The Edge of a Crisis
Author Note: Am I Joanne Kathleen Rowling? Nope. It's not mine, then. Like I said, this is basically a parody of a Bridget Jones film scene - the title 'The Edge of a Crisis', to any fans of the series, is clearly a rip-off of 'The Edge of Reason'. Hermione's italicised thoughts will be in classic Bridget lingo.
Hermione was sitting at the table in her apartment, drinking Butterbeer and waiting for a Patronus from Ron. Suddenly a silvery terrier flew through the window.
"Hey Hermione." the terrier spoke in Ron's voice. "Sorry to be a pain, love, but I have to work late. Remember what you said about the potential stress of being co-Heads of the department with Harry? Turns out you were right. I'm sorry about all this. Love you, bye." The terrier faded away. Hermione slumped in her chair, idly sipping on the Butterbeer. Auror cases. Hmph she thought. Sure, she liked the fact that she and her friends were doing good in the world, naturally progressing from the work they'd laid down after the War, but still... she wanted a few nights with Ron here and there. V. annoying that cases randomly spring up she mused mentally. More often than not Ron's Patroni brought good news. Right, time for a few Floo Calls and to fish out her favourite blue shirt and jacket for her frequent clubbing attire. 'Her Holy Nerdiness' was the poshest wizarding attempt of a Muggle nightclub, despite its silly name - Hermione had the sneaking suspicion that the owners had named it after her as a derisive joke. Anyway, off to the club she thought, walking out of the apartment.
"Hermione!" Neville called as he caught the glimpse of blue topped by bushy brown hair. Ginny and Luna stood up and waved. Hermione laughed and walked over.
"What are you doing here?" Luna asked. Hermione smiled nervously.
"Ron's on a case, so I thought I'd go clubbing. Better than being bored." she said.
"Pfffft. Working late. What a reason." Ginny scoffed. "How's your relationship?"
"Fine." Hermione said, slightly taken aback - Ginny was Ron's sister and all. "Why?"
"Just wondered. Devoted though I am to my job, I'd never let it get in the way."
"Plus Ron was never the buckle-down type, we all know that." Neville interjected.
"Change of heart?" Hermione pondered. Though am craving those nights alone.
"Honestly, smell the coffee a bit, 'Mione." Luna said, rolling her eyes. Hermione twitched. Blunt, Luna. Honestly, why are friends always so critical of other halves?
"What is there to smell?" Hermione asked. Neville rolled his eyes this time.
"Let's just say... cooped up, Ron might become close with female colleagues."
"What? Oh for goodness... dense as Ron is sometimes, he'd never-"
"Hold that thought, 'Mione." Ginny said edgily. Hermione's look said 'why?' Ginny pointed with her finger. Hermione paled slightly. "The jellyfisher." Ginny whispered.
Hermione had turned around as Ginny had whispered, and the redhead was right. Cho Chang was strutting about like she owned the place - her very demeanour seemed to scream 'misery for others because such a thing makes me happy'.
"Oh Merlin, brace yourselves." Luna whispered while Ginny and Neville tensed.
"Hermione, love." Cho fake-beamed. "Having a good night out, I see. Does Ron know about this?" she queried. Ginny's hand gripped around her wand.
"Er, no he doesn't." Hermione admitted, her tone echoing a child who'd been stealing from the cookie jar. Cho smiled an evil smile.
"Aha. Problems?" she pondered. Hermione's stomach churned. Oh damn, that one hurt a bit the brunette thought moodily. "I wonder..." Cho faked a pained face.
"Wonder what?" Hermione gaped. "And what problems?" she hissed. Not v.g.
"Oh, it's just that I hear that he's spending time with Lavender Brown because Ron's recent case corresponds with her department. Pity." the former Ravenclaw patted Hermione's hand. "Surely that would be an issue for you?" Goddamn you!
"Ron would have told me about his cases." Hermione said boldly.
"Really? With the confidentality? All men together - well, except for Lavender."
Argh Hermione thought. Stupid Cho and her gossip.
"Do you know this for a fact?" the bushy-haired woman bit back with bite.
"Oh yes." Cho nodded vigorously. "Lavender's probably strutting about with her flexible legs striding across the Ministry floor right now." Then Ginny exploded.
"STUPEFY!" she shouted, her wand in full force. Cho flew backwards and crashed. "Crazy filfthy-headed bint." Ginny growled. Hermione paled.
"'Mione?" Neville asked, clearly concerned. Hermione gave a shudder and twitch.
"What if Lavender's legs are better than mine? What if your theories are right about Ron getting closer to female colleagues? What if..." she sputtered.
"There's nothing to worry about Hermione. We just thought of those theories because they're often run-of-the-mill in worrisome situations. I'm sure Ron is working hard to make the world a better place for you." Luna consoled, smiling.
"How about this - next time you see him, ask how things are going with the case." Ginny said. "And-"
"-if Lavender floats round the conversation in manner of mentionitis-" Neville chirped.
"-you know to take our advice on board. Make sure he's honest. Then make the next idea in your head." Luna said, sighing. "Plus, you have fine legs."
"And for Merlin's sake, make sure Ron dignifies your questions with answers." Neville demanded earnestly.
"Or how's this - just Floo-Call the-"
"Ginny!" Hermione exclaimed, knowing what the redhead would say.
"I'm only giving advice." Ginny explained, getting up to get a Firewhiskey.
"Oh no. Impending doom of a drunken Ginny." Hermione mumbled.
"I heard that!" Ginny called. Damn Hermione thought. "Firewhiskey, Luna?"
"I'll take a chance." Luna replied, getting up. Neville rolled his eyes.
"Listen 'Mione, do what you feel you have to. I'm sure Ron is being perfectly loyal. If he is fooling with Lavender, as we said, confront him about it." he sighed. Hermione's mouth twitched. "Honestly, me, Gin and Luna would have balls if Cho had been poking at our single lives." Neville finished. Hermione inhaled.
"I suppose you're right. I'll talk to Ron when he gets back." she decided. Neville smiled. The calm moment between friends was spoilt by Ginny's scream.
"Just down it Luna!" she shrieked with laughter. Luna coughed.
"We don't all have an extensive gullet like you, Gin." the blonde snorted.
Hermione chuckled, thanking Merlin for such comforting friends.
AN: A nice little parody I had fun writing, and if any Bridget fans care to delve in, there are subtle references to other bits of Edge of Reason in here, and it's fairly easy who's substituting who. The random bit of Ginny-and-Luna craziness at the end was made up on the spot. And the club name 'Her Holy Nerdiness' is in fact an anagram of Shirley Henderson, a main actress in the Bridget films.