A/N: This is my first fanfic ever and actually the first thing I've ever written in English. I write mostly for my own pleasure or because I just can't get an idea out of my head otherwise, but I decided to try publishing and would love some feedback.
Summary: Takes place in 2x22 "As he lay dying" after the scene where Damon goes to apologize to Elena. Instead of going to the boarding house afterwards he goes to the grill.
Damon walks in the grill and heads straight to bar intent on doing the one thing he always did when he was miserable; get so fucking drunk, that nothing even matters anymore. And today he figured he had way more reason to feel miserable then usual. Let's face it; he was dying and he'd just given one of the very few, if not the only, sincere apologies of his life and still got rejected. Maybe it's a good thing that his sad excuse for a life was finally ending. At least he didn't have to get hurt anymore then.
As he reaches the bar and signs to the bartender for his usual order, he notices Alaric sitting at the other end of the bar. He was actually happy to see his friend there since it meant he would get a little distraction from his own, not-so-optimistic situation. He might even be able to think about something else than the unbearable, burning pain in his left arm for a while.
"Hey Ric", he said, but the voice sounded dead and completely wrong even to his own ears and you would probably have to be an idiot to not notice he wasn't feeling 100 %.
"Hi", Ric answered with even less enthusiasm. Luckily for Damon he was already on his fifth or sixth double shot of bourbon and didn't particularly care about anything anymore. Which was exactly what he was aiming for, of course.
They drank in silence for a while, but soon Damon started to feel weird. It was almost like he was feeling the effects of the liquor, even though he'd had only two drinks and he was vampire, and usually needed several bottles to even feel slightly affected. Now his head was spinning and he actually felt somewhat nauseous. Maybe he should try to get home before this goddamn bite got even worse?
Just when he tried to come up with some excuse for leaving that didn't sound completely out of character for him, he was saved by Ric trying to go to the bathroom, but almost faceplanting on the floor, while clumsily getting off the barstool.
"Hey, take it easy", he said while grabbing on to Ric in an attempt to steady him. "Maybe I should drive you home before your students start shuffling in and catch you falling down drunk in the early afternoon?"
"Yeah, maybe you're right", Ric admitted, slurring his words a bit.
Damon got off his barstool as well, but was hit by a serious wave of vertigo and ended up stumbling a few steps to the side before he gets hold of a nearby table and manages to catch his balance a bit.
"Uh... On second thought, maybe we should have the bartender call us a cab", he said.
They took the cab to the boarding house, and during the drive Damon started to feel worse. He felt like he'd downed at least five bottles of booze and by now the whole world was spinning before him and he had some difficulty thinking straight and focusing on anything. Right, he was supposed to make sure Ric didn't make a drunken fool of himself. That means it's completely okay for him to throw an arm over his shoulder to steady him, doesn't it? To support Ric, not himself of course, he added in his mind, just to clarify.
By the time they reached the door Damon couldn't even fool himself anymore. His legs had given out a few steps ago and if he didn't still have his arm around Ric he would have collapsed for sure. When the hell did it get to this? And thank god that Ric actually wasn't really so drunk that he couldn't walk himself, and apparently drag Damon with him, inside.
Damon silently cursed their way to bigged house, that of course had all the bedrooms upstairs. He knew there wasn't even a slight chance that he could manage to get up there in this condition. And he still liked to hang on to the delusion that Alaric hadn't noticed something wrong with him, so he tried to be clever about it.
"Let's head to... the living room for... some drinks first. Stefan... stole the whole stash... from my room", Damon suggested, although it was hard for him to speak since the ridiculously short walk from the driveway had him completely breathless and panting.
Since neither of them was all that steady on their feet at this point, they ended up all but collapsing on the first coach they came upon. They both just stayed sprawled on it for a while, Damon trying to catch his breath and cover up his condition and Alaric to tired and flegmatic to really have the energy to do anything. Damon noticed his mind was starting to grow fuzzy and he was having some strange flashbacks to his human years, which made him realize something he'd been suspecting for a while, but not really wanting to admit even to himself.
Throughout his life he'd always loved the wrong people. First Katherine, who'd been the most interesting woman he'd met so far, but who'd only toyed with him and never really loved him at all. Then Elena, who'd been more of a replacement for Katherine. When he thought about it, and saw some of their moments together flash before him, he wondered how he'd ever thought he loved her? After all, she's a high school student from a small town somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and she acts like it to. She just doesn't have the life experience to make it even slightly possible to understand him.
On the other hand, there was one person in this godforsaken hell-hole that actually got him. And he was sitting right next to him. Ric had been in love with Isobel, who'd valued her fascination for the supernatural world far more than him, so he understood how it felt to not be loved. And he'd lost his love once again and was all alone just like Damon. And he was the one person Damon would miss the most when he was gone.
"Ric, I don't wanna be alone", Damon said quietly.
"Neither do I", Ric answered just as quietly.
"I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you. You're the one person who's never given up on me and never even judged me for all the shit that I do, but all I've done is mess up your life. I understand if you hate me", Damon continued, and he couldn't help the tear that embarrassingly started to roll down his cheek.
Ric watched his friend in shock. Had Damon Salvatore just apologized to him? And was that a tear he saw in his eye?
"I could never hate you, Damon. Believe me, I've tried, but somehow I just can't stay mad at you. And in some very strange way you're actually one of the best friends I've ever had"
"I don't deserve friends. I'm a bad person and everyone I care about end up dead or damaged in some other way"
"That's not true. And if it were, then I guess you could say the same about me."
Maybe it was the drinks he'd consumed at the grill that gave him courage, or maybe he'd just wanted to get this off his chest for a while, but for some reason Ric decided to continue and not care about the consequences.
"I even see you as more than a friend. You're an incredibly unselfish person, and you have an amazing sense of humor. And eventhough I know you see your self as evil or whatever, I know you're not. It's just a facade, but it's the person you are underneath that's truly interesting... and it's him I've come to love", Ric's voice faded to less then a whisper in the end, but he wasn't even sure he wanted Damon to hear that. But he probably would anyway, what with his vampire senses and all.
Damon just stared at Ric. He didn't know if he could believe that he just said what he thought he did or if his mind was just playing cruel tricks on him. If it really did happen, then of course he would be incredibly happy about it since he realized a short while ago that he felt exactly the same. But he would never have worked up the courage to say something and Ric had just blurted it out like that. Although, that was one of the reasons he loved him; he wasn't afraid of anything and still had the ability to love and trust people no matter how many times he'd been hurt.
"Damon?", Ric's voice snapped Damon out of his confusing thoughts and back to the present.
"Can I make love to you?", Damon blurted out. Maybe not the best reaction, but he wasn't really himself at the moment and he needed something to take his mind of his pitiful state.
"What?", Ric gasped, completely taken by surprise. "I didn't take you for a guy who askes permission, but... uh... sure...", he stuttered and blushed until he had quite a resemblance to a tomato or fire engine.
A/N: This is hopefully going to be a few chapters more but I'm not gonna promise anything since this is the first time I'm publishing. I have ideas for maybe 2-3 chapters more, so I'm gonna try to at least get them written pretty soon :)