Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. Though I do get to watch it for free on Amazon Prime streaming.
Kurt sat curled in the window seat, staring outwards. It was the same yard that had always been there - one large tree that was big enough to climb, and one that had been planted when he was young. A few bushes in a cluster near the picnic table, and the old swingset he'd played with as a kid.
So many memories. Sometimes they washed over him with such force that it felt like a tidal wave, knocking him about and making him desperate for air. Other times the memories were more sweet than bitter, but mostly he had to swallow the mixed tastes in equal concentrations. Playing on the swings with his imaginary friend; just a sweet memory of childhood freedom and making up exhilarating stories in his mind. But then this memory would lead to the smell of cookies wafting out from the kitchen, and his mom calling out to him for a snack of milk and peanut butter cookies. Another good memory, but even after all these years the thought that those simple moments were gone forever still hurt.
Each small set of moments that came to mind brought a smile to Kurt's face and a twinge to his heart on most days. But the month of April was always hard. His mom's birthday was the 22nd, so the sorrow he felt every day was rather sharper than usual.
Sighing, Kurt resettled himself in his seat. Most of the time he tried to keep busy, to distract himself from these thoughts and memories that made it so hard to then go back into his everyday life and act like everything was normal. But he had realized as the years went on that he felt worse if he didn't take some time here and there to really feel. It was hard, though. Kurt had often been lonely throughout his life, but the brand of loneliness caused by a mom dead from cancer penetrated deeper than even rejection from former friends, or simply being ignored because the other kids didn't have much in common with him. He was grateful for his relationship with his dad, but it was such a struggle sometimes to really talk about things with him. It was worth the effort, but sometimes he just didn't feel he had the energy at the moment. This was one of those times. Besides, he didn't even know if he wanted to talk to anyone. He'd never really tried, though he'd thought about it. But neither his dad nor any of his friends seemed quite the right person to try to talk to, even if he had known how to go about doing such a thing.
Kurt glanced about and listened to make sure noone was approaching, then grabbed his stuffed penguin off his bed. Barnaby had been his buddy since he was three, and he was a reasonable fill-in when Kurt felt the need for a little cuddling. Kurt brushed his nose against the worn fur on the penguin's head and wrapped it in his arms. The familiar, faint scent of his own shampoos and laundry detergent greeted him. Returning his gaze to the yard, Kurt held onto Barnaby and remembered. After a few tears made an appearance but no more seemed likely, Kurt returned his penguin to its spot and moved on to homework; life must go on. He signed on to AIM after opening his textbooks, putting his status as: "Sooooo excited for the Glee singoff tomorrow!" and telling Mercedes about his peppy song-and-dance number he was planning. The sudden shift was the best way he knew to maintain his facade and keep his emotions under control. It wasn't a bad way to live, and it was the best way he knew.
A/N: This is intended as a two-shot, both likely rather short. We shall see where it goes though. The second part would involve Blaine, and I'm not as comfortable writing dialogue (not to say I'm particularly great with the descriptive stuff either).