Pico awoke to a knock on the door. He grumblingly got up to answer it, wondering who could be in an abandoned subway at this hour.

"Hello, my name is Tamotsu and I just moved to this neighborhood. I'm required by law to inform you that I am a registered sex offender-" Tamotsu began, then looked up. "Wh- Pico? Is that really you?"

"Mokkun, what the fuck," said Pico, "It's been, like, two years. You disappeared into thin air. Where have you been?"

"I've been in jail, asshole. People saw us doing it in public and I got arrested for statutory rape. What about you? There's like, an amber alert out for you. Everyone thinks you're dead by now. Most of them think I killed you."

"Wait, what?"

"Apparently you never went back to your grandfather? That's all I know, man. I've been doing time, remember?"

"Oh, shit..." Pico sighed. "I forgot all about him. I, like, biked out into the country and spent an entire summer teaching a little boy about sex... then we went to the city and we've been living underground here ever since... Oh! You haven't met Chico and CoCo!"

"Chico? CoCo? What kind of names are those? Are you living with strippers?" asked Tamotsu.

Just then, Chico and CoCo appeared around the corner behind Pico. Chico rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Mmn, were you talking about us, Pico? Who's the old guy?"

"This is Mokkun," said Pico with a sweet smile. "He's the guy that took my virginity."

"It's a pleasure to meet you," said CoCo, whipping his dick out.

"Dude, what the fuck," said Tamotsu, stepping back.

"Oh, sorry, this is how we greet our lovers' exes on my planet," CoCo apologized, but did not put his dick away.

Pico rolled his eyes and turned back to Tamotsu. "So, what now?"

"We could fuck," Tamotsu suggested.

Pico was taken aback. "Are you kidding me? I was young and naïve, and you took advantage of me, then waltzed out of my life like I was yesterday's news... and now you expect me to take you back? No way, Mokkun. I'm done having sex with every person I see. I have a happy new life taking advantage of even younger, more naïve people."

"Yeah, that's right," said the young and naïve Chico.

"Shut up, Chico. You're, like, ten."

"I'm actually way older than all of you," murmured CoCo. Everyone fell silent.

Tamotsu sighed. "I see... Well, I live in a building not too far from here if you ever change your mind. 'Bye, Pico." He left.

The three shotas watched him fade out of sight. None of them spoke for several minutes.

"Well, damn, this whole exchange got me horny as hell," said Pico at last.

"Pico, everything gets you horny as hell!" cried Chico.

"Let's go do it on the top of the red tower," suggested CoCo.

They all laughed and freeze-framed like the end of a sitcom.

the end