A/N: So, as requested by TaleWeaver, here's a followup Furt conversation to the Finchel conversation in my previous oneshot, Can You Let Down Your Hand. Basically my whole point is that this issue is not black and white and honestly, I'm glad Glee is back to doing a few thought-provoking storylines. Thanks to Wood-U-Like-to-No for his quick read-through and input into this story. Title, like the other, is from the song Kindness by Ryan Adams. I'm working on a third part from Santana's point of view, but she scares the holy hell out of me as a writer so it might be a minute or might not happen at all.
Disclaimer: I don't own and am not affiliated with Glee or Fox. No infringement intended.
Don't Ask For Much But An Open Mind
So after his long chat with Rachel and the actual guilt starting to settle in a little (just a little, he's not actually sorry or anything yet, though) and after dinner with her and her dads, he finally heads home. All of this is their normal thing anyway. It's not like Santana smacking him around really changed that much about his day. Well...maybe because when he's left alone he just gets mad. That's totally not normal. He likes to think he's usually pretty chill.
Chill or not, a little pissed off or no, he's not entirely prepared for Kurt to motion him over into the living room before he's even set his bag down in his room.
He didn't really think about it before, but Kurt was in the auditorium and saw everything that happened, too. All Finn really thought about was getting out of there and talking to Rachel, but he probably should've seen it coming that Kurt would have something to say. The subject matter—being gay, not being slapped by Santana—is pretty close to his heart. And he usually has something to say. It's not really in his personality to be quiet.
Still, the last time they really, really talked about any of this kind of stuff, Finn ended up sleeping in the emptied out house for sale for a little while. He likes his room here. It's comfortable and the bed is big enough for him. Plus, the other house is sold and he really doesn't have anywhere to go. So it's pretty understandable, he thinks, that he's nervous and doesn't actually sit down. He doesn't want to discuss this with Kurt, especially since he and Rachel already came up with a game plan.
"What's up?" Finn asks. He kinda holds onto one backpack strap and just waits, wishing there was a wall or something he could lean against.
"That is actually what I wanted to ask you," Kurt says simply. "I have my suspicions and you know I enjoy scandal as much as the next McKinley student who avoids Jacob's blog like the plague; however, I thought this time I'd better ask the source."
Finn rolls his eyes. "There's no source and there's really no scandal." He wonders if he could just walk away. He thinks it might kind of piss Kurt off if he did. He shifts his weight a little.
Kurt just raises an eyebrow. "If you really choose to argue over semantics, that's fine. It's pretty obvious something happened and Santana said just enough to make me think the issues with you and her are the same issues you and I had previously."
"No, they're really not," Finn says. "You're not totally a bully. You're not exactly a coward, either." He looks away from Kurt and kicks at the carpet with his tennis shoes and wishes a little harder that this conversation could just be over.
"Fill in the blanks for me," Kurt says, folding his arms against his chest.
"It's just…it's fine, okay? There's not a problem or anything and I kinda know what Rachel wants me to do and I think I'm just going to do it."
"Maybe you should run her advice past another person, just to make sure it's not social suicide." Finn frowns and Kurt responds. "We may have made up and she may be my best friend, but you can't deny that some of her threat responses reach code level orange well before they should."
Finn frowns and tips his head. "Then you don't know her that well any more 'cause the advice she gave me was fine. She's supportive and she's fine, so I'm gonna listen to her."
"She won't tell me what happened," Kurt admits. "I already tried to call her."
"Well, I'm not trying to be rude or anything but it's like, completely not your business."
"That may be true, but she tells me plenty of other things that are none of my business and I don't want to know, like how you can't fall asleep after sex and you just start talking." Kurt suppresses a delicate shudder. "That she tells me, but this apparently I don't get to know."
Finn looks over his shoulder and then moves to drop his backpack on the floor sit down on the couch before he hisses, "Would you shut up?" It's not like he's keeping the fact that he and Rachel…do that…a secret exactly, but he's not positive parents know and he doesn't really want them to start watching closer or anything. "If they find out and I get a curfew or whatever, I'm totally taking you down with me."
Kurt shakes his head. "There's no need for blackmail," he says, his voice a little icy. Finn raises an eyebrow 'cause he doesn't really have much info on how things are for Kurt and Blaine—he doesn't actually need or want details—but Kurt just gave away a bunch and there might not be a need for blackmail, but it's kinda nice to have some sort of dirt in his back pocket. That's all.
Kurt's usually the one with the dirt—Rachel calls it leverage—since he's sandwiched in the middle of Finn and Rachel's relationship in some ways. Rachel talks a lot to her best friend. They've only been made up for three days after like a month and a half of not speaking, and Finn knows the two of them have made up for lost time. He missed a goodnight phone call from Rachel for the last two nights because they get so carried away talking on the phone. Anyway. He's not bitter and he has other things going on. But it's nice to know Kurt isn't exactly angelic…or celibate. Whichever.
"Look, Rachel kinda made it clear that maybe I was a dick about things. I don't really need you to drive that point home a little more, okay? Just…just talk to her and see if she'll tell you 'cause I don't really want to talk about any of it."
Kurt leans his elbow on the back of the couch and balances that face on his fist as he looks at Finn. Finn, who says he doesn't want to talk, but he's not exactly moving. So Kurt just looks and kind of waits.
Finn sighs and still doesn't walk away. "Fine. So…you know how Santana is. She was being her normal self and she totally laid into me in the hall after the dodgeball game and… and I don't know. I just kind of told her I thought she was a coward because she hasn't come out and she makes so much noise to hide how she's afraid Brittany doesn't want her even though everyone knows she feels that way and…and yeah. I mean, Rachel kinda made it clear already that she got what happened but I should've 'picked my moment'." He uses air quotes at the end and Kurt doesn't laugh even though Kurt loves air quotes.
Kurt nods. "Well, in this instance it seems Rachel is probably correct, but…" he shifts a little on the couch cushion, folding his legs underneath him a little. "But how did it go from that to her…" Kurt points to Finn's face; Rachel's dad pointed out there was a little bit of a bruise or whatever and Rachel made him at least put a cool washcloth on there. By that, he means she held it on his face herself until she gave up trying to touch him without touching him and they made out for a little while.
"Yeah, I don't know," Finn says. "Rachel thinks someone maybe overheard us in the hall and is telling other people." He gives a shrug.
Kurt tilts his head a little more. "This all happened in the hall?" Finn nods and Kurt sucks in a breath and lets it out slow. "You probably think I'm going to lobby for her or take her side. Is that why you don't want to talk to me about this?"
"Kinda," Finn admits.
Kurt nods. "Okay, well I'm not going to do that. I've seen how she talks to you and how she treats you, Finn. And I know things aren't easy for you right now." Finn just shrugs but can't really bring himself to look over at Kurt. "I'm certain she attacks every insecurity she senses in you. That's what she does with everyone. She uses vicious insults like a shield and…and she has said some things to you that would've caused far weaker people to snap back a lot sooner, just during what I've witnessed. Never mind when you're alone."
"There's just no point in putting it back on her," Finn says. He's kind of shocked Kurt's taking his side, if there really are sides at all, and he doesn't really know what to say or how he feels about it. "And it's not like it helped. It just got me slapped."
"She outed me before I was ready," Kurt says. "Or… she tried. I managed to come home and tell my dad before anything else went public, thankfully."
"Rachel says I don't understand rejection; at least not the kind you face when you come out," he answers softly, his elbows on his knees and his fingers kind of playing with each other in a way that, even though he's looking, he isn't really controlling. It's just sort of happening in the background.
"You don't," Kurt says flatly. "You'll never have to. But you do understand paying a price to be yourself, I'm sure. You've been rejected by your family—by my dad, specifically—for something. I know things are okay now and you're grateful the rejection didn't define your relationship with him."
Finn shrugs. "Yeah…I guess her dad hasn't talked to his parents for like, a really long time. Not since he came out to them."
Kurt just nods. "I know."
"Man…how do I not know that stuff? I mean, it seems important and…"
"You know now," Kurt says. "You know, when me and my dad were both so angry at you, I did a lot of thinking. I heard my dad tell you that he'd thought you were part of a 'new generation of dude,'" he uses air quotes and Finn smiles a little, "and I think you were honest when you said that you are. You just…you have this tendency to want people to be themselves. And to not be made fun of for who they are. You're getting a lot better about standing up for people, and really, it sounds like that's all you did with Santana. You stood up for her…to herself." Kurt sighs. "But something else had to have happened. She's very scared and when girls like her are afraid… they attack."
Finn looks over at Kurt doubtfully. "Girls like her? She's a bully."
Kurt just nods. "Yes, I am aware. She eventually came to my defense with Dave, though. Who's going to come to her defense now? David might be gone, but there are more who share his attitude."
"You?" Finn guesses.
Kurt actually snorts. "No way."
Finn hears voices coming down the hallway and it's the first indication he's had that someone other than Kurt is home. Even worse is that the voices he hears belong to Mr. Schuester and to Burt. Finn really, really doesn't want to talk to Mr. Schue about any of this. There was a time when Schue was fair and gave Finn a chance and listened to him and Finn's just pretty sure that time is up and he's not going to lie about how sorry he isn't. "I think it's gonna be Mr. Schue."
"What's going to be me?" Schue asks and crap, Finn just doesn't want to talk to anyone about this. Why is it that he hits a low point and the only person who even notices or cares is Rachel but he does something, like, controversial or whatever and … look – here's everybody? Life is total bullshit.
Kurt sits up a little straighter and puts his feet down on the floor as Finn just reaches for his backpack and stands.
"Nothin'," Finn says. He offers a fake, fake small smile and waves at Burt.
"Finn, stop. Can we just talk for a minute?" Mr. Schue asks… nicely.
"I have homework to finish," Finn says. Kurt stands up and Burt looks curious.
Mr. Schuester nods and holds out his hands. "Okay, well, all I want to say is this: I understand why the conversation happened. I really do. You're trying to step up and be a group leader, and sometimes you have to do it in the face of ridicule and constant criticism. You are working so hard for the team, Finn. One of your team members is going through something incredibly difficult. You don't know all the details, but you don't need to. Just please make sure she understands that we support her."
Finn shakes her head. "What, the way she supports me? No thank you," he argues.
"I wish I could tell you everything I know," Mr. Schue says in a low voice. "I wish this were all as simple as right-versus-wrong."
"Yeah, but it isn't," Finn says simply. "What she did is technically assault and I'm not going to, like, press charges or anything. That's about as much as I'm willing to do at this point."
Schue swallows and Kurt stands up. "Maybe you can have Miss Corcoran speak with her," Kurt suggests. He puts his hand on Finn's back and he can feel how even the mention of Shelby's name tenses Finn up and this is just not a good situation for anyone.
Mr. Schuester nods. "Coach Sylvester is," he says. "Look, Finn…people overheard your conversation in the hall. There's the possibility that her coming out will happen as a result of a campaign video against Sue, so Santana is trying to decide if she needs to come out to her family. You are not the type of guy who lets someone go through that alone."
Burt is more turned into the conversation now than before. "What exactly happened, Finn?"
Finn figures Burt must already know and honestly if some other asshole is going to out her on the local channel 5, that's not in his control and not what he was going for. Can they even do that? He'll just ask around. One of Rachel's ACLU-lawyer dads probably knows. He's not getting into it now regardless, but he is starting to feel maybe a little bad. Maybe.
"Nothing," Finn says simply. "I just...I'm not talking about this anymore, okay? Me and Rachel kinda already decided what I'm going to do so that's what I'm going to do and…I mean, what she's going through sucks. I get it. But she's not my friend and she never has been so… I don't want to talk her or be around her." He sighs and, more to himself than out loud, continues. "I just refuse to send Rachel 'cause she's even worse to Rachel so…yeah. I get it, I'm the leader or whatever and it sucks ass but I'll do what you're asking. I have my own stuff and I'll get to it when I can. For the group and that's it."
"Thank you," Schue says with relief in his voice. Kurt looks on, shocked at what Finn said and the way Finn is consistently stepping up and starting to put himself out there and just the way his brother is growing up. Schue reaches out to touch Finn's shoulder a little, but Finn steps back and almost runs into Kurt in an awkward sort of chain reaction. "Are you…are you okay?"
Finn looks at Schue a little coldly, Kurt thinks, and does that thing where he bunches his lips together before he answers because his answer is half crap. He is the worst liar ever. "I'm fine. Thanks. Can I go do my homework now?"
Schue steps out of the way and Finn walks past. They eventually hear the door to Finn's room close and that, as they say, is that. Mr. Schuester leaves soon after, as he was finishing up something do with Burt's campaign. Burt looks to Kurt and Kurt just shrugs it off. He'll reach out to Brittany once the race for president is over; that's the closest he wants to get to Santana but he knows he has an obligation to the gay community of Lima to help Santana come out if that's what she wants to do.
He might not entirely agree with what Finn did, but he understands it, which is kind of proof they're all growing up. He owes it to Finn to make standing up a little less painful, and he's pretty sure Finn has set something in motion that can't really be undone, even if the guy was interested in undoing it. Instead, Finn is moving forward and dragging all of them, including Santana, with him as reluctant accomplices in growing and Kurt's not so sure he should have to do it alone. None of them should have to because there is, after all, someone for everyone.