Disclamer: I do not owe any of the characters

Come with me

Castiel felt the blood run down his cheek as he was pushed violently against a wall. The punch against his chin burned horribly and his eyes were full of blood and dirt. He had trouble keeping them open but he couldn't give up, not now.

Another punch in his face. Castiel flinched in pain trying to raise his arm to ward off the next beat, but he wasn't fast enough. And again the angel was thrown against the wall trying to catch air.

Pressed into a corner, no air in his lungs, Castiel suddenly felt so couldn't fight anymore, he didn't want to fight anymore.
He didn't even try to fight the demon off as the he grabbed his collar and pulled Castiel back onto his feet.

Castiel felt the cold blade of the demon's knife sliding down his cheek onto his throat leaving a sharp cut.

The demon smiled seeing the small stream of blood running down the angel's neck.

"You should really try to get rid of your fading grace Cas, makes your body all human again."
"Please Dean..." , the angel whimpered.

He felt how his feet suddenly were lifted from the ground and it took him a second to realize that he was thrown halfway across the room. As his body hit the floor it felt like every single bone was broken. He tried to get himself up, but failed.

Once again two hands grabbed his collar and pulled him up, only this time Cas ended up on his knees. He wasn't able to stand anyway.

"Please Dean,this is not you?" , the demon said with disgust.

Castiel was punched again.

"Please Dean,stop?" , the demon continued mocking hatefully.

Another punch.

"Please Dean I know you're in there?" , his voice full of scorn.

Castiel coughed, blood dripping out of his mouth

"Dean..you..are..."

"Dean you are family? We need you?" , the demon's black eyes glanced dangerously.

"I..." , Castiel tried to speak and was cut off.

"I need you? Well Cas see that's the problem: I'm not a brainwashed angel like you were. I'm not Dean anymore!" , he was screaming now. "The Dean you knew is gone and HE AINT COMING BACK,GOT THAT?" , he sounded so angry.

Castiel remembered how he had sounded while had been possessed by Leviathans. He had almost said the same as the demon. Cas well,he's gone,dead,we run the show now. How crazy he had sounded. But the demon didn't sound crazy at all. No the demon's voicewas full of anger. Desperate anger. Castiel knew he had lost him.

"I love you." , Castiel's voice broke.

He regretted it,regretted that he had said it so had wanted to say it before,but the time had never been right, or they had been interrupted, or Castiel had been to much of a coward to confess his love for Dean. And now it seemed like it was his last resort. But that was not the reason why he had said it. He didn't say 'I love you' trying to reach Dean. He had said it because it was his last chance. His last chance to say it.

And he was right. The demon took his head and forced Castiel to look straight in the black eyes.

"Only a stupid angel like you could fall for someone so fucked up like Dean Winchester. But you know, he loved you too, was just too much of a coward to admit it. I guess that is called human error."

And that was the moment Castiel felt a sharp pain in his chest his eyes still fixed on the black darkness of the demon's eyes. Castiel tried to swallow his tears, tried to breathe, but he couldn't. Panic was dwelling up in him.

The demon let go of his face and Castiel looked down. There right in his chest was the cause of his pain. The demon's knife was stuck there, making it impossible for Castiel to breathe. It was not the first time a knife was stuck in his chest, not even the first time Dean had stuck a knife in his chest, but it was different now. He didn't have his grace anymore, the pain was real and the demon wasn't Dean, not really.

Castiel looked up again just to see a crocked smile around the demon's mouth as he suddenly pulled out the knife.

"Tell your dad I said hi...oh wait I forgot daddy left you." the demon laughed.

Castiel looked down again, his vision started to blur.

"So this is how dying feels for humans" Castiel thought.

Everything seemed to become numb, his body, the room, the demon, and cold. But there was also a different feeling.
Castiel felt light, almost as if he was floating a few inches above the floor.
His vision suddenly became sharp again and he saw himself. Himself being stabbed by the demon.

"How odd." ,Castiel thought. "This must be the moment when you see your whole life in front of your eyes before you die." ,he tried to explain it to himself as he saw how he fought the demon after he had followed him down in that cellar.

It was like watching a tape backwards.

He saw himself chasing Dean for months, he saw himself sitting opposites Metatron who just told him that Dean died. He experienced his fall all over again and saw how he fucked up things over and over. For example the Leviathans, all his fault. His fault that Dean and he went to purgatory. His fault he almost killed Dean in the crypt. His fault he left Dean for six months. He felt guilty for all the weight he had placed on Dean's shoulders, he felt guilty for not telling him how much he mattered. He hated to watch all this. He fucked up, Dean had to fix it, he left Dean, he fucked up, he returned and fucked up again.

"Please make it stop." ,the angel whispered tears running down his cheeks.

He wanted it to be over, to to close his eyes and finally be dead, as suddenly...

"Don't ever change!" he opened his eyes again to see him and Dean standing on a highway Dean smiling at him. "Don't ever change Cas."

The vision changed and Castiel saw him and Dean coming out of a brothel Dean's arm around his shoulder crying in laughter because Castiel had told the one hooker that it was not her fault that her father ran away.

Castiel had to smile as he saw them both. He saw them making jokes, hugging, enjoying the few good moments of their life.

"Next to Bobby and Sam you're the closest thing I have to family."

"I need you."

"I'm not leaving without you."

"I need you."

"Sorry,but I'd rather have you,cursed or not."

"I need you."

"Don't make me lose you too."

"I need you."

And once again the last scene faded away and Castiel found himself back in hell. He saw Dean hanging on hooks and strings,saw thepain in his eyes and then saw himself moving towards Dean He saw how he was about to save him. Raise him from perdition.

"And yet I have failed again.I was not able to save you." the angel whispered tears in his eyes.

"You did not fail Cas." said a familiar voice next to him.

Castiel tensed as he turned around to see Dean.

"Relax,it's me..well not demon me." Dean tried to calm Castiel.

The angel looked deep into Dean's eyes, his gorgeous emerald green eyes, so soft and full of love, no sign of black and hate in them.
It was probably only a vision in Castiel's head,a reaper looking like Dean, or a reward from heaven and Castiel was total aware of that,but he didn't care. With a suffocating sob he threw himself in Dean's arms crying: "I Dean, please forgive me. Please...please.."

"Shh,Cas it's alright, you didn't fail, there is nothing to forgive."

"I failed...I failed...I am so sorry...Dean please..."

"Shh it's okay Cas. Everything is okay." , Dean was running his hands up and down Cas' spine trying to comfort him.

"Look Cas, I forgive you. You saved me. Remember? Just look over there, where you are standing, about to save me." , he added as Castiel didn't stop crying.

Castiel let go of Dean.

"But what's the point in saving you now, if I can't save you later?" , he looked almost angry, angry at himself, angry at Dean for not understanding that he had failed.

"What's the point? What's the point Cas?" Dean asked disbelieving him "The point is that you gave me four years Cas. Four years. Four years I was able to spent with Sam and Bobby. Four years I was able to fight the evil. Four years I saved people. Four years I had you. That's the point. Cas I was lost, I had abandoned myself, I had lost all hope until you took my hand and said 'Come'. Cas I was broken and you fixed me! So who cares if you won't always be able to save me ,because you already did. And I'm so thankful for those four years Cas. I am so thankful."

Castiel just stared at Dean.

"But...but I screwed it up Dean.."

"Yeah and so did I,who cares." , Dean cupped Castiel's jaw with his hand using the other one to wipe away his tears.

"Are you even real?" Castiel suddenly asked.

Dean smiled. "Well why don't you save me a last time," , he nodded with his head in the direction of the past Castiel and the past Dean who were frozen in motion like someone had pressed break on a remote "And then I'll guide you to your own personal heaven as your guardian angel and we talk." Dean suggested.

Castiel nodded still a bit sobbing and Dean kissed him on the forehead.

"Okay go." , he said and pushed Castiel slowly in the direction of their past selfs. The past Castiel suddenly vanished.
Castiel moved slowly towards the past Dean still hanging on hooks, panic in his green eyes, placing his one hand on Dean's left shoulder. With the other one he took his hand and he could see how the panic in his eyes faded away and was replaced by something that looked like hope.

He felt the smile of the new Dean, or the version of Dean or what ever he was, on his neck and Castiel tightened his grip around past Dean's shoulder knowing it would leave a handprint.

"Come." , he could hear himself say. "Come with me."