Title: Delusion
Author: Haikoui
Summary: Four times Chrom sees Robin fall and fail. But only once has Robin seen Chrom at a loss. Chrom/m!Robin, Lucina/m!Robin later on. Nothing actually happens, but there is tension in some parts.
Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem Awakening or any of its characters. They all belong to Nintendo.
Notes: I CAN'T HELP MYSELF. Chrobin is addicting.
Delusion
I
"Robin."
The tactician's head is low, bowed down in what Chrom supposes is fatigue. He doesn't respond, instead opting to inhale deeply in response. His hair, nearly white in the pale moonlight, is soaked as a result of the storm that has just passed through. Chrom sits next to him on the wet grass and mimics Robin's position. He hasn't known the man long, but he longs to appear friendly, and this, he thinks, is the way to do it.
He sees Robin glance at him before his look returns to his hands, which are resting in his lap. "Hey, Chrom," says Robin, splaying his hands in front of him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah." Robin's eyes never leave his hands. "I'm fine."
"If I had to guess," says Chrom, "I'd say you're lying."
Beside him, Robin tenses. His hands still before he clenches them. Robin's eyes close as he inhales again. When he reopens them, his eyes lock onto Chrom's own; Chrom is stunned to see the dull pain behind a harsh front.
"You didn't have to guess," says Robin quietly.
"Mm. And I also didn't have to choose to be here, but I did both."
Robin's eyes stay locked onto his for a long while, searching. Searching for what, Chrom has no clue. They have known each other for two weeks, ever since Chrom found him in the field. As far as he is concerned, he is an open book for the man; Robin doesn't have to search for something from Chrom. All he has to do is ask.
"I'm not…" Robin stops, his eyes switching to the grass ahead of them. "I'm not..."
"You don't have to tell me," says Chrom. "I just want to let you know I'm here."
Chrom sees Robin's jaw clench with pressure. "No, I'm going to tell you," he says, though he sounds more as though he is convincing himself.
"If this has anything to do with the Risen we battled yesterday—"
"I could have saved her, Chrom," says Robin bitterly. "I was right there—that poor merchant. I could have saved her. Damn the Gods, Chrom. I was right there."
"It isn't your place to worry over these things, Robin."
"I was right there," Robin chokes out. "I could have planned—I saw her die right before my eyes—"
"Robin!" Chrom grips the tactician's forearm. "Stop it. These things happen, and as much as it pains me to say it, you can't be there for everyone. Trust me. I've tried."
Robin swallows, shutting his eyes. Chrom guesses he is reliving the moment of the merchant's death. "I was right there," he whispers.
"I know. I know."
Robin bows his head once more, and if it isn't for the drops falling onto his hands, Chrom thinks he would have thought the man had fallen asleep.
II
It's raining again.
They escaped from Plegia—barely, but they escaped nonetheless. Chrom, though still in shock somewhat, is recovered… at least enough to be angry. Basilio and Flavia discuss options together with him, and Lissa, who is too shaken to partake in the talk, sits by herself far away from the others. The only company she has is Frederick, who stands in front of her almost like a sentinel.
Robin was the face of calm during the escape. And now…
He could have done better. Why isn't he better than this? He racks his mind for anything, anything he could have done to prevent this outcome. Emmeryn didn't have to die. Emmeryn shouldn't have had to die. Robin isolates himself from the others and does his best to keep himself together.
"Think," he says to himself furiously. "Think! What could you have done? What could you have done better? Why did you let this happen?"
He paces around the small room in which he locked himself. He doesn't know how long he is in there, doesn't count the minutes or hours he spends thinking. What only matters now is that he learn what went wrong. He can't let this happen again, not ever, because these people are his family, the people who took him in and who essentially raised him and he'll be damned if he fails like this again—
Before he can truly comprehend his mistakes, there is a knock on the door. Outside, the wind is howling, and the rain screams obscenities against the window to Robin's ears.
"Don't come in," says Robin, his voice barely cracking.
There is silence on the other side of the door. Then— "Don't be ridiculous. I'm coming in anyway."
Dammit, Chrom.
The door shuts behind the prince with a soft click. Lightning cracks from outside and illuminates the room far more than the pitiful candlelight on the desk ever will. Following it comes a thunder which shakes through Robin's entire core. He grits his teeth together and stares at Chrom, daring him to say another word. He won't shy away from the blame this time.
"Get it together," says Chrom. Despite his words, he looks more tired than Robin has ever seen him.
"Take a good look at yourself, and then you can say that to me," says Robin.
"Naga above, Robin!" says Chrom, and suddenly, Robin is facing a man who is red-faced and exhausted. "Do you think I want to tell you that? Do you know how long I sat telling myself that it was for the best, that I should get it together because Emm wouldn't want me broken over her sacrifice?" He moves closer, grabbing one of Robin's strategy journals and throwing it to the side, where it bangs against the wall with a thud and clatters to the floor. "Just stop looking at your books for once and stop blaming yourself for what happened. Stop analyzing. Stop."
"You can't tell me to stop, Chrom," says Robin. "You can't tell me to stop being what I am."
Chrom's eyes flash. "What are you, then?"
"I'm a failure!"
"No, you're not!" Chrom is downright yelling now. "This is not your fault! Do you understand me, Robin? This is no one's fault but Gangrel's! Damn it all to Hell, if anyone else is to blame, it's probably my own father! What happened to Emm was a result of years of hatred and war secured by my warmongering father and Plegia itself. This is not your fault. So stop wallowing and get it together."
"HOW CAN I GET IT TOGETHER, CHROM?" Robin shouts, moving so close to Chrom he can see the exhaustion hiding behind the fury in the whites of his eyes. "TELL ME SO I CAN STOP FEELING LIKE I DON'T DESERVE YOU. I DON'T DESERVE ANY OF YOU. WHAT GOOD AM I TO YOU? WHY DID YOU PICK ME UP FROM THE FIELD IF I CAN'T BE A BENEFIT TO YOUR GROUP?"
In an instant, Robin finds himself picked up from the floor by the latches on robe taken in Chrom's hand. Chrom presses him against the wall with a howl, holding him there as he grills Robin with a stare as hard as the stones he is being crushed against. "Don't say that," breathes Chrom. "You can't say that. You can't—you can't say that. I won't have you and Emmeryn taken from me tonight."
"Wh-what—?"
Lightning flashes outside again. The candlelight does no justice to the sorrow on Chrom's face, and only the lightning shows it to Robin. Chrom breathes in and then exhales heavily, his breath warming Robin's face and neck in the cold room. "You are the best thing that could have happened to me that day, Robin," says Chrom, leaning his forehead against the tactician's and shutting his eyes. Robin is still pressed against the wall, but Chrom's hand relaxes, and Robin is held in place only by the prince's body and the stone wall behind him.
Robin shuts his eyes as well. "I'm sorry."
There is another breath against his lips. "If I hear you say that again…" Chrom chuckles lowly and it rumbles through Robin like a song.
"I'm s—"
"Don't," whispers Chrom, and though Robin's eyes are still shut, he knows Chrom's are now open and that he is staring at him. "Don't say it."
And he doesn't.
III
When Lucina takes him aside, Robin hasn't an inkling of what she'll say to him. The rest of the Shepherds murmur she is predictable, about as predictable as Chrom, who—in all honesty—is as easy to guess as the phases of the moon.
"Lucina. What is it?" he asks once they're alone.
"It's about my father," she says, and in that moment, Robin thinks he's looking at Chrom himself. Maybe that's why he married her.
"I have memories of him, you know," she says. "From when I was little. Before he… died."
Robin nods and lets her continue.
"He was courageous, and kind, and everyone spoke fondly of him… people say he was brave right up until the very end. I always yearned to know him better. And now that I do…" She takes a deep breath and stares at him long and hard. "I can see that the world will be robbed of a very great man." She doesn't blink, and her brows furrow, as though she is fighting with herself. "I won't allow that to happen."
Robin smiles to himself. She is as headstrong and loyal as her father. "I understand," he says to her. "You love him. We all do."
She falters, and pain flashes in her eyes. "Robin, I…" There is a moment of silence. Lucina's eyes fix themselves on his own, before traveling to his hand, where he knows she is staring at the mark on the back of his palm. "Please," she breathes, "forgive me…"
And she draws her sword, the Falchion from another world, another time.
For a moment, Robin is confused. Is she challenging him? Is she asking him to protect Chrom at all costs? He stammers, "L-Lucina?"
"Stay where you are, Robin!" she commands, trying to muster as much power in her voice as possible. "I have no choice. I must kill you."
"What?" says Robin, stepping back. "What madness is this?"
Lucina swallows. In the dying sunset, he sees her eyes struggle to harden. She breathes deeply again and glares at him. "In my future, you… you are my father's murderer."
He stops, his mind drawing a blank, before he starts again. The words are poison to his ears. His whole life—at least, from the day it started in the field—has been devoted to protecting Chrom at all costs. "No," he says vehemently. "That's insane! Why would I kill Chrom?"
"I was not certain myself, until now…" Her voice is calm on the outside, but threatens to break under pressure. "I knew he had been killed by his closest friend. Having witnessed your bond with him, I doubted it could be so. But today's events—" The words come out of her mouth like venom. "—make it clear."
This is like Robin's nightmares, the ones he has at night where he sees Emmeryn falling again, and then Chrom, and then Lissa, and everyone else, even Lucina, being pushed by his own hands into the dark abyss of a dragon's mouth. It is everything he fears and everything he loathes.
And still Lucina continues. "You are at Validar's mercy," she says. "I suspect it's he who forces you to take my father's life, and very soon…" She trails off and shakes her head. Robin can almost see the tears that are gathering in her eyes at the thought of Chrom's death.
"Lucina," Robin begins, "wait."
She doesn't stop, though, doesn't let him try to fend for himself. It has always been like this for them. She takes control so that she doesn't fail because it is the only way she knows how to make things work, and Robin has always been happy to let her do it so that he isn't at the end of some horrible mistake. Lucina continues as she tries not to listen to his words. "If my father is right," she says, "then we can change our fates. If this dark future is to be averted, sacrifices must be made."
She shuts her eyes in pain. Robin knows how she feels. And then, she opens her eyes again, which are glazed with tears. Perhaps she loves him more than he has thought. "I'm sorry, Robin!" she cries, her hand tightening on Falchion's hilt. "I know this is murder, I… I know that…"
"Lucina," he starts again, "you don't have to—"
"Don't make it harder!" Her voice is broken. "Don't resist, and your death will be swift and painless. If you hold any love for Chrom, then let this be done…"
He can tell by her words and the way her lips form them that she knows he loves Chrom, perhaps more than he loves her, but he loves her, too, and he doesn't want to see her this way. If making Lucina happy is the way to keep both Chrom and her alive… he will let her do it, and he will wonder in Hell how he has fallen to such a horrible state.
"Very well," he murmurs, laying his hands down by his sides. "My life is yours. It always has been."
She falters, eyes wide, and her grip on Falchion tightens. "D-don't look at me like that!" Falchion shakes as a tear escapes from her left eye, the one that bears the Mark of the Exalt. "I love you! Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?" Her voice cracks at the end and Robin's heart breaks. She is so much like Chrom, so loyal and so loving and so willing to be the unmoving rock in the storm.
"I would give my life for Chrom," he says honestly, his voice dropping low, nearly a whisper now. "And for you." Because he can't fail, not again, and he won't fail Chrom.
Lucina says nothing and instead tries to blink her tears away.
"Just…" The words are hard to come by. It is just like speaking to Chrom. "Promise me you'll find someone else who cares for you. Promise you won't be alone. I want you to be happy, Lucina. That's all I've ever wanted."
That is the wrong thing to say, because Lucina's tears spill over her eyes despite all her efforts, and she nearly crumples onto the ground. "N-no," she says, "Ah, gods, no…"
"I'm ready now." Whenever Chrom's life is at stake, Robin is always ready. "Do what you must."
"I…" Lucina's face is despairing and agonized. Tears are slipping down her cheeks quickly now, and Robin longs to wipe them away. "I must…"
There is a long moment of Robin standing in front of her, his stomach twisting inside of him, with his wife holding Falchion ahead of her with one hand and another hand at her mouth as she tries to choke back sobs. Finally, and Robin is half way inclined to just kill himself for her, she drops Falchion to her side and falls to the ground. "Damn me!" she shrieks. "I can't do it! I can't do it—I love you too much—!"
She heaves and clenches long tendrils of grass in her hands as she lets herself cry. "I'm sorry, Robin," she says. "I'm s-so sorry. Please… please forgive me…"
He gathers her in his arms and murmurs to her gently while trying to ignore the foreboding sense of hatred for himself inside of him. "Easy now. Easy. It's all right, Lucina. It's all right."
They are there for several minutes before Robin hears footsteps behind him. He feels Lucina look up from his shoulder and she breathes in quickly in response to whoever she has seen approach them. When she pulls away, Robin sees the fright in her eyes, and he turns to lay eyes on Chrom himself, who looks stern and sad all at once.
"Are you done, Lucina?" he says tiredly.
Lucina, to her credit, looks heavily ashamed. "Father," she breathes. "I… I can explain!"
"There's no need," he says to her. "You're not the only one who can eavesdrop. I heard every word. I know your heart is in the right place. But I trust Robin. You cannot shake my faith in him."
Chrom turns his gaze on Robin, who is still kneeling on the ground. "Robin and I have held fast through good times and ill. We swore to be two halves of a greater whole. You underestimate the strength of those tries, the bonds we share. I believe in them more than some foretold 'destiny'."
Lucina looks pained now, and Robin looks down, not eager to hear her next words. "That is easier to say when you haven't seen it yourself," she says harshly, her voice cracking from her earlier tears.
"Lucina, aren't our ties stronger here now than they were in your future?" says Chrom gently. The sternness in his face is gone now, and he looks all the more like Lucina's father as he cradles her chin. "You said so yourself. In this flow of time, we are bound tighter than ever, you and I." He smiles now, soft, loving. "Not just as father and daughter, but as friends. We can change things. We already have, and we will again."
Robin knows Lucina will give in. If it is what Chrom wants, it is what Lucina will give him. "Very well, Father," she breathes. She stops for a moment before turning to Robin again, her hands shaking. "I would ask your forgiveness, Robin, with all my heart. And… I pray… that is, I trust the both of you will prove me wrong, that this future will fall to pieces before your bond ever will."
And of course Robin forgives her, because he hates that it has come to this point, that he has to do more so he doesn't fall again, and inside, he is dying. When Lucina leaves with her head held high but her eyes sorrowed and somber, Robin does not follow as Chrom lays a hand on his shoulder.
"You're doing it to yourself again." The words are expected. Chrom is, of course, predictable.
"You know me well enough by now that I can't fail, Chrom."
"Why can't you cut yourself some slack?"
"And let you die?" His mouth forms the question bitterly, with harsh syllables spat at the commander in contempt.
"Of course not. You and I both know this destiny business isn't something that'll ruin us."
Robin shuts his eyes. "It already happened once to your sister."
"Emm chose it. It was two years ago, Robin. She decided her own fate. That road was the path she chose—"
"Am I to watch you suffer the same fate at my own hands?" Robin says suddenly. "Falling from my own force, pushed off a cliff because I made you?"
"If you do it," says Chrom, "it's because I let you. Because I trust you."
Robin clenches his fists and swallows heavily. "You misplace your trust, Chrom."
"You're doing it again."
"I—"
"In the name of the Hero-King," says Chrom, twisting Robin to face him completely, "please, please, just stay with me. You're stronger than this. I know you won't let some premonition take hold of you like this, not truly."
"And if you die?" says Robin, his voice quiet, nearly inaudible.
"Then I did it for you."
"Dammit, Chrom!"
Robin leaves then, marching back to camp, eager to just get away from it all, yet not so eager to sleep, because Gods forbid he have that nightmare, where he pushes Chrom and Lucina and everyone else into the mouth that is the felldragon's own jaws.
IV
He and Grima. One and the same.
He's so… how blind is he? To have missed this? It's ridiculous.
Robin sheds a disbelieving glance at his right hand. He is Grima. Grima. He is the felldragon. That's what The Voice meant. He shares power like her… because he is a monster.
They make their way to Mount Prism, where Chrom will perform the Awakening and hopefully—hopefully, thinks Robin—become the Son of Naga. In this way, he and Chrom will truly be two halves of the same coin. He as the fellblood, and Chrom… with the power of the Divine Dragon.
And of course, Robin is the monster that will kill him.
"It's not your fault," says Chrom one night as they camp. They can only afford one night, maybe two if they are lucky.
Robin says nothing.
"And I think no less of you, if that's what you're wondering."
Robin remains silent still. He can't look the prince in the eye. Damn it all, he can't even look at Lucina. He's sure she is ashamed that she married the felldragon. The felldragon! He can hardly conceive the idea in his own mind.
"Robin," says Chrom. "Please talk to me."
"There's nothing to say. But I appreciate the concern."
Chrom clicks his tongue for a moment, watching him carefully. "You're learning."
That was unpredictable. Robin frowns. "What?"
"You're learning," Chrom repeats. "At least you acknowledge that I'm trying to help." He chuckles.
"You always try to help," says Robin, sighing to himself. "And I always did appreciate it, but… you can't prevent something like this. You can't change the truth."
"I don't want to."
"Of course you do."
Chrom exhales in frustration. "You realize I'm never going to stop trying to convince you, right?"
"Try all you want, Chrom. The truth is the truth."
"The truth? The truth is you are capable of changing this! You're capable of change, Robin. I know it. Do you know how much you've changed everyone here for the better?" Chrom takes in a deep breath and seems to hold it for a long while. He puts both hands on his waist and shakes his head. "Just because you're—you know. Just because you're Grima does not mean you have to bend to whatever will Grima thinks you can bend to. I know you. These past two years—alright, nearly three—have shown you to be beyond some design carved by Fate."
"I am Fate, Chrom," says Robin. "Don't you see? All of this has been Grima's—m-my—plan from the beginning. I…"
"If you and Grima are one and the same, then you can change this."
"You hold too much faith in me."
"You've said that before," says Chrom. "I take pride in it."
Later, when Naga recognizes Chrom as her son on Mount Prism, she fixes calm eyes on Robin and tells him he can sacrifice his life to rid the world of Grima once and for all.
And despite Chrom's adamant assurances that it won't come to that, Robin knows it's the only way he'll ever forgive himself for letting Emmeryn die, for making Lucina put up with the felldragon, for putting all of them in this mess. It's the only way he'll let Chrom know he loves him, and it's the only way he'll make sure he doesn't ruin anything again.
V
Robin's screaming.
No, it's Grima who is screaming. Chrom shields his eyes from the sight as he pulls Falchion out of the fellblood's body and steps back. But he can't stand the sight of it, anyway, the sight of Robin, no matter how evil, spitting blood from his lips and decaying in front of his eyes.
"NO," screams Grima, seeming to look behind Chrom to something else. "YOU WOULD NOT—DARE—!"
Chrom prepares to swing Falchion one last time into the figure that resembles the Risen now more than Robin himself, when he is shoved to the side rather unceremoniously. Falling to his knees, he sees double for a second or two before he realizes what's happening. His eyes shoot upward.
Robin is standing before his other self, holding his hand up high above his head with a look of utter fury on his face. A ball of thunder is swirling in his palm as he gathers energy. As Chrom observes him in shock, he sees Robin's face go pale as the mass of energy in his hand grows larger and more powerful. It's then Chrom realizes Robin is putting his entire life into that attack and knows he does not expect to come out of this alive.
"No," breathes Chrom. "No—ROBIN—"
"Don't," snarls Robin, his interruption startling Chrom into silence. "This is my choice."
"WE DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS," screams Chrom. "WE'LL FIND ANOTHER WAY!"
But Robin, his face furious, is already facing Grima. With a voice as calm as the winds that day Chrom found him in the field, Robin says, "For once, I'm glad you and I are linked."
And Grima, shrieking incomprehensibly, perishes under a ball of thunder.
There is a moment of shocked silence before the dragon whose back they are occupying screams. Chrom heaves himself up from his knees and runs toward Robin, who is staring at Grima's vanishing body with hard eyes.
That is when Chrom sees Robin disintegrating before him. He screams, shouts, bellows at the man, yelling curses to the heavens above and pounds at an invisible barrier between him and Robin.
"NO," he screams. "YOU CAN'T LEAVE—ROBIN! ROBIN!"
"I'm sorry, Chrom," says Robin. "Thank you for everything."
"ROBIN, YOU CAN'T—I WON'T LET YOU—"
"Thank you for the memories. I have lived a great life these past three years."
"ROBIN—"
"And please tell Lucina… please tell her I love her. Will you?"
"ROBIN!"
He's nearly gone now. Chrom feels his whole being tear to shreds. He's crying. He hasn't cried since Emmeryn passed. He's only cried twice in his life and now he feels as though he's dying through his tears. "ROBIN," he shrieks. "PLEASE—YOU CAN'T LEAVE—"
"May we meet again, in a better life," says Robin. He raises his hand in goodbye. Chrom howls and falls to his knees again, wishing to Ylisse he could have saved him—he could have saved him, he could have kept him from doing this—he didn't have to lose Robin to some damned destiny.
When Robin is gone, the barrier disappears, the dragon is silent as it falls back to the ground through the skies, and all the rest of the Shepherds hear is Chrom screaming for Robin to come back. As the dragon plummets to the ground, the last thing anyone sees is Lucina rushing to her father to hold him before they make landfall.
Hehehehehe. This was sad. Sorry.
Hope it was good.
Review please!