"Come here, you little bitch!" I heard Jim calling my name. I cringed, I did not want to go in the living room and see what he wanted. But I also knew if I didn't obey he would hurt Jude.
"Callie, come here right now or I'm going to ask Jude". At this I almost ran, I wouldn't let him ever touch him. So far I had been able to be there for Jim whenever he needed me in whatever job he had.
I entered the living room and watched him sternly. He was drunk, again, and I could see some pills on the table. Unfortunately I glanced at the TV and saw porn on. I was certain now what he wanted. "See, Callie, I have this "little" problem that I need help with. I could do it myself but what's the fun in that? You gotta learn how to please a man. Kneel down and get to it!" I didn't move, I just stared at him. But I knew I didn't have a chance. He would next make Jude do it, I was sure of it. I sighed, cursed him to hell and knelt down. I could see the bulge through his pants. Reluctantly I pushed his pants down and started to touch him. I had done this many times before, I knew what the liked. "Oh yes, that's my girl. A little harder. My bitch mmmm..." he was panting already. I took his boxers off and his hard cock shot up. Jim pushed my face downwards and I took him in my mouth. It was disgusting and I hated every inch of him. He was pushing back from my head and trying to make me do it faster. But I couldn't. I was tired of always pleasing him. I was tired of being his slave. I was tired of him being violent of Jude. I was tired of life. I could sense him being close to climax so I did the only thing that came to my mind. I bit him. Hard, I could taste the blood in my mouth. I got up as fast as I could and started to run out of the living room, yelling at Jude. Jim was screaming but I guess the state of his drunkenness had decreased his pain tolerance as he launched himself at me. Before the first hit came, I woke up.
I laid on my bed for a while, breathing heavily. I was soaked wet. It had felt so real, again. It was still pitch dark outside and once glance at the clock told me that it was only 4am. I sat up quietly and for my relief I saw Mariana sound sleep. Sometimes I would wake her up too with my nightmares but I was glad this time wasn't one of them. I walked to kitchen and started coffee. While I waited for it to be ready, I ended up deep in thought. I had been having nightmares for the last two weeks almost every night. Mariana hadn't told anyone, yet but I would often see her watching me closely. I didn't want her to tell anyone. No one could help me with them, expect for me. I got up, made sure Mariana was still asleep and went downstairs. We had been living with the Fosters for the last 5 months and everything was perfect. We hadn't been harmed once, we were fed, cared for and loved. Or so I think. Jude was adjusting better than I was. He was much more open about his feelings and emotions. He talked to Stef and Lena, to Brandon Jesus and even helped Mariana with nail painting. I was happy he was happy but most importantly he was safe. That mattered to me the most. I knew, deep down, that I was safe, too. I had never been in such a loving and accepting home before as I was now. But even after 5 months, I couldn't bring myself to open up, to talk about what had happened in our previous foster homes. Even Jude didn't know all the things. He had told Stef and Lena about beatings and verbal abuse we both had got. I'm pretty sure our foster moms were aware of some of the things that had happened, considering my timidness and reluctance to show my feelings. But they gave me space for which I was very thankful. They helped me with homework and just make sure I was okay. It was more than I could have ever hoped for. I noticed my coffee being ready and got off the stool to pour it in mug. I opened one of the drawers and took out a knife. Even though I didn't talk about the things that had happened to me, didn't mean I wasn't dealing with them. This was my way. I knew it wasn't the right way but so far it had helped. It made me calmer and I could forgot about the night's terrors that haunted my dreams. I put one of the Ste's warm hoodies on and went outside sit by the tree. The coffee was still quite hot so while it cooled down, I rolled up my sleeves. I had a lot of scars and most of them I had been able to explain with all the beatings I've got in my past. I mean, it was almost the truth, I did have scars from the beatings as well but the scars on my arms were made by me. Slowly, I took the blade across my left arm and slid. It didn't hurt, I was numb to the pain. I slid again, and again, and again. Deeper and deeper. I was fascinated by the flow of the blood. All my memories, all my pain and nightmares were bleeding away. The ome where we had been starved, the home were I had been burnt with lighters for not taking the trash out, the third home which was first nice but then turned a total nightmare. The three other homes where I had been raped countless of times. All the homes that have been violent towards us, but mostly me as I had taken the blame for Jude's sake. I believed there was something bad in me that made all those things happen to us. It would have been okay if Jude wouldn't have been there. I so wish Jude wouldn't have had to witness any of it, not only to mention being the target.
I knew I would be okay in the morning, until the next time I was having a nightmare. I had taken some paper towels with me and I pressed them on my arm to stop the bleeding, and making sure not to get any blood stains on Ste's hoodie. I drank my coffee which was now cool enough and just enjoyed the quiet wee hours. I was getting a bit chilly, so I got up and was about to head back inside when a person blocked my entrance. I froze, the knife still in my hand. It was my host mom, Stef and by the look on her face she had seen what I had been up to.