see her lose a part of herself. You will never lose her, not completely, but one part will disappear if you continue with this cold shoulder. She doesn't deserve this." he stood up for her, with a better approach than Owen.
Michael had no response. He just walked out, leaving his friend in shock. That was not the Michael he knew.
He went to the recruit room he was sleeping in for the past weeks. He lay on the bed looking at his robotic hand and thinking of Nikita. He knew she was hurting and he was the cause. But he couldn't bring himself to let her in. Her broken face form their last conversation 3 days ago, haunt him again. And just like that he made a fist. It was like a reaction, he wasn't even trying after that day.
For the rest of the day no one did anything special. Owen and Nikita were with Ryan, trying to find a mission. Alex was dealing with her issues. Birkhoff was with Sonya and Michael was in the medical or his former recruit room, away from everyone else. He felt like they would all attack him because of Nikita. Like he wasn't beating himself up enough already.
In the evening everyone went home.
Nikita entered their apartment, took her shoes and coat off, went to the living room and sat on the couch. She did turn on the TV but she was more focused on the fireplace. Apartment was empty again, cold again.
After an hour of complete numbness and blankness of her mind, she got up and made herself something to eat even though she wasn't hungry. But not eating the whole day can put her in a hospital, so.
It was now 1am and she still couldn't sleep so she got up and went to Division. Only person who is there now was Michael and techs and two guardians on call. It freaked her out a bit, higher possibility to see him but she was going nuts in the apartment.
When she got there she sat on the bench in the locker room. It was cold and empty here, too.
Michael wasn't able to sleep either. He was struggling with himself, but she kept creeping up to his mind. He really did miss her, but he didn't think he was ready for her just yet.
He got up and went to roam through Division. There were so many memories in this place; halfway through remembering them he realised they were all about Nikita and him or just her. And then, she was there; sitting on a bench, catching him off guard. What was she doing here? he thought to himself. Just when he was about to turn around and run like hell, still afraid to face her, something from inside wouldn't let him. And she is probably aware of your presence; you'll just hurt both of you more he thought to himself again.
Very quietly, he walked toward her and sat next to her. She really was aware of his presence but was ready for him to leave, not sit next to her.
When he found the courage to look at her, all he saw was how tired and sad she was. And that broke his heart even more. She was beating herself up more than him without a valuable reason. So, without thinking he intertwined her fingers with his. That caught her off guard.
"I'm sorry." he said.
She just nodded.
"You and I were supposed to be a team. Every mission was our mission, every risk was our risk, every obstacle we were supposed to overcome together. You said it yourself and I tend to hold you to that. If you have a need to shut me of with this, Michael, then this can't mean a thing to me." she was playing with her engagement ring.
"Nikita..."he began but she cut him of
"Don't. This is huge and if you are not comfortable to share it with me and let me help you then I don't know what we are doing. I don't regret it and I would cut both of your hands if it meant that you would still be here when I wake up. I need you to let me in or won't take this seriously. Because it was a lie." she took her ring off and placed it in his left hand that was holding hers previously.
He was shocked. Now that hurt like hell.
Tears were forming in her eyes, again and he could see them.
"That won't be necessary. I sat next to you right now because I want to let you in. I need you. Clearly you're the only one who can make this thing close." he looked at the robotic hand
"What do you mean?" she was confused
"Well I was not able to make a fist with this until our, um, last conversation. It just closed after you left. And later this evening I was thinking about you and it closed again. Guess you're the emotional trigger." he said.
She was stunned. Not so sad anymore.
"And..." he took her hand and placed the ring back on her finger," Please don't do that again." that made her smile for the first time after the accident.
He hugged her tightly, taking all of her sent in because he almost forgot it from all the distance he had put between them. He stroked her hair with his left hand and she buried her face in his neck. Then he made a fist again, separating from her so she can see.
She kissed him hard but quick on the lips, not wanting to pressure him, just out of pure need.
Everything was starting to be okay again, little by little.
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