Orang-utans

Author's Note: Just a quick little one-shot about Georgia shaving her legs for the first time. It's set before the books, when she was around the age of 12. Oh and in case you were wondering, it's called 'Orang-utans' in reference to Georgia's so-called 'Orang-utan gene'. So there you go. Hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN GEORGIA NICHOLSON, NEITHER AM I LOUISE RENNISON. SO THERE.

Tuesday 5th August

In my bedroom

1:07 PM

OK, it's decided. Today shall be the day where I will finally free my legs from their hairy prison. I shall strike with the razor of justice to liberate my leggy flesh (oo-er). Or as most normal people would say: I'm going to shave my legs. For far too long my legs have not been living to their full potential as they have been covered with a veil of hair. But for no longer! People shall behold the glory of my skin, undettered by some puny (not so much) hairs! Tonight we dine IN HELL (shut up brain, shut up)! Oh lordy, this is sounding more like Braveheart every minute. Just going to pop off now to hunt for a razor.

1:09 PM

Oh wait a sec, was it 300? Well it was one of those movies with loads of shouty-fighty men in it. Does it really matter which?

1:32 PM

Apparently it does. Dad spent the next age explaining the difference between the two. As if I actually cared. Which, in case you were wondering, I don't. What was I doing before I was so rudely interrupted by my dear father? Ah yes, hunting for a razor.

2:37 PM

Can't find one of those bloody things anywhere. Mum probably his hers from Libby (who wouldn't?) and I don't really fancy using Dad's (who would?). Ooh, I'm all hungry now. Looking for things is hard work (it is OK, so shut up) Off to toast some pop-tarts!

2:40 PM

Honestly, I swear we have literally nothing in our household. All I found in the cupboard was one of Libby's "dolls" (read as: abominations with Barbie legs) and some crisps. Which happen to be marmite flavoured, so that's pretty much a no-no. Well and all of the other stuff like flour and tins of spaghetti hoops but nothing that I actually want.

2:42 PM

Ooh, I found some cinnamon at the back of the "spice rack" (which is basically a plank of wood duct-taped to the wall, seeing as my Dad is an expert at DIY). At least we have some bread in this house, so I can make cinnamon toast. I was going to have nutella on toast, but for some reason there was glitter in the jar. I hate to think what else Libby could've put in there.

2:44 PM

Toast is ready. Yum!

OMNOMNOM

2:51 PM

So the hunt continues...

3:23 PM

Huzzah, at last I have found a razor! It was wedged behind the pipes of the kitchen sink. Why it's there I have no idea, but at least I found one. It looks pretty old, but I found some new blades for it (in Mum's knicker drawer)

Y'know, IN THE BATHROOM

3:33 PM

OK, here we go. I've washed my legs and put on a bit of moistureiser. I don't exactly know what the correct leg-shaving protocol is (protocol, is that the right word? Probably not, but who really cares), but it can't be that hard can it?

3:34 PM

Oh bugger me, I just cut myself.

3:35 PM

Wait- that makes it sound like I'm an self-harmer or something. Well I suppose I did kind of self-harm. Can you get accidental self-harming? (shut-up brain, get back to shaving)

3:37 PM

How the blithering arses do you do the knees? I just keep on (accidentally) cutting myself. I suppose that's what happens when you use a crappy razor. No- it's what happens when your completely selfish mother decides to hid everything from you. Perhaps Ishould give her a lecture about the trials of coming-of-age. Seeing as it was centuries ago when she was an almost-teenager herself. Give or take a few years.

3:38 PM

I swear my knees are the bane of my existance. Well, almost. My cousin Talullah's knees are pretty bloddy knobbly. She's a leggy one, that girl is.

3:45 PM

One leg down, one to go! At least it should be easier this time around as I'm now more expirenced at all of this leg-shaving melarky. I think I'm getting the hang of it. Leg out, razor stroke upwards, smoothy leg down.

3:47 PM

Apparently not. I should really learn not to tempt fate. For all I know this event could've been written in the stars- predestined for thousands of years. Not sure why anyone would bother, but these 'celestial beings' are weird types. Or so I've heard. From my sources. (What the hell am I even saying? Shut UP brain.)

3:49 PM

I should also learn not to daydream whilst shaving my legs too, it would seem. I really hope we have some plasters. Preferably in a place where I can actually find them easilly. Like in box in a bathroom cupboard. Not rolled up in a ball of socks at the back of Mum and Dad's wardrobe. Now there's a novel idea. But when is my life so simple? Never, that's when. Absolutely bloody never.

3:54 PM

I found some of my Dad's in the bathroom cabinet. It's by 'Diesel' according to the label. So it will probably smell like petrol.

Do you even put aftershave on your legs? I don't think so.

3:56 PM

Phoned Rosie.

"Helloooooooo?"

"Rosie can I ask you something?"

"Oui oui, ma petite cheval. Des legumes dans la bibliotheque."

"The vegetables are in the library? Can you even speak French?"

"That's what I just did, wasn't it?"

"No I meant, like properly."

"Non."

"Anyway, stop distracting me I wanted to ask you a question"

"Then say it you ponce!"

"Allright, allright! Do you put aftershave on your legs?"

"..."

"Ro Ro? You still there?"

"What in the name of Hawkeye's saggy arse cheeks are you on about? Aftershave on legs? What the-?"

"It's nothing don't worry. OK, bye now."

I take that as a no then.

4:01 PM

It turns out the aftershave smells like piss. Either that or it is actually piss. Which, to be honest, wouldn't surprise me. After all I have the human incarnation of madness living in my house, AKA Libby. Well not quite human. She in a phase right now where she thinks she's part cat. So there you go.

4:05 PM

I'm all finished now! Just spent some time patching up my legs, seeing as they were in tatters from all the cuts I gave then. Poor legs. But at least they're all smoothety-smooth now. Mmmm, smooooooth.

4:06 PM

I feel like I should name my legs. Just because.

Hmm... Thelma and Louise perhaps?

4:07 PM

Massaging Louise (my right leg) and admiring my handiwork. Well, my shaving technique does leave something to be desired. Oh well.

11:13 PM

Night night Thelma and Louise, my little smoothy-babies. Mmmm... Zzzzzzz...

Thursday 7th August

On my bed

10:05 AM

Christ on a bike, the hairs are back. With a vengance.

Author's Note: Woo my second fic done. It's waaaay shorter than what I thought it would be. Oh wells :P Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading it :D Leaving a review would be really nice too *hint hint* (:

TTFN

~ Rose-Phoenix

P.S: Anyone get the NCS reference? Lol :P