The Bat

Prequel to One Fell Swoop

The Great Hall was sunny and smelled of bacon and eggs. The clear sky beyond the enchanted ceiling clashed with the cobweb-decorated walls and the floating Jack O'Lanterns. Harry yawned even wider than the pumpkins as he wandered down the aisle, looking for Ron, someplace to sit, and food. No. Food first, then Ron and somewhere to sit. I'm starved!

Just as Harry plopped down on the bench, the edge of a black cloak caught on his shoulder, draping over him like a flung arm.

"Always getting in my way, aren't you, Potter?" a low voice rumbled, right behind Harry.

Startled, Harry looked up as Snape yanked his cloak free and stalked away.

"As if you'd done that on purpose!" Ron groused, "Miserable old bat!"

Harry glanced at the High Table, meeting a certain Professor's glower. Snape's cloak had been warm with body heat, scented with smoke, and not a bit leathery or nasty or otherwise batty. Harry muttered absently, "Wonder why everyone calls him a bat?"

Everyone stared at Harry. What'd I say?

"Well, it's obvious, innit?" Ron said through a mouthful of banger, to nods all round.

"He's a vampire!" declared Seamus, at exactly the same time as Dean said "-animagus!"

Harry snorted.

"Look, mate, he can't possibly be a vampire," Dean nodded at the High Table, "He's eating! See?"

"Doesn't prove a thing," Seamus scoffed. "He can always, I dunno, Evanesco it afterwards." The pumpkins floating over their table grimaced and there was a chorus of groans from the Gryffindors, but Seamus went on talking over them, "In fact, that's exactly what he would do, to fool us!"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, and what's he going to do for blood then? It's not as though any students've been sucked dry."

Pity, I wouldn't mind getting 'sucked dry', Harry thought, only not in the neck. After a moment's daydreaming about shutting up the sarky sod the fun way, Harry grudgingly admitted, Even by Snape.

"Well, the Slytherins look kinda pale. And no wonder! I bet they all sell it to him. A pint of O+ for an O!" Seamus made a creepy face. "I bet the girls've set up a schedule, monthly!"

The groans got louder. "Do you two mind?" frowned Hermione, "Some of us are actually trying to eat!" Above her, some of the floating pumpkins were beginning to look rather green.

Dean looked both disgusted and impressed with Seamus, though it didn't stop him from talking back. "Still, being a Bat Animagus would be loads easier to hide."

"Yeah? How?"

"People've got away with being unregistered Animagi before."

"Not Hogwarts Professors!" retorted Seamus. "I bet they get vetted by the Ministry six ways from Sunday! ...Except maybe McGonagall," he added. "Who'd examine her?"

Dean grinned at Seamus in a 'back at you' way, "What, her pussy doesn't count?"

Seamus chucked a crust at him. "Me-oww! At least the old cat beats the old bat!"

Their grossout contest had left Harry's daydream in tatters, and he was about to tell the pair of them to shut up, when Malfoy eased out of the continuing stream of arriving students, slowing down to stand behind Harry, right where Snape had stood. Harry half-turned, frowning over his shoulder. At least Snape looms properly. Who does that nosy little prat think he is? Talk about going from the sublime to the ridiculous!

Malfoy gave them a smug smile. Not that the slimy bastard's got any other. "Do you mean to say you lot don't even know how the Professor got that nickname?" Malfoy jeered.

"Yeah, and we're s'posed to believe you do?" Harry challenged, too annoyed for anything more witty. He didn't want to think about Malfoy knowing anything about Snape.

"Of course I know," Malfoy sneered, "After all, the Professor is Head of my House, not yours."

"All right then," Harry snarled, this close to getting up and shoving Malfoy away, from his table, his housemates, his conversation, "What is he? Vampire, animagus, what? Just say it and get out."

"Neither." Malfoy gave a positive leer and leaned over Harry so that his conspiratorially lowered voice would carry to the entire group of Gryffindors. In a breathy whisper he confided, "Hung. Like. A Beater's Bat!"

Jaws dropped up and down the Gryffindor table, so hard they should've made a collective thud.

Harry gathered himself to leap up and strangle that bleached tart with his bare hands, but before he could do so, Malfoy straightened up, and with a final triumphant smirk, sauntered off to the Slytherin table.

Ron watched Malfoy go, speculation in his eyes as his jaws worked busily on the last banger on his plate. "Huh." he shrugged and swallowed that last mouthful of meat. "Least that explains ferretboy's walk."

The pumpkin floating nearest to Ron expressed its opinion of that thought, by vomiting. Seeds and orange goop fell onto the table between Ron and Neville, who cried "Trevor?" and started digging his hapless pet out of the mess.

Harry ignored all the kerfuffle, in favour of giving Malfoy's turned back the sort of glare that really should be picked out in a line of tiny little daggers. Poisoned ones.

"That settles it," Seamus said. "Tonight, we're goin' down there and see for ourselves."

"What's to see, the Bat's Bat?" Dean mock-gagged. "Er. You first, mate."

Harry frowned sightlessly at his plate, trying to tune them out. It worked better than trying to tune out his own mental images, which all of a sudden were impossible to put off.

"Aw c'mon," Seamus cried to Dean, "You don't actually believe a bloody liar like Malfoy?" He added in a lower voice, "We'll go and find Snape's bottles of blood, or, OK, his bat nest or somethin'. Either way, there'll be some sorta proof. And then we'll all know."

"You're off your chump, Finnegan!"

"What's the matter? Scared of a vampire?"

"Cor, look at Harry, poor sod's still in shock!" Ron clapped him on the shoulder. "Not that I blame you, mate. All that talk of Snape's Bat is enough to drive anyone batty."

"Come on," Seamus urged them, "I say we bring along some of the Twins' supplies, just for distraction and mischief and..."

"I'll go." Harry interrupted.

"You sure?" Seamus frowned. "It's Snape. He hates your guts."

"Yeah. I'll go. Alone! I won't get caught. I've got a - well, tell them, Ron." He gave his best mate a pleading look.

"Harry's right, he's got a - a sixth sense when it comes to hiding from Filch, or anyone. If he can't sneak past the dungeon wards, no one can."

Right. What else are Invisibility Cloaks for? I can't let that lot go traipsing through the dungeons, blowing up the place and getting caught out by Snape. With his Beater's Bat. "Yeah. I'll get to the bottom of this. No if, ands, or bats!"

That time even the pumpkins groaned.